It was brought to my attention that some people think that just because it's fanfiction, that they can do anything they want. And while that is true to an extent, somethings just shouldn't be done or changed (when it's not in an AU setting) and so it spawned this little creation.

This is in no way making fun of any particular author or authors, just a combination of various unfortunate things I've seen over the years in fanfictions and other things.

It turned out pretty hilarious, according to some people, so it is now being posted.

So enjoy, or not.

Castle was just getting to the good part of a movie he was watching on tv when the doorbell rang. The movie was called "For Lovers Only" and he was just about to get to the part where the character who looked a lot like Beckett was getting it on with her lover boy. For obvious reasons, it was his favorite part so he wasn't exactly happy with the person ringing his doorbell and interrupting his 'fun time'.

However, when he opened the door and looked down at the detective who was a full two feet shorter without her heels on, he didn't mind missing that part so much.

"Why, Detective Beckett, what brings you here?" he says, looking down at her with that famous Castle grin and pouring on the 'Castle Charm'.

"I uh..." Her carefully thought up excuse for coming over flew out the window and she was afraid her mouth was going to start moving without her and tell him that she really came over just because she didn't want to be alone after such a hard case.

Thankfully, he spoke up before that could happen. "Oh well, it doesn't matter. Won't you come in?"

"That was a nice movie, Castle. I didn't think you'd be into things like that." She turned to face him on the couch and he looked everywhere but her.

"Uh yeah. Many layers to the Castle onion and all that..." he trailed off, thanking god that somehow she hadn't noticed how similar her and the character looked. They were both silent for a few minutes before she noticed the stack of dvds next to the dvd player that was under the tv on the giant entertainment center located right smack-dab in front of the couch.

"Were you planning a movie marathon or something, Castle?" she asked, and he jumped at the chance to get her to stay longer.

"Why yes I was. Care to stay for a while?" He could see that she was hesitating so he turned the patented "Castle Smoulder" on her and she caved right away.

"Well, I guess I could..." She picked one off the top of the stack and popped it into the dvd player before walking back over to the couch on legs that felt like jelly. That's what the "Castle Smoulder" did to her.

Castle sat back on the couch and tried, and failed, to hide his grin that quickly turned into a frown as the title screen came on the screen and he realized what movie she had put in.

It wouldn't have mattered what movie she had picked from the stack though, since he had stacked up all the movies that had people that looked like her in it and was planning to have a marathon of all of them.

"Huh, I guess you do have pretty good tastes in movies. All of those were really good! They all had really good plots and that Librarian one? That was so cool how they did all those special effects! Especially when she was flying through the air like that." Kate said after they had finished watching all 9 movies in the stack in a row without breaks.

"I know, right?" Castle breathed a sigh of relief that she seemed oblivious to the fact that every single one of the movies they just watched had someone who looked like her in them.

Beckett opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a sudden tremendous roar of thunder that shook the whole apartment and suddenly they were aware of heavy rain and hail pelting against the windows.

"Were we expecting a storm?" Castle wondered and she shrugged so he flipped on the tv and changed it to the weather channel where there were multiple storm warnings going across the screen and a frantic looking weatherman speaking frantically.

"HURRICANE MOOKY HAS HIT THE CITY. WE EXPECT HUNDRED MILE HOUR DAMAGING WINDS AND FLOODED STREETS. TAKE SHELTER NO-" Right then the power cut out and Kate used that as an excuse to get closer to Castle on the couch.

"Well, I guess that means you are stuck here for the night." he said, grinning down at her, glad that she couldn't see it.

"Guess so, what are we going to do when it starts to get cold though? It is winter, you know." She thought about all the possible ways they could keep warm- them cuddling on the couch, making out in his bed, cuddling on the floor, cuddling in the closet, making out in the closet, cuddling in the kitchen- but then he crushed her hopes and dreams by telling her that the backup generator would kick on anytime.

And right as he said that, it did. The lights flashed back on and so did the tv but before the frantic news man could say anything, Castle flicked the tv off and turned to Beckett.

"Since you are staying the night, I guess we should get you some comfortable clothes to change into." He stood up and held out a hand for her and when she took it, he pulled her off the couch and didn't let go of her hand until he got over by the stairs and had to let her hand go to clap his hands together twice.

Immediately the floor in front of them started opening and out came a stripper pole.

"Castle, what the-"

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"Castle! I am not dancing on a stripper pole for you!" she yelled at him with her hands on her hips and he just chuckled at her.

"Then watch this," he said and her eyes got wide. He wasn't really going to... No, surely not? But he did. Kate watched through horrified eyes as he walked over to the pole and grabbed a hold of it with his hands, giving it a little test swing to make sure he was balanced enough then he swung himself up and around the pole multiple times, giving her his best grin as he swung himself around the stripper pole.

Once he got tired of swinging around he flipped himself up and then mimed walking down an imaginary wall, which was pretty cool in her opinion. She found herself cheering him on, and even managed to find a dollar in her pocket that she went over and stuffed in the band of his pants. He flipped upside down once again and held on with his legs so he could raise his upper body up in a sort of bow before dramatically sliding, upside down, into the room below.

Beckett stared at the pole for a few seconds, wondering what she was supposed to do now when she heard him speak from below.

"Come on down! Oh are you going to do a show first? Wait! Wait until I get back up there!" She heard him scrambling around down there so she just walked over to the pole and slid down it normally into a very pink and very sparkly room.

"Uh, Castle? What is this?" she asked as she looked around the fairy themed room and suddenly Castle was in front of her, handing her shirt and boxers to change into.

"It's my bedroom. You don't like it?" He worried that she might not approve of his choice of theme, but he was a millionaire and could have whatever room he wanted so it didn't matter.

"Your room is in your basement?"

"Yeah? Where did you think it would be, upstairs?"

"Well no, I just assumed it was in that room that's attached to your office. What's in there then?"

"Nope, that's the bath house. Duh." Kate nodded her head, of course it made sense that he would have a bath house. She briefly wondered if she would ever get to try it out.

"So, go change, the bathroom is over there and then I'll take you back up stairs and you can pick which guest room you want to use. I've added a few more since you were here last." He gently took her by the shoulders and pushed her into the bathroom where she stopped and looked curiously around the very familiar bathroom.

It was her bathroom. But how? She sat the clothes on the counter and then walked over to the other door in the bathroom and quickly opened it, not at all surprised to see her bedroom on the other side. She'd always wondered what that other door in her bathroom went to, now she knew.

Closing the door to her bedroom she turned back to the counter and put on his shirt and boxers and hurried back out into his room.

"We share a bathroom." She stated when she came out and saw him standing there waiting for her.

"You didn't know that? Wow, Kate, some detective you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to use our bathroom. I'll be right back to show you the new guest rooms." He brushed by her and headed into the bathroom and when she heard the door click shut, she had a crazy idea.

She was ready.

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and stopped dead in his tracks when the pale moonlight shone on the detective's bare backside as she stood, apparently naked, facing away from him.

"K-Kate?" he squeaked out, eyes as wide as Laswaldo Nickelbumps' milk saucer would be if he had a kitten named Laswaldo Nickelbumps who drank milk out of a dish.

She turned around and all he could see were the huge perfect E cup breasts swinging back and forth on her chest from her movement. All he could think at that moment was that her bra must be a TARDIS because it was definitely bigger on the inside. That's the only way she was able to hide them from him all these years.

"Do me, Castle." Was all that she said and without even a second of hesitation or thought as to why she was suddenly offering herself on a silver platter to him, he pounced on her.

They fell backwards with a giggle and landed perfectly in the middle of his bed that took up nearly all of the space in the room.

Hours later they collapsed next to each other, breathing hard and panting like dogs in the middle of summer.

"Hey, Castle? Do you love me?" she asked quietly, looking up at him through her lashes as she rolled over to lay on his chest.

"Of course, Oopsy-Poopsy Boo, I love you so much." he said without hesitation. After all, they had just had crazy, mind-blowing, acrobatic monkey sex so there wasn't much point of hiding it anymore.

She started absentmindedly drawing objects on his chest- a book, a mountain bike, a broom handle- and then looked up at him again with a smile on her face.

"Will you love me forever?" She continued smiling at him, thinking she knew the answer to the question but he looked down at her with a serious expression on his face.

"No." he said and her eyes got wide, wider than Laswaldo Nickelbumps' imaginary milk saucer and she immediately got up and fumbled around the room (she couldn't see because it was raining on her face) until she found the small hole in the wall that she instinctively knew was the way out. She crawled in and found a tunnel lit with just a black light shining off the glowing rope ladder in front of her. She reached out to grab the ladder but missed a couple times because her eyes were like water falls but she finally grabbed a hold of it and started climbing up but the sudden burst of rave music that started playing caused her to let go and fall on her still naked butt. At this point she didn't care that she was naked, she just wanted to get away from the man who had just put her heart through a paper shredder multiple times so she got back on the ladder and finally crawled up to the top, the loud rave music giving her the strength she needed to get to the top and crawl out from under the desk in his office.

Castle still sat naked on his bed, staring longingly at the hole she had disappeared into with a sad look on his face.

"I meant to say I will love you FIVE-ever."

(dat meen he luv her moar den 4evr)