Birthday fanfic to my friend Cláudia. Happy birthday, Sweetie! *-*
I just wanted to write something funny Gintama-related, especially considering what is happening in the manga and the anime.
Odd Zodiac
"Gin-chan, Gin-chan!" Kagura called Gintoki, leaving her closet in a hurry and finding the man reading Jump on his desk. Shinpachi was cleaning the living room.
"Oi, what is all this noise about?" Gintoki asked, scratching his nose.
"I found an article in a magazine that calculates the Zodiac for people born in other planets and, guess what, I'm Scorpio!" Kagura said, excitedly.
"Kagura-chan, Zodiac is not something that actually affects your life." Shinpachi tried to be the voice of reason.
"Besides, why are you happy about being a Scorpio? Aren't Scorpios like the evilest and most violent creatures of the Zodiac?" Gin asked.
"Oi, Gin-san, my Sister is a Scorpio!" Shinpachi reprehended.
"Looks like I made my point." Gintoki replied, being hit on the face by the broom Shimpachi threw.
"Gin-chan is just jealous because I got the coolest Zodiac sign!" Kagura stated.
"Now, now, Kagura-chan." Shinpachi spoke. "I agree that Scorpio is very cool and sister-like-"
"You're the only person saying that." Gintoki interrupted.
"Anyway, what I meant is that there are other great signs as cool as Scorpio, maybe a little more even." Shinpachi blushed when he pronounced those words.
"Gin-chan, look at that, someone is trying to low-key promote his own sign." Kagura had an exaggerated disgusted voice.
"I'm not trying to promote anything!" Shinpachi retorted.
"Don't worry, Kagura. I'm pretty sure all Virgos do that." Gintoki said as he closed his eyes, thinking deeply.
"Who are you calling Virgo? I never said I was a Virgo!"
"No need to be ashamed at still being a Virgo in your age, Shinpachi!" Kagura stated.
"Every man was a Virgo once. Just wait until you meet someone special and then you won't be a Virgo anymore." Gintoki advised.
"I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M NOT A VIRGO AND DON'T ACT AS IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY JOKING ABOUT!" Shinpachi yelled.
"I shall forgive you, Pattsuan." Gintoki said. "After all, as the representation of Justice I also have to show mercy."
Kagura and Shinpachi looked at Gintoki without understanding.
"You know… I represent 'the balance.'" Gintoki's eyebrows trembled.
"Shinpachi, it looks like Gin-chan wants us to guess his sign." Kagura whispered.
"Maybe he thought we already knew what his sign was and is testing us." Shinpachi suggested.
"What a pain! As if we should worry about other people's signs! Doesn't he know Astrology is a self centered hobby?!" Kagura complained.
"I'm like the 'scales' 'balancing' you out." Gintoki was trembling even more and a vein appeared on his forehead.
"Ok, we get it, you're a Libra! Stop that already!" Shinpachi ordered.
"Very perceptive, Shinpachi-kun, like a Virgo should be." Gintoki replied.
"I'M NOT A VIRGO! I'M A LEO!" Shinpachi screamed. Kagura and Gintoki stared at him, shocked.
"There's no way you're a Leo!" Kagura shouted.
"It's not good to lie. That's why you're still a Virgo at your age."
"I was born on August 12, I'm a Leo!" Shinpachi shouted again.
"But lions are majestic and noble animals, people look up to them!" Kagura protested.
"Oi, what are you implying, Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Wait a second…" Gintoki started looking for something in a pile of magazines the pair of teenagers brought sometimes. He found one that had Otsuu on the cover and opened it. "Wasn't there an article about celebrities' birthdays? What was Otsuu's again?"
"It doesn't matter, put that down!" Shinpachi blushed furiously, trying to get the magazine from Gintoki's hands.
"Ah, here it is! Pisces!" Gintoki commented before Shinpachi confiscated the magazine.
"Isn't the compatibility between Pisces and Leo very low?" Kagura asked.
"SHUT UP, ASTROLOGY IS NOT A REAL THING!"
"Oi, Shinpachi, no need to get so defensive." Gintoki said.
"IT'S ALL FAKE, JUST LIKE THOSE COUPLE CHARTS YOU FIND ONLINE THAT SAY THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN'T POSSIBLY WORK!"
"Pattsuan, you're letting out more than you wanted to."
"And why are we talking about Otsuu? We were talking about how awesome Scorpios are!" Kagura complained.
"Leos are the best! And they're totally compatible with Pisces!" Shinpachi disagreed.
"In order to restore the peace of the Sakata family, I will balance this contest and declare which sign is the best." Gintoki pronounced.
"I swear that if Gin-chan makes another Libra pun-" Kagura interrupted.
"Sagittarius!" Gintoki did not let her finish. "The best sign, the superior being in the Zodiac, is Sagittarius!"
"Sagittarius?" Both Shinpachi and Kagura were taken aback.
"Yes." Gintoki continued. "Sagittarius is the truth seeker, the born philosopher, the most generous and kind person you'll ever meet. They are noble, have big hearts, and bring joy to the lives of mere mortals like us. If you have a Sagittarius in your life, be grateful. They are like a gift from the heavens."
"Oi, Gin-chan, are you really being unbiased now? I thought you were going to say Libra was the best sign." Kagura was surprised.
"Wait!" Shinpachi showed Kagura a page of the magazine that had a picture of Ketsuno Anna. "Ketsuno Anna's sign is Sagittarius! That's why he is complimenting the sign so much!"
"T-t-t-that has n-nothing to do with anything!" Gintoki tried to defend himself. "M-my opinion that Sagittarius is the best sign is c-completely o-o-objective!"
However, the two teenagers were not willing to listen to Gintoki's excuses. As the argument continued, the magazine fell on the floor, opened on Ketsuno Anna's page.
Apparently, Sagittarius and Libra had very high compatibility.