Disclaimer: Supernatural: not mine.
Author's note: Hey guys. I am not new to this. I used to write fics on , but I can't log in anymore. Nevertheless, enjoy the story!
Summary: SPOILERS. Tag to 14x18 "Absence". Angst!Sam and Guilty!Sam… Brotherly Moment, because they both need the reassurance.
Those three words…
Sam was alright. Somewhat alright at least. Of course, he was hurting. Of course, he was sad. His mom was dead. After a lifetime without her, losing her again felt like losing an arm or a leg. Nevertheless, he was definitely doing better than Dean. Dean was on the edge.
Right after the hunter's funeral Dean had gone to the Impala without even glancing at Sam or Cas. The younger sibling had looked at his older brother with sorrow in his eyes, letting his shoulders fall. Again, he had to stop Cas who had tried to approach his friend. 'Not now', Sam had whispered. The both of them – Cas and Sam – had an enormous responsibility for Jack. Those two had been willing to take care of the 'kid'. 'He is hurting', the angel had replied. 'Yeah. We can't do anything about it.' It's our fault.
Back in the bunker Sam was sitting in his room, contemplating about what to do next. He thought about a reason to go to Dean. It was too early for dinner and he couldn't think of anything else. Dean wanted to be alone. Sam ran a hand through his hair. The quiet halls of the bunker felt so terribly empty.
Without even realizing it, Sam noticed that he was on his way to his brother's room. Immediately he stopped. Dean would not appreciate that. Dean wanted to be alone. Sam even understood how he felt right now.
Sam had behaved the same way when Dean was gone, because auf Michael. He had avoided everyone, even their mom. He had been in his room, trying to find a way to bring his brother back. Sam blinked, thinking. The youngest Winchester felt guilty. He had loved his mom – he still did – but he had been so much worse every time something had happened to his brother. Even now he concentrated on his brother.
"Sam?" His brother's voice startled him. The older one had just exited his room and stood now right in front of the taller man. "Why are you standing there?" Dean's voice sounded tired. He even looked exhausted.
"I-" Sam started and then cleared his throat. "I am sorry."
"It's not your fault." Dean shook his head, before he tried to pass the other man. The older brother didn't want to know what Sam was apologizing for.
Without even thinking about it, Sam gripped his brother's arm to make him stop in track. "Wait a second." Sam's voice was horse. "I know that my decisions are poor. I make more mistakes than..."
"Sam shut up!" Dean pushed the hand on his arm away, surprisingly gently. "I am not mad at you and I don't say that it's your fault." Dean took a deep breath. "Anyways, good that you're here. I found a case. We still don't know where Jack is. He doesn't want to be found and this case should be interesting. Come have a look -"
"We can't work a case now", Sam responded completely taken aback.
"Why not?", the older one asked quizzically, with a challenging look on his face.
"You know why", Sam murmured, not wanting to elaborate on that. "We can't go now. We can't work…" Together. It lingered in the air between them. Sam didn't look at his older brother. He just couldn't. Dean had just started trusting him again and that had been wrong. Again. He had practically begged Dean to try to help rescuing Jack. Dean had known from the start that the boy was dangerous.
Sam needed his brother to trust him. He needed Dean to trust someone. Right now, he didn't even trust Cas. He didn't want his brother to feel alone. Dean needed someone he could rely on.
"… a case?" Dean suggested, ending the unfinished sencence. "It will be fine." End of discussion.
"Dean!"
"Sammy!"
Sam blinked. He hadn't expected his nickname. It left the younger brother surprised to say the least.
Dean shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. I know you're hurting. I do too." He paused for a second, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers for a second. Again Sam's heart ached for his brother. "We are okay though. It's not your fault."
Sam closed his eyes for a moment. They stung. "Okay. What's the case?"
"I think it's a ghost. I will tell you everything in the car." Dean's hand fiddled around with the keys for a second. "You're gonna drive."
Those three words were so rare. Sam was never allowed to drive. Normally, he could only drive the Impala when Dean was dead or gone. The only other exception was when Dean wanted to show him that he… trusted the younger one. How could he know?
Sam let his head fall for a second, after taking the keys into his own hand. "Thanks Dean."
"Don't get used to it." Dean gently slapped his brother's shoulder. "Let's get going." It was Dean. Of course he knew.
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Alright guys, thanks for reading. :)