Everything sounded far away. The screams of the retainers getting together, of the warriors checking on the hurt and counting the dead, of the happy yells that proclaimed we had won. I could only hear my heartbeat, loud and clear, while my sight stayed on the ground.
I was on my knees, hands on the floor, my armor full of dirt and my eyes wide open, glassy, staring at nothing. Thinking about what just happened.
The Bitch Queen was gone. Dead for good. Thanks to Helena. My precious Helena.
After hours of fighting, with the help of the retainers, the Witch Queen´s army was reduced to nothing. Just a few of her generals remained and I was fighting one of them when it happened. Helena managed to do it. She destroyed the crown and the woman who whore it with a single blow of her magic. Powerful waves of light appeared from her fingers and soon all of us were blinded by its strength. Nobody was able to see exactly what happened, but I heard the Witch Queen´s scream, I heard the shattering of something – the crown – and lastly, I heard Helena´s voice "You´ll cause pain no more"
I ran to her voice, thinking I could help her somehow, but when I got there, she was gone.
Disappeared.
My mind finally comprehended what had happened and my eyes were full with tears in a second. I just knew in my heart she wasn't here anymore. I couldn't feel her. A heartbroken howl left my throat and suddenly I wasn't in control of myself. I have never experienced such a pain. I cried until I couldn't breathe properly. I heard voices shouting my name.
Before I could think about answering the call, I felt like if a bolt struck me and the pain I was feeling in my heart, if that was even possible, triplicated. And everything went black.
My eyes opened slowly. I could see some spots at the feet of the bed I was laying in, and once I started to focus, those spots turned into the worried faces of Altea, Reiner and Iseul.
Everything came back to me. We won. And Helena is… "She´s gone" I croaked. They all watched me with sorrow in their faces.
Altea was the first one to speak "I´m sorry. I tried to search for her while you were unconscious, but there´s no trace of her magic. She disappeared" she sat on my bed and held one of my hands in hers "I couldn't find any trace of the witch queen´s magic either. She saved us Kya. Helena…she won"
Winning was everything we ever wanted, being able to have a future that wasn't ruled by fear and pain. But right now I didn't want to win, I just wanted Helena back, telling me she loved me and that everything was going to be alright ¿Why would I want any kind of bright future if I can't share it with her? I thought to myself, even knowing it was selfish and wasn't something Helena would have wanted for me to feel. She gave everything for us to have this. It just wasn't fair.
"Kya" Reiner´s voice took me out of my thoughts "We will continue our search for her, fear not." "Yes, we will" Iseul and Altea said too. "Saerys and August are still out there looking for anything that might help" Iseul continued.
"Helena Klein, in spite of her crimes, will be remembered as the one who defeated the Witch Queen at last. A hero. Thanks to both of your help, this war is finally over" finished Reiner. He looked at me with genuine respect, bowed his head a little and left the room followed by Iseul, who gave me a warm smile and for last Altea, who stayed only a minute longer to speak.
"It´s true, you know"
"What is?"
"Without you, this war would have lasted ten times longer, we probably wouldn't have won anyway. Not without Helena´s power" she didn't sound ashamed or bitter, she just sounded certain, like she had made peace with that reality long ago "I will help you get her back Kya, I promise."
"She earned her happy ending" Altea finished with a little smile before leaving the room. Leaving me alone to think.
And thinking I did. All week long. There was no way I was going to curl up and die of depression when there was still a slim chance to get Helena back to me. I showered, got dressed and walked around, going to the library as often as I could, talking with the people outside the castle to try to get any kind of information, trying hard to remember all of our moments together -failing at some points to keep the tears at bay- and all the important things she could have told me about magic and finding what was lost. I couldn't come with anything.
"Destiny can´t be this cruel" She suffered so much, changed so much. She couldn't just to die when we managed to reach everything for what we fought for!
I screamed in frustration and rage and punched the wall hard. It hurt and made the fog of anger that was clouding my head clear a little. Until it hit me.
"Destiny" The other realities.
I ran to Altea´s quarters without a second thought, almost crashing with several people in my rush, and told her everything as soon as I saw her.
"Wait, wait. You are saying that you believe Helena could be in another realm?" Her eyes were big, and she was staring unblinkedly at me.
"Yes. When we were at the dwarfs domain, we visited some kind of well. Helena wanted to know if her destiny was written. It showed us multiple realities, in all of them Helena was there" and I was too, but just not with her - I decided that mentioning that part wasn't necessary "And she was still helping us. She was still herself"
"Well, it´s true that there are other realms. You are here after all" Altea mused, frowning in thought "But it could be dangerous Kya. I think I have some books that could help, I need to think it through, but what if you can't come back? What if I can't get you there, or something happens to you in that other reality?" She sounded worried, hesitant.
"I really don't care. I have to try. We already did everything we could here Altea, there is no trace of her"
"But-"
"NO" I exclaimed standing up from the chair I was sitting on. Altea looked startled "no" I said quieter, remembering that she was my friend and friends worried when their friends where thinking about doing reckless stuff. I passed from a side of the room to the other, trying to find the correct words, settling by just being completely honest "don't you see? I´m a mess. I don't think I can live without her Altea, I really don't think so. And least of all, knowing that I had a way to get her back. Even a slight one. A chance to make her happy again. To let her make me happy." I took a deep breath and stood in front of the pink haired mage, making eye contact, before continuing "I´m not suicidal. I´m not trying to die in the other realm, that´s not what this is about. But I have to try, if that is all there is for me to do, then I have to try it all. She deserves it" and I do too. After all of this, I sure as hell deserve to get my girlfriend back , I think as confident as ever.
Altea´s eyes softened at my admission. "Ok" she said standing up "I´ll help you. We will find a way to get you both back together safe and sound-uff" I tackle hugged her, and she hugged me back as soon as she got her footing back.
Reiner, if only a little reluctant, offered his blessing for my plan after I explained. After all, he had been there when we visited Queen Ishara days before, and she, Altea and another powerful sorceress, made a spell that allowed them to trace Helena wherever she might be in the realm, they didn't find her, not her body, not her magic. Not even a trace.
We had discussed time-traveling, but it was impossible and even if there was a way, it was dangerous. We could change the outcome of the war, and the possibility of losing and Helena being captured and tortured again by the Witch Queen wasn't something I was going to risk.
Traveling to another universe, on the other hand, seemed quite plausible. I had already done it -maybe not on purpose but still- They would be in the same time period so the timelime wouldn't be changed or modified -not much, at least- as the Witch Queen should already be defeated in there too – I hoped- and Helena would be free to come with me. No other bonds to keep her there no family, no friends and no love…oh Helena.
We started investigating right away, and after a couple days we got results.
"I think I got it" Said Altea excitedly, coming to stand beside my table at the library "We couldn't find a trace of Helena in here, but you see, energy can´t be destroyed, it can´t disappear just like that, without a trace" her eyes were shining.
"Are you saying –"
"Yes! I believe her energy, being so strong, simply dissipated and joined her other counterparts. Something like that already happened to you, remember?"
"Altea, please slow down a little. What do you mean it happened to me?" I didn't get it.
"Didn't you feel a rush of energy on your body once the Witch Queen died?"
I nodded. The memories weren't very clear, but I remembered telling them, hours after I woke from unconsciousness, about being stricken by some kind of power that made me feel...more. Just more of everything.
"I think that was part of the witch queen´s energy settling into you, one of her counterparts"
I grimaced at the idea, but at the same time it comforted me. It meant that Helena really wasn't gone for good.
"It makes a lot of sense actually" Said Iseul, who was helping us search on a table near by and had come to hear Altea´s theory. "I remember my mother telling me about something like that"
I smiled at him and stared at Altea. "Well, that´s settled then. Now we just have to find the quickest way to get to another dimension. And pray I actually appear near Helena"
"We´ll get to it" Smiled Iseul "I´m sure this midget over here will be able to find a nice spell in no time"
Altea glared at him, but went back to her table and kept searching.
Nor a day longer we started packing to the dwarfs domain to pay a visit to that well.
On the way there, we kept reading parchment after parchment containing all kind of information about traveling through realms, the forces of destiny, time-travel, and even some data about the well. I felt dizzy-nervous with excitement. What if it didn't work out?
I shook my head. I can't afford to think like that right now. It will work. It HAS to work.
"Kya" Altea started "I think we are ready, I believe this could actually work. But you have to be aware that you are not bringing your Helena back." She stoped to stare firmly at me, to make her point come across. I nodded and Altea continued "She is Helena; she is going to be her in every aspect, body and soul. But she won't have the same experiences your Helena had once you arrived here. Nothing can be the exact same. You will have to start over with her in several aspects of your relationship"
"I know" I said with all seriousness. And I did. I saw the well with Helena, I saw me with other lovers - that other me- and I saw her, so beautiful, proud and sad, I could see my Helena there, in all those realities, but I could tell she wasn't happy. I could make her happy. I knew I could. But I knew I had to earn her trust again, even if I had her love. I had to make her believe I wasn't the same girl who didn't love her back in her own dimension.
We arrived without me noticing, so deep I was in though. What if I can´t even find her? What if she doesn't believe me? What if she doesn't want to come? I knew it wasn't likely, but it could happen and she had every right to decide to stay.
"KYA" Altea´s voice startled me.
"W-what?"
"I´ve been calling your name for the last five minutes. We can go now, I fixed everything and they already placed the protection spell around the well, nobody will bother us while I cast the spell"
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding "Alright, let's go then"
The cave was as iced cold as I remembered, and there was a blanket on the floor surrounded by some strange symbols made with white rocks.
"Lay down" said Altea while entering the cave besides me "Do you have the necklace?" I nodded, it was small pendant Helena gave me during our escape from the Witch Queen castle, it had a blue sapphire on the middle that remembered me of her eyes. It had a huge emotional value to me and would work as a link between this realm and the one I would be traveling to. "Lets go over the plan again" continued Altea "So, I cast the incantation, after that the well should absorb you and drop you into the realm that has more of Helena´s essence, the necklace will help it canalize the energy so you appear as close to her as it´s possible, or at least it should – she spoke that last part to herself- Once you find Helena, you both grab the necklace, you pronounce the spell we practiced and it should bring you right here again"
It was simple really. Too simple. And that was one of the things that made us both worry the most; but I just nodded, squeezed her shoulder a little giving her a smile, and went to lay down.
"Lets get my girl back" I said with a confidence I wasn't really feeling.
I landed hard on my butt in a patch of grass. I was disoriented for a second, but I could recognize this place. It was the wood near the witch queen´s castle. This time there was no chill wind, making me breath with ease, just knowing the witch queen wasn't in this realm anymore either.
I stood and found my way back to Helena´s old workshop hoping to find her there, but I had no luck. At least there were signs that someone had been there no long ago. Helena.
I knew the wise plan of action was waiting for her to come back, but something inside me was tugging and pushing me to the river I knew wasn't far away, so I walked.
And there, sitting on a patch of grass in front of the river, surrounded by flowers and illuminated by sunlight, was Helena. As beautiful as ever.
I stood there watching her. My heart made a triple mortal jump and I felt a million butterflies flying around in my stomach while my eyes filled with tears. I had missed her so much.
"I didn't know you had the habit of spying on people, Kya" Helena said without turning, I could hear the amusement in her voice " You should be more careful with stepping in so many branches if you want it to work though. What brings you here? Trust everything is fine now. Does Altea needs help with one of her incantations?" she turned with a soft smile. Then she looked at the tears in my eyes, my flushed cheeks, and frowned with worry, about to stand up to reach me.
"N-no, it´s ok" I stopped her with a movement of my hand, and crossed the path that lead me to her, sitting by her side on the grass. "I- Helena, I-" I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, there were so many things I wanted to tell her all at once ´I missed you´, ´I love you´, ´don't ever leave me again´, ´you are so beautiful´, ´I´m here now and I won't ever let you go´
"Kya, you are concerning me. Should I take you to Reiner´s palace? Are you alright?" she sounded worried, confused, and touched my arm tenderly, almost with hesitation.
"No. Helena...I " and I just threw myself to her, hugging her like my life depended on it. She was stiff for a moment before relaxing and hugging me back, tightly.
We stayed like that for some minutes, not saying anything at all. I was just happy to feel her body pressed under mine, feel her warm skin, her softness, her smell -she had the exact same smell – the strong beat of her heart, reassuring me that she was here and she was alive.
"Kya" Helena spoke softly, ending the hug to be able to look at my face, but keeping her hands on my shoulders "perhaps you´d like to tell me what is wrong. Is something the matter with your fiancé? Is something else? What can I do to aid you?" the concern in her voice was noticeable.
"Ok. There´s something I need to tell you. It´s going to sound crazy, but it´s the truth" she looked at me, sensing the seriousness in my voice, and nodded, sitting cross-legged in front of me without questioning me further.
I started fidgeting with my fingers; Helena was watching me patiently. I had to tell her at some point, so I took a deep breath and spoke "I'm not Kya. I mean, I am, but just not your Kya. Well, I actually kinda am your Kya, just not this dimension´s Kya."
Silence.
"I am afraid you´ll have to be clearer, I´m not following" but I could tell she had an idea of what I was implying. Her dilated pupils and red cheeks gave her away.
"I came from another realm Helena" I said, straightening up, locking our glances "I came for you."
After telling my entire odyssey to Helena, she finally spoke.
"So, what you are saying is that you are not from my world" I nodded and keep staring at her awestruck face "and that in your reality you want…me?"
The incredulity and vulnerability in her voice made my heart ache and all I wanted was to crush her in a hug and kiss her until all of her doubts faded. But I knew I had to be careful with her, I didn´t want to overwhelm her more.
"I do" I responded softly while caressing her hand and intertwining our fingers. Helena just watched. "None else but you"
"I- I´m sorry, I just" She took a deep breath "You´d understand that this is all too good to be true" she said still watching our intertwined fingers for a couple more seconds, then she seemed to put herself together and straightened up squeezing my hand, not hurting me, while looking intently at my eyes. Her voice was firm, but I could notice she was struggling to keep tears at bay "if I choose to let myself believe this is real and it ends up being some kind of cruel dream of which I´ll wake up alone and know you still are with someone else and will never be mine-" Helena swallowed hard "I don't know if I could bare it"
"Helena-" I whispered, but she continued, her hands moving to grab both my shoulders "By no means I mean to say that I´m not overjoyous, my love, I can't explain with words how full my heart feels right now" she smiled radiantly after finishing.
And that was it, I couldn't wait anymore; her beautiful blue eyes were staring at me with so much love and fear. I jumped to her arms and joined our lips, grabbing the back of her head with a hand, curling my fingers in her soft hair and caressing her cheek with the other. She whimpered and I could feel tears in my fingers. I whipped them off. And suddenly I was rounded tightly by Helena´s arms and we both fell to the grass, me on top of her.
"I missed you so much, I love you, I love you, I love you…" I kept saying after breaking the kiss, head hiding in her neck and my own tears getting her robes wet. With my lips on her pulse point I could feel the strong and fast beating of her heart.
"Kya" she sounded breathless "I love you too"
"I won't ever let you go again Helena" I said, moving my head so our eyes met "We can finally be happy" The smile she gave me made my heart swell.
We spent hours cuddling, kissing and talking. I wasn't going to push her for more intimacy, I wanted her to feel comfortable and to grasp her head around this new reality that could be hers first, I told her about the necklace and the spell I had to make for us to go home, I wanted her to be in control and be sure of what she wanted. So I told her all about my realm, about her life in that realm and how our paths crossed -I felt a pang of pain at retelling our story but I remembered myself that this was still Helena, the real Helena. My Helena.
I told her about Chicago and our time there and how she defeated the Witch Queen. I told her about my struggle to find a way to get her back and finally settling by kidnapping her from her own dimension.
She told me about her life. And told me about all the similarities and differences between her life´s and this realm´s Helena. And frankly, it was all the same, everything that I already knew about my girlfriend was still there, the differences started when the "other me" arrived and started dating another person –apparently Altea- but everything else was pretty much the same.
The sun was starting to set, so I looked at Helena while grabbing the necklace in my hand " Ready for us to go home?" she looked amused but happy.
"I´ll go wherever you go" and she took it.
I said the enchantment, and a flash of light surrounded us. Helena hugged me protectively.
I felt the cold before I saw anything, and I knew we where back.
When I saw Helena´s face I got a little worried, she was frowning and something akin to hurt was shining in her eyes. I turned around and saw that Altea was looking at us, mouth agape and eyes wide open. She giggled and rushed to hug me.
"The spell worked! You made it! Kya I´m so happy!"
I laughed and hugged her back. "Yes I did. I´ve got her" I said letting go of the hug and tugging at Helena´s hand to get her closer.
There was no hug between those two, but Altea smiled and Helena, who appeared to be trying to make sense of the entire situation nodded in acknowledgement.
"Helena, without Altea´s help I would have taken much longer to get to you" I said for the sake of letting her know that the pink haired wizard meant no harm to our relationship.
At that Helena turned to see me and then offered her hand to shake Altea´s hand "Then I am to thank you profusely. If there´s any way to repay you…"
"Oh no, I didn't do it for that" She moved her hand offhandedly and blushed a little "But now that you mention it, there´s some spells I´m working on and I would like some outside input on them"
"It would be my pleasure" Helena answered with a charming smile and turned to me. I was looking at her the entire time, still not used to see her again and the rush of happiness it brought me every time.
I kissed her fervently, not wanting her to doubt for a second that I wanted her with all I had; her and nobody else.
Once we got to the inn and ate, they gave us a cozy room with a fireplace, a big bed with fluffy pillows and several warm, heavy covers.
We undressed silently while sharing lingering gazes, and got to bed curling up together.
"I must tell you Kya" I heard Helena´s almost whispering voice "I´ve been all day waiting for the moment I´ll wake up, next to the river and alone. I decided to let go of all my fears to enjoy this beautiful dream at it´s fullest because I thought it was simply it. A dream. But I´m still here, and you´re still here."
Her words worried me a little, I didn't want her to second guess her choice to come with me, I really didn't mean to blindside her to get her to give me what I desired.
She nestled herself in my arms and hid her face on my neck -just like I did to her that morning next to the river- sighing deeply.
"I´ve been rewarded by destiny by been able to be here with you like this. I don't know why and I don't know how. I can't promise that I won't make mistakes, but I will spend every second of my life loving you and proving that I'm worthy this chance at happiness." Helena smiled and touched my face softly with her fingertips "And that, my love, that I can promise" she finished leaning for a kiss. And I happily complied.