This is an idea I recently acquired thanks to new pal Aragorn II Elessar's hilarious work I have just causes- the alternate version. It takes place in the exact same location, but with one MASSIVE difference. And it will show the huge love for the Peter Jackson universe we both share, as well as the Arrowverse. Plus, I'll also add in a little bit of my much preferred number one alternative love ship to WestAllen.
I do not own Flash, Lord of the Rings or any of the characters in either. And this is meant to be humour with no offense towards anyone
"Does anyone have just cause why these two should not be married?" the minister asked all those in attendace of the wedding of Barry Allen and Iris West, "Speak now and forever hold your piece."
"Actually," Kara said, and stood up from where she sat next to Alex. All eyes turned to her. "I-I, er, I, er-"
"Need a helping hand, lass?" a loud gruff Scottish accented voice suddenly spoke, cutting Kara off from her embarrassed attempt at interruption, and she and everyone else turned.
"Oh my..." Cisco gasped aloud at seeing Gimli, son of Gloin, reddish brown beard and all, dressed in his armour and helmet, battle axe in hands, making his way down the aisle. And not just him...
"Greetings to all of you," Aragorn, son of Arathorn and King of Gondor, wearing a red tunic and dark trousers, Evenstar around his neck, Andúril in its sheath on his belt, said calmly as he followed, arm in arm with Arwen, daughter of Lord Elron of Rivendell who wore a flowing light purple gown, after Gimli. And also with them was...
"Legolas?!" Oliver added at the sight of the blonde haired elven prince of the Woodland Realm with his bow in hand, quiver with arrows and curved fighting knives on his back.
Legolas nodded. "Greetings, Green Arrow," he said, "Though I must say, it is really disappointing how badly the CW has made you of late."
"The elf speaks for all of us, laddie," Gimli added as Legolas, Aragorn and Arwen nodded in agreement while all the Arrowverse cast expressed total confusion.
"Er, I'm sorry, but, er, who invited you?" Barry asked.
"Oh we invited ourselves here, Mr Allen," Aragorn said with a smirk, "And plus, we are here to... right a few wrongs that have been done of late."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Iris demanded angrily.
A bald fat man with a short beard dressed in a wedding tuxedo stood up from where he had been sitting on his own in one of the left side benches behind everyone else and stepped into the aisle. The Lord of the Rings quartet turned as one as he did so.
"I think you four should probably leave before-" the man began, but he never finished as a glowering Legolas came forward and swept his feet out from under him with a perfect right leg swing, the man yelping as he crashed onto his back. Gimli, emitting a growl, now placed his left foot on Mr Fat Baldie's chest.
"I would stay still if I were you," he said, his axe blade right in the man's face, "We want a few words to say about you."
"Are you sure you and your pals are alright, Mr Aragorn?" Kara asked Aragorn.
"Please, just Aragorn, Miss Danvers," Aragorn corrected, giving her a small smile.
"But if Barry here marries Miss West, then we certainly will not be," Arwen said, looking round all the Arrowverse cast members, "It is fair to say on behalf of myself, my love and dear Legolas and Gimli that most of you have been given very unpretty storylines."
"All thanks to this wee guy here," Gimli said, nodding to Marc Guggenheim who he still had his boot on.
"It really is impressive, is it not, Oliver?" Legolas said to Oliver, "This Denethor compared oaf..." he gestured with his bow at Guggenheim, "...in Arrow seasons 1, 2 and 3 makes you a character of whom viewers can be proud of to watch, a one-man army who does not let anything or anyone stop him at all. And then in season 4, when you have all the best training in the world you could ever have asked for taught to you by Yao Fei, Slade, Talia, Malcolm Merlyn and Talia's father Ra's, he goes and behaves so much like Denethor and shrinks all of that down so much that a simple desperate cop like Liza Werner gets the better of you in the fourth episode, when you could have so simply and easily broken free and pin her down yourself? And then in the season before the one you are currently starring in, he allows Josh Segerra to spend the whole time time trying to convince everyone you are a serial killer who loves killing?"
Aragorn shook his head, "It's no wonder I now rightfully rule Gondor as its king, as is how it should seriously be so for this show before things get any worse than they already are." He, Gimli, Legolas and Arwen laughed, Gimli being the loudest.
"And just what is that supposed to mean, huh?" Felicity pouted, standing up.
"You only add to the problem, Felicity," Arwen countered back calmly, "Or Fefe, as I believe Flashraven, who has brought us here, and his writer friends often refer to you in their stories and private talks with each other." The Arrowverse cast looked between themselves in even more confusion at Arwen's words, while she and the three Lord of the Rings boys struggled to hold back laughs.
"You really have stooped so low ever since you started off as being fine and tolerable in Arrow seasons 1 and 2, wee lass," Gimli said, "Lady Laurel and sister Sara, perhaps Lady Mckenna and Helena even maybe, have all treated Oliver lad with so much more respect a lady could give him than you have ever done yourself. You have done nothing but treat them all so badly just to satisfy your own jealous and desperation to have him for yourself, effectively pulling the strings so much that they all get driven away and you can suck the lad in freely."
"And all your other actions before, and especially in the season that ended this May, joining up with Helix and freeing Cayden James, who is now currently running amock with his own posse in Star City, one of whom includes Ricardo Diaz, who will come to ruin this season so much that Oliver lands in prison after exposing himself as the Green Arrow, not to mention that Diaz will be the cause of the sad demise of dear Quentin Lance..." Aragorn added, shaking his head, and looked in Sara's direction "I am truly sorry you had to hear that, Sara, and if you think straight and pull your act together in the coming episodes of your show and Arrow's, you can prevent that from ever happening, but all of this only supports what my love and Gimli very rightfully point out."
"You and Laurel had an opportunity of making your way back to each during your second season, didn't you, Oliver, even if she was angry with you in the first, which is understandable cos of the fact that you very naughtily cheated on her with Sara here and your son William's mother Samantha, and your relationship in season 2 was strained because of best friend Tommy's death," Legolas took over again.
Aragorn turned to glower at the pinned down Guggenheim. "But as we have each pointed out, you are the major source of that all going virtually non existent, aren't you," he hissed, eyes boring into Guggie's, "You literally, and very wastefully at that, have Oliver and Laurel together for the last two episodes of season 1 and that is it, and then you just have to go and ruin the whole show by pursuing the Olicity path and focusing so much on putting him and Felicity together."
"And you really think Oliver is meant for you, Felicity, especially after all you have gone and done behind his and Team Arrow's back?" Arwen laughed and shook her head, "That really is so funny, since in the comics and what should have gone down in the Arrow show from the start if not for Mr Guggenheim, Oliver and Laurel were destined for each other, both with such a lot in common and each having been through a lot, and Laurel understanding Oliver much more than anyone else."
Felicity now gulped and looked down at the floor in shame, all the other Arrowverse cast, even Oliver, who knew that everything the four Lord of the Rings characters had said of his past with Laurel was completely right, now all focused on her and glowering at her, even though they were still majorly confused as to some of what Aragorn had said.
"I would take the opportunity with the Black Siren lass, laddie," Gimli said to Oliver. He turned once again to Guggenheim, "And lastly, t'is a real shame you made yourself so worthy of being known as the biggest television producer oaf in history and so hated by thousands of wee viewers by having wizard man Darhk kill her with an arrow to the stomach, didn't you, Guggie lad."
Guggenheim was now even more afraid. "I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill her off," he said shakily, almost close to tears, "Truly I a-"
"Be silent. Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth," Gandalf the White spoke as he now appeared into the church completely out of nowhere, "I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm." And he shoved his staff right in Guggie's face, chuckling along with the other Lord of the Rings characters at his even more heightened fear.
"You still haven't answered my question: what does everything regarding Oliver and his love life history have to do with me?" Iris demanded again.
"Oh there is so much to that indeed, Miss West." Gandalf said with a great amount of amusement.
"Perhaps we can place some of that on your father," Arwen said. She, Aragorn and Legolas turned to Joe.
"How could you support this, eh, Joe?" Aragorn asked, gesturing to Barry and Iris. Before Joe could respond, Aragorn now addressed the rest of the crowd, "In Flash season 1, after the impossible happened all those years ago which has helped Barry become this fine young man that he is now and has the potential to do so more of, Joe took him in as his foster son."
"Just like when father took you in at the age of two years after your true father Arathorn was slaughtered by an Orc pack while pursuing them, isn't that right, love?" Arwen said to him.
"Indeed," Aragorn nodded, sharing loving smiles with his wife before addressing the crowd again, "Barry lived under the same roof as Miss West, a girl who would refer to him as a brother and he her a sister numerous times. What does that say to you, huh?" The rest of the Arrowverse cast's now opened wide at the realization of the extent and depth of Aragorn and Arwen's words.
"You had so much great potential with Patty in season 2, didn't you, Barry?" Legolas said, "And fun with Linda Park, perhaps taking it up a stage thanks to the influence of drink with Caitlin even, in season 1. And yet you sabotage all of them, especially Caitlin and Patty, two of whom you could be so happy with, just to be with her?" He gestured with his bow to Iris, and again gave a shake of the head, "Not at all cool, I would say."
Everyone looked at Barry with stunned looks, Joe being the more shocked than any, and Barry sighed, finally deciding to admit what he hadn't even admitted to himself, "Yeah. Legolas is right. I did that."
"I should not act like that, father West," Gimli said in response to Joe's reaction, "Supporting incest between your own kids, especially your daughter who made Barry lad look like some sort of stalker? That is hardly what I would call perfect father figure kind."
The words "Eeeeeeeewwwwww, groooooossssssss" echoed loudly through the church, Kara being the loudest of all. The Lord of the Rings cast members all laughed at that.
"I think even Arwen's father Lord Elrond and the Lady Galadriel would agree that you are the biggest miscreantess on the show, which only adds to your total unworthyness to be Barry's wife even strongly," Gandalf said.
"Oi, you can't address my daughter like that, Mr," Joe said angrily.
"Oh I think Gandalf truly can," Aragorn said in support of Arwen. He turned to Iris. "That wedding dress you so wrongfully wear makes you worthy of being like a second Saruman, Iris."
"Saruman the White. Gandalf the White. Iris the White. One good, two majorly bad. I would say there's a good pattern between the three," Legolas agreed. He, Aragorn, Arwen and Gimli erupted in laughter again, Gimli once again being the loudest, Gandalf just chuckling deeply.
"Actually attempting to sabotage Barry's relationship with Linda in the first place, kissing him on the day Mardon tried destroying the city with a super wave whilst you were still with Eddie, breaking up with him after your brother got trapped in the speedforce thanks to being beaten by Savitar just by showing him your finger devoid of a ring of marriage, not to mention that right from the show's start you behaved rather like a female version of Peregrin Took whereas, as I said before, Felicity was tolerable to start with before she became who she currently is now..." Arwen rolled her eyes and laughed still further, "Frankly, you go way beyond three quarters of the level that Felicity and Olicity go to, very close to tops even." Iris looked down in as much as shame as Felicity as the rest, especially Joe who showed the most disgust out of everyone else, shook their heads.
"T'is a shame your Flash show producer buddies Berlanti, Kreisberg and Johns ain't here as well this day, Guggie," Gimli said to Guggenheim, "Or else I'd ask the elf to put an arrow in each of their big gobs for all their extra trouble."
"I know that he very much deserves one himself for having caused too much disaster with the shows for too long, Gimli," Legolas said, Gimli, Aragorn and Arwen nodding in support, all amused by Guggenheim's even bigger fear, his eyes wide, his great bulk soaking his suit with the sweat of it all.
"They're right, Barr," Cisco said to Barry, "How can we continue with this, eh? It shouldn't even be happening."
Barry nodded, "I agree. Wedding's off." More nods of agreement followed.
"And you are meant to be The Greatest American Hero, sir," Legolas said to the priest, "And yet you support this pairing like it is meant to actually be a pairing? You are just as much an embarrassment as the rest of them."
"You are right," the priest agreed, "I've failed this country."
"Yeah," Oliver said, "I'd say some very truthful truths have been brought to light."
The room now echoed to a chorus of "Aye".
"But-" Iris began.
"Iris. Don't," Barry, Cisco, Joe and Caitlin all said in unison, and Iris shut up at once.
"Did you wish to say something before we came in, Lady Kara?" Gimli asked Kara.
Kara nodded, but then Aragorn stiffened and, noticed by everyone, tilted his head back, his eyes closing, then opening again instantly. "Their pace has quickened," he said, voice suddenly serious, "They must've caught our scent."
"What's this, a Ranger caught off his guard?" a woman's voice spoke loudly from behind.
"And with his friends too?" a male voice added. Everyone looked to see a flying woman and archer in black and red. With them were individuals in Nazi uniforms.
"Nazis?" Oliver muttered at the sight of them.
"I hate Nazis," Barry and Kara added their voices to his.
Gimli growled and lifted his foot off of Guggenheim and Gandalf hurled him away magically with a swing of his staff, Guggenheim yelling as he flew through the air and thudded against the wall before sliding to the floor where he lay, stunned.
Aragorn drew Andúril from its sheath and held it up before him, Legolas notched an arrow into his bow and raised it, Gandalf clutched his staff in both hands, and Gimli held his axe up, hands tightly gripping the long wooden shaft.
"A shame we must do this, but then they are as much a disappointment in this crossover as everything else, are they not, Gandalf?" Legolas said, "They do not even behave like who they are supposed to be."
"Indeed so, Legolas" Aragorn nodded.
"Make it easy and we will ease your passing," Gimli challenged the Nazis.
"We'll show you how to behave properly," Dark Arrow said, notching an arrow.
"How's about a little tune to keep our friends busy with a little fun while we do our task, eh?" Gimli said.
"I think that would be quite a nice idea, son of Gloin," Gandalf agreed with great amusement.
"I think I know the perfect one," Aragorn laughed, raising a hand and snapping his finger. At once, Return of the Mack by Mark Morrison began to play, the Arrowverse cast gaping.
"There's plenty here for the both of us. May the best dwarf win," Gimli recited his Return of the King line.
Legolas fired his arrow, getting a Nazi in the chest and killing him. "First one to me, I think," he said gleefully.
"Huh? I'll have no pointy ear outscoring me," Gimli pouted defiantly over the music and lyrics and with a yell, axe at the ready, charged towards the Nazis.
"(You lied to me) yes I tried, yes I tried. (You lied to me) even though you know I'd die for you. (You lied to me) yes I cried, yes I cried," the Arrowverse cast bellowed, everyone focusing on Iris and Felicity. Iris gulped and backed further away from the altar.
"Two," Legolas said, new arrow embedding in a Nazi's chest. "Three," another one followed. "Four," again, another defenceless Nazi went down, more following. The rest fired wildly, the bullets simply turned to dust thanks to Gandalf who then whacked them hard enough to kill with a simple hit
"(Return of the Mack) come on. (Return of the Mack) oh my God. (You know that I'll be back) here I am."
"Ten. Eleven. Twelve," Gimli added to the fun as he killed Nazis with his axe, he and Legolas continuing their hilarious count score till there were no more left.
Aragorn engaged Prometheus, easily outmatching him with Andúril and dodging him easily before shoving Andúril through his chest. Prometheus grasped the blade and, like Uruk-Hai Lurtz, pulled it further into him, his and Aragorn's faces coming closer to each other before Aragorn did what he had done with Lurtz, pulling Andúril out and relieving Prometheus of his head.
"So I'm back up in the game. Running things to keep my swing. Letting all the people know. That I'm back to run the show."
"Nooooooo," Dark Arrow yelled, but had to engage Legolas, and found himself too outmatched by the elf who nimbly and with elvish expertise flipped and jumped to avoid him every time, blocking Dark Arrow's bow with his fighting knives and rewarded by growls of annoyance from the archer. Aragorn's Elven dagger then helpfully threw his Elven dagger into Dark Arrow's arm, making him yell and giving Legolas the chance to end him with an arrow to the throat. He looked to Gimli, smug grin on his face.
"That still only counts as one," Gimli proclaimed angrily, prompting chuckles from Aragorn as he retrieved his dagger.
"'Cause she said she'd never turn on me. (You lied to me) but you did, but you do. (You lied to me) all these pains you said I'd never feel. (You lied to me) but I do, but I do, do do."
Gandalf held his arms out. "I will draw you, Overgirl, as poison is drawn from a wound," he proclaimed, thrusting his staff at Overgirl, who suddenly felt her alien powers completely disappear and she fell helplessly to the ground, her mask retracting.
"What have you done to me?" she gasped
"Enough blood has been spilled on your account," Arwen answered smugly, drawing her Elven sword from inside her gown and ending Overgirl's life with it with a thrust into the chest, the body falling next to Dark Arrow's.
Reverse Flash zoomed in, but almost at once got hit by an arrow from Legolas. "A little present for you from your fight in Flash 1x22, Eobard," he said, "Sound familiar?"
"Not again," Reverse Flash complained as for a second time he felt his speed be disabled by nanites. Then he gasped and fell to his knees as Aragorn slashed him down the back, before Legolas finished him for good with an arrow to the eye.
"Final count," Legolas drawled to Gimli, "A draw."
"Hmm. Not bad at all for a first time, I'd say," Gimli remarked, laughing sarcastically, "Level for the first time at last." Only for Legolas to whip out an arrow and shoot a Nazi soldier's body right behind Gimli.
"Oops. Sorry. Make that one above," Legolas corrected with the same level of sarcasm.
Gimli looked and then turned back once again. "He was already dead," he glared.
"Oh please, let us not start that Helm's Deep business again," Aragorn cut in, Arwen and Gandalf adding their own chuckles to his, earning a glare from Gimli and a raised eyebrow from Legolas. Then they all turned back to the Arrowverse cast, the song ending with another snap of Aragorn's fingers.
"Oh come on, we were having such fun," Cisco moaned.
"And now for you, I think, Miss West," Gandalf said to Iris.
"Oh, I can take care of this, Gandalf," Arwen said calmly. She closed her eyes and began chanting the spell she had used on the Nazgul with the river in The Fellowship of the Ring. A light breeze started up, everyone's hair blowing, Arwen's gown fluttering around her, her eyes opening again looking straight at Iris as she spoke the spell for the fourth and last time, her voice echoing everywhere.
Gandalf and the Lord of the Rings boys stepped aside, the Arrowverse cast gaping, Iris remaining frozen in fear where she was, as flood water thundered in through the open doors and down the asile, sweeping the Nazi bodies away and flowing magically around Arwen in the process. The foamy front formed the shape of horses, Iris not having much time to scream as it fell on her. When it receded seconds later, there was nothing, zilch, left of her.
"T'is a shame you couldn't have the pleasure of doing that, laddie," Gimli said to Legolas.
"She wasn't the one who insulted my ex-wife three years back," Legolas replied, "And besides, she had as much poison in her as old Grima Wormtongue."
"At least now the Flash show should hopefully go back up in ratings more now that that poison has been banished forever," Arwen remarked, she, the boys and Gandalf laughing before they all turned once again, glowering expressions returning, to Guggenheim.
"If I were you, I would start running," Gandalf said in a hard tone. The fat bearded baldie producer didn't need telling twice and scampered away in fear, but never making it as far as the entrance before, at a nod from Aragorn, his dagger, then Gimli's axe, Arwen's sword and lastly an arrow from Legolas all embedded themselves in his back, Guggenheim falling face down on the floor.
"At last, the CW show is rid of its most destructive force," Gimli said, nods coming from the others.
"Hey in there, got a gift for you," a voice called out from outside, followed by a loud booming, the church windows shattering. Moment later, a giant red and gold firework in the form of a gaping mouthed dragon came swooping in and up into the air before diving low and barely missing everyone's heads as they ducked, the tail knocking the wedding flower arch, petals flying everywhere. The dragon-firework fizzled for a moment, and then exploded into a gigantic spectacular display.
"Best wedding ever," Mick bellowed happily as two small figures came running in.
"That got ya," Peregrin Took, or Pippin, laughed along with cousin Merridoc Brandibuck, or Merry.
"Fool of a Tuck," Gandalf said indignantly to Pippin as he smoothed himself down, "Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity." At that, laughs erupted all around from everyone.
Kara made her way over to Barry and grabbed his face in her hands. "'I love you' was what I was about to say earlier before we were interrupted," she said to him.
Barry smiled. "And I do too, Kara," and kissed her back, applause and smiles from the Lord of the Rings cast following, whoops to add from the Arrowverse cast.
So, hope you enjoyed this and found it hilarious, as I've worked my butt off hard for four days to get it as it is. Once again, thank you to Aragorn II Elessar for the inspiration thanks to his Flash-Deadpool crossover one-shot I have just causes- the alternate version.
Till next time,
Flashraven