You know, it occurred to me that after all these years, people might think that I would be annoyed by all the things they say. They might, but they don't. With the way most of them treat me, it's hard to believe that I once saved the world (much as I hate to admit it.)
I've never expected to be able to act the hero. After all, I did as much if not more harm than good. I had to do many things that I'm not proud and I did them unabashed. It was very unsightly of me, but it had to be done at some point.
It hurt me a lot, emotionally and physically, but as I said before, it needed to be done, and it needed to be done skillfully. It has never mattered much who did it, provided that it was done, and done well. I just happened to be the most qualified candidate. Not that there were ever any others. No one would have willingly volunteered for the torture I went through. Except me of course, but that's beside the point. I had my reasons.
Not that I really went to complain. I chose my side, and chose it poorly. I deserved what I got, no matter how much I hated it. It was never really about what I liked or disliked, as long as he got his way in the end. He got his way this time, and a lot of times before that.
It has always been that way. Much of the time it was just self-satisfaction and it didn't hurt anyone, so I ignored it. However, this time it meant something. He had always been quite indifferent and often did unpleasant things without complaining. But the things he has done this time was really terrible, that's how I knew he was serious.
He manipulated, lied, gambled on faith, sacrificed his precious pawns, and did many other things that I can't quite bring myself to think about yet. The memories are still too raw, and still too damn painful. That aside, what horrified me the most wasn't amything I had asked to face, that I'd been forced to endure. What frightened me the most is that he, really, could not have cared less.
I still see the cold glimmer in his eyes as he lied, the deceptive smile that no one has seen through, but me. I still have nightmares about his eyes, that face, his aura of pure dislike. It chilled me to the bone. I saw it every time he sent another pawn to their death, and everyday when he gave me near suicidal orders all while praying that I wouldn't return.
Though it was he who did not care, he who left me and many others suffer. In spite all this, I was blamed for everything. Because I was on the wrong side. And whose was it fault that I chose badly? It was their fault. Yet it still boils down to one sad little phrase.
I am the traitor, not them.
AN: This is just a little thing I wrote... Snape's POV obviously. I recently started reading some fics with him in them... They made me cry. I feel so bad about hating him now! So I wrote this. All you Snape haters out there... Yes he's a bastard, but he's an awesome bastard. The best kind.
Btw, the man that lied and stuff, that's Dumbledore. Because when I think about it now, he was such a jerk!
Anyways, Snape FTW! That is all. Goodbye!
(P.S I'm working on updating all my other fics but I'm busy right now... A friend and I just started this bracelet selling thing and she's a bit obsessed with it. So I'll be making bracelets until she decides to take pity on me and relent! Sorry.)