Hello! I want to apologize for not updating my stories lately, but I have a lot going on. I start Highschool in about 2 weeks and I am doing a project for my honors reading class. I have kinda been struggling with I can't lose you but thats only because I want it to be perfect so I don't have to redo this chapter like I did the other. So these are gonna be some one-shots that I did to get some inspiration. They are gonna be a lot fluffier than this one but I have had this idea for a while and wanted to post it. Hope you like it!
We each have numbers. They all mean something. The numbers will forever be above our heads. Some of the numbers are secret and some we all know.
19
That's my first number. We all have a first number except Mikey, he's too innocent. Donnie's is three and Leo's is eight. My number so much higher than my brothers because I can't control myself. Every time I get into a fight I have to stop myself. My brothers don't have to worry about it. When I'm in battle, my instincts take over.
I can feel the rage every time one of my brothers are hurt. I never let them see me do it, but I do. I don't know how Donnie managed 3. 2 were on accident, he hit them a little harder than he should have. The last one was when they hurt Leo and knocked him out. He only has the blood of 3 on his hands.
Leo is another story. He has 8. 8 kills, 8 bodies on his list. He doesn't even think about them. He never kills by accident, only when necessary. He only thinks of it as protecting us.
I'm different. My count is so much higher. 19 bodies, 19 lives I have destroyed. My brothers never see me kill, but they know when it happens. I'm quiet for a while. I contemplate whether or not to feel bad. Mostly I end up pushing the feeling away, trying to forget. It's hard when every time you fight, you can see another body. I almost added another when I first met Casey. I almost stabbed him.
I'm glad I stopped. Not only because he is my friend, but because I don't think I could handle being another number higher than my brothers.
My second number is 3. Mikey's is about 16. Donnie's is only 12 and Leo's is 10. My brothers assume my number is 0. They are wrong.
This number makes me feel weak. It's the number of times we have actually cried. Mikey cries easier than most, normally when one of us is hurt badly. He tries to be happy, but he's our baby brother. He knows we protect him, but he cries anyway.
Donnie's is 12. These were bigger incidents than Mikey's. When Master Splinter or Leo for hurt, he would cry. Not as easily as Mikey, but he still cries.
I was surprised at Leo's number. 10. My fearless older brother and leader has cried 10 times. I don't know why, but I know it was bad.
Then there's me. Heartless Raph with only 3. It's never been easy to make me cry. I remember each time vividly, though I wish I could forget it. The first was when I thought Master Splinter was dead. No one saw me. The second was when Leo was unconscious. Mikey almost saw, but didn't. The last time was when I found out Splinter was alive. Even though they were right beside me, my brothers never knew.
The last number is the number we all share. It's 4. It has always been 4. This is how many of us there are. I never want to be the one that makes the others only have 3, but sometimes I think it will be me who leaves first. Leo is always saying I take too many risks. That I get hurt worse than the others.
The day Leo got hurt, I was devastated. Everyday I would check on him, and expect my number to drop to 3.
That's not going to happen now. It's still 4. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have different numbers. To have less bodies, to have more brother moments where I cried. The only number I hope never changes it the last one. I never want to see it drop.
Our numbers tell you something about us. Something that we can not put into words. We all hide our numbers in our hearts. Not tonight. We all told our numbers for the first time. My brothers never flinched when I told them my numbers, but I did when I heard theirs.
Leo's numbers are 8 10 4
My numbers are 19 3 4
Donnie's numbers are 3 12 4
And Mikey's are 0 16 4
None of us know why we keep the numbers. Most are bad memories. All I know, is that everyday I count my brothers and feel relief as the last number is still the same.
1
2
3
4
And I never want it to change, no matter how annoying they get, no matter how much I hate the other numbers, I always want to have 4.
Well, there you go! The next one-shot is definitely gonna be cuter and have brotherly moments. I am also working on a story about Raph and Mona because I love that pair! If I can't get a whole story from it, I will probably make it a one-shot for this.
I appreciate all reviews!