Standard Disclaimer Applied
MY SECRET
Walking down the streets of Tokyo, I numbly look around at the happy faces that seem to surround me. How can so many people be so happy when there are so many hardships going around? I ask myself. Is it possible to ignore everything when you're…when you're what? Happy? I wonder how it feels like…to be truly happy… Goodness knows that I've been wishing for it ever since I can remember. Looking up at the sky, I reside myself to keeping my thoughts out of that direction as to not immerse myself into a deeper state of depression.
Why can't things ever be easy? Already my life is complicated as it is, I really don't need school to be another burden…but I guess it isn't always…it does help me forget; it helps me get away from things and forget things. Unfortunately, remembrance always follows, and that just hurts even more… I look up at the sky and sigh. Looking in front of me, I realize where I unconsciously led myself: to the Crown Parlor. I sigh again…oh well, might as well. I walk in and I'm greeted with a blast of AC and loud music coming from the arcade center.
I sit on a stool at the counter and wait for Motoki-kun to come. Having nothing better to do, I turn around and survey the place. People laughing and having fun…looking like there's not a worry in the world. What I wouldn't do to feel like that for even a second. I sigh again as I turn back to the counter.
"Konnichiwa Mamoru-kun. Coffee?" asks Motoki as he turns to make the drink.
"Konnichiwa. Do you really need to ask?" I don't see why he bothers asking when he knows that that's the only thing I ever order when I'm here.
"Hey…it's my job to do that. So next time, just humor me, will you?"
"Sure why not," a small grin forming on its own.
"So how was your day?"
"Fine, as any other day can be…I need to do a 10-page report for biology, memorize 10 formulas for a math exam in two days and work on 10 pages of English grammar for tomorrow. Looks like I won't be sleeping much tonight." Or maybe that's a good thing. I won't be dreaming of things I can never have, and I won't be able to pity myself even more, I think to myself.
"Ouch…" he hands me my coffee. He opens his mouth to say something else, but was suddenly cut off by another voice calling for his attention.
"Motoki-oniichan!" calls a blond who decided to sit next to me. "Can I have a chocolate milkshake please?"
"Sure. Give me a moment, alright?" He turns to me, "I'll be right back," and he turns to make her order.
I just continue to sit here, thinking until that same voice started to speak. Frowning, I decide to read the chapters assigned by my literature teacher. But again, that same voice keeps talking. Confused as to why it sounds like the girl is talking to me, I turn to look at her. Unexpectedly, I see her staring at me with a slight frown. For some unexplainable reason, that image disturbs me, as if this girl wasn't meant to have that expression.
"Finally, you look at me," she says.
"Oh?" I blink a couple of times. "Were you talking to me?" I ask frowning.
"Yes, I've been trying to get your attention for the past minute!"
"Oh…sorry." What was I supposed to say?
"It's alright. I just wanted to ask you if you were talking to Motoki-oniichan when I…um…butted in," she murmured the last part, as if ashamed.
"Oh…I was, but don't worry about it."
"Oh really? Gomen nasai!! I didn't mean to be so rude…I really should wait until he finished talking to people before calling him." It sounds like the last part was more directed to her than to me.
"Don't worry about it. It's not like it's never happened before. We pretty much expect it since he works here, so it's alright," I smile trying to reassure her. I turn and then frown. Smile? To reassure her? That's odd…I've never done that before. Why am I suddenly compelled to put her thoughts at ease? Especially when mines are still so lost…I sigh again, for the nth time today as I resume my reading. After a few moments, or was it 10 minutes? Or maybe half an hour? I started to feel someone's gaze on me. Frowning (I seem to do that a lot too…), I turn to my left and find that same girl looking at me. "Yes?" I ask. "Is there something I can help you with?"
As if she just realized that she's been staring, she bows her head a little and starts to blush. Sigh. Well, there goes another one. Why do girls always do that when I look at them? Is there something on my face that makes them do so? I don't get it. I look back at her as she shyly plays with her hands. "Gomen nasai. I didn't mean to stare. It's just that…" she trails off, as if scared to finish her sentence.
"Just what?" I ask intrigued. There's another odd thought. Since when has a girl ever intrigued me?
"Uh…um…well, it's just that you look so…lonely," she murmurs the last word, but I heard it as if she screamed it. Eyes wide, I ask her,
"How would you know?"
"I don't know…it's just…I guess I've always been able to read people's expressions."
"Really?" I was impressed. Impressed? No one has ever been able to see through me before…not even Motoki-kun, and he's the one person I confide in.
"Hai…" she sounds like she wanted to say something else, but is afraid to, so I prompt her.
"But…?"
"But…your eyes seem so much sadder than anyone else's. As if you're carrying a heavy burden for a long time, and have never been able to get rid of it…or maybe, you've never wanted to get rid of it…" she says with her head bowed down. I just look at her with disbelief. How can such a girl see through me so easily? Seeing my face, I guess, she quickly adds, "But I'm sure I'm wrong. Gomen ne. I tend to let my mouth talk before thinking…" She starts to play with her milkshake.
Not knowing what to say, I turn around and continue my reading as she slowly sips her drink. For some reason, I feel like I could trust her…something in me is trying to…convince me? Convince me to do what? For the next few minutes, I try to understand what's going on with my unusual behavior and me. Then I suddenly look at her. She seems like she's in deep thought. I'd hate to interrupt her, especially when I know how it feels like to be cut off from your own thoughts, but I just felt like I needed to talk to her…to know her better…to know her just as well as she knows me.
"Ano…" I start. She turns to look at me with a questioning gaze. I smile. "I'm Chiba Mamoru, and you are?"
She smiles. "Tsukino Usagi. Yoroshiku!"
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Thinking back on that very day brings a smile to my face. I never thought that I could meet someone as understanding as Usagi-chan. I look at her playing with the ducks by the docks and smile again. I can clearly remember the day I told her about the burden she so easily found in my eyes. I can remember how she didn't say a word, but her eyes said everything, they showed me everything I needed to see, to know. In her, I found my relief. But not only that, I found something even better, but she'll never know that. That's one secret that I'm guarding from her. At least until I can find an appropriate time to tell her. Then something comes to mind.
"Ne Usagi-chan!" I call out to her as I walk over. "I just remembered something I need to ask you."
"What is it, Mamoru-san?" she looks up to me.
"I have to attend this gala that my teachers are asking me to go to. And I'd like you to come with me, if that's alright with you…" I look at her hoping she would accept, but at the same time, I understand if she didn't want to go.
"Honto ka!? Are you serious, Mamoru-san? You really want me to go with you?" she looks at me with disbelief.
"Hai," I just smile.
"Demo…wouldn't you rather bring someone who'll probably be more suitable?"
"Suitable?" What is she talking about?
"Un…you know, someone your age, who's more mature?"
"You're kidding me, right? One: someone my age is not necessarily more mature. And two: you are suitable to be attending such a function. You're more mature than most people, girls and guys alike, and I would know," I smile again. "And besides, you know that I don't like having those girls around me."
She laughs at my last remark. Clearly she remembers an incident a couple of months ago when I accompanied her shopping and the mall was packed with girls and women. That's the last time I'm going anywhere near a female-packed place without Usagi with me…at least then she can pretend to be my girlfriend and those people will leave me alone! "Alright, I'll ask my mom, but I'm sure she'll be ok with it. When is it?"
"In two weeks, on the Saturday. It's formal and it starts at 6:30."
"Yay!! A formal! That means I get to dress up, right?" she looks at me with bright eyes. I nod. It sometimes surprises me to know that such a free-spirited and simple girl can see through people so easily.
"Come on. We'd better get you home. It's getting late," I say noticing that the sky is turning into a light shade of purple.
Well, this evening hasn't been very eventful. People talking and laughing…you'd think that there's nothing in the world that can ruin this. Sigh. What a time to be going back to my nostalgic ways. I look over to my right and see Usagi watching the dance floor yearningly. Several guys have asked her to dance, but every single time, she declined. When I asked her why, she just told me that it's because she didn't know how to dance. I smile, feeling a bit mischievous (for me). I stand up, catching her attention. I take her hand, pulling her to the dance floor. Looking at me with terrified eyes, she starts to protest, but I never let go.
"Come on, Usagi-chan. I know you want to dance, even if you say you don't know how. I'll help you, and you don't have to worry about stumbling since I'll be there, alright? Besides, I'm your friend, and I know how clumsy you can be sometimes. It wouldn't be something unusual for me to see," I say, silencing her from giving me any excuses.
"Oh alright," she gives in by letting me lead her out to the other people dancing. Just as she puts her hands on my shoulders, the song I've been listening to lately came on. Leaning down, I ask her to listen to the lyrics.
I who could not love anything in this world,Who could not open my heart to anyone…No one taught me this but…I found a secret hidden inside of me. I want to thank whoever gave me this miracleThey gave me a reason to live my life with happinessI want to fly to the sky...with my angelLooking for the happiness so far away (oh baby) wont you come with me?Give me permission You who became an important existenceWhy can't you find me from that faraway place? (You can't)At the end of a long wait I have found youToday I found a hidden truth All those people who met so easilyA truthful mind in that meeting you are only differentIn a dark night when a raindrop falls it comes as a stream of raindrops After I met you everything changedLiving day by day is busy but I saw you in my time of solitudeI prayed every night that you and I will be together even through The hard times that we will forever be (stay true)Like a miracle...become happier as we live I want to fly to the skyI will go to your side and tell you thatThe reason that I will become happier as I live my life is because of youAt the end of my long wait I will found you and I will vowThe reason that I will become happier as I live my life is because of loveI will find happiness that lies so far away with my angelWon't you come with me...give me permission...Looking at her, I found her eyes to be filling up with tears. Panicking a little, since I didn't know what was going on with her, I ask her what was wrong…or rather, I stutter.
"Nothing…it's just that…I just…ano…ah…" and she pulls me down so that her mouth was by my ear and says softly, "Aishiteru…"
I look at her in disbelief. I can't believe that she…
Without finishing that thought, I whisper, "Aishiteru," before claiming her lips.
I take back my earlier thoughts. I know now that when you're this happy, nothing, absolutely NOTHING can destroy your happiness.
How did you like it??
The song is called "Bimil"…it's Korean, and the English title is "My Own Secret". It's by my favorite group, ShinHwa.
Hope you guys liked this one-shot. Tell me your thoughts, k?