I love Merlin to death, but I find it hilarious that they just ignored the fact that the Arthurian legends are very, very Christian. Seriously, though, how many times did they mention the 'old religion' without ever mentioning what the 'new religion' was? It's hilarious. So here is a bit of Christmas fun, that bends canon enough to reinstate the Christianity written out in the show. (Though I do not have Arthur's birthday as Christmas, as that would just complicate everything even more). Reality it's just pure insanity, but I had a great time writing it, and I hope you have a great time reading it. Enjoy!

Edit:
I have received some very legitimate concerns about the Christianity in this, and would like to address it briefly. I am Catholic, and I love God. In this I hope to have an amusing interplay between religion and fantasy. Arthur is NOT a theologian. He is pious, but I'm not even entirely sure he understands it all himself. His explanations of Catholic doctrine, therefore, are lacking in many places. This is not to be taken as theology. Arthur doesn't understand, not really, even though he is trying. Merlin doesn't understand either. That's where the humor comes in. This being said, I fully understand if this seems irreverent to some, and would gladly discuss your concerns. Or if someone would like a more in-depth explanation of some of the things Arthur blundered, I'd love to explain it all. It's really quite wonderful when you understand it. Anyways, enough of that. May God bless you all, and Merry Christmas.

Christmas in Camelot was always an elaborate affair. The streets were decorated with ivy and tinsel galore, and every evergreen tree that could be found had been littered with glittering ornaments. Many of the trees also had candles, and there were servants with the explicit task of lighting the thousands of candles every night leading up to the holiday. Merlin wished there were servants with the specific task of putting out the candles as well. So far, he'd used his magic to stop the whole city from burning down five times, in four days. (Not that anyone knew this of course. The people of Camelot were oblivious as always, though Merlin was also beginning to think they were also dafter than he'd first assumed. After all, they seemed to think the thousands of candles were a good idea, even though the whole town was on the brink of destruction.)

Merlin wondered how Camelot had not burned to the ground in the years before he'd come to the Citadel. It surely was a miracle, a Christmas miracle he supposed. Merlin snorted a laugh at the very thought of Christmas miracles. It wasn't that he disliked Christmas. He could, in a certain sense, appreciate the beautiful decorations, music, and general cheer of everyone around him. But Christmas meant more work for him, so he was feeling unimpressed by the season. Additionally, the holiday just didn't seem to hold the same sentimental value to him that it did everyone else. A few families in Ealdor would celebrate it, but as there was no church within a week's journey, and no wealth to provide gifts or feasts, the holiday mostly went without notice. Merlin and his mother had never celebrated it at all, never mind in the elaborate way the people of Camelot did. Merlin knew the holiday's purpose-to celebrate the birth of the god Jesus Christ- he wasn't daft. It just didn't seem worth all the effort that was being put into it. It didn't seem all the effort that Merlin was putting into it.

Merlin was especially miserable the morning of Christmas Eve (which seemed an oxymoron to him). There was to be a great feast that night, which would end only in time for everyone to attend midnight Mass. That meant Merlin would be up until at least two in the morning, by the time the prat got back from Mass and into bed, and then he'd be up again at five-thirty to prepare for Christmas-morn breakfast. In addition to all the festivities, he still had all of his normal chores. He also had all the chores Arthur had assigned him for suggesting that Arthur's fine pants had been chewed because mice liked the taste of clotpole. (Those chores were the reason Merlin was walking back into the Citadel with manure on his boots).

Arthur was not in his chambers when Merlin got there, probably off with his father discussing the final details of the holiday celebrations. Merlin was tempted to rub his dirty boots on Arthur's sheets, but decided that, at one-thirty in the morning when he'd have to replace the sheets without magic, the joke would no longer be amusing. At least, with Arthur out of the room, Merlin could lock the door, and allow his eyes to flash gold, setting the room to tidying itself. For what had to be the millionth time Merlin wondered how any servant could do all their chores without magic. Yet the magic did the trick, and Merlin sat down for the first time all morning, taking a deep breath. At least the holiday would be over soon. Surely everyone was joking when they said it lasted twelve days. Nobody, even a god, took twelve days to be born.

Unfortunately, the chores were done too soon (an ironic statement), and Merlin set about to find Arthur. Undoubtedly, he'd already come up with another dozen pressing things Merlin had to attend to at that very moment. All I want for Christmas is a day off personally.

Arthur seemed to be enjoying himself plenty, as Merlin found him in the yard, holding a 'friendly' sparring competition with some of the knights. "Ah Merlin!" Arthur called noticing his manservant standing off to the side. "Stop lazing about, there are things to do! My father and I shall be lunching with the Archbishop, so please, for Christ's sake, don't be your normal blundering self, and take off that dumb neckerchief."

Merlin rolled his eyes, ignoring Arthur completely. Truly he had barely heard the insult, as he was wondering who the 'Archbishop' was. As far as Merlin knew, there was no visiting royalty who might hold such an odd name, but Merlin thought he knew all the lords important enough to dine alone with the King and Crown Prince. Certainly he'd never heard of a Lord Archbishop, and he'd been in Camelot nearly a year.

Merlin was not going to ask Arthur though, because the Prince would simply tease him incessantly about it. Merlin didn't mind being called an idiot, but when he asked Arthur questions about things such as this, Arthur always gave him a look that actually made him feel like an idiot. Merlin had no desire to feel like that. Instead he just kept his mouth shut, a rare thing. (And even rarer if you heard Arthur's perspective on the matter.) Besides, Merlin figured he would be serving at this lunch with the 'Archbishop' so he'd simply figure out who the man was then. He had to be very important, since Arthur went to change into different clothes after he finished his sparring.

Things got derailed, however, because when they walked into the rooms that Merlin's magic had left spotless only a few minutes before, they found it a complete mess. Clothes lay across the floor, across the bed, and a pair of Arthur's underwear were even half out the window. All of Arthur's papers, which Merlin (or well his magic), had stacked on the desk, were lying about, and some were even folded into strange shapes. In fact, some of the papers had been organized so they made a queer little paper doll. Merlin would have laughed at the chaos, except he knew Arthur was furious.

"MERLIN!" Arthur bellowed, turning around to look at his manservant. Merlin rarely saw Arthur this furious. In fact, Merlin was not sure he'd ever seen Arthur so red in the face, except when he drank too much wine perhaps. "Is this some sort of joke? Today is a very important day!"

Merlin cowed, "It was clean when I left. I cleaned it! Someone must have come in here after I left!"

Arthur's eyebrows pressed together in a furious scowl, and he held up his two hands, only a few inches apart, "Someone would have to be this big to get in here without the guards noticing, you idiot! Give me one good reason why I should not throw you in the stocks this minute and let you freeze!"

Merlin didn't say anything, not that he had a chance to, before Arthur grabbed him by the ear and started walking towards the door. Merlin tried to pull away, and succeeded, but in doing so fell flat on his face. His head landed right next to Arthur's bed; he was lucky he didn't crack it in half. Merlin scrambled up, but as he did so he got a good look under Arthur's bed, and paused. It took him a moment to realize what he was looking at, but when he did Merlin couldn't help but grin. "Why, hello there."

"Merlin, have you absolutely lost your mind?" Arthur asked, looming over Merlin. "Not that you had much to lose in the first place, mind you."

Merlin didn't want to take his eyes off the creature under the bed. It was small, truly only the size Arthur had said something would have to be to sneak into his chambers. Its skin was a dull green, and its ears were almost as large as its entire body. It was amazing the creature didn't fall over, weighed down by its ears.

"Merlin, what are you looking at?" Arthur asked, lying down so he could see under the bed. Once he did Arthur shrieked, and the little creature jumped up startled, and started running. As disproportionate as the little creature was, it was fast. It ran out from under the bed in the time that it took for Merlin and Arthur to get to their feet. Arthur then drew his sword, which looked more than a little ridiculous against the tiny creature. He didn't get a chance to use it, however, as the little thing had run over to the window, jumped high enough to grab onto the pants hanging out of the window, and climbed right out. By the time Merlin and Arthur got to the windowsill, the little creature had disappeared completely.

Merlin was grinning wide, and Arthur scowled at him. "Get a hold of yourself Merlin! There was just a dangerous magical creature in my room."

There's always a dangerous magical creature in your room, Merlin thought, but aloud he said, "Arthur, it was an elf! There was an elf in your room, on Christmas Eve! Gwen told me of your Saint Santa Claus, but I thought that was just a children's story!"

"Of course it's just a children's story, Merlin. Elves are dangerous creatures. They don't make toys; look what it did to my room."

Okay, Merlin could admit that the little creature had done an extraordinary amount of damage in a very short time, but that didn't make it evil. Then again Arthur assumed everything with magic was evil, an ideology that frequently made Merlin anxious. Yet the creature was barely six inches tall; it didn't scream murderous monster.

"We need to tell my father immediately, and put Camelot on high alert. I shall not let elves ruin Christmas!"

Merlin had to apologize to four servants Arthur almost trampled on their way to find King Uther. When they finally got to the throne room, Arthur burst right in, speaking as he did, "Father there is a pro… Archbishop!"

Merlin ran to catch up to Arthur, and glimpse of this mysterious Archbishop. He'd forgotten that they had more visitors than just elves this Christmas. Though, in Merlin's opinion, the elf was quite a bit more interesting. The 'archbishop' turned out to be simply an old man, dressed in long white robes, with a golden and red shawl of sorts draped over them. He did have an interesting hat though, tall, and pointy.

What surprised Merlin was the way Arthur, egotistical, arrogant, Crown Prince Arthur Pendragon, bowed before the Archbishop, kissing a ring on his hand. Arthur did not even bow to his father frequently, and never this low. No Arthur showed sheer reverence to this 'Archbishop'. Merlin had never seen Arthur show so much reverence to anyone. It was astounding.

"Your excellency, I apologize for my demeanor" Arthur told the man, his head bowed. "But the devil is at work here. I just discovered a malevolent elf in my chambers, and it has escaped to work its evil upon Camelot!"

The archbishop placed one hand on his chest in horror, and then waved his right hand over Arthur in the shape of a 't'. Much to Merlin's surprise, Arthur reciprocated the movement on himself. He really needed to ask Arthur what exactly an archbishop was, because now he was beginning to feel stupid even without asking.

"I shall have the guards begin searching immediately! We must eradicate this and all magical abominations." Uther declared, making Merlin shiver. He hated to be reminded that his presence in Camelot was not only unwelcome, but likely to someday result in his death.

"If I may be excused from lunch, your excellency, I shall join them," Arthur asked of the Archbishop, which again befuddled Merlin. Why did Arthur treat this weird old man as if he had authority over even Uther? No one had authority over Uther. That was what made him King.

Yet it was the Archbishop, not Uther, who nodded, "Your crusade against all things magical is most holy, Prince Arthur. If you will it I would offer you confession now, so you may have grace in this fight."

That was when things got really confusing for Merlin, because he watched as Arthur and the Archbishop moved to one side of the throne room, while Uther left to organize the search for the elf. Merlin kept his distance, but he could clearly see the Archbishop pull out a purple cloth of sorts to wrap around his neck, and Arthur kneeling, actually kneeling, before him. He could also hear Arthur speak, and yet the language he spoke in… it was not English. It wasn't the language of the Old Religion, Merlin understood that, or even one of the native tongues druids still spoke. This was another language altogether; one Merlin was sure he'd never heard before. It was at this point that Merlin realized this Archbishop had to be a religious person, a priest of Arthur's tri-fold gods. That explained at least why the Archbishop was in Camelot for Christmas.

Arthur switched over to speaking English once more later, and then spoke for a long time. Merlin could not hear everything Arthur was saying, and moreover, after realizing what Arthur was doing, he intentionally tried not listen. It seemed Arthur was telling this Archbishop a list of all the things he'd done wrong. Merlin was half tempted to add his own list of things- being mean to Merlin being at the top- but he didn't intrude. Despite what he liked to say, Arthur was a good person. Oh, he was surely a prat as well, but he was a good person. It was weird to think of him speaking for such a prolonged period about all the things he did wrong. Not only was it odd to think of Arthur admitting that he could be wrong, it was odd to think that Arthur truly believed he committed so many sins to speak for such a long time. Unless he was listing every time he'd thrown something at Merlin, which the servant doubted, Arthur had to be going way overboard.

Finally, Arthur was done, or so it seemed because the Archbishop left. Arthur remained kneeling there for a long time, repeating the same words over and over again from the sound of it "Ave Maria, gracia plena dominus tecum. Et benedictus tu en in mulieribus. Et benedictus frutus ventris tui Jesus. Sancta Maria mater dei, ora pro nobis pecatoribus nunc et in hora mortis nostre amen." Or something along those lines. Honestly, Merlin wasn't sure. He was mostly bored standing there, waiting for Arthur to finish whatever he was doing.

At long last, Arthur stood, though he'd been kneeling so long his knees caved some. He took a moment to recover, then marched right over to Merlin. "Come on, let's look for this elf."

Merlin followed behind Arthur as the Prince headed into full battle mode. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do when they found the elf. Merlin doubted the creature was evil, simply mischievous. Arthur and the knights of Camelot would see it dead for their sheer existence, and Merlin needed to save it without letting Arthur get hurt. A typical day, in that sense. The only new thing was everything that had happened with this Archbishop, and Merlin had to admit he was still curious. "Arthur, what were you doing with that… priest?"

Arthur stopped walking and looked at Merlin, "Merlin, how daft are you? That's not just a priest, that's the Most Reverent John Calvus, Archbishop of Albion. Many think he'll be the next Pope, and I was honored to take Confession with him, even if it meant delaying our search."

Yeah… Merlin was lost. "And Pope is a special priest?"

Arthur realized Merlin wasn't kidding around, and his heart practically stopped. Merlin was goofy, and he joked Merlin was stupid, but he wouldn't be joking about this unless… "Merlin, are you baptized?"

Considering Merlin didn't even know what that meant, he assumed he was not. "I'm not Christian, if that's what you're asking. I mean like I know there are three gods a father, a son, and a ghost, which seems odd since magic isn't allowed…" Arthur looked ready to faint. "Am I wrong?"

"Merlin, you're going to Hell."

Well, Merlin didn't know much about Arthur's religion, but he'd heard that expression before. He knew what that meant, "Why thank you Arthur."

"No, I'm not insulting you," Arthur said, rubbing his neck. Was he uncomfortable? Merlin was pretty sure Arthur was uncomfortable, almost nervous. It would have been amusing if he wasn't so embarrassed. "I'm stating a fact. All these times you've almost died, you would have gone to Hell. You have to be baptized Merlin! Then there is penance, and you need to receive the Eucharist, and confirmation… blimey Merlin! You should have told me."

"Well, I didn't know it was important to be honest. I really don't think it is actually. Weren't we looking for an elf?" Perhaps Merlin didn't want to hunt down the elf, but he wasn't sure he preferred this line of questioning one bit.

Arthur, however, was not ready to just drop it. "Merlin, we're talking about your soul here! You frequently annoy me, it's true, but as your master I have a responsibility to see you make it to Heaven. I always just assumed you were baptized. The elf can wait."

Arthur said the elf could wait, but that didn't prove true. Just as he said it they heard to their left a loud crash. Merlin turned his head just in time to see the elf riding a chandelier straight towards the ground. Around them were five knights trying to grab the elf without being crushed by the falling ornament. Merlin sighed, focusing his attention on the magic within him. Easily he felt it bubble up, freezing time around him. The elf, as a creature of magic, was not frozen, but it seemed perfectly content to sit upon the immobile chandelier.

Merlin approached it, and the little creature scurried towards him, not away. Merlin smiled. "That's right, I don't want to hurt you, but you've been causing a lot of trouble. If you're willing you could spend the holiday safe in my room. Then when I have free time I will bring you back into the woods, or wherever you want to go. Okay?"

The elf nodded his head, and then jumped onto Merlin's shoulder. Merlin smiled at the creature. It was actually very cute, if very destructive. He'd need to find a way of securing the creature in his room. Gaius would be very annoyed if it got out and destroyed all of his books and herbs. Perhaps there was a spell in his book that could lock the door of his bedroom, so the mess would be contained to there.

Merlin's magic wore off when he walked away, leaving everyone very confused as to where the elf had gone. Arthur in particular was confused, as not only had the elf disappeared, but so had Merlin. Had the elf kidnapped him? Was that even possible? Merlin was certainly accident prone, particularly when it came to all things magical, but being kidnapped in a split-second by a creature the size of their hand? It seemed impossible. Even for Merlin, it seemed impossible.

Arthur was worried though. He, of course, always worried about Merlin (even if he wouldn't admit it), but now he was more worried than ever. The idea of his gawky manservant, his stupid, funny, selfless, grinning, manservant condemned to Hell bothered Arthur. He understood why it would be so if Merlin wasn't baptized, original sin was a terrible thing, but it was disturbing. He needed to get Merlin tutored in catechism and baptized. First, of course, he needed to find Merlin. Arthur really hoped Merlin had just run off, embarrassed by their conversation, and not kidnapped.

Arthur actually did find Merlin quickly, as his manservant was in Gaius's chambers. He claimed, not that Arthur believed him, that Gaius had shown up and called for help carrying some books while Arthur had been distracted by the elf. Whatever the truth, Arthur was just glad to have Merlin back by his side. They spent the rest of the afternoon searching for the elf, but it didn't show up again. By the time Arthur gave up the search to prepare for dinner, he was pretty sure the malicious creature was long gone.

Though he never admitted it, Merlin amazed Arthur sometimes. One of those times was that evening, when the they went to Arthur's chambers and found it not only spotless, but with a steaming bath for Arthur. Of course, Arthur knew Merlin hadn't done the work, since they'd been together almost all day, and it would require magic to clean a room without being in it. Still Arthur was impressed that Merlin had the foresight to ask another servant to do it. He didn't say this though, instead he said, "I should claim there are elves in my room more often. The other servants do a much better job."

Merlin scowled, "Well, sire, the elf left it a lot less dirty than you do."

Arthur jokingly threw the belt he'd just taken off at Merlin, who caught it easily, probably rolling his eyes. (Arthur could not see, but he still knew). Still both smiled at the easy teasing, and Merlin set about picking out Arthur's clothes while Arthur got in the bath. He did not have time to truly enjoy it though, without being late for the feast, and it was still sizzling hot when Arthur finished and began getting dressed.

"I should change myself, is there a special hat that I'm to be wearing this time?"

Arthur grinned, thinking of all the absurd things he'd made Merlin wear. How could he help it? These formal events were so often painfully dull. Being able to look out and see Merlin in a ridiculous hat was the only thing that kept Arthur from completely losing his mind during these events. There would be no crazy hat this time, however. Arthur was too concerned for his frien… manservant to tease him too much. "No, Merlin, I want you to sit. You can be late for the feast if you must, but I want to tell you a few things first."

Merlin gave him a baffled look, but took a seat on the edge of Arthur's bed. "If you've forgotten how to dress yourself again, I can help you."

"How funny Merlin. Truly your wit amazes me," Arthur answered instinctively, before remembering he had to focus. This was Merlin's soul, after all, and he did not want to see his friend in the fires of Hell. "But actually Merlin, I want you to listen, because not only will you be serving the archbishop tonight, but you'll have to sit through Mass, and I expect you to know what's going on.

"The Archbishop is always addressed as 'your excellency'. I know you're terrible at respect Merlin, but you must never disrespect a representative of the Church. They are God's divine authority in this world. Their word is His. Alright?" Arthur waited until Merlin nodded to continue. "And there are not three gods- there is only One God, with three parts: Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. It's not actually a ghost Merlin, It's a spirit of sorts, the breath of divine inspiration we receive in the sacraments. There are three parts, but One God, represented on this earth by one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. The Pope is the head of the Church, and the Archbishop of Albion is expected to be the new Pope when the current one dies. He's very important."

Merlin nodded, "Yes, I'm getting that. So, one God with three parts and a very important Church. Arthur, why are you telling me this?"

"Because I may not like you Merlin, but I wish for the salvation of every soul on this earth. Hell is not temporary; it is eternal suffering. Through baptism and the sacraments, even a blundering fool like you can keep from going there."

"And then I would go to Heaven?"

"Yes, or well no, you'd probably go to purgatory first. You're not a Saint. But you could buy an indulgence to get you out of purgatory quickly, and then you'd go to Heaven." Not that Merlin can afford an indulgence, Arthur thought. Though I could buy one in his name. I owe him that much. "But baptism is the most important step. If you're never baptized you go to Hell guaranteed. Once you've been baptized you have to keep up with confession at least once a year, that is what I did today, to have you sins wiped away. You also need to receive the Eucharist, that is the body and blood of Jesus, son of God."

Merlin looked ready to gag. "I thought that was a joke! You actually eat human flesh? That's disgusting!"

"No, it's bread, but it's also flesh. I can't explain it, it's called transubstantiation, but it doesn't matter. God can do anything, so He can make something flesh and bread at the same time. Just trust me. At Mass the scriptures are read, and then there is a sermon, and then we receive the Eucharist. Since it's Christmas the readings will list all the people Jesus is related to, and then talk about how He was conceived through the Holy Spirit to a virgin named Mary, and born so that He could die and resurrect, making it possible for all who believe in Him to have eternal life. The readings will be in Latin, so you won't understand them, but the Archbishop will give the sermon in English, and there is a nativity scene and other images on the walls you can look at and learn from. When the time for Eucharist comes you cannot receive it without being baptized, but you can watch. I'll answer any questions you have about it after Mass."

Merlin was staring at Arthur, looking a bit overwhelmed. Arthur didn't blame him. Of course, all of this was natural to him, he'd been raised to it, baptized at three days old. To someone who'd never heard it before it probably sounded crazy, but it was true. Arthur knew it was true. He needed Merlin to as well.

"Well?" Arthur asked, getting impatient. They had to get down to the feast, but he wanted to know Merlin understood the severity of the situation he was in.

"I think I understand. I'm just surprised. I didn't know you cared this much about me, or about religion for that matter."

Arthur flushed red, embarrassed. He couldn't let Merlin get the idea that he cared about Merlin's salvation in particular (though he did). "It's not you Merlin; it's God. It's actually important. Go change. I have to get to the feast."

When Merlin returned to his chambers, the first thing he did was make sure the elf was still safely locked in the chest he'd found. Merlin peered in the little holes he'd drilled so the creature could breath, and didn't see anything, but since the chest was locked tight he knew the creature was still in there. Probably asleep after all the trouble its caused, Merlin thought to himself

Merlin changed into his serving clothes and grabbed a pitcher of wine from the frantic kitchen. The feast was in full swing when he arrived. People were dressed in fineries, singing, dancing, and drinking far more than he assumed was proper when they all had to go to Mass. Gah, now I have to go to Mass as well. Thanks, Arthur.

Merlin found the prince in question sitting at the high table, between his father and the archbishop. Uther and the archbishop were deep in conversation, with Arthur hanging onto every word. He didn't even notice when Merlin grabbed his cup to refill it, and then took his place with the other servants. Gwen was there, and Merlin smiled as he stood next to her. They weren't technically supposed to talk when serving, but of course they did. They were fine though, since they were standing in a place where they could only be heard by Morgana, who looked ready to die of boredom as she spoke to an old lord. Merlin felt bad for her; she always seemed to hate feasts more than Arthur did. She smiled when she noticed him, however, which made Merlin blush red. He'd actually bought Morgana a Christmas gift, a stupid little necklace that he felt silly giving her when she had such fine jewelry. Merlin wasn't even sure he was going to give it to her, or that he'd have time the next day. Anyways, that was a problem for tomorrow. Merlin had enough problems for that day that he didn't need to worry about the next.

Speaking of that day's problems, Merlin noticed then that the Archbishop's fancy hat was moving. At first, he thought nothing of it, the hat had to be hard to keep steady, but then Merlin saw a flash of green. He almost dropped his pitcher of wine. "Gwen… do you see that creature on the Archbishop's head?"

It was dumb of Merlin to point it out to Gwen, because she did drop her pitcher of wine, and piercingly scream "ELF!"

It looked at first as if Gwen, a mere servant, was accusing the Archbishop of Albion of being an elf, but then Arthur noticed the creature on the Archbishop's head. He didn't think; he just acted, reaching out to grab the creature. Instead he knocked the Archbishop's hat into his soup, where it landed with a 'plop'. Chaos ensued. Arthur, and a number of others, started grabbing at the little creature, climbing over the table to do so. Plates and bowls, wine and food, spilled everywhere as the Crown Prince of Camelot unabashedly climbed across the table trying to catch a few inch tall creature with large ears. Everyone screamed and started running about. Knights pulled their swords, lunging towards the creature, but it was so small they ended up hitting more of the platters. The elf seemed to love the commotion, running and cheering.

Merlin didn't know what to do. He didn't want the elf to get hurt, but he was using his magic mostly to keep the knights from accidentally stabbing Arthur as they tried to stab the creature. He was so flustered that he forgot he could literally just stop time, which always seemed like a good answer to problems. Instead Merlin started using his magic to lift the platters, hoping they'd hit the elf, knock it out, and then he could grab it without anyone noticing. It wasn't working very well. (Though one of the platters hit Arthur in the face, stunning him, which would have been amusing if Merlin had had the time to properly laugh about it.)

With Arthur stunned, Merlin jumped up on the table, stepped over Arthur, and dove, grabbing the elf in his hands. The elf was watching the commotion while sitting in a bowl of soup, and Merlin used his magic to freeze the soup. He quickly stuffed the elf-soupsicle in his pocket, and then looked around, as if surprised that the creature had disappeared. No one had noticed him actually catch it, and so the panic continued. Merlin joined in, to defer suspicion, tearing the hall apart 'looking' for the creature.

After a few minutes, everyone began to notice that the elf was gone, and settled down. Arthur, however, continued his quest, stalking about the hall, sword in hand, looking for the creature. A few of the knights were with him, and one of them, a blundering fool in Merlin's opinion, slipped on some spilled milk, and fell forward, right on top of Merlin. Merlin was too shocked to prevent the collision, and fell hard under the large knight's weight. The knight clambered to his feet immediately, apologizing, but Merlin, who'd hit his head hard. Did not move. Instead he lay there, the world spinning and his vision going in and out. Ouch. That had hurt. The wind had entirely been knocked out of Merlin, and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Desperately he sucked in air, but it didn't seem to help. His lungs burned, and he thought he was going to lose consciousness. The only thing that stopped that from happening was the feeling of cold water over his face, and Arthur saying something. After a moment, Merlin began to breathe again, and sat up.

"Arthur, why did you just pour water on me?"

Arthur blushed bright red. No one else was paying attention, still too busy either looking for the elf of cleaning up from the commotion. Uther was apologizing profusely to the Archbishop, who Merlin noticed was covered in some sort of food. No one was watching them, and yet Arthur looked more embarrassed than Merlin had ever seen him. "Ah… shh… don't tell anyone but… well I think I may have just accidentally baptized you."

"What!"

"SHHHH!" Arthur hissed looking around to make sure no one had heard. No one had though, and so he continued. "I thought you were dying, and I panicked. Anyone can baptize if they think someone is in danger of dying. I didn't want you to go to Hell because one of my knights had sat on you, alright? The good news is you're now free from sin, until you do something stupid of course, but you can receive Eucharist at Mass tonight."

Merlin did not think that was a good thing. He still wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't about to engage in cannibalism. Still Arthur was grinning, and Merlin couldn't bring himself to be actually upset. "Fine, but if I have to go to Mass I get to return to my room and dry off."

Arthur nodded, helping Merlin up. Uther decided now was the time to make a declaration, "It appears this abomination that sought to destroy our celebration has returned to the darkness it came from. Let us all enjoy what is left of this great Christmas Eve feast in peace!" Merlin felt the frozen elf in his pocket, and shook his head. Ah Camelot- things were never boring in Camelot.

Gaius wasn't at the feast, but instead eating a simple meal in his and Merlin's chambers. When Merlin walked in, looking as if the feast had thrown up on him, Gaius could not help but laugh. "My boy, what have you been up to this fine Christmas night?"

Merlin scowled, pulling the frozen elf out from his pocket and placing it on a table. "Well, I fought one of Santa's elves, and, oh, apparently I'm Christian now. I'm going to go change. Merry Christmas, Gaius. Merry Christmas."