A:N/ Well, I'm bored, nervous about my Maths exam tomorrow, and annoyed with my brother and so, inspired by 6 nice reviews for An Alternate Circumstance, I thought I'd write another funny fic. (Well, I hope it's funny!) I nearly wrote a Bad Girls fic, but I can't see any on here at all which is a shame. Anyone else a fan of Bad Girls? I'm still peeved that it got axed
Anyway, I'm rambling! Here is some Voldie and Wormtail goodness, as that's what I do best!
Peter Pettigrew frowned in concentration, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth and his brow furrowed; just one more card and he would have successfully built the biggest house of cards since records began! Just as he reached to pick up his camera with trembling fingers, an earth-shattering shriek pierced the air. Wormtail leaped in fright, causing the house of cards to tremble and fall, sending an avalanche of cards tumbling down upon him.
Lord Voldemort, oblivious to his servant's plight, was ranting and raving furiously in the living room.
"Curse this absurd political voting!" he screamed, pointing his wand at his television set in fury. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" he roared.
The television exploded and the sound of Terry Wogan's commentary died abruptly.
A muffled cry sounded from the kitchen, but Voldemort was too busy complaining to notice.
"There was nothing wrong with Andy Abraham's performance!" he spat. "These Muggles insist on voting against us!"
"M-master..." choked Wormtail feebly from the kitchen.
"Yes, Wormtail it's an abomination! The United Kingdom misses out on the Eurovision Song Contest yet again!" Voldemort hissed angrily.
There was no reply.
"Wormtail, are you even listening to me?"
He stormed into the kitchen and gasped as a gruesome sight met his eyes; buried beneath the torrent of cards, an arm was reaching into the air; an arm with a hand that had a finger missing.
"Wormtail!" barked Voldemort. "Get up! What on Earth are you playing at? Just because the UK has been failed by our fellow European voters, there's no need to end it all!"
When his most cowardly of followers failed to respond, Voldemort sighed and rolled up his sleeves.
"It's a good job I did that Health & Safety course when I was a prefect!" he muttered, before diving head-first into the sea of cards.
He emerged some seconds later, holding Wormtail above his head with a disgusted expression on his face.
He dropped Wormtail hurriedly onto the kitchen table, took a deep breath and began to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on his ailing servant.
It was a few seconds before Wormtail came round. He blinked confusedly and then realised the full horror of what was happening.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" he squealed, bounding up from the table and narrowly avoiding falling back into the pit of cards.
"Wormtail! Ah, glad to see you have awoken!" hissed a clearly flustered Voldemort.
"M-master, I-I think it would be wise if we, er, never m-mentioned this again!" stuttered Wormtail.
"For once, Wormtail, I agree with you! Now clear up this mess!"
"Y-yes my Lord. So erm…who won Eurovision?"
Voldemort's eyes flashed dangerously scarlet.
"CRUCIO!!"
A:N/ Meh, maybe it wasn't that funny, but it cheered me up to write it.
Thanks for reading.
Sam xx