So here it is. The start of a new fic. This was an idea that popped into
my head a few months ago and wouldn't let go. I've had the ending written
for quite a while, so I actually know where it's going for once, LOL. I'm
hoping this is going to be a short-long fic (know what I mean? Long but in
a short way?) so I can get it done in a reasonable amount of time. I
know, I know. You're all thinking- Mari? Reasonable? I can be. Really.
Anyway, I have a site now too! It's not DONE done, but it's getting there,
Check it out- h t t p : / / w w w . still- believe . com / marishna (just
no spaces like I have here, I don't know how to update my profile so I
can't stick it in there.). So go, look, comment, read. I have a tagboard
for everyone to make comments on *hint hint*, so come on over!
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*****
Prologue
******
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Door open. Door close. One foot in front of the other. Go slow, don't want to do anything rash. Keep it strong. Up the stairs. Don't look at the pictures. Keep going. One, two, one, two. Up, down, up, down. Slow and steady. It's okay. Pause at the top. Take a deep breath. Don't look in the room. Keep going, one foot in front of the other. Door open. Door close. The bed. Beds are nice. Soft, and comfortable. Like her arms. Like her eyes. Like her hair. Like her coffin.
Breathe. In, out, in, out. Everything will be fine. One day at a time. Have to be there for him. Have to be strong. Have to keep it together. One foot in front of the other. Have to be strong.
Door open. Door closed tight now. No one will come through it now. Slow and steady. Keep it together. For him. For everyone else. One foot in front of the other. Keep it strong. Look in the mirror. Stupid bleached hair. Doesn't seem right anymore. She loved it. Keep it strong. You can do this. You can be strong. For everyone but yourself.
**Who will be strong for me?**
"AUGHHHH!!!"
Smashing glass. Shattering like glass should. Like lives can. Not a crack, a smash. All at once. The image is broken. The face is taken away. She is taken away.
Blood. More blood. Too much blood. Not enough blood. Her blood is gone.
SHE is gone.
Crying. Don't cry. Have to be strong. Have to keep it together for everyone. Have to put one foot in front of the other and be strong. Be tall and strong and..
"Who will be strong for **me**?!?!" A cry in the dark, anguished and alone for the first time.
* * * * *
"He's so angry," a feminine voice said quietly.
"Yes. Mortals get that way when another dies," a male voice replied to her.
"Don't they take comfort in knowing that their spirit lives on? That they will exist forever?"
"Mortals have attachments to physical things. Things they can see, touch, smell, taste. Things they can feel."
"But he is feeling now. Feeling anger, and hurt, and sadness. Why?"
"Because he has lost something he can no longer hold. He will never know the mortal love of his mother again."
"Mortals are strange. They hold dear to them things that will be lost or gone, not what is eternal."
"They do not realize that this is eternal. He will see her again, sometime in the future, but it does not lessen the pain of waiting that long."
"How does it stop? How does he make the anger and pain go away?"
"He waits. He works through it. He makes amends. He loves someone else."
"When?"
"When he is ready."
"What if he is never ready?"
"Then he is angry forever."
"But he is too special to waste his time like that. I have been watching him for so long. I can see how special he is. His mother knew it, told him. How could he throw that away?"
"Mortals never throw away their talents. They just let them fade away. He might not let his fade however. He is just lost right now."
"How can he be found?"
"With help, love, understanding and being strong. He is strong, you know that."
"Yes, he is. I love watching over him. He has been the best mortal yet that I have watched over. He glows."
"You feel emotion for him."
"We're supposed to. To know a mortal is to feel for him. I just wish I knew how to deal with it. I feel his pain, his anger. I feel horrible and I want it to stop."
"It will. It may take some time however."
"You said he could be helped."
"He can, if he wants it. If the right people offer it."
"I want to help him."
"What?"
"I have been watching far too long. How can I be any good to him if all I do is watch over him and prevent him from serious harm before it is his time? Others help who they watch. I know it, you cannot say it isn't done."
"You're right, I can't. It doesn't mean that you are going to, however."
"Why not? I feel for him, I hurt with him, I want to know how to stop it. I want to be better for him."
"You may be feeling too much for him."
"I only feel with what the Powers that Be give me. I only know the emotions he has, how can I **not** feel too much? It makes me better, stronger, more resourceful. Please, let me help him."
Her pleas proved to be too much for him. "How do you wish to help him? What form of happiness should be have? Send him to a good college? Perhaps try and alleviate some of his guilt somehow? Send him someone that he can turn to in his hour of need?"
"Yes! That's it. Someone needs to be there, to help him, comfort him. He is very lonely. And I want that person to be me." She was hesitant in this, knowing that he would be upset.
"No! Absolutely not! That is very much against protocol. You are not to get involved in his life. Only help him from afar, and influence his life in subtle ways. You **know** the rules."
"I also know that this has happened before. This is not unheard of and in extreme circumstances it is allowed."
"This is hardly an extreme circumstance."
"You can't feel it. You don't know. He is scarring himself, from the inside out. And he will act on it. Please, feel his rage." She reached out, a silver thread connecting to him, his essence. She could feel it suck him in, connecting him to her, and in turn, to the male below them, watching blood seep out of his knuckles.
"Oh, my."
"Yes. This cannot go on. **He** cannot go on. Let me help him."
"You do know what you are getting yourself into, don't you?"
"I'm prepared to do whatever I can."
"The mortal life is more than emotions and watching people. You must participate if you will help. It is a hard, cold life. It is full of obstacles and hurtful things, including other people. It will be a shock."
"I don't care. I **must** help him."
"You know the rules. Once you go there, you can only come back once. There are no do overs. Our influence can alter their lives in ways more powerful than even we can grasp. Once you come back, you cannot interfere with his existence again, only from this position to look over him."
"I won't need more than one time. I'll get it right. I'll set him back on the right track. He can be a good man. I know he can. We just have to let him."
"Alright. Because this is your first mission, of sorts, and you are naïve to their ways I am going to help **you.** Call on me if you need me, and I'm giving you some extra powers to keep yourself safe in case you need them. Use them well and remember what I said - once down and once back. And don't get wrapped up in their life. You are needed here."
"Thank you. I will help him, you will see."
The male entity sighed heavily. "Very well. You shall be mortal. Now, go before I change my mind."
Door open. Door close. One foot in front of the other. Go slow, don't want to do anything rash. Keep it strong. Up the stairs. Don't look at the pictures. Keep going. One, two, one, two. Up, down, up, down. Slow and steady. It's okay. Pause at the top. Take a deep breath. Don't look in the room. Keep going, one foot in front of the other. Door open. Door close. The bed. Beds are nice. Soft, and comfortable. Like her arms. Like her eyes. Like her hair. Like her coffin.
Breathe. In, out, in, out. Everything will be fine. One day at a time. Have to be there for him. Have to be strong. Have to keep it together. One foot in front of the other. Have to be strong.
Door open. Door closed tight now. No one will come through it now. Slow and steady. Keep it together. For him. For everyone else. One foot in front of the other. Keep it strong. Look in the mirror. Stupid bleached hair. Doesn't seem right anymore. She loved it. Keep it strong. You can do this. You can be strong. For everyone but yourself.
**Who will be strong for me?**
"AUGHHHH!!!"
Smashing glass. Shattering like glass should. Like lives can. Not a crack, a smash. All at once. The image is broken. The face is taken away. She is taken away.
Blood. More blood. Too much blood. Not enough blood. Her blood is gone.
SHE is gone.
Crying. Don't cry. Have to be strong. Have to keep it together for everyone. Have to put one foot in front of the other and be strong. Be tall and strong and..
"Who will be strong for **me**?!?!" A cry in the dark, anguished and alone for the first time.
* * * * *
"He's so angry," a feminine voice said quietly.
"Yes. Mortals get that way when another dies," a male voice replied to her.
"Don't they take comfort in knowing that their spirit lives on? That they will exist forever?"
"Mortals have attachments to physical things. Things they can see, touch, smell, taste. Things they can feel."
"But he is feeling now. Feeling anger, and hurt, and sadness. Why?"
"Because he has lost something he can no longer hold. He will never know the mortal love of his mother again."
"Mortals are strange. They hold dear to them things that will be lost or gone, not what is eternal."
"They do not realize that this is eternal. He will see her again, sometime in the future, but it does not lessen the pain of waiting that long."
"How does it stop? How does he make the anger and pain go away?"
"He waits. He works through it. He makes amends. He loves someone else."
"When?"
"When he is ready."
"What if he is never ready?"
"Then he is angry forever."
"But he is too special to waste his time like that. I have been watching him for so long. I can see how special he is. His mother knew it, told him. How could he throw that away?"
"Mortals never throw away their talents. They just let them fade away. He might not let his fade however. He is just lost right now."
"How can he be found?"
"With help, love, understanding and being strong. He is strong, you know that."
"Yes, he is. I love watching over him. He has been the best mortal yet that I have watched over. He glows."
"You feel emotion for him."
"We're supposed to. To know a mortal is to feel for him. I just wish I knew how to deal with it. I feel his pain, his anger. I feel horrible and I want it to stop."
"It will. It may take some time however."
"You said he could be helped."
"He can, if he wants it. If the right people offer it."
"I want to help him."
"What?"
"I have been watching far too long. How can I be any good to him if all I do is watch over him and prevent him from serious harm before it is his time? Others help who they watch. I know it, you cannot say it isn't done."
"You're right, I can't. It doesn't mean that you are going to, however."
"Why not? I feel for him, I hurt with him, I want to know how to stop it. I want to be better for him."
"You may be feeling too much for him."
"I only feel with what the Powers that Be give me. I only know the emotions he has, how can I **not** feel too much? It makes me better, stronger, more resourceful. Please, let me help him."
Her pleas proved to be too much for him. "How do you wish to help him? What form of happiness should be have? Send him to a good college? Perhaps try and alleviate some of his guilt somehow? Send him someone that he can turn to in his hour of need?"
"Yes! That's it. Someone needs to be there, to help him, comfort him. He is very lonely. And I want that person to be me." She was hesitant in this, knowing that he would be upset.
"No! Absolutely not! That is very much against protocol. You are not to get involved in his life. Only help him from afar, and influence his life in subtle ways. You **know** the rules."
"I also know that this has happened before. This is not unheard of and in extreme circumstances it is allowed."
"This is hardly an extreme circumstance."
"You can't feel it. You don't know. He is scarring himself, from the inside out. And he will act on it. Please, feel his rage." She reached out, a silver thread connecting to him, his essence. She could feel it suck him in, connecting him to her, and in turn, to the male below them, watching blood seep out of his knuckles.
"Oh, my."
"Yes. This cannot go on. **He** cannot go on. Let me help him."
"You do know what you are getting yourself into, don't you?"
"I'm prepared to do whatever I can."
"The mortal life is more than emotions and watching people. You must participate if you will help. It is a hard, cold life. It is full of obstacles and hurtful things, including other people. It will be a shock."
"I don't care. I **must** help him."
"You know the rules. Once you go there, you can only come back once. There are no do overs. Our influence can alter their lives in ways more powerful than even we can grasp. Once you come back, you cannot interfere with his existence again, only from this position to look over him."
"I won't need more than one time. I'll get it right. I'll set him back on the right track. He can be a good man. I know he can. We just have to let him."
"Alright. Because this is your first mission, of sorts, and you are naïve to their ways I am going to help **you.** Call on me if you need me, and I'm giving you some extra powers to keep yourself safe in case you need them. Use them well and remember what I said - once down and once back. And don't get wrapped up in their life. You are needed here."
"Thank you. I will help him, you will see."
The male entity sighed heavily. "Very well. You shall be mortal. Now, go before I change my mind."