A/N: Contrary to my icon I am still very much a full-time, die hard Kaylicky shipper. I just think Nickelly is so hilariously amazing.

Bear with me on this, I randomly popped up with this idea while reviewing Love's Crash Test Dummy's fic that had a Nickelly Jersey Shore mention. Then after some random plotting with her, I decided this needed to be done. Beware, it's extremely cracky and it's my first time doing Kelly or Nicky. I repeat, bear with me.

Slutty Oompa Loompa and The Confrontation

This was actually happening. Kelly resisted the urge to pinch herself. Who was she, Kaylie Cruz? She brushed the thoughts away as she adjusted a silver hoop the size of her face onto her ear. She stared at herself in the mirror for what she hoped to be the final time. A tight, low cut leopard minidress clung to her slim body. If she had boobs, they would be pouring out of her top at the moment. She reached up and pressing her boobs together, tilting her head to the side. "…Nicky, can you grab me two pairs of socks?" She called out, moving her hands from her chest and to her sky-high pompadour. How Snooki did this on a daily basis was beyond her.

The booming silence around her increased suddenly and she realized that Nicky, her best friend since diapers slash sex buddy, hadn't responded with either his presence or his voice. "Nicky?" She repeated, a little louder than before. Still nothing. She sighed and left her bedroom, walking down the hallway slowly so that that she didn't trip in her spiky heels yet aggressively so Nicky knew she was going to kill him for not listening to him. The closer she got to her room, the more she realized that it wasn't the silence that was booming, it was the music. What the…

"Nicky, did you not hear me –" She froze dead on in the doorway. There the silver Nationals medalist was, sprawled out on her bed in his. He was texting and didn't seem to notice her entering the room. How could he when her laptop was blaring the word 'shots' over and over again. She sprinted over to her desk and closed out of the Youtube video. Actual silence spread across the room. She turned to Nicky, who still hadn't looked up. "What are you doing?" She yelled.

His eyes slowly left his phone for the first time since she got here and he looked over at her. "Texting. Obviously." He said as his ever present smirk formed on his lips. "That option became available on cellphones in –"

"Don't be an ass. I know what texting is." She interrupted before he got on one of his Nicky Russo Is Smarter Than You And He Can Prove It samples and literally tried not to strangle him. "I meant, why aren't you dressed? I told you the clothes were on the bed…which you are sitting on." She said, while pulling the neatly folded clothes from under his legs. She smacked his leg as hard as she could. "Here, put this on before we're late." She held them out to him. He stared at the pile of clothes as she was handing him a live chicken. His eyes travelled up to her face and he let out a laugh.

"I'm not wearing that."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Kel, I already told you I'm not going to this party. Especially not as The Confrontation or whatever his name is."

"It's The Situation and you already said you would come."

"No I didn't. I said I'd love to see the look on everyone's face when you walk into the party looking like a slutty Oompa Loompa."

"Do you really want to spend Halloween all by yourself? That's so lame."

"Look who's talking."

"Okay seriously, what is your deal with Jersey Shore? It's the best reality show on tv right now."

"Exactly why there's going to be about five girls dressed just like you tonight."

"Yeah, but they won't have The Situation with them." She said, throwing the clothes at him. "Now get dressed or I'm telling everyone at this party that you're my boyfriend and we sleep together daily." She said, crossing her arms across her chest.

He shrugged. "Do what you want, I really don't care." He said, leaning his head back against her pillow.

She smirked. "Fine I will." She said, before grabbing her purse and heading for the door. Before she could get a foot onto the hallway, she heard Nicky moving around.

"Okay wait, I'm coming." He said, pulling his shirt over his head. This was a prime example of their relationship. He didn't even bother going somewhere else to change. She had seen everything anyways. She leaned against the doorway and proudly displayed her satisfaction. After he was done, he held his hands out and looked at her. "Happy?"

"Almost." She said, getting off of the doorway and walked over to him, grabbing a bottle of gel on the way. His eyes widened. "Calm down, his hair is gelled so yours needs to be too."

He shook his head. "No hair gel or I'm out. Take it or leave it?" She stared at him, trying to plead with her eyes. He wasn't budging though.

"Okay fine. I do need to airbrush your abs –"

"My abs? Are you serious?" He said, giving her the craziest look. She sighed.

"Whatever, let's go. We're already missing the costume contest." She stormed out of her room. At least he was coming.

Portia Reed, the host and known party girl of Boulder, stumbled over to Kelly, nearly slipping her drink on her. Kelly gave her the deadliest stare, which apparently went unnoticed. "Hey, who's your date?" She said, trying to give Nicky the sexy eye that only came across as droopy.

Nicky, who was shocked for a few moments at how trashy high schoolers really were and thanking his father for letting him do gymnastics so he didn't end up like them, cleared his throat and instantly wrapped his arm around Kelly. "I'm her boyfriend. We have sex daily." He said, quoting Kelly's threat from earlier. Portia looked between them and then groaned before stumbling off. Chances are she wouldn't even remember this.

Kelly turned to him once they were alone. She smirked. "Aw Nicky, finally giving in and admitting you love me?" She fluttered her eyelashes.

"I was just getting her to leave. She was about to rape me with her eyes." He said, moving his arm from her shoulders. "Besides, shouldn't you be a member of Charlie's chocolate factory?" He said, fully expecting any shove he got.

She jabbed his ribs as hard as she could. "I'm dressed as Snooki you asshole."

"So then how do you explain all the other days?"

"I hate you."

"I love you too."