9/1/05-Entry One
Soul mate. I don't know what it is about these words. It seems like when they get put side by side, almost every female I've ever met begins to swoon and fantasize about meeting their soul mate, or "The One." "The One" is supposed to complete her life. He is supposed to make every horrible situation better, morph a regular day into a fairy tale, and ultimately lead his fair princess off into their own happily ever after. Personally, I have a different perspective on soul mates. I believe that a soul mate is more like your closest girlfriend, the one that knows what's wrong without you having to say a single word. The friend who will be there without hesitation. The one that you can go months or years without seeing, but you can always pick up right where you left off, and there is no awkwardness. As I am rereading this, I do realize that I will be told that I'm too cynical to be fifteen years old or worse, that I will understand when I am older. I don't know what I need to understand. There is no fate. There is no destiny. Each choice we, as humans, make affects the outcome of our lives. It is not pre-planned in the stars. If I ever become one of those silly women who believes that fate or destiny brings them and their prince together, please commit me to an asylum. Look how well "fate" worked for my parents. Renee thought Charlie was "The One" and, to put it mildy, it didn't end well. It ended with Renee leaving "The One" because she needed something more, something she didn't know was missing until she had settled. I think everyone who swears they have a soul mate is settling. They don't think they can find anything better so they better hold on to what they have so they don't lose it. The smart ones are those who know enough to let go and follow their minds not the stupid soul mate fantasy that has been drilled into your head with every fairy tale. For each princess, a prince and once they meet, its undeniable. They are meant to be. Soul mates are a crock of shit...quote me on it!
I decided to start a bitch book today. There was really no rhyme or reason, it is just a way for me to vent about things that have always bothered me without having to have someone jump down my throat because they don't agree. It's great to get out all the frustrations. I think the word for that is cathartic, or something like that. My English teacher would probably tell me to look it up, but to be honest, the dictionary is all the way on the other side of the room and I really don't feel like getting it. Anyway, back to the bitch blog. It took all of fifteen minutes for me to type out my initial rant, when I was hoping that starting a blog would really take up a little more time. I have a lot of free time on my hands at this point.
It's September 1st, and I have just moved to Forks, Washington, to live with my father, Charlie Swan. My mom has remarried a man twenty years too young for her, but hey, it's her life. He's her newest version of "The One." Since he is young and even less mature than I am, he is hanging on to his dream of being a professional baseball player. What Phil doesn't realize is that he sucks. He's horrible. He's always getting cut, but according to him, it's because the coach didn't like him or age discrimination. I couldn't bear to be drug around the country watching his desperate attempts to recapture his high school glory as an athletic superstar, so I voluntarily exiled myself to Forks. It's raining and I hear it rains a lot. I guess I better get used to it. Maybe I could get some of those cute boots with ducks on them and wear them to school everyday. I could tell everyone that my nickname is Quakers. I think the kids in this boring ass town could use some excitement, and I will gladly provide it to them. Step right up, the freak show has arrived!
I start flipping through the channels on the televison. I doubt that anything good is on at eleven in the afternoon. Oh, wait, there's the talk show with all the paternity tests. Say what you want about those shows, but I find them hilarious! All of these women are "one million percent sure" that Joe Blow is their baby daddy, and it turns out, it's not. Then they fall on the ground and cry or scream and run backstage. My mom thinks they are devastated because their child still doesn't know their father. I think it's because they are embarrassed that the whole world now knows they're just a slut. I never know why you would bring someone on national television if there's even the slightest chance that another person could be your child's father. I would be so ashamed to go out into public ever again. I get more angry with the ones that are testing the twelfth and thirteenth men. Why are you sleeping with that many people around the same time?
They have to be prostitutes, that's the only logical reason I can come up with.
For the rest of the day, I watch the television shows increase in the trash factor. Two brothers fighting over their next door neighbor's wife, who they both happen to be sleeping with. A woman who is having a child with her step daughter's ex-boyfriend. It's like each scenario continues to get more and more farfetched. And I don't understand why people continue to watch these shows. It's obviously made up. I mean, I know there are a lot of screwed up people out there, but I can't imagine a man wanting to marry his pet goat in the real world. The cable companies should put on something other than trashy talk shows and soap operas during the week. Not everyone likes to kill their brain cells on a daily basis. Once in a while, it's great to chill out and mindlessly stare at the televison, but every day? I can't bring myself to continue watching the "Judge" shows that are now on, so I prepare meatloaf for Charlie, I mean my dad. I don't really know what he likes, but all men like meatloaf, right?
Now, I am preparing for bed, thinking about what school in Forks is going to be like. It's probably not going to be much different than in Phoenix, but where's the fun in imagining that. Maybe all of the kids will be swamp monsters, due to the large amounts of rain. Better yet, due to the lack of sun, maybe they will all be vampires. I wonder what vampires do on sunny days. Do you think they can just throw on some sunglasses and then blend in with the rest of us? I'm not usually this crazy or random, but I have been stuck here with no friends for the past week. I need to have a conversation with someone about something other than the weather or baseball. Unfortunately, I'm not the most outgoing person, so I feel this might be difficult to do. Sophomore year, here I come!