It's late, probably close to midnight. I can see Shizuma laying in bed. She's restless; she has been for the past two nights. She wakes up late and misses classes. I tell her to fulfill her duties as Etoile to take her mind off of Kaori. It probably seems harsh to her, but she needs a distraction. She turns over again.
"Shizuma….?" She doesn't reply.
She's strong. At least, she pretends to be. Her behaviors have changed. She isn't open about anything. I can tell she is hiding. I know she is hurting.
"Shizuma, are you asleep?" I know she isn't. I get out of my bed and walk over to her.
She's facing the wall. I place my hand on her hair and can feel the wetness of her silent tears. She turns away.
"You don't have to hide from me, Shizuma. I won't judge you. You're allowed to hurt." I say softly in her ear.
I watch her body relax slightly. She knows she can trust me. I sit down on her bed, and she moves in closer to me.
"She's gone, Miyuki, she's really gone!" Shizuma screams. I've never heard her loose control. Sobs rack her body, and I put my arms around her. She is still facing away from me, so I gently shift her body to face me. Her face is saturated with tears, like she has been crying for hours.
"Shizuma…." I'm at a loss for words. I wipe the tears from her face with my fingertips. She pulls me closer and buries her head into my chest.
I want to tell her that everything will be all right, but I know it isn't true. She is going to be hurting, and nothing can stop that. No matter how much time goes by and how much comfort she receives, nothing will ever bring Kaori back.
I kiss the top of Shizuma's head. I'm not sure how she will react, or if this is the right thing to do, but it felt well suited for the moment. She looks up at me. Suddenly, her lips meet mine.
"Shizuma!" I gasp and pull away.
She isn't thinking straight, I know this. She is desperate to ease the pain. As much as I want to accept the offer to be hers, I know it will just hurt her in the long run.
"Not tonight, Shizuma." I say gently, and caress her hair.
"Miyuki, please…" Shizuma looks up at me, her eyes pleading.
"Not so soon, Shizuma. Anyway, it's late. You need sleep." She nods her head, knowing its true.
"Stay with me, Miyuki?"
"Of course," I say. "I'd never leave you."
Shizuma squeezes me and relaxes her body. She is exhausted. Her breathing begins to steady.
"Kaori, I love you." She whispers as she falls asleep.