Good day everyone! Here is my new story! It is a little rushed so you must the squinching. I got the idea this morning when one of my friends called me. I usually answer telemarketers and friends with '1-800-Phone Sex How many I be of service?' so it just popped in my head how interesting that'd be.

I do not own any of the characters except Spork…

Jareth: No I own him!

Me: As if glitter puff

Jareth: *glowers*

Me: *sticks out tongue* Anyway! Feature Presentation!

Jareth: *moons the audience and mutters* I'll give you a presentation…

Me:*resists urge to sing Blue Moon* Damn Fae People…

'Oh baby!' the gruff man cried out, his voice husky and breath heavy.

*SNAP!* went the 'riding crop' against the woman's leg.

'Be my naughty little slave!' the woman commanded.

'Yes!' he moaned and *splurt* was the sound she heard through the phone.

'Until next time, slave,' she tried not to choke on her own disgust as she hung up.

Sarah Williams groaned and hit her head on the desk. She hoped her future non-existent children never asked how she paid her way through college. The young woman with the chocolate tresses and emerald eyes sighed and stood. She mad her way to the girls' shower and tried to wash away the psychological filth.

She thought back to the past to try to find the answers. Sarah still couldn't remember how she got into the 'phone sex' business…but a job is a job. The girl groaned again, for she had never had a serious relationship because of it. Oh she had had dates of course, but never a boyfriend. She glowered at the irony. She was a top notch phone sex operator yet still a virgin.

One thing she noticed and wondered at was all the suitors of different races. Faes, werewolves, vampires, even undead sorcerers appeared after she ran the Labyrinth.

The Labyrinth…

A maze of many things. Of growth, mind and heart. So many things had changed when she went through it. She didn't give up her fantasies, for they were constantly chucked back at her head when she wasn't looking.

'Like a ruddy baseball,' she growled as she rinsed out her hair.

And the 'pitcher', she knew, was none other than the arrogant arse of a king. Jareth. Sarah shuddered visibly. If he knew about her second job…she would surely die of mortification. She smiled wanly as she recalled the day she threatened the goblins who 'adopted' her to swear they'd never tell. Apparently 'spinach' and 'bath' were taboo. That and they seemed dense to the fact they could just magick out of it.

Now the other magical creatures, that seemed to flurry in like a storm since the adventure 7 years ago, were far more tricky to manage. Sarah had to agree to dancing in the nude every full moon for the faeries. Be a seamstress for the pixies. And give all her plastic jewelry to the dwarves.

She stepped out of the shower an dried off. The young girl sighed again and trudged off to dream away the frustrations. Sarah checked her bed for the pixies she knew loved to hide in her sheets. Sarah learned to automatically look after she had been bitten in the arse by an indignant faerie. She almost regretted telling Hoggle that incident for he never let it down.

Sarah was nearly away in Dreamland when she heard a crash in her dorm's kitchen. After suppressing the urge to cry she got up and stormed to the disturbance, ready to raise Hell.

Chickens. It always had to be the fucking black chickens of doom! Sarah smacked her forehead as 'Spork' chased the dozen or so chickens around the room. She had named him Spork for the fact that she always seemed to have to extricate one from his bulbous yet pointy nose.

'What are you doing!' she tried not to shriek.

Spork immediately ceased and looked up at her innocently, 'Well Miss Lady I heard of a mooovie caked 'Chicken Run' and we wanted to act it out,' despite his ignorance he was always rather well spoken.

'That is not what they meant,' she answered shortly, 'Now take the stupid chickens out of here before I dip you face first into a bubble bath!'

Spork screamed almost girlishly and popped them all out of the room. Sarah almost smiled when one of the feathery footballs squawked in surprise. She nearly shouted when she saw all the feathers they left behind in the poofage. Throwing her hands up, Sarah stalked back to her room and slammed the door vehemently shut.