(Posted to DW on 1/25/11)
A/N: TWO. MORE. DAYS. ARGH. Title:
Author: jyorraku
Rating: R
Fandom: Nikita
Category: Drama/Friendship
Characters: Alex, Nikita
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Did she still want to be the person Nikita knew her to be?
Yesterday was a good day. The target was one of the basest of human beings, yet untouchable by the official authorities. Too many powerful people in the way, too many kickbacks involved. Yet Division ended him, she ended him, with a single well placed bullet to his head.
Her parents were dead. Killing Percy wouldn't bring them back. Division had purpose and it had the means. She had good food, upscale shelter, and she had the power to break the neck of the person who cut her off in traffic. It was more than what she had before she entered Division. Sure, with Percy at the helm, she would have to hold her breath a few times and do some unpleasant things, but in the end she would accomplish more good than bad. Collateral damage was unfortunate, but inevitable.
Alex watched Nikita exit the loft safe house through her gun scope. One twitch of her finger and no one would be wiser. No one would know that she wasn't just a meth whore caught on death row. Granted, even if Nikita was captured, she wouldn't give her up. But there was really only one type of person who wouldn't talk. If Nikita was gone, the story of Alex, the rising star at Division, would be just as real as she wanted it to be. She would be the model of success for all the new recruits. What was so wrong with this life that she had to fight it? Why shouldn't she embrace it for all its worth?
Nikita had been standing there on the sidewalk, in that spot right under her scope, for two minutes and counting. She could pull the trigger and she would be one of the silent dead. She had to do it, she needed to protect herself in case Nikita gets caught and Amanda or Percy forced the truth out of her. If she killed her now, it would just be…collateral.
Yet the longer Nikita just stood there the harder it was for her to take the shot. Her breath was coming in too fast and her scope, unsteady. Suddenly, she remembered the conversation they had before her insertion into Division.
"You're the one that has to pull the trigger…how far are you willing to go?"
Nikita still didn't move from her gun sight, her dark hair was waving in the wind like an invitation. Alex stared until that queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach exploded into revulsion and she lost her caviar lunch all over the rooftop gravel. She heaved until there was nothing left, her eyes stung red with exertion. Collapsing onto her side, she curled up to her knees, trying to remember who she was between choked sobs.
A few moments later, black heels hit the gravel next to her. "Why didn't you stop me?" Alex yelled, her voice trembling.
"Because others can keep pushing you, but only you can pull yourself back."
She stared up at her in horror. "I could have killed you!"
"I couldn't live with myself if that's who you'd become." Nikita sighed softly.
And despite all her training, all the ingrained stoicism, the look concern and remorse on Nikita's face was all Alex needed before she threw herself into the arms of her sensei, her friend, and cried for the first time in a long time.