My body hit the floor. I pushed myself up to my feet.
"Hit me again."
"You sure, sweetheart?"
"Tony, hit me again."
He swung and I dodged. I jabbed twice and barely felt his gloved hand hit my jaw. Sweat and pain clouded my vision. The only thing I could concentrate on was the rhythm of the blows. Hit, dodge, dodge, hit, hit, duck, step, duck, hit, dodge, block, block, block. Wisps of hair clung to my face, and hot, labored breath heaved out of my chest. The hits landed on my defensive arms over and over again. Each beat drummed my thoughts into my head. Hit by hit Tony forced me to step back.
Something snapped in my mind, in a second I was throwing blows. They were disgusting: sloppy, uncalculated, random, and utterly ineffective. Tony took a surprised step back before his eyes hardened and his lips formed a thin, tight line. He grabbed my wrists above the end of the boxing gloves.
"What is with you?"
"Illegal hold, let go Tony."
"I'm not fighting you in this state. I've never seen you so shoddy. What's going on?" I tore my wrists from his grasp.
"Fine. I'm done with you for today." You turned and stalked out of the gym.
"Agent, what the hell was that in there?" Fury's harsh voice met you as you pushed out the double doors of the gymnasium. You ignored him.
"Agent, answer me!" you headed straight for the elevator, "AGENT _."
"I'm off duty sir. I don't answer to you." Your voice sounded dead and cold.
"You're an Avenger! You don't get to be off duty!" Fury looked ready to pop a gasket.
"JARVIS, my room please."
"Yes miss."
As you walked into your room you stripped off the boxing gloves and wrapped ace bandages around your pounding knuckles. Tossing the gloves to the floor, you headed to the speed ball punching bag in the corner. The quick repetitive rhythm of the speed ball against your fists drummed out the same quick pattern as your heart. A third beat layered on top as you heard pounding at your door. You didn't want to listen to them scream anymore. You were done responding. They couldn't make you. You heard the door swing open. You expected the harsh tones of Fury raising hell; instead you got a still sweating Ironman plopped unceremoniously onto your bed.
"Sweetness, what is up with you? You're not a bad fighter, but what I just went up against was pitiful. What is going on?"
"It's none of your business." You grunted, continuing to punch the bag.
"I think it is my business given that you are part of our team and one of the only people on the team who is not a kill joy, and now you seem to be killing the joy. What's with killing the joy?"
"I'm not a kill joy; I'm serious."
"Serious is one thing but you are definitely being a tight ass, and as much as I enjoy that on a girl, I do not enjoy it in a girl. For the past two days you've been so moody."
You whirled to face him.
"Tony would you GROW THE FUCK UP." His eyes bugged out a little, "This isn't a game! There are lives, real human lives, on the line every time we go out there! This isn't some little league team where everyone's a winner and we all go out to shwarma after! People get hurt, people die, Tony, every time we fuck up, people die."
"You think I don't know that?" his eyes hardened. You propped your hands on your hips.
"You sure as hell don't act like it." His eye brows shot up.
"Oh really?"
"Oh look at me! Mr. Billionaire, Genius, Playboy, Philanthropist. I'm so cool; I'm going to drink all day and belittle the other members of the team. And I'll hack into SHEILD tech to blast my shitty AC/DC everywhere just to piss everyone off. Oh were you having an intelligent conversation? Well allow me to ruin it with childish sex jokes because I'm Ironman!" Through your little rant you had marched around waving your hands in the air to emphasize.
"Sugar, AC/DC is the shit, and if you think my personality makes me do my job any less than the very best you're dead wrong. I don't think this has anything to do with me. So what's gotten in your head?"
"Nothing's in my head." You hit the bag a bit harder than normal and it popped off its hook, "Damn it." You leant down to pick up the punching bag; as you rose you came face to face with Tony. He grabbed your wrists so you couldn't turn away.
"Look me in the eye and say that."
You couldn't.
You dropped the punching bag again, and Tony nudged you over to the bed to sit down. He sat looking at you expectantly; you slowly exhaled a huge sigh.
"During the last attack a lot of buildings were destroyed. One of them was my old high school. Some of the staff was… still inside when it was hit. My senior English teacher was in there. W-we were close, she helped me through a lot of stuff back then. And I found out a couple days ago th-that she, um, she didn't make it out." Your eyes welled with tears and your throat was tightening, "I thought if I, I could have been there, just a few moments s-s-sooner, maybe… maybe…" an arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into Tony's chest. You buried your face into the crook of his neck and let the tears fall.
"Oh sweetness, you can't blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done."
"B-but, I have these powers! I could have-"
"No one can be everywhere at once. You can't see the future. It wasn't your fault." He rubbed your back as he held you close. His chin rested on your head as he thought back to all the people he couldn't save. There were always some casualties; you couldn't ignore that, "The only way people like us stay sane is if we keep fighting."
"I-I know. I-I-It just hurts." A new wave of tears hit you.
"It always will."
The room was quiet except for the muffled noise of your sobs, and even those faded away eventually. Tony had taken to rocking you gently. As your tears dried up you awkwardly moved from his grasp, blushing all the way. You wiped your eyes and began babbling,
"I'm so sorry. I think I ruined your shirt. Oh god. I'm sorry, this is childish."
"Hey, hey, hey," Tony put his hands on your shoulders, "It's okay, and you're not childish. You're fine. It's all fine." It was your turn to pull Tony into a hug.
"Thank you so much."
"Hey no problem, it is my job after all. Ya know, being Ironman, saving damsels, hero stuff." You pulled back and punched his shoulder lightly.
"You're dumb, you know that." You giggled a little through teary eyes. You got up to wash your face in the en suite bathroom.
"Quite the opposite, darlin'." He called out, still sitting on the bed, "I'm Ironman."