Thank you, Yira, for reading this and encouraging me to post it.
Mulan's Fight: The Cost of Secrecy
Mulan laid back down on the mat after her captain had left the tent. He knew her gender now. The medic told him and he'd seen it for himself when she'd sat up and told him she could explain. He'd stared at her and left without a word.
A while later, he brought in dumplings for her to eat and sat silently staring at her while she ate. His silent stare was more unnerving than any angry words would have been. Mulan would have preferred him to yell at her, curse at her, anything else.
She was relieved when he finally left. She closed her eyes and went to sleep, thankful for the small amount of opium from the medic.
A sound woke her up. The tent entrance was opening, and Shang was coming back in. He had that same stare, plus a look of something else intense in his eyes. Desire? Hunger?
Shang was keeping her gender a secret so far and it was obvious Chi Fu didn't know she was a girl. If he did, he'd have insisted she die. That hadn't happened, so likely he hadn't told anyone else.
He wasn't going to keep her secret for free, she realized. That's why he was here. He must have decided it was time to collect.
He leaned over her and kissed her. She tried to push him away, but he grabbed both her hands with one of his. Then he kissed her again and stuck his tongue in her mouth. She kneed him in the ribs and rammed her forehead into his.
He grabbed her face with his free hand. "I'm keeping your secret for you. You owe me. It's time to pay up. Quit fighting and give me your body." He whispered angrily in her ear.
"Just kill me instead."
"No. And don't you dare scream, either. The other soldiers will hear you. Then they'll all want their turn, Chi Fu included."
Still holding both her hands, he climbed on her and shoved his free hand under her shirt and grabbed her breasts. This time she kneed him in the groin, which brought a slap across the face. She tasted blood in her mouth, and spit it out at him.
When he pulled his hand free to wipe it off, she scratched his face and chest with both hands.
"You bitch!" He slapped her again, then grabbed her pants and started to yank them off. She kicked him in the chest and he stumbled back and pulled them off the rest of the way.
"You're mine, you little whore!" Then he punched her in the face. "This is gonna happen whether you like it or not, so you might as well enjoy it."
"Never!" Mulan hoarsely whispered back. She tried to squirm away as he roughly jammed his fingers into her, but he had a tight hold on her leg.
He stood up and pulled his own pants off. As soon as he started to climb on her again, she kicked him in the gut. That earned her a punch in the stomach, awfully close to her wound. He pulled her shirt off and grabbed both of her hands and stuck his tongue in her mouth again. She head butted him as hard as she could and bit his shoulder. He covered her mouth with his hand as he forced himself into her. Mulan squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip to keep from crying out. "He will NOT see me cry!", she told herself.
The pain was unbelievably bad. Mulan felt like she was being torn in two. Up until now, she'd been a virgin. She turned her head to avoid his eyes and caught sight of her helmet and focused on it. After a minute, she saw her pale reflection, bruised and terrified, staring back at her.
She stared up at the ceiling and prayed to the ancestors that this agony would be over soon. But Shang kept pushing into her. She tried to keep breathing and not cry. Why was he doing this to her? Why did she have to run away and join the army? She began to wish she had never left home.
Suddenly his breathing became heavy and he collapsed over her and let go of her hands. She instantly head butted him again and scratched his face, neck and back.
After slapping her again, he finally got off of her and got dressed. Then he bent down and kissed her. She kneed him in the gut. He punched her in the face again.
"You're all mine for the taking, bitch, any time I want. If you tell anyone, I'll just kill them." Then he laughed at the look of horror on her face and left the tent.
As soon as she heard him walk away, she wiped off the blood and his fluids. Then she dressed again and grabbed her sword. Staring at it, she realized suicide was her only escape from this new, intolerable reality. Her commanding officer had just raped her, and from his departing words as he'd left her tent, he planned to do it again. Her innocence was gone. She was permanently dishonored. Death was preferable.
She raised her sword to her chest. Just before she plunged it in, she heard her friend Yao.
"Hey, Ping, Where are ya?" She dropped her sword as he stuck his head into her tent and stared at her.
"What are you doing?"
Oh, Yao, if only I could tell you what just happened, she thought. But, she didn't dare. If Shang found out he knew, he would kill him. He hadn't threatened to kill her if she told anyone, probably figuring she would prefer death to living with his abuse. No, he threatened to kill anyone she tried to reach out to for help. She was totally alone in this fight, which was exactly how he wanted it.
One thing Mulan did know, when Shang came back she'd fight him even harder. Fa's never back down. Ever. She'd fight Shang to the death if necessary.