Desertion

"Is this really what my life has become?"

The alarm rings, just another regular day at my regular school with my regular friends doing regular things, well... okay so its not so regular, in fact its probably the furthest thing from, but nevertheless, the cycle has been repeated so many f*cking times over that it all feels entirely natural to me... I feel like this is how every 17 year old girl lives her life.
Sitting up in bed checking my phone, no new texts, no missed calls, no emails, no tweets, nothing... as usual.
I sit there staring blankly at my phone for a good ten minutes before my instincts kick in, getting myself up out of bed walking out of my room, down the hall, hearing an ominous muttering from behind my brothers room door, I really don't even want to know what's going on in there, and quite frankly I've grown tired of caring.
I reach the bathroom, lock the door behind me and stand before the mirror, hearing a loud CRASH coming from... you guessed it, my brothers room. I don't care.

Standing motionless in the shower, merely letting the water fall down and hit me, at least this way no one can see me cry.
*BANG BANG BANG* three loud thuds at the door "Cat hurry up you're going to be late for school" yells my mom "and I need to use the bathroom" yells my dad, no "good morning Cat" or "how are you Cat" or "how did you sleep Cat" just straight to getting me out of the house, that's all my dad ever wants... solitude.

Fast forward me getting out of the shower, getting myself dressed, brushing my teeth and putting makeup up because lets face it, that isn't worth anyone's time let alone mine.
Walking down the same road I've walked for three years now, never once have my parents said "Cat do you need a ride to school?" nor have my friends asked that question, or anyhing that would make the journey a little more enjoyable... I don't know, something like "do you want to walk to school together?" might help, but no, before the bell rings to signal the start of the day and after its rung for the final time and everyone begins to go home... I'm invisible.

The doors close behind me and I walk through the main lobby of the school heading straight for my locker, hearing the usual muttering among students, by lunchtime theres usually someone breakdancing or playing an instrument but in the morning everyone is just a little bit more 'normal' "Hey Cat" I'm pulled from my fortress of solitude inside my mind... or... prison more like by Tori.
"Hi" I tell her back and before a conversation has even begun out comes her phone for her to check a text message she just received, "so Cat... how um... was your um... morning?" Tori barely manages to string a sentence together as she stares mindlessly at her phone tapping away.
"Well, last night I didn't get to sleep until 3 in the morning" "uh-huh... so about our short film" oh, so f*ck my problems then eh? just straight to yours, "you mean, the film were Andre decided what we were going to do, Jade decided where we were going to do it, and you decided who the characters were and I made no decisions whatsoever and pretty much didn't get a word in edgewise before we were at the park and all I did was work the camera?" "Yeah that one!" she exclaims excitedly, all of my words literally flying over her head, besides the ones she wants to hear.
"What about it?" "Well we have all the shots done we just need to cut them together, do you think you can take care of that?" by this point she isn't even looking in my direction let alone at me, her face is buried in her locker and she hasn't stopped looking at her phone since she said 'hey'
I sigh and nod, knowing if I say no I'll first have to answer to Tori, and then to Andre, and worst of all... Jade.
"Great, thanks Cat you're the best" she gives me a hug and walks off.

Skip forward three hours of me mindlessly clicking and staring at a screen cutting this stupid movie together, with about fifteen minutes left of lunch I'm on my way to eat at last, something I haven't yet done today as I was pretty much pushed out the door at home.
There's no line at the truck so I can walk right up, putting my hand in my pocket to take out my money, but... oh you guessed it, I left it at home.
With a defeated sigh and a rumble in my stomach I turn around and walk over to where my "friends" are sitting, taking my seat without saying a word using all my strength to keep it all inside.
"So Cat, did you get it done?" Jade asks, again... no "hi Cat, how are you Cat, are you hungry Cat" just straight to your problem.
I don't say a word instead I just throw the disk down on the table for Jade to pick up, "and its all done how I wanted right?" I nod looking up at her, "okay good"

For the remaining few minutes of lunch I sit in silence as the world passes me by, my friends talking amongst themselves, no one bothering to talk to me or ask me anything because to them I'm the child of the group, I try and say something and I'm brushed aside with something like a colouring book shoved in my face, I'm seventeen years old. what seventeen year old girl likes f*cking colouring books?
*RIIIIING* goes the bell and my friends all begin to stand up, a nudge on my shoulder getting me from my thoughts "Cat its time to get to class" Beck tells me, Jade yelling at him to hurry up meaning he walks off before I actually have a chance to stand.
I take a deep breath and put my hands on the table pushing myself up, turning to head back inside.
Halfway through my step however I stop myself, my friends have all long disappeared inside and the majority of the other kids have all left too, so instead of walking back into class to let my personal hell of a so called life continue I spin on my heels and quickly beginning to walk straight through the car park and out on to the street, I pause for a minute thinking what my next move will be and it comes to me.

I walk back down the same route I walk twice a day, not stopping for anything, I feel the looks from random people as I pass them by, knowing I'm meant to be in school but beside that they don't care one bit, if I stopped and told them everything that's wrong with me and ask them to help me fix it, they'd look at me as if I were crazy.
I get back to my house and use my key to get in, my mom and dad are both at work at this time every day so I'm not surprised, but again I don't stop, walking straight upstairs, the loud music I could hear outside getting louder and obviously coming from my brothers room, meaning he won't even know I've been home.
With a slam of my door I look under my bed to find a bag, I lay it on the bed and look around deciding what I need to pack.

After I'm done, I leave the Cat Valentine they think they know behind, forever.