a/n: Finally! Alright, welcome to the prologue of Stranger Than Fan Fiction! Now, you're probably wondering; "Why does this sound oddly close to the movie Stranger Than Fiction?" Well, I actually wrote this before the movie came out, and this was completely my own idea (I swear the director of that movie stole my idea...). I've just been so busy with writing my Draco/ Hermione (which, I am so sorry to everyone reading it but I haven't posted another chapter for at least a year, but ive hit a dead end for that FF, so I'm very sorry.) and life that I haven't gotten around to editing it and posting it. So now here it is, and yes it does sound suspiciously like Stranger than Fiction, but mines better. If you don't believe that it was my idea I have proof of rough drafts dated back to like two years ago, so hah! And I have eye- witnesses, so if you still think I stole the idea, well then...you suck.
Thanks for reading guys luv you all
Squoxcoon
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Stranger Than fan-fiction
Prologue
It was your average Hogwarts day. Outside, Quidditch teams were practicing, owls were flying every which-way with letters tied to their legs, and Hegrid was trying to get a grip on some unknown animal that was most likely incredibly dangerous. Inside was quite the same as well; people rushing to the library, paintings droning on and on about how important they were to the Wizarding World to unlucky passerby's, and Peeves doing...well, let's just say that Snape will be getting a very early Christmas present. Common rooms were bustling with activity; people doing homework, people chatting up a storm, people making out, and of course, testing out the newest Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products. Yes, quite normal indeed. As for our main characters? Well, Hermione was yelling at Ron about homework that Snape wanted that very day and Ron hadn't the foggiest of what was going on in the class, while at the same time she was knitting her Elf Hats ("Well, Ronald, if you haven't noticed, it gets cold in the castle at night! We don't want their heads to freeze, do we?"). Ginny was off monitoring the gullible little first years so as not to get sucked into the ever so popular, 'Weasley Twins' Guinea Pig Game', While Loony was educating Neville about Ruffle Horned Snortstacks, or Rumple Horned Shortsnacks? Whatever, only Luna would know what those things are. As for our hero? Well, he's up in the Owlry feeding Hedwig, thinking about when he's going to be attemptedly murdered by Lord Voldemort again. But those plans never work, do they? So as I sit here at my laptop, my brain on FanFic mode, I decided to put my evil plan I thought up of a year ago into action. Right here, right now. I smile evily. Things are about to get very screwed up at Hogwarts. Very.
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Harry was sitting in the Owlry feeding Hedwig and thinking about when Voldemort's next attempt to kill him was going to happen, when he suddenly heard a voice inside his head. Now, normally when start hearing voices inside your head that don't belong to you, you go straight to your doctor. But Harry is much to full of himself to go to Madamme Pomfry, so he decided to skip right to his facts; Voldemort is contacting him. Through his mind. Through a female's voice. Ok, even Harry knew that was stupid.
"As Harry pondered his thoughts on this strange woman's voice, he began to walk down the stairs." His mind said.
"Odd," thought Harry aloud as he pondered his thoughts on the strange woman's voice and walked down the stairs. "I've never heard this girl's voice before..."
"As soon as he finished talking aloud, Harry, being the thick-minded loser he is, tripped down the flight of stairs all the way down to the bottom, just as Draco was beginning to walk up." The woman said, a slight mocking tone in her voice.
"Wait, what?" Harry asked loudly to no one. Just then, his feet gave way and he went flying down the stairs.
"Harry screamed at the voice inside his head as he fell."The voice said.
"AHHH! BLOODY HELL, SHUT UP!" Harry screamed as he fell.
"And then, The Boy Who Unfortunately Lived Through His Fall crashed into Draco Malfoy, who was heading up the stairs to send a letter to his mother."
CRASH.
Harry went flying into a very startled looking Draco and took him down last few stairs. They landed in a heap at the bottom and both groaned.
"POTTER!" Draco roared, quickly snatching up the letter he was going to send and stuffed it in his pocket. He was the first to get untwisted from their human pretzel they constructed, and he also decided to deliberately kick Harry more than once in the process.
Harry groaned again. He got up right before Draco's foot nailed him in the nose and then grabbed out his wand. He shot a random jinx at Draco for no reason what so ever, and Draco dodged it.
"YOU LOSER!" Harry said, quite randomly, and shot another jinx at Draco.
"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ME? I DID NOTHING WRONG!" Draco yelled over the blast Harry's last jinx created.
Harry stood there stupidly, thinking of an answer to the question. "Uhh, I don't know, I guess I don't really like you that much..."
The voice in Harry's head spoke up. "Suddenly, Harry had a rather huge urge to reach out and hug Draco. So he did."
In that moment everything happened at once. Harry, having heard the voice in his head, tried to desperately stop what he was about to do, but unfortunately couldn't. He pulled Draco into a bone crushing hug, where Draco then hit him with a spell to make blood come out of his ears and nose. Draco then screamed a mixture of curses at Harry before kicking him rather hard and walking off. Harry, well, being Harry, then got up and seeing that no one had come to his rescue, did a dramatic-ly fake faint.
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Draco furiously stomped down the stairs to the dungeons and spat the password at the door to his common room. Slamming the door after him, he half ran to his room (a private room, being head boy) and slammed that door. Finally in privacy, he threw a punch at the wall before sliding down into a heap. He just could not stop thinking about that disgusting hug he shared with Potter. Never in a million years would he EVER hug that orphan. All Draco could think about was if for one; if anyone saw them, for two; why Potter even did that, and for three; why he could hear a female voice giggling inside his head.
"...The hell?" he thought aloud, as the giggling increased.
The girl snorted, and started laughing even more, while trying to say, "While Draco thought about how stupid Potter was, he couldn't help but admit that their hug was quite enjoyable"
Draco just sat there, stunned. First of all, who the hell was this woman in his head? Had he been shagging so many of them that their voices have over-powered his brain? And why did he keep thinking that despite how stupid Potter was, he actually enjoyed that hug?
"Oh god, Draco, what is wrong with you? Actually LIKING that hug? WHAT IS GOING ON?" He practically screamed in his head. Suddenly, the woman's voice returned in his head.
"Suddenly, Draco got up. He needed to find Potter and tell him how he actually feels about him. Not only did Draco enjoy that hug, he also enjoys a lot more then he thinks..."
"OH MY GOD!" Draco said, bolting up and out the door, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? AND WHY THE HELL DID THAT BLOODY GIRL SAY..." Draco stopped. The girl said something, something that really scared him. What sis she mean by enjoying a lot more than he thinks? Actually, come to think of it, the more Draco thought about Harry, the more he realized how much he likes that loser. "Oh God..." Draco moaned, "please no... please don't make me...in love with Potter?!"
--x-X-x—
"Eighty-one percent... 'F' for you, miss Lovette..." Snape often talked aloud when he marked tests. It was a bad habit, along with forgetting about personal hygiene, forgetting to smile once in a while, etcetera, etcetera. He was seated in his dark and dusty office, a pile of papers needing nice big 'F's on one side of his desk, while the other side was littered with all manners of crap, such as empty viles, dead insects, black leather books, and other things which are either too dusty or mouldy to define. He was just staring to write a rather large 'F' on Mr. Finnigan's paper, when a certain someone's voice popped into his head.
"Durring the time period the it took Snape to write an 'F' on Finningan's paper, and get to Granger's paper, he started to think about how he really needs to get in touch with his 'girlie side'"
Snape looked around the room, and, seeing no one had sneaked inside, shook his head and got back to work. While he marked, he started thinking about how he really desperately needed to get in touch with his feminine side. He looked down at the paper he was marking, "one-hundred and twenty percent. Must be Granger's."As he thought this, he suddenly realized that the girl's voice had said just that. Trying to figure out what a girl's voice was doing inside his head, Snape heard it again.
"While Snape was trying to figure out who I am and what I'm doing in his head, he started to drum his fingers on his desk a little too hard, and, unfortunately, broke a nail. Because of this, he started yelling and jumping up and down; just like a girl."
"UGHHH!" Snape grunted. He cocked his hip to one side and rested a hand there. With the other hand he started drumming him fingers on the desk a little too hard; unfortunately a nail broke because of it. "OH MY GAWD!!!" He jumped up and down flailing his hands. "MY PRETTY NAILS!! THEY'RE RUINED!! NONONO!!!"Grabbing his wand, he poked the finger with the broken nail and it grew back in half a second. "Thank GAWD!" Snape sighed, "I thought I was gunna, like, DIE!!" He stuck his hand out, admiring his newly grown nail. "Come to think of it, I need polish, asap! Maybe a cute little French Manie? Pink nails, white tips? OOO, and little red hearts on each nail! AH-dorable!" He immediately got to work; buffing, filing, polishing and painting each long and perfect nail of his. When he was done, he caught a glance at himself in the mirror. "EWW, who is that?OH EM GEE, is that ME? Ughh, GROSS! I think it's time for a bubble bath, wax, a curling iron and some make-up. I think that will do it."Snape flashed a smile at the mirror. "OK, let's get to work! Yay! I'm gunna look SOOOO hawt." And with that, he skipped out the door and to the bathroom, ignoring the horrified stares from poor Slytherins who had to see him like that.
But the worst was still to come.
--x-X-x—
So how did you like it? Want more? I bet you do X) chapter 1 coming soon! It will be much longer though, don't worry.