Title: Please, Don't Leave Me
Rating: PG-13
Author: Michele
E-mail: WP82787@aol.com
Summary: Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured.
Spoilers: 'To Shanshu In L.A.'
Couples: Cordelia/Angel, Wesley/Cordelia friendship.
Feedback: Yes please! Much needed!
Disclaimer: Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss
Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*
Author's Notes: This is a future fic. Cordy has already been to her ascension and back. Angel doesn't realize (yet) that he loves her but Cordy does with him. It's just Angel, Cordy (she never became part demon in 'Birthday'), and Wesley (yes, he's back and forgiven). Oh and the flashback was taken from the last bit of the episode 'To Shanshu In L.A.'
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Chapter One
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"So, what do you think?" spoke a man. He stood next to a woman who was much of his equal appearance. They both stood in a place that radiated with white light almost hard to see in. In front of them was a type of orb, making able to them to see what went on in what they called the 'lower dimension'. They talked amongst themselves discussing a very important matter.
"I say it is a good idea. He needs to assimilate where he belongs and why she is important to him."
"But he has no idea what is to be bestowed upon him. He will carry a great burden if he fails."
"Yes that is true. But if he does not achieve this test then we will never know if his fulfillment shall take its toll." The woman sighed but continued.
"He will experience obstacles that his pass will bring forth but he must learn to keep his ground. It will be a test not just of the mind and spirit but of the heart and where *it* lies."
The woman sighed again. She knew that this would be one of the greatest missions that their champion would have to face. But it will be for his own good and the good of his seer. Consequences would be drastic if failed and she just prayed that he would not be blinded by the ardor of his pass.
With one last breath taken and speaking in unison, they recited a passage that was to make it so.
"By the powers vested in us, we bestow the humanity of a lost soul and that he shall become what he once was." They stood there and continued to look downward at their warrior.
"So when does it take affect?" spoke the man with anticipation.
"He will soon feel the result in do time."
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Angel jolted upright in his bed. He suddenly had the needed urge to take deep gasping breaths. He looked at the clock beside him. It read 9:00am. He was up early. Cordelia and Wesley never came in until 11. So, he decided to just get up since he was already awake. He walked into his bathroom passing a mirror. He never used it (of course being a vampire and all) but when Cordelia came over she was *always* in front of it.
He passed the mirror then stopped. He walked back and passed it again. Did he just see his reflection? He did it one more time then stopped completely! He halted in front of the mirror and there was where he saw it. His face. Two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth and…his hair?
Did his hair actually look like that every day? He shook his head. Wait? Wasn't he…dead? He looked at his face again and noticed that he had color. He touched his face and it felt warm.
"What the hell?" Angel rushed over to phone and dialed a number.
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Cordelia was awakened by the sound of a phone ringing.
Was that *her* phone? And why was it so damn loud?
She hazily opened her eyes and nearly fell out of her bed at the sound of the ringing *right* in her face. Dennis had 'graciously' brought her the phone.
"Damnit Dennis! It's too early for this." She sat up hitting her head against the headboard. After cursing it she groggily answered the phone.
"What the hell do you want?"
"Whoa there grouchy! Do you always answer the phone like that?"
"Oh hey Angel. Sorry, I just got a rude awaking by a very loud telephone in my face and I just hit my head on my headboard. It's not my best morning…so, what's up?"
"I need you to get down here." Cordelia was all of a sudden wide-awake now and full of concern.
"What Angel? What's wrong? Are you ok?"
"Just get here." Before Cordelia said anymore the line went dead.
"Angel? Angel!" Cordelia sighed and turned off her cordless phone. She was confused. She stared at the phone.
"Demanding much?" She sighed. What could be so important? She got up, took a shower, got dressed, and was out the door. She just had to see what was so vital.
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Cordelia arrived at the hotel just as Wesley was getting there. He looked just as surprised and baffled as she. She looked at him and all he did was shake his head knowing just what she was asking.
They both entered the hotel but didn't see any sight of Angel. They searched and searched but couldn't find him anywhere.
"Well what the hell? He said he would be here." Cordelia was getting frustrated. She didn't have time to play hide and seek with a vampire who she thought could be in a lot of trouble.
"When I find him…" She searched one more place and to her surprise and fear she found him, in the courtyard. He was standing there, arms open wide and looking up at the sky.
What was he doing? She ran to him trying desperately to pull him inside.
"Wesley! I found him! He's in the…*courtyard*!" She turned back to Angel trying to get him away from the sun until realization kicked her in the head. Boy she couldn't be any stupider could she?
"Angel, what…?" He turned to her and had one of his famous smiles on his face. You know the ones that always made her weak in knees? Yeah, that's the one.
Wesley came running into the garden and saw him there. Horror covered his face completely as he saw Angel standing out in the middle of *day* without burning up. He eagerly tried to catch his breath.
"What…in heaven's…name…is going on?"
"I did it. I finally reached my shanshu." Angel engulfed Cordelia in a hug that had her taken aback.
She was overcome by so many questions she couldn't think straight. How? When? Why? She couldn't believe it. It actually happened. Angel is officially human again. She was so happy. Now he could do all the things he's been waiting to do.
But then it hit her. She stopped smiling as a sense of unhappiness rushed over her like a gust of wind. The one thing they had all been waiting for was now actually happening and she wouldn't even be apart of it. Angel let her go and she pasted a smile on her face. Wesley, now calm and breathing, broke the stagnant silence.
"Well, this is extraordinary news. Why don't we go inside and talk about this."
The three of them went back inside to sit down and look over their situation. They went into Wesley's office. Sitting at his desk he looked at various books. Angel sat on the desk as he continued to place Cordelia's hand over his 'now beating' heart.
"Can you feel it? Isn't it amazing Cordy?"
All she could do was smile and nod. He seemed so happy and yet she was trying so hard to fight down the tears that forced their way to surface. She was truly happy for him but knew that once he realized it, he would return to 'her', his 'destiny' as he so calls it. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, his one and *only* love.
She and Buffy never really got along. When they were in high school she always had that feeling like she never really belonged to their little Scooby gang. She hated to admit it but she always knew that she could never live up to Buffy's expectations. She knew that Buffy was the slayer and all but did anyone ever applaud at the good deeds she did? What about the lives she saved or the people she saw as she took hold of their pain and agony and held them on her own shoulders? Did anyone ever think of that?
Of course not.
It was like this when she was with Xander. He always had his attention to Buffy and barely on her. Buffy this…Buffy that. And it looked like Buffy won again.
She had never imagined what Angel reaching his shanshu would be like. They hadn't talked much about it on occasion. She remembered when they first discussed the topic.
~Flashback ('To Shanshu In L.A.')~
"Ah - oops. I may have made a tiny mistake. The word Shanshu that I said meant you were going to die? Actually I think it means that you are going to live." Wesley said double-checking his books.
"Okay, as tiny mistakes go…that's not one!" exclaimed Cordelia. Wesley continued.
"Shanshu has roots in so many different languages. The most ancient source is the Proto-Bantu and they consider life and death the same thing, part of a cycle, only a thing that's not alive never dies. It's…it's saying that you get to live until you die. It's saying…it's saying you become human."
"That's the prophecy?"
"Ah, the vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, wills Shanshu. Become human. It's his reward."
"Wow. Angel a human." Cordelia said excitedly.
"That'll be nice." Said Angel. Cordelia was a little skeptical though.
"Wait. What's that thing about him having to fulfill his destiny first?"
"Well, it's saying that it won't happen tomorrow or the next day. He has to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and some - uh, several, - not that many - fiends that will be unleashed." Said Wesley closing the book and finishing off the prophecy. Angel didn't sound too convinced.
"So don't break out the champagne just yet."
"Yeah, break out the champagne, Pinocchio. This is a big deal!" protested Cordelia. Angel smiled at her.
"I guess it is."
"Typical. I hook up with the only person in history who ever came to LA to get older." Cordelia rolled her eyes and left for the kitchen.
~End Of Flashback~
Wesley's researching brought her back from her thoughts.
"It seems that Angel has truly reached his shanshu. But what has me flummoxed is what destiny did he fulfill?" Angel let go of Cordelia's hand, much to her disappointment, and stood behind Wesley.
"Well, could it have been the long years of helping the helpless? Or, how I tried to save Darla? Or, it could be because I put a stop to Wolfram and Hart. Or what about me saving Cordelia from her dimension?"
"I don't know but this is all so sudden. Maybe you should go take a trip to the Powers That Be and…"
"Why? It has to be one of those solutions. That's probably it. I'm just glad that it's finally happening."
"I guess your right." Wesley was still a little skeptical that his shanshu would come all of a sudden without warning. He decided to look more into it later.
Angel stopped and thought for a while as realization settled in. He had been so busy celebrating that he had forgotten the main reason why he wanted to shanshu so badly. He was waiting for this for years and now he could finally go back to her. He could finally give the woman of his destiny what she needed. He could finally go back to Sunnydale. He could finally go back to Buffy. He turned back to Cordelia and Wesley and smiled.
Cordelia looked at him and her smile faded. He had finally figured it out, the one thing that she had been afraid of since this morning had finally come. He had finally realized that he could go back and be with Buffy. Although he hadn't said it yet she could see it in his eyes. She wanted to cry. She wanted to curl up in a corner and drown out the rest of the world because she now knew that nothing else mattered to her anymore. She knew that although he hadn't said a word his eyes told her everything.
As he spoke the words she had been dreading her world came crashing down on her. The moment of truth had at last come.
"I can go back. I've been waiting for this moment and now I don't have anything to hold me back." Wesley was stumped but Cordelia knew exactly what he was talking about.
"What are you talking about? Go back where?"
"I can finally go back and be with Buffy."
"Oh, well do you think maybe…"
"Yeah!" Angel and Wesley both turned to Cordelia who was now sitting in a chair head hanging. Her hair covered her dark, moist, hazel eyes so they couldn't see the tears streaming down her face. She spoke softly almost inaudible to the human ear.
"You can finally go back to Buffy. Isn't that what you wanted to do once this happened? Isn't she your *destiny*? I bet she's waiting for you to come back…and be with her. So…you should go back to her." She spoke the last part, her voice cracking.
She had to leave she couldn't let them see her break like this. She got up from her seat and started to leave when she was pulled into a hug.
Angel wrapped his arms gently around her. She was surprised by this gesture and struggled to get away from his grasp afraid she was going to break down right then and there. Tears threatened to spill as he stroked her hair softly and kissed the top of her hair.
She couldn't take it. The things he was doing to her had her head spinning and she couldn't think. How could he have such a hold on her like this? He pulled away from her, again to her disappointment but a little in relief.
"You guys have been so much support on my part. With this thing that has happened to us…just…just think of it as a start of a new future for us all. " Angel turned back to Cordelia and gave her a warm smile.
"Cordy, I bet now that with me being human there won't be any need for the visions so now you can do what you've always dreamed of. Acting, right?" All she could do was nod. Sure she would probably lose the visions now that there was no need for them but she couldn't help but think of her life without him.
"And Wesley you can go back to England and be a watcher again right?"
"Perhaps yes, but I think…I think I might stick around here for a while longer." Wesley knew that he still had a lot to atone for back in England. He rather stay where he was for the moment.
Pure silence filled the room and they could feel the tension growing as they sat drowned in their own thoughts. Wesley spoke, breaking the unbearable stillness.
"When will you be leaving?" Angel hadn't thought of when he wanted to leave but thought that it be best if he left tonight.
"I want to leave tonight, to surprise Buffy."
"She'll be surprised all right." Wesley took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
Angel proceeded to plan for his departure although he wasn't getting much attention. Cordelia, off in her own thoughts, was hearing nothing of what he was saying and same as for Wesley. With a heavy sigh Angel got up and left.
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The day went by neither talking to one another.
Angel stayed in his room and continued to get ready. He thought constantly on whether leaving his *only* family was a good idea. He never really belonged in Buffy's world. How would she react? What would she say? What would the Scoobies say? It would feel rather strange coming back to a place where he was never really wanted. But he needed her. She was his soul mate and he was meant to be with her.
He just continued packing discarding the thought.
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In his office, Wesley kept to the books. He knew there had to be some sudden change or reason why Angel would just get his humanity so suddenly. Every now and then he would drift into his own thoughts. Thinking of how it would be without their faithful warrior to back them up. What would they do without him? What would become of the business? Would they even need it anymore? These were questions he wondered if Angel ever even questioned himself about. He again took off his glasses as the stress began to build higher. He could feel himself developing one of those migraines that Cordelia endured when hit by a vision.
Poor Cordelia, he wondered what she was feeling.
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Cordelia sat in the kitchen curled on a chair. She sipped some coffee as her mind went ballistic, swirling with thoughts. It was all happening so fast. She didn't understand how come he had to leave so *soon*. She slammed the cup down almost spilling its contents. How could he be so superficial? He has so much here and he is leaving it behind just because of *one* girl. She couldn't bear to think of how L.A. would be without him. But she did know how she would be without him.
Lifeless.
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He said he would leave most of his possessions so they could either keep it or sale it, which ever. They had gotten the hint that he probably wouldn't be coming back.
They all waited at the door having nothing left to say to each other. He was making such a big decision in such a little amount of time. They didn't even have time to think it over. He hugged Wesley showing him his affection toward the former watcher and wishing him luck. Then he hugged Cordelia.
"I'm going to miss you so much. You have been there for me and I thank you for everything that you have showed me. If there is anything I can do for you…just name it."
Cordelia held on to him fear of letting go. She wanted so much to tell him that she loved him and that going back to Buffy was a big mistake. But she knew that she couldn't hold on to something that wasn't hers. So she let go asking just one favor. She whispered softly and speaking from the bottom of her heart hoping he would get the message.
"You said you would do anything for me. Then please…all I ask…is one favor…" She hesitated but with a shaky voice and a strong heart, she pleaded.
"Please, Don't Leave Me!"
She held onto him for what seemed like eternity wishing she could stay like that. But as soon as it came it went and he pulled away. Not looking into her eyes afraid of what he might find. He answered her only request.
"Cordelia…I care about you so much and you have been my best friend for the past few years. But you know how much I've wanted this and how much this means to me. Buffy needs me and…and I need her." He let go of her and with one last goodbye left the hotel.
She just stood there, too numb to move, and stared at where his figure last stood. What about her? Didn't she need him? Did that matter at all to him?
He was actually gone. When she finally heard his car leave she let the tears that she had been holding back finally fall. She fell to her knees crying uncontrollably. Wesley held her as she continued to cry in his chest. He tried to soothe her with soft words of comfort but knew that there was no cure for a broken heart.
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Angel drove into the night. The sky was starless and the air was bitter and cold. His head was clouded with unthinkable thoughts. Things he has waited so long to do. He turned on the radio hoping it would help clear his head. When he turned it on it was on a station that Cordelia liked to listen to many a times when they drove together.
He thought of her and how horrible her singing was as she tried to sing the words. It brought a smile to his face. She had grown physically, emotionally, and most of all mentally. She was great warrior and she would be happy finally being able to live her dreams.
But something in his gut told him he was wrong. Something told him that he should go back because she needed him.
Nah! She didn't need him. She was strong and he had taught her all she needed to know. She would be fine without him.
But…what about him? Would he be okay without her?
He finally reached his destination reading the sign as he entered, 'Welcome to Sunnydale, Enjoy your stay'.
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Angel parked his car outside of Buffy's house and sat there. For the first time in all his 250 plus years he was actually scared. He knew this was right. He had been dreaming of this moment for years and now that he was finally getting to live he didn't feel as psyched as he had hoped.
He hesitantly walked to her front door and with a shaky hand knocked on her door. He could hear Buffy's voice from inside and it sent shivers down his spine. The footsteps stopped and the door opened.
A stunned blonde haired blue-eyed girl stood at the figure before her.
"Oh My God."
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OK! What did you think? Remember this is my first time so cut me some slack. I hope to get more up. But for right now that's all my brain could function with schoolwork and everything. Oh and I'm so thankful to my beta reader, Corinne. Thanks so much for your advice and suggestions! Well send me feedback and tell me how ya liked it. K? Peaceout! Love Ya! ~Michelle~