*****KLEENEX WARNING- you might want to pull out a box or two. It gets really sad. *****
See into someone else's mind can devastate you. It can haunt you- some of the things you see. I, am no different. When I looked into his mind, I saw so much pain, so much fear. Looking at him from the outside, you would never see that. You would see someone who is brave, strong, and slightly cocky. But that's who he is- just not all of it.
When I looked into his mind, I saw nothing that I thought I would see. One memory flashes through his mind the most. The year that never was.
I saw it. The terror, the pain, the suffering. Everything that ever happened.
At first, I questioned what I saw. Thought maybe it was just one sided. Then I felt what he felt.
You can't make up that kind of pain.
The Master- if I ever meet him, I would kill him. Personally kill him. And if he regenerates, I would kill him again.
Now, that memory is burned into the back of my mind. There isn't much I can do with it. I think, the only thing I can do
Tell the story.
The basement of the Valiant is not the nicest place to be. Pipes secrete a hot steam, making the room muggy and uncomfortable. The floor is a metal grate, steam seeping up through it. Few lights surround the area, but the ones that do, make the area eerie. Also, the shackles on my hands and feet are not the most comfortable. It would also be nice if I could have a shower every once in awhile- but I know that's not happening anytime soon.
It's hard to sleep, but my body has managed to get a few hours every now and then. MY muscles ache, and pain sears through my shoulders and neck.
My mind states a new number; one that changes every day. 103 days- One Hundred and seventy-nine days of waiting. One-hundred days of pain, agony and death.
Honestly, I think I would've gone insane by now if I didn't have something to look back on; to look forward too.
Ianto. My Ianto.
Gods, how I miss him. He might be dead. They all might be dead. Damn, he's only 23. 23 Years old, and he might be dead, incinerated by a Toclafane- or whatever the hell they are.
I hope he's safe. Safe and alive. Safe, alive, and not in the position I am.
To explain my position. I'm chained up in the hold of the Valiant, and every day, I get a visit from a man that if I could, I would kill over and over again- as he does to me. Every day, I die. Some days, more than others. It just all depends on how the Master feels. I am ruthlessly tortured, and he enjoys every second of it. While for me, every waking second usually consists of pain- physically and emotionally.
I snap out of my memories when I hear Tish coming. Everyday, she brings me food, and has to feed me. It's not the nicest thing, but I'm starving. Granted, if I die from hunger, I would just come right back.
I guess food is a privilege.
"Hey there, Tish!" I call out. "Ohhh, food. What is it today?" I look at the plate she carries. "Nice, soggy potatoes," I say, sarcasm crossing heavily into my voice
Tish is unusually solemn. She doesn't even say hello. Her eyes avert my gaze, and she looks down as she feeds me.
As I eat, more footsteps come down the corridor. I see the master, pushing the Doctor in a wheelchair. Four armed gunmen stand at his side. Tish, steps back, and one of the guards shoves her too the ground. Falling hard on her hands and knees, She cautiously picks herself up off of the ground
"Good morning, Jack!" he calls out cheerfully. I don't reply. I stare at the Doctor. I don't know what I feel. Well, there is anger. And hatred. But there is also sorrow. I feel bad for the Doctor, and for the whole human race. All enslaved, and being massacred by the Master and the Toclafane.
The Master puts on a sad face, trying to do puppy dog eyes. "What?" he pouts. "No reply? Nothing?" he shakes his head. I remain silent, even though so many smart-arse remarks run through my head.
He takes one of the guard's guns, and sticks it under my chin. "Now, when I say 'Good morning' to you, what do you say?" he asks menacingly.
Even though I can't die for good, I hate it about as much as Ianto does. Through gritted teeth, I respond. "Good Morning." The Master pulls the gun away from my chin, and smiles broadly.
"Now there's a good boy!" he jeers.
The Master turns to the Doctor. "What a show we have for you today!" He throws his arms out wide. "We have a special surprise for you!" The Master grins broadly.
What the hell is he talking about? I look at Tish, and a knowing look crosses her face.
The Master points down the corridor.
"You should know these people, Jack. You've saved them, all in one way or another, but now comes the time when you can do nothing," he sneers.
My mind races, trying to think of who he could be talking about. My heart races at I realize who he is talking about. No, no no no no no no. Please, no.
And in they walk. All wearing cuffs, chained to one another. Each of them looks like they've been through hell. Probably have.
I clench my fists. Hatred runs through my veins like fire, and I pull at my chains.
"NO!" I roar. The Master smiles with satisfaction, and laughs.
Tosh, Owen, Gwen, and Ianto walk down the metal grate floors. Though they have been captured, and have put up a fight (like they wouldn't), and lost, they still walk with pride. They don't act like they've lost. One of the reasons why they're the best I could ever have.
I watch each one of them as they walk.
Owen's jeans and t-shirt are torn. He walks with a slight limp, and his jeans are blood stained. Cuts streak across his arms, and on the left side of his face. Gwen's hair is a mess. It is pulled into an awkward ponytail, and her clothes are torn. She has a few cuts on her face. Tosh, oh Tosh. Chunks of her hair have been torn out. Her clothes are almost destroyed- they look as if they have been burned. She must've put up some fight. Then, I see Ianto. He looks worse than the rest of them put together. His eyes have bruises around them. His clothes are nearly incinerated, and he has no shoes. He has deep gashes, and blood stains his skin. His hair is singed, and some parts are torn out of his head, revealing a bloody scalp.
Gods, I can't look at him anymore. I turn away. Tears brim on my eyes, but I hold them back.
In reality, that entire moment was only about a second or two, but to myself, and probably them, it seemed like an eternity.
Suddenly, realization hits me- I realize what's happening- what's going on.
I pull against the chains, my muscles tensing. I'm seething. Fire runs through my body, and one by one, the chains break loose. I whip the chains around, hitting several guards, before one of them shoots me in the head. Tosh and Gwen scream. I fall to the ground, and darkness envelops me.
When I wake up, I gasp for breath. I am once again chained up, except this time, the chains seem to be much thicker than the last ones.
I glare at the Master; he laughs. "Thought you could save them, didn't you?" he sneers. "Funny, I thought you would've given more of a fight. I guess not." he pouts, feigning sadness. "Now, if you haven't figured it out yet, you're probably wondering why I have brought these people here. Well, I was thinking: 'Master over the whole universe, destroying all other alien races- why would we need alien specialists?' Then I realized, we won't!" He begins pacing around the room, in a cocky sort of way.
I continue to seeth. As the Master talks, I look at my team again. They just stand there, looking at the ground. Everyone but Ianto. Of course. His eyes are filled with sadness, regret, and fear. So much fear.
Our eyes meet, and we stare at each other. The Master stares at him, then me, smiling maliciously. "Awww. How sweet. Romantic moment!" He pauses. "I'm afraid I will have to cut it short. I think I may have been rambling. To sum today up… its execution day!"
At those words, the team begins squirming uncomfortably. Each one begins crying, some more than others. I don't think I've ever seen Owen cry. I've seen Gwen and Tosh cry before. I've seen Ianto cry. Hell, I've made him cry. I sigh to myself, and several tears spill from my eyes.
Faux sympathy crosses the Master's face. "Are you sad?" he questions. I simply glare at him. I have nothing to say. He knows exactly what I'm thinking, what I want to do, what I feel.
"We should get this show on the road." He looks at his watch. "I do have a schedule, you know." He stops, as if thinking for a second, murmuring to himself. "Where to start, where to start. Oh! I know! The two who have nothing to lose, and everything to gain." He grins. "Sato! Harper!" Two guards unhook them from their chains, dragging them to the center of the room. The guards pull each one to their feet. One holds Toshiko by what's left of her hair. She winces and squeals in pain. Owen is held by the neck. He keeps his eye on Toshiko, turning red at seeing her pain.
"Leave her be," Owen says through gritted teeth. Fury shows in his eyes, and his teeth are barred. Toshiko looks at him with wonder, and compassion.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers.
The Master laughs.
My muscles tense, and my hands clench into fists.
"Powerless. You are powerless. I will kill them, you will watch, and you can't stop me!" Pulling a handgun from his pocket, he aims it at Toshiko's head. "You got screwed your whole life. Your mother was kidnapped, you were forced to commit a felony against the crown to save her. You were found, and put in a UNIT jail, supposedly for the rest of your life. But then, there was Jack. He gave you a new chance at life. He saved you." Toshiko's eyes glisten with tears. "Your mother is now dead, by my hands. All of your efforts are now in vain. And Jack can't save you this time."
He smirks, and cocks the gun.
"Don't!" Owen shouts. The gunshot sounds through the room; the bullet passing through the center of Tosh's head. A line of blood forms down the center of her head, falling from the bullet hole.
Owen's knees give in. Gwen and Ianto scream. All try to run to her, but to no avail. Tosh's body goes limp, and falls to the ground, her eyes wide. Owen and Gwen cry.
I watch it all, a blank look frozen on my face. I see Owen emotionally crumble- only once seen before. He looked like this when Kate died. It crushed him.
I turn away. I can't stand seeing him this way.
"Oh, I have not forgotten about you, Mr. Harper. You were engaged. Beautiful girl, Kate was. Even when she could hardly remember her own name. You know, I helped breed those creatures. I find it incredibly fun to break hearts- why do you all think you're here?"
Owen begins struggling against the guards, but they hold fast. "You lost everything. No family to miss you. Your fiancé gone, and the only other girl in the world to love you, you push away. And now, she's dead. You have nothing. You lived for nothing, and you shall die for nothing!"
The Master raises the gun, and fires. The sound ricochets across the room, as do Gwen's uncontrollable sobs. Deep red blood falls from Owen's chest, further staining his clothes, and skin. Owen crumpled to the ground, blood protruding from his chest, making a puddle on the floor, alongside Toshiko's body. The red flows together into one mass.
I remain frozen. Tosh and Owen are dead. Killed in cold blood, for fun. Not even that,
Why did Owen have to be so damn stubborn. He could've been with Tosh. She loved him, he loved her. He was just too stubborn to realize it.
I can no longer hold anything back. Tears spill from my eyes. Sadness overwhelms me. I can do nothing. I am powerless.
"Don't think I'm done Jack," The Master starts. "There are still two people alive that shouldn't be." The Master walks over to Gwen, and unchains her. She struggles against him, but he pushes the gun to her temple. I pull at my chains again, but the struggle is in vain.
"Miss Cooper. Might I say, you are a piece of work. You managed to escape and reverse the effects of retcon; you managed to hide an affair, and your job fighting aliens from your boyfriend. Quite sneaky, actually. Just to let you know, as has been done with Tosh's mother, Rhys is dead." Gwen begins to sob uncontrollably again. She falls to her knees.
"Hmmm. You beat me to the point. I was going to ask you to kneel, but seeing as you're already there, there's no need."
"But wait, I'm not done. Even though you had Rhys, you still wanted Jack and Owen. Oh, I've seen the way you look at both of them. A lost puppy, trying to find someone to love her. Was Rhys not enough? Was cheating on Rhys with Owen not enough?" He smiles. "No, you needed Jack. You needed his love as well."
He points to me. "Look at him! Is that the man whom you want love from? Who used to save you and the rest of your team. Well look at him now; chained up and powerless. He can't save you now." He pulls the gun out, loads it, and points it at her chest. "Take a good look, because it's the last thing you'll ever see."
Gwen screams, and so do I. The blast sounds the same as the other two, except, Gwen doesn't die automatically. She falls to the floor, eyes searching around, coughing and sputtering. She makes several attempts to speak, but when she does, she makes out only one word.
"Sorry," she gasps. Several tears fall from her eyes, before she stops breathing, and dies.
I cry. He doesn't need to do this. He could have let them live. No, there's one left. Only one- Ianto.
Shit.
I can feel myself pale, and my heart race. The Master takes immediate notice.
"Oh, yes. Jack. One more stands, and it kills you." The Master turns to Ianto. "He left you for the Doctor. He never truly cared about you. You were always just a pastime; a part time shag."
"Liar!" I call. "Ianto, you never were. You meant everything to me!" The Master laughs.
"Coming from the man who shags anything that moves," the Master replies sarcastically.
Ianto stands tall, looking at me with his piercing blue eyes. Gods, how I've missed those eyes. It's been months since I've seen them.
"Coming from the man who lied to the world, and has killed millions," I spit. The Master just smirks.
"Lives that already would've been lost after I complete my plan. I will bring Gallifrey back to full power, and the Time Lords shall reign supreme!" He throws his arms out wide, and laughs maniacally.
For the first time since he was wheeled in, I see the Doctor. His eyes are wide, but his chin is up; one tear slides down his face. He looks at me. "I'm sorry," he whispers. I'm not shocked as a tear slides down his face, but he does nothing more.
He's planning something.
"What to do. What to do," the Master hums. "I want this one to be interesting. I want pizzazz! Nice word, pizzazz," he smirks. "I want you," pointing to me. "to remember this the rest of eternity! The man you love, dying by my hands." Laughing, he paces the room.
A growl escapes my throat. No, I will not let this happen. I will not let Ianto die.
My eyes wander, and I see the lifeless and blood-soaked bodies of Owen, Tosh and Gwen. I look away. I can't bear to see their faces. They put their trust in me. I was supposed to protect them.
I hang my head.
I failed them.
And now, I'm going to fail Ianto, not only as his boss, but as his, his. His boyfriend. There. I am officially labeled. I am the boyfriend of Ianto Jones. And just in case it's not clear to my mind, I LOVE HIM.
Why did it have to take me this long for me to realize it? I mean, why did it have to take me being captured by a Time Lord who wants to turn Earth into New Gallifrey to finally be able to admit it. And now, I will tell him. I can't hide it. I don't have the time.
I take a deep breath. The Master turns to me.
"Ianto," I start. "I love you. And to hell with the Master. He can't change that. And I'm sorry I put you through this. I never should've let you into Torchwood three. I knew that you would be in so much danger, but there was something about you; something I couldn't pull away from."
The Master pretends to cry. He sniffs. "How sweet! Touching, in fact. Such a shame."
"I love you too." Ianto's voice fills the air, ringing proud. "I'm sorry I was ashamed. But I'm probably going to die here anyways, so I might as well tell you now."
"You two are just so adorable! What a shame you have to die." ahe turns back to me. "Now! I know how much he means to you, and you know how much fun it is for me to torure you, so. You hate seeing him in pain, and putting him in pain." He points to Ianto. "So, this is how this is gonna work. I will give you one option."
I don't know how this will work, and I wish I didn't have to. My heart sinks further and further. As if it ever stopped, my heart races. The Master knows how to get to me- Ianto. Of course, most people know that, but none have been cruel enough to use that against me.
"Your option is: Kill the tea-boy yourself," and my heart plummets. The Master smirks, knowing he's hit home.
"I'll give you two five minutes to say your goodbyes." He continues smiling as he walks away.
At the moment, all I want to do is cry. I neither want to kill Ianto, or put him through the hell I've been through. This just proves how cruel the Master is.
Ianto is allowed to walk over to me.
"Do whatever you feel you need to. I've lived long enough, and you're all I've got left. It kills me seeing you die." Tears stream down his face, and again, I can no longer hold mine back.
"I can't do that," I choke out. "I can't do that to you." I sigh. "I promised you that you would live past 26. But I don't want to put you through the misery I've been through. "
"Look. If I die today, I die because I love you, and refuse to put you through more pain, got that?" He cups my face in his hands, and places his forehead against mine. I can feel how cold his skin is, and the fear radiates off of him. I don't have to entercept emotions to know that- it is written all over his face. We stay silent for a minute, before he speaks again. "I should've told you that I loved you long ago," he whispers. "It's just that every time I went to say it, something would happen, or I couldn't find the words. But here I am, telling you. I love you, Jack, and you deserve better than me." He looks down, and more sadness crosses his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
He smiles faintly, kisses me on the forehead, and steps back. I pull at the metal, trying to break free. I should've saved you. Not the other way around. I need you here, please. Ianto glances at me as the Master walks in, grinning ear to ear.
"You two lovebirds have a nice chat?" he questioned. My lips curl back, and a snarl escapes my throat. "Oh, come now. It won't be that bad. I do it to you all the time. How hard can it be?" He walks over to a wall, placing his hand on a lever. "Keep aim," he orders the guards. They cock their guns, all of them aimed at my head. "Now, I'm going to pull this lever, and when I do, the chains on your arms will slack about 5 feet. Do not attempt anything, and do not try to save the Teaboy."
he pulls the lever, and I feel the chains fall down, my arms falling by my side with the weight ot them. I stand still, not wanting to give them a reason to shoot. I don't want that to be the last thing that Ianto remembers of me, or anything else- getting myself shot, then me shooting him.
I breath deeply, my breath shuddering on the outtake. My mind is screaming at me, trying to get me to do something, find some way of stopping this, but I have nothing. I don't even have a weapon yet. And what happens if Ianto gets killed while I'm trying to save both of our arses? No, I sigh, I can't. When Ianto's gone, I have nothing to lose. The Doctor might have a plan, but he can't save Ianto. And he doesn't even want anything to do with me- "You're an impossible thing, Jack." "You're wrong, Jack." I hope he realizes that I've got the point.
The Master stride back over to me, and takes my gun out of his pocket. "Always thought this might come in handy. And what do you know?" he asks, one eyebrow raised. "I was right. The infamous Captain Jack Harkness, killing probably the only man who's ever loved him, with his own gun... how ironic?" He tosses the gun to me , but I let it fall, clattering to the ground. The Masters eyes flare at me.
"PIck it up," he growls. I shake my head no. If I have to do this, I'm going to procrastinate it for as long as I can.
The Master takes one of the guard's guns, and sticks in int the small of Ianto's back. My heart races and I eye him. "Pick. It. Up." Each word comes out menacingly, and with each one, another glaze of fear runs through Ianto. Steadily, I reach down, and pick up the weapon, careful not to break eye-contact with the Master. I nearly trip over the chains, but manage to balance myself before I fall. The gun feels cold, but familiar in my hands. How many times I have use d this gun to kill my enemies, or aliens, or even to stun a Weevil. In my head, I smile, just a little. Weevil hunting with Ianto... I sigh, staring at the gun. "What happens if I say 'no'?" I ask bravely. The Masters cruel smile rears its ugly head again. "I shoot him; and before that I get to use him as a play toy, just. Like. You." His eyebrows furrows into his forehead, making his face look even more evil. I nod, not wanting that for anyone, especially not Ianto.
My hand starts to tremble as I load the gun, one bullet in its place. One shot, I tell myself. Just one. The trembling gets worse with each passing moment. My brain and heart scream at me, yelling for me to drop the gun, don't do it, But I know that this is better than the alternative, and I would never want the alternative for Ianto. Never in a million years.
Ianto stands tall, eyes locked on me. His hands lay flat by his side, and face is blank- except for a slight twinge of fear, and a slightly larger twinge of love, and sorrow.
((For the love of God, It's killing me to write this... :'( I'm gonna make myself cry at school. Not good and good at the same point.))
In his eyes, held such conviction and love that I wanted to fall to my knees and take his place. I would give anything to save him. I would give him my immortality, and take his mortality, and die by his hand to keep him safe.
The Master tapped his foot impatiently. "Time ticks, Harkness." I bit my lip, my hand trembling. As slow as I can manage, I raise the gun. It shakes along with my hand, and for a second, I think I might drop it.
Finally, my arm is straightened out, the barrel pointed at Ianto's chest. I fell my own tighten, and my heart throbs. The Masters malicious grin graces his face yet again.
No, don't! My mind screams out at me. I wish I could, I wish I could end this- save him and end this all. But I can't. Powerless in the hands of the Master.
"Fire," he called. His eyebrows knitted together, and his smile became more evil- more malicious.
My finger twitches on the trigger. I'm fighting back. My muscles are even against the decision.
"Now," his voice calls, deeper and darker.
I take one last look at Ianto. The fear holds strong in his eyes, but so does sorrow, compassion and love. I take one last looks at the man who I've loved for so long. I take in each feature one last time, and take a deep breath. Ianto nods.
"I love you," I mouth.
"I love you too," he whispers.
I pull the trigger, the sound ricochets throughout the room, and he falls to the floor. The gun clatters to the ground, falling out of my hand. I run forward, and the chains yank back at my arms. I'm merely inches away from Ianto, dying on the floor. I reach as close to him as I can, the tears streaming down my face.
A large red stain appears on his once white shirt, puddling on the floor. He takes shallow breaths, coughing up blood. I cry. It kills me seeing him like this- in so much agony, and all alone. "I'm so sorry," I manage to choke out.
Somehow, by the grace of the gods, he turns to me. His eyes show it all; the forgiveness, the sadness, the hurt, the love. "I. Love." he coughs, the spatter of blood filling the air. Taking one last breath, he pushes one more word out. "You." With that, a tremor echoes through his body, and he falls silent.
"No," I beg the universe. "Please, no. Not him. Please." Tears fall down my face faster than I could've ever imagined.
The Master, for a second, has a look of pity cross his face. Then the evil and malicious version comes back. He walks over the the lever again, and begins pulling it up, dragging the chains, and my body, unwillingly away. I try grasping the floor, but the chains pull me backwards, further and further away from Ianto, until they drag me upright. I pull as hard as I can against them, but they give little leniency.
Finally, I can fight no more. I collapse into the chains and admit defeat. I've lost everything- everything I've ever worked for, everything I've ever loved.
A clapping sound comes from the back of the room. "Bravo! Nicely done, Mr. Harkness. Great show. I mean, amazing show. Really touching, but you shooting him… I didn't think you could do it!" He smiles evilly.
For the first time in a while, I look over at the Doctor. His eyes are shut, and his lips pursed. Several tears fall down his face. He looks up at me, his face and eyes full of sorrow and despair. "I'm so sorry," he mouths. I look away from him, my eyes filling with tears again.
The Master speaks again, his voice filled with venom. "Move the body to right in front of him, as a constant reminder of what he's lost." Two soldiers move Ianto's body to merely inches in front of me. I try to touch it, but the chains hold fast. My arms are yanked back, and the chain cuff cuts into my wrists.
"Sorry, Jack. You know that those chains will hold you. Can't have you trying to escape; not that you would be able to. There's no place you could go."
I've lost. There is nothing more that I could do.
"Even better, the only man who could even have a remote chance of stopping me, is weak and powerless, and in a wheelchair." He points at the Doctor, and laughs. "The time of the human race is up, Jack, Doctor. The world is mine, and the universe shall be too!" The Master throws his arms out wide, and throws his head back. A large grin crosses his face.
"Now, you can stay here, and watch over your precious Ianto." He next addresses the guards. "Take the rest of the bodies and line them up along the back wall. Yet another reminder of his sacrifice."
"And now, I take my leave. But I'll see you later, Jack." He smirks. "This wasn't enough playtime for me." The Master turns, and strides down the hallway. I am silent. I have no more words. They have been consumed by the volatile fire that is the Master. A guard walks over to the Doctor's chair, and wheels him out. I don't watch- I can't take any more pain.
And thus, his story is told. The story of loss and tragedy, conviction and love. The story that never was, and never will be. Looking back on it, I am thankful that this was never to be- it might've killed me.
One thing, that I must mention. I died in this story. I died trying to save the one I love. I gave my life as not to see him in pain at the daily sight of me. I died for him, and I would do it again- even if I only have one life to live.
-I.J.