I'm Not Schizophrenic!
Summary- England is getting fed up with almost every nation from the Allies, Axis, and Prussia asking if he is schizophrenic. No matter how much he drinks his little friends will just not go away. Not that he really wants them to anyway. (Told in perspective of our favorite English gentlemen).
Another day even more idiots England thought to himself. It seems like every day is the same America talks about another genetically engineered super hero that will save the world in one way or another. Japan agrees, Switzerland tells him to man up, that French frog hits on me, I try to strangle him, and Russia is picking on Lithuania in the background I don't even bother to listen to the rest.
"My pirate days were so much better I didn't have to deal with all of these wankers." I muttered under my breath raising my tea cup to take a small sip. The mint and chamomile were simply delightful soothing my nerves instantly. I had my patience back I knew it probably wouldn't be there for long.
"Not to mention you were much sexier angleterre." That frog added in leaning over my shoulder. He had a suggestive smile on his face *no England that's just France's face* I firmly wrapped my hands around that frogs neck and gave him a good shaking that should teach him.
"You bloody git how could you say something so inappropriate in front of a roomful of people?" I yelled fully tempted to end that gits life right then and there.
"Shut up black sheep of Europe I was just kidding with you I could do way better anyways!" The frenchie grabbed the collar of my shirt and threw me onto the table.
"I told you not to call me that!" I don't know how but both the frog and I ended up falling into Italy's lap who proceeded to yell:
"Ve Germany! Germany! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEE!" The annoyed German just gritted his teeth in frustration. I could tell sooner or later he was going to lose it having to babysit such a fool of a nation.
"Aiya aru, these westerners are so loud I don't think I like them anymore." China said keeping a tight hold on his stuffed toy kitty Japan had given him. Him constantly walking around with a stuffed animal reminds me of someone I just can't remember who.*All you readers know he is trying to remember Canada and if you didn't know that I face palm at you*
"Not to be worrying China they won't bother you when you come to live with me da?" Russia came up behind China and held his shoulders firmly. An evil purple veil covered the Russian's face making the atmosphere around him scary and uncomfortable.
"Keskeskeskeskes west I can't believe you choose to deal with all these losers when you could come drink beer with the awesome me!" A certain drunken albino shouted across the room to Germany who has holding the sobbing Italy in his lap while Romano was cursing at him. "BEER! BEER! BEER!" Prussia shouted holding up a big glass.
"PUT MY BROTHER DOWN YOU DAMN JERK!" Romano yelled in Germany's ear.
"Just calm down amigo here let me give you a tomato." Spain said offering his a ripe red tomato he somehow pulled out of thin air. Romano excepted it with a mumbled thanks and began to eat.
"Ha ha ha ha!" An annoying, obnoxious, and rather loud laugh rang out through the room grabbing everyone's attention. It was none other than the energetic and blissfully ignorant America at the head of the conference table. "So dudes I think everyone needs to chill out because, guys, you're missing my speech!" He said pointing to his crayon drawing of a cartoon super hero.
"You bloody wanker! Are you incapable of taking anything seriously for once in your life?" I said letting go of the French frog to face my ex-colony.
"Well let's see," America said looking up at the ceiling "I seriously want to crush some commies does that count?" The sheer innocence in his tone of voice threw me off.
"You bloody wanker my flying mint bunny is smarter than you." I said there was dead silence for at least four seconds then the entire room erupted into laughter including America who wasn't paying any heed to the insult what so ever. "What are all you gits laughing at?" I shouted in my desperate attempt to get everyone back under control. Surprisingly enough Prussia was the first to come out of his laughing fit.
"Britain even though beer is the most awesome drink in the world some losers like you can handle the awesome power of my awesome favorite drink. I know that's when you start seeing the flying bunny rabbits because I'm awesome. And you know why? Because I'm awesome enough to take on the awesome drink of beer it flows through my awesome veins because I am awesome!" Everyone had settled down by the end of that git Prussia's rant.
"Dude you were drinking before the meeting that's totally not cool bro." America said placing his hand on my shoulder which I immediately brushed off.
"No America I did not drink before the meeting because I don't drink all together."
"Ve then that's called… um… It's a really long word… Germany what's that word when you see things that aren't really there?"
"Hmm I can't seem to think of the word either." Germany said disappointed.
"Paranoid?" Russia asked
"No, no that's not it." Germany said
"Is it delusional aru?" China put in taking this chance to get as far away from Russia while he was distracted.
"Psycho?" America asked.
"No it's much more official sounding than all of those so I doubt America would know it." Germany said still thinking.
"Could you be thinking of the word schizophrenic?" Japan put in.
"Yes, yes that's definitely the word. England is schizophrenic." Germany said triumphantly, it was then that Italy jumped onto me and gave a huge hug that made me very uncomfortable.
"Ve England you never told me you were schizopathetic!"
"It's schizophrenic and I am not."
"Ha ha ha! Well I'd love to continue on the side note that England is totally crazy but dudes the meetings over and it's time to go. All the nations rushed out of the meeting room including America leaving me and Greece who remained asleep. I gave him a gentle shake to wake him up and then went to find America so I could take my frustration out on him. I saw him quickly as I entered the hallway.
"America you bastard now everyone thinks I'm crazy!" America froze in his tracks and turned around slowly as if he was scared of something.
"Uh, Britain sir I hate to tell you this but I'm not…"
"Speak up America I can barely hear you! Wait no you know what don't speak I am not finished talking yet." America squeaked something that sounded like "maple leaf" when almost an exact replica of him came up to stand next to him.
"Dude Britain not cool bro why are you picking on my 51st state?"
"How many times do I have to tell you America I'm not your state I'm a country I'm Canada!" He said in his version of yelling.
"Uh, Britain I have a question what was it we were talking about?" America asked confused I thought it over for a moment and realized I had forgotten as well.
"I don't know either."
"Oh, well then, see you at the next meeting bro!" America said happily waving goodbye. After that I was completely alone in the hallway when I saw something moving in the corner of my eye. I turned around only to figure out it was flying mint bunny riding on the back of a white unicorn with a pink mane.
"Flying mint bunny I'm so glad you're here at least I can talk to you!" I almost shouted out of excitement.
"I'm glad to see you to England we'll always be here when you want to talk." The mint bunny said in a girlish high pitch voice. The unicorn neighed in agreement and for the rest of the evening England had a delightful time talking with his friends.