Y is for Yucca
Rating: T 'coz they haz potty mouths.
Disclaimers: Don't own 'em.
Note: I can't write a Numb3rs story without mentioning Charlie. Sue me.
Warning: Colby + sharp objects, 'cause I can't write a Megan and Colby story without injuring Colby. Sue me.
Note 2: Wait, don't sue me. I need to save up for the copyright infringement thing.
"I still say it sounded like something Charlie would have come up with," Special Agent Colby Granger muttered to his partner. He slumped farther into the car seat and sucked on his Coca Cola.
He went back to studying the yard. The layout of the Jeffers' family home was simple enough: a single story house with a detached garage. No lights were on in the yard, but there was sufficient illumination from the nearby street lamp.
"Charlie isn't the only science geek out there, you know," Special Agent Megan Reeves said.
"Yeah, yeah," Colby muttered. "But he's the cutest one as far as you're concerned, right?"
Megan's drink bubbled furiously and Colby wasn't sure if she'd try to laugh or growl. "I'm sure Charlie will be flattered that you think so," she said in amused tones.
Colby sighed, annoyed at himself for handing her a straight line that she could turn on him like that. "Nah, don't tell him," he said flippantly. "I'd hate to get his hopes up."
"I don't think you'd be his type, even if he swung that way, Granger."
"Why, don't you think I'm cute?" Granger challenged.
Megan didn't deign to answer that.
Granger chose to take that as meaning she thought he was awesomely cute. He also chose not to say that aloud. What Megan didn't know, she couldn't contradict, right?
Colby eyed Megan while he pretended to scan the street. He'd seen women who were more beautiful than Reeves, but he had to admit her clean cut features and bold gray-green eyes were… arresting. He snorted into his drink at his own pun.
"Swallow, don't inhale," Megan's dry voice interrupted his thoughts. She stirred her drink with her straw and stared out the windshield at the dark street.
"Ya think?" Colby replied flippantly.
Megan shot him a sardonic look.
There were a few minutes of silence while they observed the dark yard of the Curt Jeffers' father. Colby shifted slightly to get a better view of the garage… and Megan's profile.
She sipped at her drink, and then licked her lower lip. Colby wondered what it would be like to kiss her. He was careful to keep this notion off his face, as he was not at all eager to find out what it would be like to get KO'ed by her.
Colby sighed. "I still think the mother is more likely to help," Colby muttered. "Curt has been splitting his time equally between his parents after they got divorced."
"Yes, but Jennifer Jeffers isn't into xeriscaping and Earl is," Megan said with exaggerated patience.
"Which is where the Yucky Moths come in," Colby said, just to aggravate her.
As he predicted, Megan sighed and shot him an aggravated look. "Yucca moths, Granger. The ME found a Yucca Moth stuck to the victim's skirt."
"And YUCK KA moths only live near Yucca plants," Colby replied. "In fact, they're co-dependents, right?"
That got a woof of laughter out of her.
"The term is 'obligate mutualism'," Megan corrected, grinning. She checked the McDonald's bag to see if any French fries had slipped into the bottom. When she was finished assuring herself that there were no survivors, she added. "You're right; it does sound like a Charlie-ism."
Colby grinned. "Can I get that in writing?"
Megan smiled sweetly. "You can write anything into the report that you want to, Granger."
"Oh… What? Wait, what? I'm writing the report?" Colby blurted without thinking.
Megan beamed radiantly at him.
Colby forgot to breathe for a moment.
"How sweet of you to volunteer to write up the report! I guess the age of chivalry isn't dead!" Megan crowed. She went back to stirring the ice in the bottom of her cup.
Colby remembered how to exhale, which he did with a snort. He shook his head, amusedly resigned to writing the report for this one.
"Women," he muttered under his breath.
Apparently not far enough under his breath, because Megan arched an eyebrow at him. "What was that, Granger?"
"I said, 'Find the woman'," Colby answered glibly. "Or, as the French say 'Cherchez la Femme '."
"We already found the woman in this case,' Megan pointed out."She was killed in an apparent car-jacking, which is why the Bureau is involved. The crime lab guys found Curt's epithelials with the body, which is why we're looking for him."
Colby stopped himself before he said, "I know that!" Instead, he said, "And the moth may have come from here, which is why we're waiting for him here. Mary Soo had been going steady with Curt for what, six weeks? Suppose she picked up the Yucca Moth then."
Megan shot him an incredulous look. "And, what? Carried it around in her pocket? Everyone we talked to agreed that Mary and Curt hadn't come here in over a week. If she hadn't noticed at moth on her skirt by then…" she shook her head and didn't finish.
"Yeah, well, even if Curt did kill her here, that doesn't necessarily mean Dad will help him avoid the police," Colby shook his head and rested his chin on his fist. "I know if I had broken the law, my old man would have handed me over to the cops in damaged condition."
One of Megan's eyebrows rose. "You and your father didn't get along?" she asked.
Colby frowned. "Sure we did. He was more of a tough love guy, though. Didn't believe in coddling boys." He sighed and shifted position. "He'd have helped me with legal fees, but he just wouldn't understand this sheltering a fugitive from the law."
He stared out into the night, then realized that the motion he'd seen between the house and the garage was just a cat. "Dad wouldn't have understood Alan, either."
Megan narrowed her eyes.
"Don't look at me like that; he lets Charlie live with him, even though Charlie is, what, thirty? Not to mention gainfully employed."
"It's Charlie's house," Megan said shortly.
"Well, it's his house now, but didn't Don say that Charlie didn't buy it until after their mother had died?"
Megan nodded, but made no verbal answer.
"Frankly, I don't understand Charlie. I was out of my dad's house the minute I finished school."
Megan grinned. She spoke almost the same time Colby did:
"Charlie's still in school," she said.
"Well, OK, our little professor hasn't actually left school yet," Colby admitted.
They looked at each other, looked away and sniggered.
"I wouldn't make my kids move out," Megan said after a few minutes.
"Well, mothers are different," Colby pointed out. "That's why I keep thinking that we'd be better off watching Mom's place."
"Right, you do keep saying that," Megan replied.
There was another pause.
"So, would you kick your kid out?" Megan asked.
Colby frowned. "Well, maybe not throw him out bodily, but he'd better have an exit plan by the time he finishes college."
Megan stiffened and shot him an ironic look and Colby wondered what he'd said wrong.
"He? Assuming your kid will be a boy?"
Colby bristled a little. "No, Agent Reeves," he said with exaggerated patience. "I was assuming that we were still talking about the relationship between fathers and their sons."
"Oh," Megan said meekly.
Colby reckoned he was man enough to take that as an apology and drop the subject. He continued. "Face it, even in the twenty-first century, a man's relationship with his daughter is different. Me? I'd never force my princess to leave the castle. Not even if she were eligible for AARP."
Megan laughed and relaxed. "Princess? Castle?"
Colby nodded sagely. "Yep. A man's home is his castle and his daughter is the most perfect princess ever. It's in the Dad Handbook."
A strange expression crossed Megan's face. Then she ducked her head and muttered something into her cup about her father not reading much.
Colby stared for a few minutes, but before he could formulate a response, a light appeared briefly in one of the bedrooms and then disappeared.
Colby and Megan exchanged raised eyebrows.
"Speaking of Dads," Megan said, sotto voce.
"Be less conspicuous if Earl had just turned on a light, rather than sneak around like a burglar," Colby muttered as the light reappeared briefly in the living room.
"Yeah," Megan agreed. "Nothing is as conspicuous as an amateur who's trying to be inconspicuous." She scowled as two men exited the house. "Damn, we searched that place top to bottom!"
"Daddy must have some sort of hidey hole," Granger muttered. "Apparently he has a sense of the dramatic."
Granger forgot what he was going to say next and exchanged wide-eyed looks with Megan when two men literally tiptoed across the yard to the garage.
They were still staring when the shorter of the two unlocked the padlock and hoisted the door open.
They shook off their shock when both Jeffers men disappeared into the dark garage.
"Which kool-aid bowl were they drinking out of?" Colby wondered. He didn't wait for an answer, but slid out of the car. He eased the door shut so that it latched with the faintest click possible.
He heard Megan alert dispatch to send back up, and then he darted across the street.
Colby took up position on the side of the garage closest to the passenger. He calculated that Dad would drive so Sonny Boy could keep out of sight. That would give him a chance to grab Curt before he got into the car.
He was surprised when the car began to move silently. A few minutes later, he realized that the Jeffers men were pushing the car out of the garage. 'Somebody watches too much Spike TV,' he thought.
Colby still thought his plan would work. In fact, it would be easier to nab his man while the suspect was out of the car, with his hands fully occupied.
Unfortunately, he neglected to consider the steering wheel. Someone had to keep the car headed down the driveway. That involved crouching on the opposite side of the car from where Colby was waiting. Which is why Earl spotted Colby before Colby saw him.
"Son! Run!" Earl cried.
"FBI! Freeze!" Colby bellowed. Not that he thought it would do any good. However, he figured that Sonny didn't have any place to run but down the driveway.
Megan gunned the car.
Again, things didn't go as Colby expected. Instead of running down the driveway, Sonny slid across the hood of the Oldsmobile a la Dukes of Hazzard, knocking his father over and hitting the ground running.
Colby swore, and ran around the front of the still moving Olds.
"Dad?" Sonny paused and looked back, realizing belatedly that he'd knocked his father over.
"Keep running!" Dad shouted.
Megan screeched to a halt athwart the driveway.
Sonny turned to run, but his hesitation had been long enough for Colby to catch up. Colby's path intersected Sonny's just as the path of the wayward Olds intersected the passenger side of Megan's car.
There was a thud of colliding bodies, the crunch of metal and the whomp of deploying air bags.
Sonny screeched as he hit the ground, Colby on top. Megan cursed and jabbed at the bag.
The muffled explosion galvanized Earl Jeffers into motion.
Lights came on all over the neighborhood.
"Don't shoot my son!" howled Earl.
Colby was bowled over by the enraged father. He felt something metal jabbing him and something sharp slicing his arm as he rolled off Sonny.
"Dad! I've been stabbed!"
"You shot my son!"
Sirens wailed from a distance. An alarm shrilled from closer. Sonny was screaming like a scalded banshee. Megan bellowed something that was lost in the cacophony.
Blows were raining on Colby from all sides. An elbow took care of Earl. He managed to get one cuff on the kicking, flailing, wailing Sonny. Colby sensed someone near him and kicked out, connecting solidly as he finished cuffing the suspect.
"Megan! Where's the damn back up?" Colby bellowed. "Megan?" His eyes went wide when he saw Megan lying on the ground, clutching her leg. "Oh, crap."
Don hurried in to the emergency room, and scanned the room for his agents. "Colby, Megan," he shook his head and held out his hands.
"What?" Colby gaped.
"You guys know the drill," Don said with a 'gimme' gesture at both of them. "An officer involved shooting requires an investigation." He looked at both of them. "Don't worry, it was righteous."
"It was non-existent! There was no shooting," Megan grumbled.
"There were reports of shots being fired," Don said.
"That was me popping the damn airbag," Megan kvetched. She pulled out her weapon and badge and held them out.
"Then the investigation will reveal nothing but spotlessly clean, unfired weapons, right?" Don said.
"You know, Megan, those things deflate by themselves," Colby said. He also pulled out his badge and his revolver.
Megan glared. "I thought you needed help!" she snapped.
Colby looked uncharacteristically meek.
Don cleared his throat and earned reproachful looks from both of them.
"Don't look at me like that," Don said. "There were close to a dozen 9-1-1 calls about a shooting. Not to mention that Daddy Jeffers been screaming that you knifed his only son and ruined his chances of ever having grandchildren."
"Hey, I didn't stab anybody!" Colby protested, holding up his bandaged arm. "It's Jeffers' own fault for stocking his yard with yucca." He looked at his bandages. "Those things should be illegal."
"You tackled the suspect into a patch of yucca?" Don said.
"It was a mess!" Colby complained. "I had Curt trying to get free of the yucca, Earl trying to stab me to death with his car keys…"
"And setting off his car alarm…" Megan added.
Don looked at Megan. "And you were… where?" he prompted.
Megan glared at Colby. "I was trying to cuff Earl Jeffers," she said. "And let Colby know that I had his back." Then she looked pointedly at her heavily bandaged leg.
Colby spread his arms out. "I said that I was sorry that I kicked you!" he said. "How many times can I say it?"
"You want me to have Charlie calculate that for you?" Don was smart enough not to laugh, but he had a hard struggle to keep a straight face.
Colby and Megan glared at him.
"You can fill out your reports later today," Don changed the subject hastily. He checked his watch. "Much later." He looked up. "Give you a lift?"
"No, thanks," Megan said. "I have someone coming to pick me up."
"I'd like one, thanks," Colby said.
"Tell Larry 'hi' from me," Don said as he and Colby started to leave.
"Both those guys are nuts," Colby muttered. "Especially Earl."
"When you have kids, you'll understand better," Don told him.
Megan sighed and Colby held a finger up to Don. "Gimme a minute. I'll be right there."
Don looked at Megan, shrugged, and then continued outside.
Colby walked back a few steps. "Oh, Megan?"
"Yeah, Granger?'
"For the record… and speaking as a card-carrying male chauvinist…"
Megan's eyebrows rose and her lips twitched.
"You're dad's a dick."
Megan blinked at him.
"Seriously, every man's daughter has a right to be treated like a princess."
"Thanks," Megan said sincerely. Then she grinned. "You're still writing that report, Colby."
"Whatever," Colby said. He looked at his bandaged hand. "We can shake on it later."