"Inspector Gadget" is a *THUD* story a about a man, a man *CRACK* who *KLONK* Dang it, Gadget! Keep down the noise! I'm trying to write the story here, and I'm on a deadline!
Sorry, Merinus, but this rat is harder to get rid of than I first thought.
Sorry for the interruption, folks. Anyway, as I was about to say, "Inspector Gadget" is a man. Keep in mind though, that this is the short version of the story.
Once upon a time, during the Cold War to be exact, there two brilliant scientists; one good, the other bad. Both of these scientists had the same fine educations, and both of them saw that the world was in trouble. Pollution, terrorism, war, famine, pestilence and other nightmares stalked the daily lives of many people all over the world! However, were they differed were what should be done about these things: the good scientist (named Professor von Slickstein) wanted to get rid of the aforementioned problems, when the bad scientist (a professor who shall be called Professor K) wanted to worsen them.
And so it happened that Professor K found a man in a faraway land who had the same goals in mind (this man shall be called Mr. X). And this man was very rich and a psychopath, and this man also had a very fine education. So Professor K went to Mr. X and offered to work for him. "With his advanced technology I would put the world under my feet" thought Mr. X, and accepted the offer.
As soon the next day, Professor K was working on advanced technology built specifically for Mr. X, such as super-computers, bombs, poisons, deadly lasers and robots, all the while Mr. X recruited other people to work for him. Soon enough, Mr. X had started up a very powerful organization, totally unknown and independent from any government or force, with the goal to rule the world. But it was only Mr. X, the head of the organization, who knew the secondary goal of the organization: when he had been made leader of the world, he who eleminate not only all dissidents, but also eradicate all who knew about his past and eleminate those who had helped him gained powers.
At the same time that Professor K first met Mr. X, Professor von Slickstein met up with a completely different man in his homeland. This man (who shall be called Mr. E) was very rich and a philanthropist who had the same goals in mind, wanting to bring world peace and worldwide happiness. Said man wanted to start an organization for this purpose, which would cooperate with the governments of the world. So Professor Slickstein said that he wished to work with Mr. E and his organization. "With his advanced technology we could put the world in great shape" thought Mr. E, and gave him the job at the organization.
As soon the next day, Professor Slickstein was working on new advanced technology for the newly started organization, such as super-computers, robots, medicines, pacemakers and environmentally friendly fuels, all the while Mr. E recruited other people to work for the organization.
Soon enough, both of these organizations had grown to be great in size, but not in recognizability. The organization which Professor von Slickstein and Mr. E worked for was called HELP and it was well known all around the world, while the organization headed by Mr. X was only known by a few people, but where it was known, it was known as MAD.
One day, MAD was to invade the HQ of HELP, stealing their supplies and destroy as many of HELP agents as possible. The technology HELP would then be used nefariously by MAD. The plan had been deceived by Mr. X, who of course thought it was perfect. "These fools will suspect nothing! Advocating peace and justice? BAH! Those people sicken me! I will crush them and everyone else like ants!" He said this to his grey cat, which laid grinning on his desk, and while he was talking he would occasionally stroke the cat or strike it (depending on his mood).
This fateful day started out easy enough when inspector John Brown visited the building of the HQ, strolling through the hallways while whistling or occasionally sneezing. Mr. Brown was a good-natured police inspector, with many interests in many different fields, who now had to take care of his niece Penny after her parents had fallen ill and and died. Mr. Brown was a dear friend of Professor von Slickstein and would visit him at work if the good professor had some kind of lifesaver to show Mr. Brown. Some of the other people at HELP would ask why he kept inviting the inspector, but the professor just smiled and said: "He's a very good-natured man who just wants to makes the world a better place, just like you and me. But more importantly, he helps making my inventions completely foolproof." Whatever that last part was supposed to mean.
But then the attack started when a mysterious black van drove up past the building of the HQ. Inside were three MAD agents, one big, one small and one of average height. They were dressed all in black jumpsuits, and hidden in the van were the equipments they had brought for this mission.
"Just a few guards? The security here is a joke." remarked one of the agents. The van continued to drive up the drive up the road before taking a left turn and soon parking their van hidden among the bushes. One of the windows of the van pulled open and an agent shoot a few tranquilizer darts at the guards at the entrance of the HQ, the guards instantly knocked out. The agents then hopped out of the car and sneaked up to the HQ, but not to the entrance. They instead sneaked up to an air ventilation shaft at the other side of the building, while each of them carried a big suitcase. Out of the suitcase the pulled something that looked like a fog machine, which they then put on and put next to the air vent. Soon enough, super-effective knock-out gas was spread throughout the entire building, instantly putting out anyone inhaling it. And whadda you know, in under five minutes, almost everyone in the building laid limp.
The MAD agents then laughed at how easily they were taking down the good guys. On of the agents then said "It's a good thing our organization thought about everything, eh guys?"
The only thing they hadn't accounted was Mr. Brown. He was the only one who didn't doze off from the knock-out gas.
"Too bad that I would have such a nasty cold at this very day" he said to no one in particular, before sneezing again. "But that's not gonna stop me from working, after all, I'm always on duty. But maybe I need to see a doctor later, anyway."
"Ok, everyone in the building is now affected" said one agent before they walked up to the entrance while putting on gas masks. They then entered and went to the stairs to the next floor...
"If we stick to the plan we're gonna start by looting them of them their- WHAT THE?!"
"Oh, hello guys. Are some sort of doctors? That's what I hope you are. Although judging by the jumpsuits and gas masks and suitcases, I presume you come from some sort of sanitation service. Are you here to sanitate something in particular? Because if you're gonna do some plumbing, I could help you with that, I do it all the time at home, though I don't know if I would go as far as calling it a hobby."
They stood flabbergasted.
Finally one of them, the biggest agent spoke up: "Er, yes. Yes, we are here from a sanitation service and we are here for plumbing, pest control, food control, moisture control, and fire protection. And yes, you can help us good sir" said the agent, who proceeded to put his arm around Mr. Brown walk with him down the hallway. "You said you were good at plumbing, yes? Then maybe can help us open up the pipes. Or something like that."
"Well, isn't that convinient. I already have my own equipment with me. I got all the tools I need for these kinds of jobs in my pockets. Screwdrivers, wrenches, even a suction cup." He then proceeded to open his coat and take out a suction cup to show the agent before taking it back. "Or perhaps one of you gouys is hungry" said he before he offered him a banana. The agent took it and threw it to the thin agent who then began eating it.
He was astounded that this man could fit a whole suction cup in his trenchcoat. But he was even more astounded by the fact that he would even put a suction cup in his trenchcoat to begin with.
"What do you have in your pockets, anyway?"
"The better question is what I don't have in my pockets. I don't think I have toothpaste or soap or a sledgehammer in my- oh wait, here's some toothpaste, would you like some?" he said with a genuine smile, accidentally squirting some toothpaste in the face of the MAD agent. "And now I found that sledgehammer. So that's why my coat was heavier than usual." he said while he picked picket it out and dropped it on the MAD agent's foot, who then started to jump up and down while screaming and holding his foot in agony. "And here's that bar of soap. And it's still wet and slippery. Oh drat!" he said trying to grab it several times before it landed on the floor. And whadda you know, the MAD agent accidentally stepped on the soap, then skated on it towards the other agents so that all three of them stumbled and fell on the floor.
"Destroy him! Don't just stand there! Shoot him!"
"You mean with this kind of gun?" Mr. Brown said cleaning one of their guns. "My oh my, it seems to me that you neglected to take proper care of your guns." Before he could do anything else, one agent grabbed the gun from him, aimed at him and pulled the trigger!
But because of Mr. Brown's mindless tinkering with the gun, pulling the trigger caused the gun to explode into itty bitty pieces flying everywhere, the biggest one towards the agent's face.
"Ow, my nose!"
"Blow him up, guys!"
"But the boss told us not to use the explosives until-
"DO IT!"
Obeyed him they did. The first agent threw a typical round, black bomb, the second threw a stick of dynamite and the third threw a grenade. Mr. Brown catched all three objects, juggled with them briefly, then threw them back at the agents.
"Don't you know that littering is prohibited? What's worse, these are firecrackers, and even worse, you're throwing them at me!"
The agents fled as far as they could before the bombs went off with a very loud bang, which could be heard even outside the building. Every one who was at the floor who was awake certainly felt the impact. All four of them were covered in ashes, even Mr. Brown, who now spoke again.
"I'm not going to be rude and get into private business by asking what you were going to use explosives for, but... why throw them at me?"
"That does it! Now ya made me really mad!" Said the biggest agent, ran towards Mr. Brown and wrestled him to the ground and into submission. He then sat on Mr. Brown keeping him down by holding his legs.
"That guy... seems really tense..." thought Mr. Brown. He then reached his right hand into one of his pickoets, pulled out a feather and tickled the agent. And it seemed to work fine when the agent started to laugh, but then he quickly grabbed the hand and lifted him up.
"Oh no you don't!" said the brute. He then started slamming him many times overhead into the ground, all the while holding his arm, and then slammed him at the wall.
"My head hurts... and my body hurts... I need to see a doc... a doctrine..." he thought. The brute quickly got ready for more action, he now started by picking upthe inspector by his left leg, spinning him around a few turns, and then let him go, throwing him at the other wall! HE then walked up to the beaten man, ready for the finale.
"Got any last words before I finish you off?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm going to eat a swamp tomorrow and you look like my dog."
The agents were, once again, dumbfounded. Did this man even know what he said?
Actually, he didn't. He tried to say something coherent, but with his headache, that wasn't an easy task. He then tried to take something out of one his pockets while he continued:
"There are many cafes in Paris and a lot of bats in South America!"
"What is he trying to say?"
Finally he had this to say. "Once upon a time there were three blind mice, and they were not very nice." He then picked up a transistor radio and dropped before the agents to see. This actually made the agents panic.
"Oh no! Don't you know what this means? He was a spy all along, just like us, and now he used codewords telling his boss what happened here."
Actually, he wasn't even aware of the fact that he pulled out a radio (which didn't even have any batteries in it), he just happened to be really desperate. But the agents didn't know that. They fled out of the building as fast as they could - only to be greeted by an entire police force aiming ther guns at them.
A minute later, Mr. Brown heard police sirens outside, and tried to stand up with his still shaking legs, thinking:
"Oh, good, I hear ambulance sirens outside. I hope they have a bag of ice, or aspirin." He managed to take a few steps, but then he just so happened to step on a banana peel, which made him skid across the floor, towards the stairs, roll down the stairs, roll down the hallway, roll through the entrance and finally crash outside the building in front of the police force.
Miraculously, inspector Brown had managed to prevent the MAD agents from succeeding with their plan.
Not as miraculously, inspector Brown was heavily injured after all the damage he had suffered during the attack.
The next day Professor von Slickstein stood besides Mr. Brown's heavily bandaged body, inside of a hospital. He and Mr. E had just made a speech to his collegues about how severely broken the man's body was, and how they were going perform the miracle of curing a life - and so much more.
"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. John Brown will be that man."
A few hours earlier, he had spoken to Mr. Brown about this very subject.
"Remember when before the attack, I told you I was going to show you a new life-saving projext? This is that project. Would you say yes to being part of it?"
"After all I been through, I say yes. Especially since, as the MAD agents said during the interrogations, their peers might want to take revenge on me, and who knows what they'll do then. IN fact, not only do I need this surgery, but also a new home."
"And I think you need a new name too. How about 'Inspector Gadget'?"
Meanwhile, on another continent, Mr. X was watching a news broadcast, and can you guess what what he heard?
He expected to hear that the HELP HQ had been attacked by an unknown force. But no, that's not what the news anchor said.
Apparently, a plot to invade the HELP HQ had been stopped by a brave police inspector.
"WHAT!? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! NONE OF MY PLANS HAVE FAILED BEFORE!"
"Astoundingly, the plot was the work of three men who all worked for a hitherto unknown organization called MAD."
"MY ORGANIZATION WAS SUPPOSED TO BE UNKNOWN OUTSIDE OF THE CRIMINAL UNDERWORLD! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THIS?"
Mr. X was screaming all of these words at the top of his lungs, and his cat tried desperatley to avoid him being hit by him.
The news anchor continued: "The only victim of this attack was the aforementioned police inspector. The authorities is withholding his identity of the man as he is currently being treated for his wounds at an unknown location."
"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT MAN! I WILL KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS, AND HE WILL KNOW ME AND MY WRATH!"
To be continued