Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS
A Team Leader's Fate
Man he was annoyed, he loved palmer he was one of his oldest and dearest friends but that man could ramble on and on about his perfect wife and their perfect children and the perfect little trips around the world that their perfect little family made all while cutting up dead bodies and weighing their organs.
And after a quick trip to Abby dropping off a caff-pow and an awkward hug (ever since the nun-bowling accident of '28 Abby was in a wheelchair) and a complaint of a lack of forensic evidence really had Dinozzo pissed especially since his Jamaican Mocca didn't have enough sugar in it, a boatload isn't enough he always ask for two boatloads of sugar but that new girl at the coffee shop kept messing it up.
Right before he got to the bullpen he stopped and listened. He could hear the sound of Martin Wayne dutifully typing away, Linda Parker humming as she messaged around for the latest office gossip and Felix Navarro throwing his stupid ball in the air and catching it repeatedly.
"Man the Bossman is going to be so pissed when he finds out." Navarro said with a sigh, that was his que and Dinozzo entered the scene.
"Find out what Navarro?" he asked with a snarl. Navarro shook upright the ball landing on his head and bouncing off in the distance causing parker to giggle and Wayne to have a brief smirk before turning back to his monitor.
"Well Boss, we were processing the rest of the scene as you told us to do after you left and then suddenly the feebies came running in apparently it was a drug smuggling operation."
"You let the FBI take over my crime scene?! "Tony yelled.
"There were like 14 of them boss."
"Have any of you got anything useful? "he shouted.
"Working on reconstructing the scene with the photos and sketches we managed to get, boss "Wayne said not looking up from his monitor in fear.
"Running all known associates of the men we found at the scene" parker added.
"And I got this boss," Felix grinned holding up two bags of evidence one filled with a gun the other with a hat "Right under the feebies's noses boss this baby," he said gesturing to the hat, "might contain some hairs for DNA."
Dinozzo slapped Navarro on the back of the head, "don't you think those should be in Abby's lab right now?" he shouted causing Felix to head of towards the lab only to stop as the elevator dinged and the aforementioned FBI showed up in the form of agent Sacks flanked by two other FBI agents, Navarro stopped not willing to miss the epic showdown.
"DiNutso!"
"Slacks!"
"What the hell are you doing with my crime scene?" Tony yelled.
"Your crime scene? that's my drug bust, been chasing these guys for months."
"Good thing we got involved then or it would be years before you got them."
"Yeah contaminating my scene taking the bodies and physical evidence and swooping it away like a bunch of vultures."
"Swooping it away like my ex-wife, huh Ron?"
"Real mature Tony, no wonder they all divorced you."
"Sacks my office now!" Tony shouted gesturing his head and storming towards it sacks equally as pissed off in tow.
"Which ex-wife is that?" Wayne asked.
"The Israeli?" Felix guessed.
"Nah the French one, the doctor, the second," Linda said confident in her sources.
Inside the elevator as the emergency switch got pulled and the lights went off except the blue ones leaving the middle aged Italian and African American in a glow as they cooled off.
"That was a low blow, Ron." Tony complained.
"You brought the she-devil into this."
"Hey! she's the mother of my child."
"She accused you off murder Dinozzo!"
"So did you sacks and we get along fine." he said with a smirk.
Ron smirked back taking a nicotine gum from his pocket.
"Still trying to beat the habit?" Tony inquired.
"Yeah best advice I can give you is don't start smoking and don't ever marry."
"Never did smoke."
"Really?"
"Plague lungs remember?"
"Oh yeah that was a long time ago."
"Yeah 3 ex-wives and a lot of back pain."
"So how do you want to do this?" Ron asked.
"Well we have the bodies and most of the forensics and you know about the drug operation, joint investigation?"
"Who leads?"
"We do until we got our killer then we transfer everything to you and you get all the drugs side of the deal."
"That's fine by me," Sacks said pushing the emergency switch, "and they say we're bastards."
"Some well-dressed, fine looking bastards" Tony said with a grin, straightening his tie glancing at both of their very expensive suits.
Ron smirked and Tony left back towards the bull-pen.
"Get me those names, bank accounts anything, everything. I want to know everything about them from the names of their grandmothers to their favourite Pokemans!" he shouted and all three of his team members got to work.
"Special agent Dinozzo!" the booming voice of Timothy McGee sounded throughout the squad room as he looked over from the mezzanine.
"Yes prob..- Director?" he quickly corrected, was there anything more embarrassing then having your own Probie as your director? well at least they hadn't had sex.
"Aren't you forgetting something? "McGee asked with a self-confident smirk he never had before he met Dinozzo.
"Uh? "Tony looked up quizzically.
"It's almost 4 o'clock. "
"Damn! the kids, thanks Tim, "he said trying to look appreciative and not very annoyed.
"Get me that info by 0700 tomorrow," he shouted as he headed off towards the parking lot.
"Ah Mr. Dinozzo "Miss Daisy said with a grin oh how he hated that woman. "You came I was about to call their mothers."
Tony shuddered involuntarily but put on his best Dinozzo grin as his kids rushed towards him, all girls ranging from a teen to an 8 year old.
"Dad, Daddy, Abba "was shouted as they headed into his arms and for the first time all week he genuinely smiled.
When they were in the car he turned to his eldest who was riding shotgun, "so Kelly wats the schedule for the weekend?" Kelly was much like her mother always on point meticulous and without mistakes.
"Well Sophie has piano lessons later today at 8 o'clock."
"Twenty hundred hours?"
"Dad we're not in the marines!" they all complained, "and neither have you ever been. "Kelly added.
"Yeah but I've been a navy cop for over 20 years."
"Okay then, at twenty hundred hours today Sophie has piano lessons. Tomorrow Tali has to be at the synagogue at 0900, Krav maga in the afternoon and dancing in the evening right before Sophie has to be at her book club. Sunday morning I have to be in church and at noon we all have soccer matches until the evening."
"Why do I have the feeling you're not telling me the whole story."
"I never can get anything besides you can I?"
"I'm a trained federal agent, I interrogate people for a living."
"Sis has a party she's going to Saturday night" Sophie said.
"Hey!" Kelly said annoyed.
"If I even smell a hint of alcohol in your breath young lady I will …"
"I'm 16 dad I'm not allowed to drink."
"Hey I was young once too, I know what goes on at these things and they only get worse as time goes by."
"Yeah Ima said you were a pig," Tali added.
"Thanks Tali," an annoyed Tony said.
"Yeah." Sophie added, "mom said you hid you're entire personality and past and she only found out once you were married."
"Thanks girls I really needed this." he said sinking deeper into his car seat.
Monday morning when he woke up in his basement where he laid on his sofa an old John Wayne movie playing on his massive tv where once stood a massive boat. Thank god he inherited the house, he never could afford it with all the alimonies and child support he has to pay and McGee refuses to give him a raise, probably petty revenge for all the hazing.
He sat straight drank the last of the bourbon he had last night cause god knows he needed it for wat was to come and headed upstairs his back complaining all the way there. Already seated where his 3 little angels all ready to go to school breakfast steaming ready for him.
He had a very busy weekend: they solved the case even helped Sacks on the FBI drug investigation and caught their murderers which brought closure for the families. He had to slip out at many points to bring his girls to where they needed to be (he had demanded the weekends in the divorces, he had to if he wanted any time with them). Navarro even if he was a jokester and a playboy had proved he could handle leading the team in his temporary absence even tough tony had called a million times. Navarro even stood up against the FBI or feebies as he called them.
He had watched Tali dance or her mother would kill him, let Sophie play piano for him and picked up a drunk Kelly after her party. She had wondered off and he had Wayne track her phone when she hadn't called by midnight he drove up to where she stood puking in some park punched the guy that was harassing her (damn that felt good), brought her and her other drunk friends to their respective homes and sobered her up the next day so she was ready for her soccer match that day with the help of a certain Dinozzo secret for hangovers. He had been there and cheered as they played even though he didn't believe soccer was an actual sport being so non-American but his girls were all Dinozzo's and they had all won their respective matches resulting in one happy dad.
In the evenings they had had their version of family dinner: takeout and old classic movies which his girls loved and not just for his sake, he had drilled the moviebuffness in at an early age and it had all stuck no matter how hard their mothers tried to reverse it, a small victory for his sake as their constant movie references couldn't help but remind them of their ex-husband.
So when the time arrived for them to be picked up he breathed in, heavily wishing he'd had more bourbon or bacon in the morning to brace himself. He opened the door and there stood the trio of hell.
"Ima/Mom/Mommy!" the girls shouted as they headed for their respective mothers.
One pale dark-haired and dressed in a business suit, lips in a teasing smile that used to bring him such joy.
One brunette with long flowing hair in a summer dress straight from the hospital night shift, her doe eyes no longer bringing him any warmth.
And lastly one olive skinned with long thick luscious curls that he used to love so much but now only signalled pain and misery.
They laughed and smiled at their daughters embracing them but when their daughters couldn't see they all stared menacingly at him. He knew they could kill him and easily, at least two of them were armed and one even had multiple weapons guns and knives on her the other not trained with weapons but a scalpel would do the trick so he just smiled his signature Dinozzo grin, said "bye girls" and closed the door collapsing to the ground with his back to the door, his last thought being, 'I need coffee' before he woke up flying upright wet with sweat and panting.
He speed dialled 1 completely in panic.
"Dinozzo this better be good, it's the middle of the damn night."
"Boss!" he said between panicked deep breaths.
"Tony, are you alright?" Gibbs asked picking up on his distressed tone and going into papa bear mode.
"Boss, I need to know."
"Need to know what!?"
"How many wives did mike franks have?"
"WHAT?!"
"Just answer the question boss."
"He never married, Dinozzo."
"Oh thank god! "Tony sighed before hanging up and collapsing back onto his bed.
The end
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little one-shot which was just a fun idea I came up with. The idea sprung into me after thinking of Tony as turning into Gibbs with his disastrous love life and complete focus on the job, only with Tony it would be funnier if he actually had kids with all of his ex-wives. I thought about having his ex-wives all be badass exotic women to mirror Gibbs even more with Ziva being his Shannon but that was just a bit more depressing and this was meant to be fun so I went with Kate, Jeanne and Ziva instead (it's a dream so it doesn't have to make sense).
Next Friday I'll upload my next Ziva returns one-shot called "Too Much Luggage" (basically Ziva gets her head out of her ass and returns post her leaving the show at the beginning of season 11 to talk and resolve stuff with tony I've already uploaded one such fic called "Not a Fish" with two yet to be uploaded) and the Friday after that will hopefully be the next chapter of "A Plague, a Babe and a Bastard" although I haven't started that yet.
What comes after that I'm not sure I've written a lot of random scenes that I want to wrap into case fics but I'm having trouble with the case fic stuff which is odd cause the reason I re-watched NCIS and started writing fanfics for it was to find inspiration and practice that part to use for my own oc murder mystery stories. But if I practice it a bit I'm confident I'll get 5-10 of these out depending on how long this NCIS inspiration and obsession craze I have lasts and maybe if I get the hang of it and the craze doesn't go away I might start a bigger project with my own AU timeline in which these fit. Why I'm writing for a show that is in my opinion dead I don't know, at least the fandom seems sort of alive.
I'll stop ranting now but if you like my stuff you'll be glad to hear that I'll at least have something every Friday for a long time even if it is just random scenes from those case fics I want to write but without the context of the case fic.