The Tournament
A/N: I didn't think it was that funny but....bon appetit!!! NO REFILLS!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX. I do own a unique wall fan and some oriental lanterns! But that's about it...i live in a cardboard box outside of Target on Tuesdays and Shopko on every other day, so if you'd like to make a donation....I'll be there...*wink wink* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!
IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! You are quite a fighter to get past my cow....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wakka, Tidus, and the Besaid Aurochs in the...whats it called? dressing room? well, they're in that room. Wakka's giving the usual pep talk...Lulu cowers...erm...watches... in the corner...
Wakka: blabbity blabbity bloo, usless crap, teamwork, blah blah blah, do our best...and never forget, blabbity bloobity blee...victory...
Jassu: Botta, im just curious...why dont you have a jamaican accent like us? yours be british, ya?
Botta: shut up or ill smash your bloody face in!
Tidus:(arent the cute ones the clueless ones?)*listening intently to Wakka* thats right, Wakka! i dont know what you just said, but im also thankful for the burrito that is in the heart of my bottom.
All: ...
Wakkka: now whats our goal?
All: to do our best!
Wakka: how many times do i have to tell you boneheads? up against the wall, backs t'wards me!
(all obey)
Wakka: our *whip* new *slash* goal *whip* is *slash* vic *whip* tory *slash*!
Tidus: sorry officer...
Wakka: now lets go out there and kill em!...erm...i mean...win!
All: Sir! (leave)
Lulu: got quite a team, captain...
Wakka: not yet, but i will! ...heh heh heh...
Lulu: that Tidus, pretty good, isnt he?
Wakka, good, but not the brightest bulb in da box, is he?
Lulu: the cutest ones arent the smartest ones...vice versa, too...
Wakka: you tink hes cute?
Lulu: much more than you, buttface!
Wakka: why do you say dat? *sob sob*
Lulu: i was calling you smart!!!
Wakka: you know i take counseling for your abuse?!?! happy place, happy place...
Lulu: *sigh sigh* Yuna's using one of her aeons to save my seat. id better go before Ifrit scorhes it again. go get em, marlboro!
Wakka: are you implying i have bad breath? *sob sob*
Lulu: no...im implying that you have many hands...*wink wink*
Wakka: ...huh?...
Lulu: *sigh sigh* nevermind...
Lulu leaves, Wakka leaves with a puzzled but satisfied look on his face.
Wakka: heh heh...who's smart now? not me!
Lulu gets to her seat, Yuna sees her and dismisses Shiva. She the lets Lulu have her seat in between Yuna and Auron, behind Kimahri and in front of Rikku.
Yuna: Shiva your help is not needed now. return to the great-
Shiva: yeah yeah yeah, i know when im not wanted... *sigh sigh*
Shiva leaves, Auron put his binoculars down and sighs.
Auron: i wanted her! Yuna! bring her back!
Lulu sits down, then immediatly stands up, and...shakes... *sigh sigh* men...
Auron: *grin grin* nevermind! *binoculars go back up and focus on Lulu.*
Lulu: Shiva got my seat wet!!! Yuna! summon someone else next time!
Yuna: howzabout Ixion?
Lulu: i dont want my seat covered in horse shi-
Yuna: then how about Yojimbo?
Lulu: his dog chewed up my seat last time, remember? ...but he ate all the bugs! *shudder shudder* bugs...hate em!
Yuna: *think think* (brighty) ill have one of the magus sisters save your seat!
Lulu: *rolls eyes* I HATE BUGS!
Yuna: ...oh yes...i remember...
Lulu: grr...just put your wand there next time!
Yuna: Oh! thats such a good idea! Lulu, what would i do without your little reminders?
Lulu: probably suffocate...
Lulu sits down, Auron grins more
Auron: now the show has started! *stare stare* *grin grin*
Rikku: (eating cotton candy, face is a mess) but the game isnt on for ten more minutes... Ack! spider senses tingling! *sniff sniff* up up and away!
it was at that moment, when she jumped out of her seat, when Lulu realized that Rikku forgot her Ritalin that morning. Rikku falls all the way into the waiting pool. Lulu stands up to go and get her.
Lulu: Do i have to run everything around here?
All: yes...
Lulu: i gotta go get her. Yuna, save my...spot...wait...Kimahri, save my spot.
Kimahri nods, then goes back to sleep. the people behind him mutter continually about how they cant see.
Meanwhile...in the waiting pool...
Tidus: are we ready, guys?
Keepa: my parents didnt love me...to name me this? i mean...Keepa? *sob sob*
Datto: I need to use the potty!
Letty: I feel a warm spot!
Botta: Ill smash all of your faces in, you sniveling little gits!
Jassu: my idol is Dennis Rodman...
Wakka: ...heh heh heh...
Tidus: whats so funny?
Wakka: many hands...heh heh heh...
Tidus: am i the only one thats concerned about beating the luca goers?
Letty: wonder what they go for?
Datto: who knows!
Keepa: or cares? *sob sob*
Botta: i bet they prefer the screw from behind...heh heh heh...
Tidus: do you hear something?
no one hears what he hears until about 2 seconds after when a quiet, but continually getting louder, happy, ignorant cry of a young girl in her one moment of bliss.
Rikku: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *crash*
Rikku falls through the waiting pool roof, squashing Keepa and Datto.
Datto: X_____X
Keepa: *sob sob* X____________X
Wakka: great. just great. now our goalie and right fielder are dead. we're short one player!
Rikku: i'll be right fielder! ...that is...providing my...expenses...are met...
Wakka: *sigh sigh* how much do you want?
Rikku: ...CANDY!!!!!
Wakka: ...okay...
Tidus: ill give you 3 chocobo bars and a pack of gum.
Rikku: sold! to the little girl with blonde hair!
Tidus: am i a pretty girl? *blush blush*
All: ...
Tidus: i mean...(defiantly)Rikku, i am a man
All: ...
(authors note: i thought Tidus was pretty hot, but my friend Ayame loves nothing more than to torment him and make Tidus cutlets out of him...any ways, carry on...)
Rikku: gimme gimme gimme!
Tidus: after the game, you can have them.
Rikku: ...okay! insentive insentive insentive!
Wakka: lets get in the sphere!
Lulu gets in the room just as they exit, a guard stands at the door.
Guard: you shall not pass!
Lulu: what?
Guard: you shall not pass!
Lulu: but i must pass!
Guard: then you shall die!
Lulu: ...wait... i love that movie!
Guard: really? me too!
Lulu: you know the one part where...
Lulu and the Guard flirt away, completly forgeting about the game and Rikku's ritalin.
Meanwhile...in the stands...
Auron: its no fun without Shiva and Lulu...
Yuna: wheres Kimahri? wheres Kimahri? ah! peekaboo!
Kimahri: *ignore ignore* zzz zzz...
Auron: Yuna...will you summon Shiva?
Yuna: *think think* hmmm...no!
Auron: uh! why not?
Yuna: because she's right behind you!
Auron: YAY! *grin grin* *stare stare* *drool drool*
???: AURON!!!
Auron: (whirls around) huh? oh, Yunalesca...heh heh heh...
Yunalesca: How dare you! you havent answered any of my messages, emailed me, written me, telegrahed me, pony expressed me, talked to me in person, or any form of communication with me since i killed you! WHY?!?! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!?!
Auron: yeah...heh heh...theres a...real...funny story as to why i havent...buh-bye!(runs in the opposite direction)
Yunalesca: come back here! ILL KILL YOU...AGAIN...
Auron: not if you cant catch me! hah hah hah hah hah!
Yunalesca: come back here you old man!
Auron: im 355555555555555555555555555!
Auron falls into a hole he had cleverly dug earlier, at the bottom was a save sphere where he secretly transported to the airship.
Yunalesca: well, thats that...ZAON!
Yunalesca disappears and goes back to lord Zaon.
Yuna: ...?
Kimahri: wheres Yuna...wheres Yuna...peekaboo!
Yuna: hee hee hee! here i am!
Kimahri: ...Kimahri over here...
Yuna turns away from the wall she was playing peekaboo with, just noticing that that wall wasnt the Kimahri she thought it was.
Yuna: hee hee hee! silly me! play patty cake with me, Kimahri!
Kimahri: ...why dont you go and get Kimahri a sandwich?
Yuna: ...because i forgot what a sandwich is...
Shiva: can i go now? im starting to melt...
Shiva leaves, Kimahri tries to explain what a sandwich is...
Jimma: ladies and gentleman! please take your seats, the game is about to begin!
Bobba: today we have a tournament match made from the farplane: the lucious luca goers verses the blundering besaid aurochs!
Jimma: starting alternating line up for the aurochs: LF...Tidus!
Bobba: starting alternating line up for the goers: LF...Doram! (bored)
Jimma: RF... ...Rikku!
Bobba: RF...Balgerda! (obviosly bored)
Jimma: MF...Letty!
Bobba: MF...Abus! (getting un-bored)
Jimma: LD...Jassu!
Bobba: LD...Graav! (getting happier)
Jimma: GL...Captain Wakka!
Bobba: GL...Raudy! (very excited...)
Jimma: RD...Botta!
Bobba: RD...Bickson! (screaming and giggling at the top of his lungs)
Jimma: whats the matter with you, Bobba?
Bobba: i think im in love, Jimma!
Jimma: oooookkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyy...
Bobba: hey Bickson! how about coming over to my place after you win?
Jimma: dont answer him, Bickson! the game...has...begun!
pistol shot, signaling the beginning of the game. Lulu has given up hope of seducing the Guard to letting her in, so she returns to her seat, only to find a sleeping Kimahri and Yuna and Auron no where in sight.
Lulu: where did they go?
Kimahri: zzz zzz...who?
Lulu: Yuna and Auron?
Kimahri: Yuna went to go get me a sandwich, and Auron is on the airship.
???: so thats where he is!
Lulu: who are you?
???: its me, Yunalesca!
Kimahri: looking for Auron?
Yunalesca: ...yes...
Kimahri: there is a save sphere in that hole he fell into. use it to get to the airship.
Yunalesca: hee hee hee! i feel 491 again! thank you!
Kimahri: no problem.
Yunalesca leaves, Lulu and Kimahri...chat...as the game is played.
Meanwhile...in the food stalls...
Yuna: hmmmmm... *looks at a paper that describes what a sandwich is* i want to get Kimahri a sandwich, but i just dont know how to read! *walks up to a man, holds up an item* is this a sandwich?
Man:...yeah, sure...
Yuna: hee hee hee! thank you! (does the little pray thingy, runs back)
Meanwhile...on the airship...
Auron: whew! that was close! (looks at his arm) ahh! wheres my arm? (pulls it out of his sleeve) oh, there it is. phew!
???: AURON!
???: AURON!
Auron: *scared* Y-Yunalesca! *smiles* Shiva!
the three end up talking, then all three decide to go into the bedroom *wink wink nudge nudge know what i mean say no more*
Meanwhile...at the game...
Lulu: and thats how i made my dress!
Kimahri: hmm...
Yuna: im ba-ack! *smiles*
Kimahri: wheres my sandwich?
Yuna: (hands the item to him) in your hands! *smiles*
Kimahri:...this is a blitzball! (pops it with his claws)
Yuna:...you have kitty claws? KITTY! (hugs Kimahri)
Jimma: this game is full of fouls, eh Bobba? ...Bobba? hey a note! Dear Jimma, our love was special, but not special enough. Im going with Bickson and thats that! love Bobba. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (runs off crying)
A/N: Next chapter coming soon! =^_^= meow!
A/N: I didn't think it was that funny but....bon appetit!!! NO REFILLS!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX. I do own a unique wall fan and some oriental lanterns! But that's about it...i live in a cardboard box outside of Target on Tuesdays and Shopko on every other day, so if you'd like to make a donation....I'll be there...*wink wink* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!
IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! You are quite a fighter to get past my cow....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wakka, Tidus, and the Besaid Aurochs in the...whats it called? dressing room? well, they're in that room. Wakka's giving the usual pep talk...Lulu cowers...erm...watches... in the corner...
Wakka: blabbity blabbity bloo, usless crap, teamwork, blah blah blah, do our best...and never forget, blabbity bloobity blee...victory...
Jassu: Botta, im just curious...why dont you have a jamaican accent like us? yours be british, ya?
Botta: shut up or ill smash your bloody face in!
Tidus:(arent the cute ones the clueless ones?)*listening intently to Wakka* thats right, Wakka! i dont know what you just said, but im also thankful for the burrito that is in the heart of my bottom.
All: ...
Wakkka: now whats our goal?
All: to do our best!
Wakka: how many times do i have to tell you boneheads? up against the wall, backs t'wards me!
(all obey)
Wakka: our *whip* new *slash* goal *whip* is *slash* vic *whip* tory *slash*!
Tidus: sorry officer...
Wakka: now lets go out there and kill em!...erm...i mean...win!
All: Sir! (leave)
Lulu: got quite a team, captain...
Wakka: not yet, but i will! ...heh heh heh...
Lulu: that Tidus, pretty good, isnt he?
Wakka, good, but not the brightest bulb in da box, is he?
Lulu: the cutest ones arent the smartest ones...vice versa, too...
Wakka: you tink hes cute?
Lulu: much more than you, buttface!
Wakka: why do you say dat? *sob sob*
Lulu: i was calling you smart!!!
Wakka: you know i take counseling for your abuse?!?! happy place, happy place...
Lulu: *sigh sigh* Yuna's using one of her aeons to save my seat. id better go before Ifrit scorhes it again. go get em, marlboro!
Wakka: are you implying i have bad breath? *sob sob*
Lulu: no...im implying that you have many hands...*wink wink*
Wakka: ...huh?...
Lulu: *sigh sigh* nevermind...
Lulu leaves, Wakka leaves with a puzzled but satisfied look on his face.
Wakka: heh heh...who's smart now? not me!
Lulu gets to her seat, Yuna sees her and dismisses Shiva. She the lets Lulu have her seat in between Yuna and Auron, behind Kimahri and in front of Rikku.
Yuna: Shiva your help is not needed now. return to the great-
Shiva: yeah yeah yeah, i know when im not wanted... *sigh sigh*
Shiva leaves, Auron put his binoculars down and sighs.
Auron: i wanted her! Yuna! bring her back!
Lulu sits down, then immediatly stands up, and...shakes... *sigh sigh* men...
Auron: *grin grin* nevermind! *binoculars go back up and focus on Lulu.*
Lulu: Shiva got my seat wet!!! Yuna! summon someone else next time!
Yuna: howzabout Ixion?
Lulu: i dont want my seat covered in horse shi-
Yuna: then how about Yojimbo?
Lulu: his dog chewed up my seat last time, remember? ...but he ate all the bugs! *shudder shudder* bugs...hate em!
Yuna: *think think* (brighty) ill have one of the magus sisters save your seat!
Lulu: *rolls eyes* I HATE BUGS!
Yuna: ...oh yes...i remember...
Lulu: grr...just put your wand there next time!
Yuna: Oh! thats such a good idea! Lulu, what would i do without your little reminders?
Lulu: probably suffocate...
Lulu sits down, Auron grins more
Auron: now the show has started! *stare stare* *grin grin*
Rikku: (eating cotton candy, face is a mess) but the game isnt on for ten more minutes... Ack! spider senses tingling! *sniff sniff* up up and away!
it was at that moment, when she jumped out of her seat, when Lulu realized that Rikku forgot her Ritalin that morning. Rikku falls all the way into the waiting pool. Lulu stands up to go and get her.
Lulu: Do i have to run everything around here?
All: yes...
Lulu: i gotta go get her. Yuna, save my...spot...wait...Kimahri, save my spot.
Kimahri nods, then goes back to sleep. the people behind him mutter continually about how they cant see.
Meanwhile...in the waiting pool...
Tidus: are we ready, guys?
Keepa: my parents didnt love me...to name me this? i mean...Keepa? *sob sob*
Datto: I need to use the potty!
Letty: I feel a warm spot!
Botta: Ill smash all of your faces in, you sniveling little gits!
Jassu: my idol is Dennis Rodman...
Wakka: ...heh heh heh...
Tidus: whats so funny?
Wakka: many hands...heh heh heh...
Tidus: am i the only one thats concerned about beating the luca goers?
Letty: wonder what they go for?
Datto: who knows!
Keepa: or cares? *sob sob*
Botta: i bet they prefer the screw from behind...heh heh heh...
Tidus: do you hear something?
no one hears what he hears until about 2 seconds after when a quiet, but continually getting louder, happy, ignorant cry of a young girl in her one moment of bliss.
Rikku: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *crash*
Rikku falls through the waiting pool roof, squashing Keepa and Datto.
Datto: X_____X
Keepa: *sob sob* X____________X
Wakka: great. just great. now our goalie and right fielder are dead. we're short one player!
Rikku: i'll be right fielder! ...that is...providing my...expenses...are met...
Wakka: *sigh sigh* how much do you want?
Rikku: ...CANDY!!!!!
Wakka: ...okay...
Tidus: ill give you 3 chocobo bars and a pack of gum.
Rikku: sold! to the little girl with blonde hair!
Tidus: am i a pretty girl? *blush blush*
All: ...
Tidus: i mean...(defiantly)Rikku, i am a man
All: ...
(authors note: i thought Tidus was pretty hot, but my friend Ayame loves nothing more than to torment him and make Tidus cutlets out of him...any ways, carry on...)
Rikku: gimme gimme gimme!
Tidus: after the game, you can have them.
Rikku: ...okay! insentive insentive insentive!
Wakka: lets get in the sphere!
Lulu gets in the room just as they exit, a guard stands at the door.
Guard: you shall not pass!
Lulu: what?
Guard: you shall not pass!
Lulu: but i must pass!
Guard: then you shall die!
Lulu: ...wait... i love that movie!
Guard: really? me too!
Lulu: you know the one part where...
Lulu and the Guard flirt away, completly forgeting about the game and Rikku's ritalin.
Meanwhile...in the stands...
Auron: its no fun without Shiva and Lulu...
Yuna: wheres Kimahri? wheres Kimahri? ah! peekaboo!
Kimahri: *ignore ignore* zzz zzz...
Auron: Yuna...will you summon Shiva?
Yuna: *think think* hmmm...no!
Auron: uh! why not?
Yuna: because she's right behind you!
Auron: YAY! *grin grin* *stare stare* *drool drool*
???: AURON!!!
Auron: (whirls around) huh? oh, Yunalesca...heh heh heh...
Yunalesca: How dare you! you havent answered any of my messages, emailed me, written me, telegrahed me, pony expressed me, talked to me in person, or any form of communication with me since i killed you! WHY?!?! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!?!
Auron: yeah...heh heh...theres a...real...funny story as to why i havent...buh-bye!(runs in the opposite direction)
Yunalesca: come back here! ILL KILL YOU...AGAIN...
Auron: not if you cant catch me! hah hah hah hah hah!
Yunalesca: come back here you old man!
Auron: im 355555555555555555555555555!
Auron falls into a hole he had cleverly dug earlier, at the bottom was a save sphere where he secretly transported to the airship.
Yunalesca: well, thats that...ZAON!
Yunalesca disappears and goes back to lord Zaon.
Yuna: ...?
Kimahri: wheres Yuna...wheres Yuna...peekaboo!
Yuna: hee hee hee! here i am!
Kimahri: ...Kimahri over here...
Yuna turns away from the wall she was playing peekaboo with, just noticing that that wall wasnt the Kimahri she thought it was.
Yuna: hee hee hee! silly me! play patty cake with me, Kimahri!
Kimahri: ...why dont you go and get Kimahri a sandwich?
Yuna: ...because i forgot what a sandwich is...
Shiva: can i go now? im starting to melt...
Shiva leaves, Kimahri tries to explain what a sandwich is...
Jimma: ladies and gentleman! please take your seats, the game is about to begin!
Bobba: today we have a tournament match made from the farplane: the lucious luca goers verses the blundering besaid aurochs!
Jimma: starting alternating line up for the aurochs: LF...Tidus!
Bobba: starting alternating line up for the goers: LF...Doram! (bored)
Jimma: RF... ...Rikku!
Bobba: RF...Balgerda! (obviosly bored)
Jimma: MF...Letty!
Bobba: MF...Abus! (getting un-bored)
Jimma: LD...Jassu!
Bobba: LD...Graav! (getting happier)
Jimma: GL...Captain Wakka!
Bobba: GL...Raudy! (very excited...)
Jimma: RD...Botta!
Bobba: RD...Bickson! (screaming and giggling at the top of his lungs)
Jimma: whats the matter with you, Bobba?
Bobba: i think im in love, Jimma!
Jimma: oooookkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyy...
Bobba: hey Bickson! how about coming over to my place after you win?
Jimma: dont answer him, Bickson! the game...has...begun!
pistol shot, signaling the beginning of the game. Lulu has given up hope of seducing the Guard to letting her in, so she returns to her seat, only to find a sleeping Kimahri and Yuna and Auron no where in sight.
Lulu: where did they go?
Kimahri: zzz zzz...who?
Lulu: Yuna and Auron?
Kimahri: Yuna went to go get me a sandwich, and Auron is on the airship.
???: so thats where he is!
Lulu: who are you?
???: its me, Yunalesca!
Kimahri: looking for Auron?
Yunalesca: ...yes...
Kimahri: there is a save sphere in that hole he fell into. use it to get to the airship.
Yunalesca: hee hee hee! i feel 491 again! thank you!
Kimahri: no problem.
Yunalesca leaves, Lulu and Kimahri...chat...as the game is played.
Meanwhile...in the food stalls...
Yuna: hmmmmm... *looks at a paper that describes what a sandwich is* i want to get Kimahri a sandwich, but i just dont know how to read! *walks up to a man, holds up an item* is this a sandwich?
Man:...yeah, sure...
Yuna: hee hee hee! thank you! (does the little pray thingy, runs back)
Meanwhile...on the airship...
Auron: whew! that was close! (looks at his arm) ahh! wheres my arm? (pulls it out of his sleeve) oh, there it is. phew!
???: AURON!
???: AURON!
Auron: *scared* Y-Yunalesca! *smiles* Shiva!
the three end up talking, then all three decide to go into the bedroom *wink wink nudge nudge know what i mean say no more*
Meanwhile...at the game...
Lulu: and thats how i made my dress!
Kimahri: hmm...
Yuna: im ba-ack! *smiles*
Kimahri: wheres my sandwich?
Yuna: (hands the item to him) in your hands! *smiles*
Kimahri:...this is a blitzball! (pops it with his claws)
Yuna:...you have kitty claws? KITTY! (hugs Kimahri)
Jimma: this game is full of fouls, eh Bobba? ...Bobba? hey a note! Dear Jimma, our love was special, but not special enough. Im going with Bickson and thats that! love Bobba. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (runs off crying)
A/N: Next chapter coming soon! =^_^= meow!