Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
This is set in season four, episode ten. Glee, Actually. Set in the parallel universe in which Artie can walk.
The title is taken from Ed Sheeran's song.
I hope you enjoy it.
Summery:
He wonders why he cares so much about her, he hasn't cared about anything in a long time.
But he noticed her, he noticed the dark brown of her eyes, the way she holds herself when she walks, the look in her eyes. The look that mirrored his so much is scared him.
They're lost.
Finn watches as Artie is shouted out of the classroom after singing and dancing around to that stupid foreign song, what language was that anyway? He rubs this face his head dropping over the edge of the chair. What the hell was up with him anyway? Pushing the chick down in the library, he hadn't even known the school had a library until he and Puck watched Artie disappear into it.
"Fucking freak." He hears Puck mutter next to him as he stands, his eyes slid to the girl in the chair next to him. Her large librarian glasses perch on the edge of her nose as she goes through papers on the desk in front of her, it's the girl from the library herself. His focus is momentarily pulled when he sees the gay kid, Kurt something almost run from the room.
He can't even feel since as he is too numb to feel guilt, he feels too numb to feel anything these days.
He's stuck in high school, in shitty Ohio and here he is, what he was always supposed to be - a Lima Loser.
He stands as Puck claps him on the back, "I'll see you later man." He nods kicking his chair under. He wonders what this is all about and he can feel a headache start to come on, he gingerly rubs his temples as he glances around the small room which he's never stepped into before today, except once when he was making out with one of the cheerleaders.
He walks forward in a daze.
This day is getting shittier and shittier. His hands shoot out and his eyes fly open when he realises he's walked into someone. His hands are clasped around the girls upper arms to stop her from falling and her face is inches from his. He has just walked into Rachel Berry.
"Watch where you are walking." She tugs her arms away from his sharply as she suddenly stops. And they're just staring at each other. And he's lost in these gorgeous brown eyes and she's just so small. His hands are now gently placed on her shoulders.
"Sorry." His voice comes out as a whisper. She doesn't move, she just stares before suddenly she looks embarrassed and pulls away. He suddenly wants to kiss her real bad. As he's seen way to many porno's where the girl is this hot librarian and she's fulfilling this fantasy. His pants go a little tighter and he feels like a dick as her face flushes. "Sorry." He apologises again but this time for a completely different reason. She glances down turning around she storms from the room leaving him there with a guy with dreadlocks who is trying to get past him. "What the fuck are you looking at?" The obligatory snarl falls from his lips and he feels guilty as dreadlocks looks stunned and raises his hands in a peace gesture.
"I didn't do anything dude." And with that Finn storms from the choir room.
xxx
Finn is in a trance for the next few days, he keeps having these stupid dreams which make him want to throw up and his head keeps painfully throbbing and he's doped up on painkillers and he's waiting for the weekend to try something stronger since that's one of his rules - no drugs during school hours.
He is currently sitting in the cafeteria, he's got one headphone in attempting to kill the noise of screaming fourteen year olds. Brittany sits next to him resting her head on his shoulder and drawing her cat on the table with permanent markers.
He doesn't know where Puck is, probably dumpster diving some new freshmen. He pulls the top of the bottle before leaning down to whisper to Brittany that he's leaving. He watches the new senior's as the girls flipped their hair and the boys acted even bigger dickheads than usual, they thought they ruled the school.
It was going to be a big shock for them when they realised they didn't.
He grabs the water and shifts uncomfortably in his letterman jacket, he bumps into a small girl who flushes and apologises immediately. He's seen her around before and he winks and smiles and says it's ok in this voice which is really not his own. And afterward as he's walking away he comes back off autopilot, he hadn't meant to do that, it was just what was expected from him.
He wonders if being a girl is easier? They at least have good friends they can talk to about shit and feelings. Finn has never felt more alone as he made his way to the bleachers. He reaches them keeping his head down against the biting cold as it's December and he only has his letterman on. He sits right at the top and closes his eyes.
Sometimes he just wants to die.
No one would miss him bar his mother, and lately she keeps snapping at him and telling him to get out and get a job and to try at life. And he really does, he tries to go out and get some shitty mediocre job. But even they won't hire him. And everything seems so hopeless. What's the point in carrying on? No one cares anyway.
And even Quinn's dead.
And he blames himself for it, even though she cheated on him and had a baby with Puck. He still has nightmares about her car getting smashed into by the truck.
He hears something hit the metal bleachers and his eyes fly open expecting for one of the other asshole football players about to play a practical joke on him. A few meters away that gay kid, Kurt something was sitting and every few seconds he would slightly turn his head and stare at Finn out of the corner of his eye.
He continues to do this as Finn skipped a few songs which were deafening him. "What?" He finally snaps and the boy physically flinches and Finn wants to kill himself even more, he realises that when he had spoken his voice had broken and sounded strained. He realises that he is crying and suddenly everything crashes down even more.
He rubs his face in an attempted subtle way.
"I'm not going to hurt you or anything, or try and throw you off the bleachers." He quietly says when Kurt keeps staring at him out of the corner of his eye.
Kurt doesn't reply but fully turns around to face him; he feels immense guilt for the shit he had done to the boy. He never fought back, or said anything mean or horrible to the other footballers; he just took it like a man. He had never even seen him cry. He was just bullied because he was gay.
The silence that engulfed the two of them wasn't that uncomfortable. And a bit later on Kurt pulled out some sandwiches and starts to eat and Finn wonders if he does this every day.
"Shouldn't you have…" Finn's voice is drowned out by the bell and he's secretly glad. It had taken all of forty or so minutes to build up the confidence to speak to him. He stretches and stands his whole body aches from the cold, he watches Kurt shivering as he puts his sandwich box back in his bag. All his movements are stiff as if he expects Finn to come up behind him and push him.
He follows him down the steps he still feels like crap, his hand is clenched into a fist and he really doesn't want to go to English. He traces Kurt's footsteps. He pauses for a moment imagining.
He should jog up next to him and place his hand on his shoulder, Kurt would pause wide eyed. "Look Kurt." He would wince and close his eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should never have done or said those things. I'm sorry."
But he doesn't.
Finn is pulled from his daydream as Kurt's hand slams against the metal door and it opens. He wishes he would have to guts to do that, just apologise even though he know it will never be accepted.
That horrible feeling settles in his stomach again.
xxx
The next time he sees that Rachel girl he is bunking math.
He is sitting under the stairwell and she drops some papers and they make that quiet crashing sound paper makes when it hits the floor. He leans his head out of the small alcove he has found, to see her attempting to gather the papers.
Something in his mind clicks and he jumps from his space and going and picking up the papers which had fell further from her grasp.
She stands and looks at the floor with the papers in her hand, they both stand there for a minute and he wonders what she's doing and whether she's imagining kissing him like he was the other week. He abruptly realises she is slightly reaching out for the sheets in his hand.
"Sorry." He mutters and shoves the papers towards her which have been slightly crumpled in his huge hands.
She raises her eyes to meet his, "thank you."
He smiles at her.
xxx
He waits the whole day.
And the next day.
And goes and sees her the day after that, he pushes open the door to the library and watches as everyone turns and stares at him.
He doesn't belong here. He goes towards the desk thing where Rachel is sitting writing something in this big file and marking books. He walks, and walks… until he chickens out and spins around walking the other way.
He goes and hides behind a bookshelf berating himself; he slides down so he is resting his arms on his knees and his butt is resting on the hard linoleum floor.
He wonders why he cares so much about her; he hasn't cared about anything in a long time.
But he noticed her, he noticed the dark brown of her eyes, the way she holds herself when she walks, the look in her eyes. The look that mirrored his so much is scared him.
They are lost.
Lost in what? Life? Is that even possible? But he knew he has no direction in his life, and hanging around a high school after graduation didn't seem to scream I have a plan in life.
He hears the bell ring and the shuffle and scrape of chairs as the other students get up and leave and go to lessons. But he stays. He wonders whether Puck will have left also and gone to the 7/11 to get beer for later as he realises that it is in fact a Friday night. A whole forty-eight hours of avoiding his mom. A whole forty-eight hours of hiding in his bedroom as he lies there feeling like he wishes the world to end.
"You should be in class." Her voice is quiet and soft but it still makes him jump.
"Sorry."
She's still wearing that librarian costume and those glasses, and her arms are crossed across her chest which he tries not to stare at.
"You don't need to keep apologising." She says looking at her feet.
"Sorry." Their eyes make contact and he half smiles at her, and she shyly smiles back. There is silence but Finn jumps in before she can leave. "It's Rachel isn't it?" He knows it is certainly Rachel. As he had went through his yearbook the other night searching for her picture.
Rachel Berry.
There was hardly anything about her, just her name. But it was something.
"And you're Finn Hudson." She looks past him out the small window which looked onto the teacher's car park. "But everyone knows that." The words sting him and he flinches, his fingernails digging into the carpet. The way she says it is meant as an insult.
She shifts from foot to foot refusing to even look at him, even though his gaze is steadily glaring a hole into the floor. "I won't tell anyone you're here, but just for today." He feels like she is chastising him.
xxx
"Dude! That was fucking something huh?" Puck claps him on the back, it's Monday morning suddenly and the weekend is just a blur. He's terrified and shaking slightly still. He realises he went too far on Saturday. He shouldn't have taken it.
He had always been too scared to take any drugs, but now he had nothing to lose. But now he had almost lost it. And it was terrifying.
He can imagine the drug rushing through his bloodstream poisoning everything it touches.
Finn ignores Puck and storms straight into school; he bashes into someone and only pauses to look down to see who it was. Expecting to see some freshman he is shocked when Artie Abram jumps up. He had always been alright to talk to, as Artie had never condoned the bullying itself. Finn and him had always stood back and let others do it. Finn can't quite pinpoint when it became him doing the bullying.
Arty stares wide eyed, "hi." He half smiles expecting a rebuff.
"Hey." He glances down; something was off about him as of late after the whole song and dance the other day. And some rant about Glee club, whatever that was. "Can I talk to you?" Even if Abrams had snapped he had spoken about something which had involved everyone in Coach Sue's circus room, which apparently had been the choir room.
Which had involved Rachel.
They end up in the classroom again, even though it's empty as everyone else wasn't in school yet. They are still coming in or doing homework late.
"Tell me about that thing you were going on about the other week." He demands slouching down on a chair. Artie's eyes light up and he smiles.
"Glee?" He asks, looking putout when no answer is given but he continues regardless. "You joined Sophomore year, it was me, you, Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang and Mercedes Jones. And it was great and then Puck and Santana and Quinn joined." He flinches at Quinn's name but Artie doesn't seem to notice. "And we won sectionals and regional's and eventually nationals. But it wasn't just about that. It was… god you're so different." He pauses for air and to see if Finn is listening.
"You sound like a nut job." He mutters, Artie laughs uncomfortably.
"You dated Rachel, Rachel Berry." He sees he's gained Finns attention who sits up straighter.
"Really?"
"Yeah, on and off from Sophomore to Senior year."
Both of them are silent for a while.
"Why just until senior year?"
"Oh… well, she went off to New York to this theatre academy and you joined the army for a while."
"What's this from again?" Finn asks unable to wrap his head around this.
"It's not from anything, it's this other reality. Like an alternative universe."
"Yeah…. Well I have to go." Finn stands as the bell goes, determined to actually go to class. He dated Rachel? He shakes his head, this literally means nothing. Alternative universes and all that. He pauses at the doorway. "That dance was still really gay." And then he's gone leaving Artie in the choir room all by himself.
Trying to forget those images his words had conjured up, he was just some bat shit crazy senior.
xxx
Finn is really good that day; he goes to all his lessons and everything. He tries to listen and does his work. And only at lunchtime does he get his lunch and avoid the football table and goes outside. He ends up on the bleachers again. Kurt Hummel, as he had recently learnt his name is sitting there also. He sits a few meters away and so not to invade each other's personal space.
Kurt doesn't have any lunch today as Finn has lain down and can see Kurt from the corner of his eye, he listens to his music and REO Speedwagon blasts out through the headphones. Halfway through lunch Finn pulls out the sandwich he had bought before and sets it beside him. Kurt is reading something and he doesn't want to interrupt him, well that's his chicken shit excuse for not talking to him.
"Uh… hey!" He finally calls after listening to the whole of Rumors album by Fleetwood Mac. "Kurt?" He stiffly turns around the face him with wide frightened eyes as if he expects to be hurt, which he probably does. "You don't have any lunch, and I was wondering… if you wanted that." He points to the sandwich lying on the bleacher. He tries to smile at Kurt.
He cocks his head to one side trying to figure out of he has ulterior motives. Finally he straightens up, "I'm fine thank you." He stares at Finn at little longer than to not make Finn uncomfortable as he sunk back down on the bleacher.
There is silence once more.
xxx
"I'm sorry."
Having lunch on the bleachers alongside Kurt has become a daily thing. They would come and sit a few feet away from each other and Finn would sometimes buy a juice box which he wouldn't drink and give it to Kurt, or Kurt would bring in a chocolate bar and they would exchange items.
They wouldn't talk much, as they have nothing in common. And after five years of bullying and Kurt hating Finn's existence. Their want to create conversation was not there.
But Finn has gotten sick of his stupid small town life, and those people who he has grown to loathe and everything about his life. He hates everything.
The only thing he doesn't mind were lunchtimes and his free periods when he would hide in the library and watch Rachel as she returns books to their rightful place, they hadn't spoken since he had apologised to her.
But this one particular day Finn is feeling pretty shit about himself and his lunch is left uneaten.
"What did you say?" Kurt asks quietly, even though he's heard him perfectly.
"I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every single time I helped dumpster dive you, I'm sorry for every time I shoved you into a locker, I'm sorry for every mean word that's even been said and I'm sorry for every time I saw you being bullied and didn't say anything." His eyes fill with tears. He is not Noah. He is not a bully. These things affect him. These things make him hate himself. Kurt doesn't reply and Finn half expect him to stand up and walk away and never return their bleacher.
"Why now?" His voice is cold and his eyes are hard.
Finn closes his eyes thinking of a response that wouldn't be stupid and make him sound like a complete freak. "Why not?" He swallows and lifts his hands to his face to cover the expression that covers it. "If I die I can at least say I wasn't such a fuck-up. I realise what I did wrong. Isn't that what they teach in religion?" He leans onto one elbow staring at Kurt who is the one to look away this time.
"I wouldn't know. I'm an atheist." Finn doesn't believe in God or anything like that much either; he used to go to church with his mom every Sunday. But then he had a hangover every Sunday morning, so he has stopped going. Now he just stays in his room and plays video games. "Why would death come into this?" Kurt asks, his voice is careful and Finn's hand punches the metal bleacher beneath him.
"Why not?" He snaps back and he instantly regrets it.
"You're not going to try and kill yourself are you?" Kurt asks uncomfortably.
"Probably, when I'm in my mid to late forties from alcohol poisoning." His voice is bitter. "And I was apologising to you, not talking about me."
"I don't…"
"I know you're not going to accept my apology. Why would you? I just want you to know I'm sorry." Finn interrupts Kurt quickly. The bell goes and Finn jumps up quickly leaving Kurt still sitting there. Just as long as he knows he regrets it.
xxx
Finn finally get a job. He is the busboy in Breadstix. It's shameful he will admit, but at least he's got a job. And he takes all the hours on offer which means he's hardly home and he now has money to buy stuff he actually wants.
He has to wear blank suit pants, a white shirt with a tie and a red waistcoat. He looks like a complete tool.
He has been working at Breadstix for a month or so when he has just come off break and goes to clear the table at 6 when he sees her, Rachel. She is sitting across from two men. She doesn't have the large glasses on and he assumes that she is wearing contacts.
"Hudson, you're here to work. Not to stare at hot pieces of ass." He scowls at Jordan another waiter who is literally the dictionary definition of a douche. He ignores him and goes to table six to clear up. He keeps glancing over and sooner or later he knows he's going to get caught. Their eyes catch and everything stops for a moment.
Then Jordan walks between then and breaks the contact. Ass hat.
He continues to set up tables and clear them, only once does he get caught again staring at Rachel. But this time the two men she are with are staring unashamedly at him also. He flushes and refuses to look at table twenty-four anymore.
The couple at twenty-three leaves and he has to go over, but he keeps his head down at all times knowing he probably looks like a complete idiot as his hands keeps knocking stuff over like a half full coke. And he can feel their eyes on him.
Fuck it. He thinks, he draws his eyes up as he grabs the plates and glass in his hands. "Hi Rachel." He says quietly as he walks past her. He doesn't stop to chat as he hardly knows her. Apart from his stalking sessions in the library. They often say hi to each other when he comes into the library. But she doesn't acknowledge him in the hallway.
It's a bit later after they have finished their meal and the two men she is with have gone presumably outside and Rachel is slipping her coat on and he goes and stands next to her. "Hey." He says again as he starts to clear up their dishes.
"Hello Finn." He stops his work and stands up straight to look fully at her. "I didn't know you worked here?" His shoulders drop at her tone and he nods and starts to gather the cutlery. "Oh! That came out wrong, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry." Her hands clap over her mouth and he stares at her again.
"Look, every time you see me you try and avoid talking to me. It's April and I've spend most of this year trying to be nice to you and say hi. If you don't like me say now so I'll leave you alone and you don't have to worry about me." The plates noisily clash as he slams them on top of each other.
"I…" Rachel sees lost for words. "Excuse me? Nice to me? What about the other four years? Those times when you slammed me into lockers or slushied me daily? So don't you talk about being nice to me." She hisses the words with deadly menace. It's the first time he's seen her passionate about something - anything. And it's refreshing. "And you're a footballer, an asshole. And suddenly you're being nice to me. So I keep expecting some cruel joke. And so don't talk to me about being nice since I've had a crush on you since freshman year…"
She doesn't get to finish as all he hears is crush on you and he's pressing his lips against hers.
She doesn't react at first as his hand goes and presses against the back of her head, his fingers getting tangled in her long brown hair. It takes a while before she starts moving her own lips against his. Then she realises what she is doing and her face burns with embarrassment and she shoves him away.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" She snarls before storming away.
Finn loses his job for that little 'stunt'. But he doesn't care.
xxx
It's the Monday afterward and Finn's jumpy, his hands clasping and unclasping all throughout first lesson as he attempts to conjugate Spanish verbs unsuccessfully as Mr Shuster drinks alcohol from his hip flask.
He can't concentrate. A loud bang makes him jump and suddenly he's standing with his head resting on the lockers. He's lost the first three hours of school, not that he's complaining.
"Hey dude." Puck stands next to him throwing a football into the air and catching it. The Thud, thud, thud of the ball hitting his hands makes him watch to hit him.
"What?" He snarls slamming his own locker.
"Calm down man, I was just gonna ask about the rumour that you're hooking up with Kitty?" Finn's hands freeze.
"What?" He almost shouts, "but she's a… she's only a sophomore."
Puck throws his head back and laughs, "If there's grass on the pitch? Play ball." Finn's face twists in disgust and punches his arm, hard.
"I'm not 'hooking up' with a fifteen year old." He shakes his head. "I have a free, see you later." He turns and heads towards the library.
"You have Bio! With me! Idiot!" Puck calls and then he realises he's got mixed up with the dates and with a resigned sigh he turns back and follows him to bio. He sort of hates Puck. This deep-rooted hatred that he's never really let go of even though he's civil to his face He never invites him round to his house anymore, they don't hang around in the park or whatever.
xxx
Finn's lying on the bleachers, the whole of yesterday he didn't have any frees and he needed to go talk to Kurt. So at lunch he spent it on the bleachers. But he ended up alone. Kurt never showed.
Another person who had given up on him.
And then on Tuesday he went to the bleachers again and didn't have any frees.
So today he has a free after lunch, but he still goes to the bleachers with the extra stupid juice box and one of those chocolate mint things he always gets from the Lima Bean. But he never shows again. He's starting to get really pissed now. He at least needs an explanation. Closure.
People now practice on the field and it's no longer their private place where they can sit and talk, people are practicing track and football and cheerleading. He forgot to mention that he's given up football. The letterman jacket is in the bin. He hates it now. The others in school don't say anything to him yet, they know that he will beat them up. He has nothing to lose.
He pulls the hoodie off and uses it as a pillow.
"Hello." He expects Kurt and so scowls at the person before the expression disappears and one of shock is replaced. Rachel stands before him.
"Hey." He doesn't know what to say as she comes and sits next to him.
"What I said in the restaurant…" She pauses as if hoping for him to interrupt. "You shouldn't have kissed me."
"You have a crush on me?" He asks his voice sounding breathless.
"That is beside the point." She flushes and looks away a bit. He's feeling bold so he slides right up next to her and grabs her face in both his hands, and he realises how small she is. Her delicate face in his hands and he leans down partly, his eyes are closed and he desperately wants to kiss her. But he wants her to finish the rest of the way.
He doesn't feel her move and so opens his eyes feeling like an idiot. She's just staring at him wide-eyed behind those stupid glasses. "Why now? Why not in Freshman year? Or Sophomore? Or Junior? Or Senior? Why now?"
His hands drop from her face and he uses them to cup his own face as he faces the court and not her.
"Why not?" He whispers feeling stupid.
She stands and he can tell she is angry, "you cannot use that Finn Hudson. I only came here to tell you about Kurt as I don't know whether you've heard or not."
"Kurt?" He asks standing and towering over her. Fuck, he hisses in his mind. What's happened?
"The boy you sit with every lunch time." Her voice is cold and her little respect for him disappears.
"I know who Kurt is! He's my friend. Now tell me what's happened?" He snarls using that vicious voice when he wants to scare someone; he never meant to use it on her. He wants to apologise straight away.
Is Kurt his friend? He hasn't had a proper friend since middle school, it was Noah before he became Puck and obsessed with popularity and football. He misses friends and he really wants to be able to call Kurt his friend. It doesn't matter that he's gay or whatever.
"On the weekend, he was… he was beat up outside the 7/11." And with tears in her eyes she storms away, Finn sinks to his seat unaware whether she was upset about Kurt getting beat up or because of him.
Kurt was beat up? He stands and grabs his sweater and Kurt's juice box and chocolate mint thing and jogs down the steps towards the school office.
xxx
Acquiring a house address shouldn't have been that easy. It should be worrying really. But he's not complaining as his truck groans as he pulls up outside the house which is supposedly 2122 Oak Avenue.
He realises now how rash his actions have been; should he have come?
He waits for eight minutes as he is staring at the clock on his dash before relenting and grabbing the stuff from the passenger seat and slowly making his way down the drive. Kurt's large car and another expensive looking car are sitting in the driveway telling him that someone is home.
He goes to the front door and presses the doorbell not expecting much, a man roughly the same height as him answers the door, he's bald and looks mid-forties but has this look on his face like he's a lot older. "Does Kurt Hummel live here?"
"What do you want?" The man is immediately defensive crossing his arms and straightening up. The way he looks at him and Finn is suddenly hit with a strong sense of déjà vu.
"I want to see Kurt."
The man stares at him a second longer before his expression turns into a snarl. "I know you! You're one of those footballers who's been called into the principal's office one too many times because you've bullied my son." He grips the front of Finn's shirt and shoves him backwards. "You get the hell off my property and never show your face again."
Finn goes to his jeep quickly and drives away only pulling up three streets away when he can't keep it in anymore. Tears start to fall.
He's an awful person.
xxx
The Lima Bean has shit, shit coffee. Finn knows this because he's sitting at one of the tables with the class work he's missed and homework he needs to catch up on.
Calculus is fucking with his head as he stares at the formulae and it seems to jumble in his brain. He wishes he could get away with dyslexia but nope, he's just a dumb fuck.
He gets out his English as he can sort of do that, he sort of likes it as well. Although he can't exactly see him having a career in anything English-like as he can't speak properly anyway, the words in his brain don't seem to come out his mouth.
And he's really trying to concentrate but two boys are sitting at the next table and one of them is talking obnoxiously loud, "we're definitely going to regionals this year. Have you heard our vocal range? We're amazing!" Vocal range? Fuck off. He immediately goes to use the homophobic slur that he would normally use, but he's stopped that now. It's a sort of an apology for Kurt. Even though it's a stupid idea and he will never know. And so he goes for the next offensive thing. Pretentious twats.
"Of course, one moment I'm going to get another coffee." Another voice, this time from the other one who is definitely gay. From the way he's sitting to his voice.
He mentally slams his head against the table, he's supposed to be learning stuff. Not predicting someone's sexual preference. He realises how much Kurt has taught him about stuff like that. He still misses their chats.
The chair scrapes on the harsh floor making a loud squeaking noise as it's pulled out across from him. Kurt sits down refusing to look him in the eye.
"Hey."
"You're not sitting with anyone are you?" He asks his messenger bag still firmly on his shoulder.
"No."
Kurt slides the bag off and puts it on the back of his chair finally facing Finn, thank god he's so good at acting otherwise his expression would have been unforgivable, saying he is shocked is an understatement. He has two large black eyes and tape across his nose which Finn assumes is broken. He looks pale and drawn more so than usual, and his left hand is in a cast.
"Who did it?" Kurt doesn't reply but sips at his coffee. "Kurt." Finn reaches across to touch his arm but he recoils and Finn sits back sadly. "Was it people from McKinley?"
"Your friends? I'm pretty sure." Kurt's voice is cold.
"They're…" Finn's hands curls into a fist in anger, how could they do this to someone? "I don't have any friends." He snaps. "No how can you be pretty sure, you either know or you don't."
"I don't remember much, I hit my head. Hard. And so it's mostly blurry. And…" Tears fill his eyes and he looks away clamping his hand over his mouth. Quickly as he can Finn throws his books into his bag and grabs Kurt's arm pulling him up and grabbing his messenger bag, he leads him outside to his truck.
Kurt rapidly breaks down. He starts sobbing and shaking and Finn just feels like absolute shit. So he wraps his arms around Kurt pulling him into a tight hug letting him cry all over his shirt.
"I'm sorry," he whispers as Kurt is trembling and looks like shit. "I'm so sorry Kurt."
xxx
The first person he asks about who beat up Kurt was Puck, because if he wasn't involved, he probably knew who did it. He laughs and nods and Finn resists punching him. It turns out it was some guys off the hockey team but Rick Nelson's little brother was the one who threw the first punch.
The rest of the team just stood around, apparently.
He catches Roy Nelson after school, he beats the crap out of him. He ends up knocked out on the floor and Finn's hand aches as he drives his truck away, his threat still lingering in the air. You tell anyone, I will kill you. The knife flashing in the air. The look on the boy's face is sheer terror. It hadn't mattered that it was just a prop he had found.
xxx
"Hey there." Kitty smiles and twirls her hair around her finger popping her gum. "Have you heard the news?" He slams his locker shut.
"No." He's not in the mood for sophomore's shit.
She giggles falsely, "everyone thinks we're dating?"
"I didn't spread the rumour if that's what you're asking." He says leaning against the stupid red locker, he watches as the fake grin drops from her face.
"Well who did? I can't have people thinking I'm dating someone who couldn't even graduate high school." She presses a finger against his chest, her sharp nail digging in. "I have a reputation to uphold, and you're not even the quarterback anymore…"
"Kitty," He cuts her off, his hand wrapping around her wrist tightly, he watches her wince. "I don't care. Go away." She hisses abuse at him as she rips her hand away and storms away, he closes his eyes and slams his head against the locker, he feels his face crumple and tears burn his eyes. He heads straight to the bathroom sliding down in the stall.
He collapses in his usual stall.
He hears the bell go and wishes he had the desire to attend class, the door opens and he wipes his eyes. The person walks along and opens every stall until they reach the last one. "Finn?" It's Rachel. "Finn?"
"What?" His voice breaks again.
"Are you… are you ok?"
No.
"Yes."
"Finn, open the door. Please." She is obviously aware that he has been stalking her even since the choir room months ago, she knows he's never had the guts to talk to her apart from in Breadstix when he had stupidly kissed her. She hadn't made any move to talk to him or contact since then.
But he leans forward and clicks open the door, she gently opens it and stands in front of him. She has those cute reindeer sweater on again. He sees Kurt peering around the door as well. He still looks like crap, the last he had seen from his was when he had drove him home, he had helped him to his door and his dad had almost beat him up again. Only Kurt telling him to stop. Finn had then walked back to the Lima Bean and brought the expensive truck back outside the Hummel house and driving away in his own truck.
"Why are you upset?" She asks.
"Why not." He replies, the same reply from when she had asked him 'why now'. The both of them stare at him with raised eyebrows.
"Was it Kitty?" Kurt asks.
"She's a bitch anyway, but she hit a sore spot." The words just seem to fall from his mouth. He doesn't mean to tell them. It just feels so good; he hasn't had anyone to talk to in such a long time. Someone who cared.
"What did she say?"
"She called me a loser. I mean… it's true. But it still hurts." He paused swallowing loudly. Rachel steps forward shyly before she wraps her arms around him and lets him rest his head against her, his arms pulling her tight against him.
"You're not a loser." She whispers.
xxx
"And then he said to me, 'can I buy you a coffee then?' with his cute blazer on and this gorgeous smile!" Kurt gushes about some boy he had met in the Lima Bean the other day waving his hand (which was still in a cast) around.
"What's his name?" Rachel asks leaning forward resting her head on her hands.
"Blaine." Kurt sighs smiling to himself.
Finn smiles awkwardly as he's not quite sure what to say, normally he'd ask if he's had sex with her or not. But considering they were talking about a boy, he's not quite sure of protocol and whether Kurt is the type to have sex straight away anyway. And what do they… do?
It had taken a while, but Finn had eventually spilled everything he had been keeping bottled up inside. About how he hated himself and how he used to go into the bathroom almost every day after he had done something to another kid, like put him in a bin or dumpster dived him and just hate himself. He sometimes used to cry, which made him feel like a girl.
He said how he saw Rachel that day in the choir room because he had never really seen her before. And how beautiful he had thought she was. And how lost she seemed. And how it had taken him months to work up the bottle to talk to her.
With Kurt it was different, whenever he saw the football or hockey teams bullying him he would go and grab the person by their collar of their letterman jacket and tell them to fuck off and never touch him again. The rumours about him being gay started then. Kurt was no longer frightened of him, and would easily come up to him in the halls and talk to him. Finn didn't know whether he was forgiven and supposed it would take a lot longer than that for forgiveness.
Rachel had invited them both to her play at the local community theatre this Saturday and she was excitedly describing how the main character was her 'spirit animal' and how she could invite Blaine along if he wanted. And Finn was going to surprise her with flowers and kiss her. Kiss her the way she had never been kissed before.
He is pretty sure he was in love with her.
"Dude!"
He is kicked under the table hard by Kurt which makes his scowl and want to kick him back, but he resists knowing he is a lot stronger than Kurt and instead throws a grape from Rachel's fruit salad. "Hey." She smacks his hand away grinning.
"What Kurt?" he sighs as Rachel leans across and steals a piece from his chocolate muffin. They grin at each other.
"Your friend is calling." He realises now Kurt's posture has gone stiff and his eyes are staring at the floor, he's gone into defensive mode.
"Finn." Puck stands over the three of them.
"What?"
"What are you doing?" He doesn't answer just stares at Puck with a scowl. "Dude?" He's been sitting with the two of them for a while now. A few weeks at least. Rachel was supposed to get an hour for her lunch break and so sat with them in the cafeteria.
"Leave me alone." He finally says and turns back around to half his muffin which he shares with Rachel, he tries to catch her eye but both Rachel and Kurt's eyes are glued to the table.
That was the final end to Puck and Finn's relationship.
xxx
"I don't get it through?" Finn curses throwing his trigonometry book across the room angrily pacing the room. "I'm never going to leave high school." He snarls. Both Rachel and Kurt know to leave him when he's likes this.
He's still angry Finn, the one who hates himself that much he's willing to hurt others. And himself.
"Come on Finn," Rachel reaches out her hand smiling slightly, he sighs going to get his book and taking her hand slipping down next to her on the couch. They were over at the Berry household as Mr and Mr Berry were out for their anniversary dinner. Rachel was helping both Kurt and Finn study so they could pass their finals and finally graduate high school.
After another hour of mindless cosine and sine and tan rules Rachel finally lets them have a break, Kurt immediately jumps up to call Blaine. Finn's hand rests on Rachel's thigh and he presses his lips against her neck. The further they had gone was under the shirt over the bra action. She had admitted to him that she was a virgin but he had merely shrugged and started to kiss her again.
He has vowed he would make her first time special.
But right now he really wanted to have sex, he pulls him onto her lap and their mouths touch and almost painfully slow they kiss. His hands resting on her hips as she rocks back and forth. "I love you." He whispers as he pulls away her jaw dropping open in shock. Was he not supposed to say that? Are you supposed to wait until after sex? Or are you not supposed to say it at all? He panics and blurts, "I'm sorry!" And she giggles pressing her face against her neck.
"Those were the first words you ever spoke to me you know?" She says.
"I remember."
"I love you too."
You can put your own end to this, I thought this was a good way to end it. You can assume Finn and Kurt graduate thanks to Rachel's tutoring, and Finn stopping Kurt's bullying.
But in this universe I highly doubt neither Kurt nor Rachel would get into NYADA or any decent university. But it doesn't really matter to them. Because they have each other.