Title: Should I Stay Or Should I Go
Author: Silverkitsune
Pairings: Michael/Ben, Brian, Hunter
Rating: PG (language)
Spoilers: Itty bitty Michael/ Ben spoiler from season five.
Written for On Impulse Improv #16: garden, charming, scarlet, collide, logic
It happens, because Hunter finds Brian's coffee mug on the table, still half full. It happens, because on reflex Hunter empties the cold brown liquid into the sink, and puts the scarlet colored mug into the dishwasher without thinking about it. It happens, because half way up the stairs he remembers that Ben used to do the exact same thing. And it happens, because without warning, his imagination kicks into gear and murders his thoughts with a flood of sharp images.
Brian's ad work in place of Ben's school papers. Brian's Italian leather dress shoes where Ben's sneakers used to stay. Brian's black jag in the garage where Ben's blue bike used to stand. Brian ordering Chinese food at the counter where Ben used to make garden salad. Brian's westerns where Ben's subtitled foreign flicks (the ones Hunter wouldn't touch until Ben cornered him one night and made him watch Run Lola Run)are shelved. Brian sitting with him and Michael at the dinner table making his charming little Brian Kinney comments. Brian in Michael's room, where Ben still should be. Brian in Michael's bed where-
Hunter's proud to say that he makes it to the bathroom, his knees colliding harshly with the tile floor, before vomiting.
It's where Michael finds him. It's where Hunter has to all but wrestle the phone out of Michael's hands before he can convince him that he's not sick, he doesn't have to call 911, it's not the meds, and no he doesn't think he's going to throw up again. And it's where Michael, after finally calming down, sits down next to him, and asks what's wrong.
Hunter pulls his knees to his chest. Back against the wall until he's small as he can make himself. He may be 20, but old habits die hard.
When he doesn't respond, Michael sighs, touches his arm, and says, "I miss Ben too."
Says it like Hunter hasn't heard Michael from behind closed doors on the days when he just can't hold the pain in. Hasn't smelled coffee being made at three in the morning for the last year and a half. Hasn't wondered how long it will be before he can touch him again without feeling a flinch. And hasn't noticed how Michael seems to roll his tongue around words he has, but can't use, because they won't make either of them feel any better.
"Is he staying?" Hunter finally asks.
There's surprise in Michael's eyes. There's going to be talking now. And there's going to awkward talking, but to Hunter any emotion except sadness is a welcome one to see reflected back at him.
"He can stay if you want him to," Hunter says. "I can move to the dorms. I get it."
He feels an ache in his chest when he says the words, but he means them. He can see the logic behind Brian moving in now that Ben's gone. He wasn't around for the early Michael-Brian years, so he doesn't completely understand what the two of them have, but then again he's never asked either. He never saw reason. He'd known that Michael wasn't going anywhere, so he hadn't cared what kind of fruit the age old Brian and Mikey show could of (would of, should of) born. He did know that if Michael and Brian decided to put up house, he couldn't (wouldn't, shouldn't) hang around.
The touch on his arm becomes a grip, and Michael's hands are on both shoulders pulling him away from the wall so they can talk vis-à-vis.
"You're not going anywhere," he tells him firmly. "You are my son. This is your home. This is our home."
Letting go of him with one hand, Michael grasps the bridge of his nose. "Brian and I-we're almost disturbingly complicated. We're friends, but at the same time we're sort of more than friends. I love him in a lot of different ways, and yeah, maybe when we were younger we could have been something else, but that was a long time ago. A lot of things have happened since then. One of them being Justin. Hunter, Brian is always going to be a part of my life, but it's been years since I thought about us becoming a couple. It's not going to happen, and I don't- I don't think I'd want it too. We want different things. He moved into the guest room for a few months to make sure, I don't even know, to make sure that we didn't starve to death or something." He smiles then, a wane pale one. "Have you not noticed who's been cooking?"
"Yeah," Hunter says softly. "His shits almost as bad as yours."
Michael slides closer to him, his arm going around Hunter's shoulders. "The three of us were a family. The two of us living in this house together are still a family." Michael pauses thinking. "And Brian, in his own way, is family- he's extended family, but I'm in no hurry to invite another permanent member into this house anytime soon."
Leaning into Michael's warmth, Hunter nods. "Alright."