Dear Ginny Blood-Traitor Weasley,
I saw that. That whole stunt with the Valentine's Day song. Yup, I saw it. And I'm quite pissed. "His eyes are as green as fresh pickled toads, his hair as dark as a blackboard. He's so divine, I wish he was mine, the hero who conquered the Dark Lord". Oh, how original - NOT.
Let's take a look at another poem.
His eyes are as green as killing curses
His hair is as black as my heart
He's so sexy, yummier than Pepsi
But, oh! How I wish to rip his flesh apart!
That poem was written by moi. And I'd just like you to know that plagiarism is illegal, Ginger, and I'll be watching you very closely. Next time you find one of my *ahem* extremely personal and private poems in my diary, perform a Confondus charm on yourself immediately, or risk being flayed alive and made into a puppet for Death Eaters' children's birthday parties. And try to think of your own ideas. There is no glory in stealing someone else's poetry. There are plenty of other *awkward cough* sexy qualities *shuffles feet* that Potter possesses that you could write poems about. Like his being a Parselmouth, for instance. Try writing a poem about that. For example:
My love for you is like a river
A summer breeze that makes my soul shiver
One look from you is more precious than gold
So talk dirty to me in Parseltongue and let's get busy!
See? I just made that up on spot and it was still an astounding poem! You can write an awesome, original poem about Harry, too, if you try hard enough. Just don't go around ripping off other people's poems, especially mine, or I'll Cruciate you.
Hugs and kisses, Lord Voldemort
P.S: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you can't have Harry. He's mine. His scar is a symbol that means "I own this ass" in an ancient language. What about that Longbottom fellow? He seems available. And plus, he's so chubby, it'll be easy to write poems about him! Just make tons of McDonald's references.