The result of being very pissed off when I got home from school. But this can be linked with my stories Let Go and Let Go: His POV.
Can I also just say that I really dislike smoking, but I figured it would be something Danny would do in the tough times.
Thanks to all those who read the Let Go companion pieces, this is for all of you :)
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, as always.
Danny stood outside of the crime lab smoking the third cigarette in the last half an hour. What had started as a bad day had gotten an awful lot worse - not only had his alarm failed to wake him from his alcohol-induced slumber, the subway had broken down and he'd been forced to walk the remaining seven blocks to the lab in the biting wind and the pouring rain, his jacket had been ripped when he'd tackled a fleeing suspect to the floor and then he'd found out from Adam that Lindsay had been on a date the night before.
When Adam told him, he'd felt his heart clench and the jealousy rising in the bottom of his stomach, and the look on his face must have been truly scary, as Adam had backed away quickly, mentioning something about running test results for Mac and bolting it out of the office.
"Nasty habit that." He was brought back to the present by her voice, the one voice he'd craved so desperately to hear. Turning, he saw her, framed against the light of the crime lab entrance, but even from where he was stood, he could see her cold expression. Her eyes lingered on him for a few seconds, before she turned and headed up the street towards the subway.
Hastily dropping the cigarette on the floor and stamping it out, he ran after her. "Lindsay. Can we talk? Please?" She froze when he touched her arm, and she spoke without turning. "Now you want to talk? Well guess what, I don't want to talk. So if you'll excuse me…" She shrugged his hand off of her arm and carried on down the street, walking faster than she had before.
He gaped after her for a few seconds before he took off after her again. They needed to talk, and they couldn't do that at the lab, and they never met outside of work anymore. They needed to talk now, away from everyone else, everything else.
This time, when he caught up to her, he manoeuvred himself in front of her so she couldn't walk away. "No. We need to talk. We can't go on like this."
She looked up at him, eyes expressionless. "You have nothing to say that I want to hear Danny. And I have nothing to say to you." She saw him wince, and deep down she felt a small fraction of satisfaction before she clamped down on it. "You hurt me Dan. And you don't get to make that up to me. I trusted you, but when it came down to it, you didn't trust me enough to help you. So that's it. We're done."
"Don't say that." He whispered to her, his accent thickening, and she felt her heart wrench a little, but she ignored it, forcing herself to believe that she didn't feel a thing.
"Why not? It's the truth."
"Lindsay, I'm so sorry…"
"And you think sorry takes it all back, that sorry makes it all go away? I tried to be there for you, I tried to help you, but you just shut me out. Then you go and sleep with someone else! I like to think that I'm an understanding person, and I like to think I'm a pretty tolerant person at that, but there is a point to which I can take before I get pissed off. And you have pissed me off!"
"I tried. I swear to you I did. But you don't understand…" He stopped when her eyes flashed angrily at him, realising what he said.
"Excuse me? Are you telling me of all people that I don't know what it's like to lose someone? Are you fucking kidding me?" Her voice was rising hysterically and her hands were flying everywhere as she gestured rapidly. "I know what its like to lose someone; I know what its like to know they aren't coming back. I KNOW, you asshole! So don't dare you tell me that I don't. I KNOW what its like to be THAT close to the fucking edge, where you don't know if you can ever come back. Being in a never-fucking-ending spiral! I know what grief does to people, what it feels like, but you still didn't give a damn! You have no right to say that!!"
Danny physically took a step backwards. He'd never seen Lindsay so angry, and he'd certainly never been on the end of her rage before. She was terrifying. She was trembling from anger, and her eyes were still flashing dangerously.
"How dare you! How Fucking dare you?!" Before he could blink again, her hand came out of nowhere and she slapped him, hard. His head whipped to the side, and he could feel his cheek stinging from both the force of the slap and the cold air surrounding them.
"Fuck you." She whispered. "Fuck you." She sidestepped him, and walked to the curb, looking desperately for a taxi, anything to get her out of this situation.
"Lindsay please." His voice pierced the fog of despair that was threatening to drown her, pleading, broken. "I love you."
Lindsay stopped and whirled around, jaw dropping. "What?"
Danny looked up from the floor to meet her gaze. "I love you Linds. I'm so sorry that I didn't say it before, but I was so afraid."
Lindsay's eyes widened as the meaning seeped into her anger-clouded brain. She shook her head as she took one step backwards, then another. "No. No. You don't have the right to say that. You don't have the right!" She carried on stepping backwards until her back was against the wall. She tried to dislodge the words he'd just uttered from her mind; the words she'd waited so long to hear and had ended up believing would never come. She recoiled from him, even as her heart wanted to believe what he was saying was true. Why did this hurt so much after all he'd done to her?
"You bastard." She spat out, those two words being all she could manage.
"That's the truth Lindsay. Even if you don't believe another word I say, you have to believe that."
"I don't have to believe anything. Least of all what you tell me."
"I know you still feel the connection Lindsay. I know you do. Whatever happened, whatever I did, that's still there, and it won't go away." He stepped forwards. "Look I know I've made some huge mistakes, some that you might not ever be able to forgive. All I'm asking for a chance to make this better. I love you Lindsay, and I want the chance to make this right." Danny stepped forwards again, which forced her to look upwards at him. "Tell me that I haven't killed your love for me."
Lindsay remained frozen, her face giving nothing away, even though internally she was screaming. Even after all of this, she couldn't deny that. "But I don't want to love you Danny. I don't. I won't. I'm with someone else now, someone who I know won't treat me like shit."
"But…"
"No. Don't. You're just making this harder, for both you and me." She took a shaky breath, before deciding to continue. "I won't do this anymore. Not anymore. It's done, it's finished. It's over. You had your chance, and you blew it." Stepping around him, noting that he wasn't trying to stop her anymore, she started to walk away. She turned briefly to look him in the eyes once more. "Goodbye Danny." She took off, her heels clattering against the sidewalk as she ran.
"I'm not giving up on us Lindsay. I won't go away." His voice echoed after her as she ran down the street, trying to hold back her sudden tears.
Damn him. Just when she'd given up, just when she'd moved on, he'd come back into her life and said everything she'd needed him to say before. But it was too late. She wouldn't fall for him again.
I hope you all like it. Reviews are welcomed with open arms.
Also, any ideas for follow-ups? I might do one at some point.