Title: END OF THE ROAD
Author: Brokeback Mountain
Rating: NC-17 FRAO
Warning: Sexually explicit M/M sex scenes.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me.
Summary: Jack has taken all he can and pushes Ennis to make a decision.
END OF THE ROAD
Jack stood and watched as Ennis drove away. He leaned against his
truck and lit a cigarette. One more time, he thought. Tearing each
others guts out one more time. He glanced around the clearing and
wondered that there was no sign of what had just happened there. The
way he felt, there should be guts, blood and gore all over the place;
but there was nothing but the mountains, the lake, and the ground
where they stood. Not a sign of the terrible fight they had just
had; the tender love they had made afterwards. No sign that two
hearts were broken here today; lives had been changed.
No words had been said about it; but then they never did say the
important things. Never shared their thoughts about their
situation. Jack had tried that today and it was all for naught. He
couldn't get through to Ennis, couldn't make him understand. He got
back in his truck and with a sigh of regret drove off.
He spent the usual two days at the folks place in Lightning Flat;
couldn't take more than two days of the old man. Then came the long
drive home. He stopped several different times; thinking to turn
around and going back; but thought better of it.
It was late at night when he pulled into his driveway. Lureen's driveway, he
corrected himself. This was her house, left to her when her
Grandmother passed. He really missed her too. She was the only one
in Lureen's family that seemed to actually like him. She left her
house, along with a sizeable trust fund for Lureen and Bobby. She
didn't forget Jack either. Left him a little piece of her fortune as
well. Sayin in a note to him that he reminded her of a blue-eyed
rodeoer she knew in her youth that her daddy had run off.
Jack had more money now than he had ever dreamed of. Not just enough
for a down payment but enough to buy a place out right, stock it, and
put up a house; his dream, at least part of it. He considered
going ahead and doing it anyway, with or without Ennis, but those
thoughts pained him too much. He couldn't do it alone, and couldn't
bring himself to think of a place without Ennis. Nothing interested
him if Ennis wasn't included.
He didn't sleep much that night. He was beyond exhaustion. This was
it for him and Ennis; the end of the road. He knew it. Felt like
his heart had been cut out; like his chest should be laying open,
bleeding. Where to go from here? He drained the last of his beer,
stubbed out his last cigarette and fell asleep in his easy chair.
The next morning brought the worst hang-over he had ever experienced;
yet he hadn't gotten drunk; only had two beers after he got home.
This was not an alcohol hang-over it was an emotional over-load. He
hurt all over. Even his hair hurt when he ran the comb through it.
He went through that week like a zombie, doing his job, saying all
the things he was supposed to. Nobody noticed a thing, if they did,
they didn't say anything. Even Lureen pretended not to notice. How
could they not notice a dead man walking among them, he wondered.
By Friday, he had made a decision. No packing. No letters of
resignation. No good-bye kisses. He got in his truck and headed
north. He took a room at the same motel they spent their first night
in after their reunion. It was after 10 when he drove over to the
trailer park and stopped some distance away; sat and watched the
trailer. Ennis's truck was there, there was a light on inside. He
was home.
Jack sat there for some time, smoking cigarettes; trying to come up
with the right words. A car drove by, giving him a long look. He
probably looked guilty as hell sitting there. He started up the
engine and rolled quietly over to Ennis's trailer. Turned the engine
off and got out. Walked up and knocked on the door.
Ennis opened the door; barefoot, in his pajama bottoms and
undershirt. "What're you doin here?" he looked around quickly to see
if anyone was watching, then stood back, held the door open and
nodded for Jack to enter. Once inside, he got a better look at Jack's
face and a sinking feeling overtook him. "What's wrong?" he
asked. "Still mad at me?"
"I came to say my piece." Jack held his hat in his hands, fingering
the brim.
Ennis motioned for Jack to take the chair and he sat on the foot of
his bed across from him.
"Thought we already said everything." Ennis said, chewing on a
thumbnail.
"We didn't. We never do. We talk around things; have sex; then say
good-bye till the next time. Three or four months down the line."
Jack pinned him with a stare and Ennis looked down at his bare feet.
"You know how I feel. I know how you feel. What's left to
discuss?" Ennis asked.
"I didn't come here thinking we'd go over old ground. I come here to
tell you I've made a decision. It's time now for you to make a
decision; and I ain't leavin this trailer till I get an answer." He
was started now, and wasn't gonna stop.
"Over the years, the best times in my life have been the times I
spent with you. The very worst times of my life have been driving
away from you. That's all over now."
This brought Ennis's eyes up to his, but he said nothing. He had to
hear it all.
"I ain't doin this anymore, Ennis. I'm 39 years old. So are you.
Figure our lives are 'bout half over. I'm not gonna spend the rest
of those years pacin the floor at night with need, drinkin myself
sick. I need to be with someone. Someone who cares enough about me
to be with me more than 2 or 3 times a year. I want that someone to
be you. It's all I ever wanted. Never did want anyone else the way
I want you. But if that's not in the cards, then I'm outta here."
Ennis mouth twitched and his eyes narrowed. They stared straight at
each other.
"I mean it, Ennis." The room was electrified with tension.
"Before you go explodin, there's more I'd like to say." He watched
Ennis, not a muscle was moving.
"You always shut me down before I even got to tell you my plan." He
started off.
Ennis sat there, hands rubbing his flannel covered knees; silent.
"I got money, Ennis. More than you or I ever dreamed of. Lureen's
grandma passed a few years ago and left me a pile. More than enough
to buy a place outright, stock it, build a place on it, and enough
for a few years runnin room. We could buy a place anywhere you want,
you could choose. We could do it here in Wyoming or anywhere else
you want. We can have that dream now if you want it. If you don't
then I'm gonna buy one anyway, and it'll be someone else runnin it
with me; living with me."
Ennis stood up, walked over to the sink and leaned back against it,
right hand kneading the cramp in his neck; still silent.
Jack stood too, but stayed where he was, keeping some distance
between them.
"I love you, Ennis. I think you love me too. I know what happened
to your neighbor when you was a kid, has scared you into believin two
men can never be safe livin together. Well, I don't believe that.
We got as much chance bein safe as anybody else in this world." He
took a few steps towards Ennis then, but still kept a distance.
"People get killed all the time, Ennis. Hell, that's part of life.
Sometimes shit happens, so is the rest of the world 'sposed to hide
out the rest of their lives?" He stopped for a minute to gather his
thoughts.
"I ain't gonna live like that. That, what happened to your neighbor,
happened 30 years ago. Things have changed since then. I know you
don't travel but if you did, you'd see they have bars, nightclubs,
beaches, whole communities now for gay people."
Ennis looked up at him and frowned, a sour look on his face.
"It's true, Ennis. Lots of people like us got tired of hidin and are
livin free and open and havin regular normal lives. Not pretendin to
be somethin they're not. I ain't askin you to move to one of them
places. I still think a ranch is best suited to both of us. That's
what I want for us; a place of our own. We'd be alone most of the
time; just trips into town now and then for necessities. We could be
smart 'bout things, not hang out where trouble might be waitin. Do
our drinkin at home. Watch each other's back. We could do it,
Ennis. We could make it work, but you have to want it. Want it as
much as I do."
He stood in silence for a bit. Still nothing from Ennis.
"I've made my decision, Ennis. I'm gonna make a life for myself.
I'm through hidin and lyin. I am what I am and I ain't apologizing
for it."
He walked over to Ennis then, put a hand on his shoulder and
squeezed. "It's time, Ennis. Our kids are grown, now. You got only
a few more months of child support for Jenny. We can do this. If
you want to; if you want me. If you don't, then I'll bleed for you
this one last time and go start my life without you. You gotta tell
me now. You want me or not?"
A sob wrenched from his throat as Ennis lunged at him, wrapped his
arms around him, buried his head against Jack's chest.
"You're all I ever wanted. Only one I ever wanted." The words came
out like they were torn from his throat.
Jack's arms closed around him, one hand holding Ennis's head against
his shoulder.
"You love me, Ennis. Say it. You love me and we belong together."
Jack kissed the side of his head.
"I do love you, Jack, that ain't never been in question." He pulled
back, eyes filled with tears.
"Say it then. Say we belong together." Jack pushed. He had gotten
this far, he wasn't going to back down now.
"In a perfect world..." Ennis began.
"No! There ain't no such thing as a perfect world. It is what it is
and we can't change that. But we can make ourselves a life. Become
part of this world; a good part," he insisted.
Ennis rested his head against Jack's shoulder. "You said up there on
the mountain that I didn't know how bad it gets for you. That's
true. But I do know how bad it gets for me. I can't live like that
anymore, Jack. You really think we could do this?"
Jack pushed him back enough to be able to look into those dark
eyes. "I know we can. It's ours for the doin; if you want it."
Ennis seized his mouth then, gripping Jack's head with both hands,
backing Jack up against the counter. In another minute Jack's jeans
were down and Ennis was on his knees in front of him; trying to
swallow him whole, cock first. Jack wasn't sure he had his answer but
he was beyond arguing right then.
He wanted to make it last, but he couldn't hold back. One last grunt
and he emptied himself in Ennis's ravaging mouth.
When his senses returned, Ennis was standing there, forehead pressed
against his, jeans pulled back up.
"So is that a yes-let's-build-a-life-together? Or is it a bye-I'll-
see-you-'round? Jack asked after he caught his breath.
"You know I hate good-byes. Had enough of them to last a life
time." Ennis smiled at him; caressed his cheek.
"Damn you, Ennis! Just say 'Yes, I'll do it'. Ain't too much to
ask, is it?" Blue eyes pleading with brown.
"Yes."
"Ennis!"
"Yes, I'll do it. If you still want me after all these years, if you
still think we can do it, then yes. Let's try."
"YeeeeeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaa" Jack hollared and swung Ennis around. He
had a moment of panic, "You ain't gonna change your're mind, are you?"
"I ain't 'bout to let you get that dream place of yours with someone
else. Nobody's gonna get in them jeans of yours but me."
"That's a promise, Cowboy." He looked down then, guilty. "I guess I
should tell you. I ain't always been truthful with you about that."
It scared him to say but he didn't want any secrets to come back
later and bite him in the ass.
"Don't care 'bout the past. It's done with. As long as we're clear
on from now on." Ennis assured him.
"I never wanted any of them others. It was only cause I was hurtin
so for you. Won't happen again; you got my word."
"Good enough. Now how do we do this...thing...you wanna do?" Ennis
asked.
"First we get naked." Jack said, unsnapping his shirt and pulling it
off his shoulders.
"That's how you go about finding a place?" Ennis grinned at him.
"That's how WE go about it. That's what's gonna make it so
special." Jack pulled off his boots and undid his jeans.
Ennis chuckled deep in his throat and slipped off his undershirt.
Jack tackled him, drug him to the bed, anxious hands sliding down
the backside of the pajamas. Ennis struggling with Jack's jeans
while trying to breathe between kisses. Jack shucking them off
himself and tossed them; followed by the pajamas. Naked at last,
they strained against each other; hands greedily touching,
possessing as much skin as possible. Legs entwined, hips grinding,
mouths refusing to let go. Two bodies rolling back and forth
struggling to become one.
Ennis wrenched his mouth away, gasping for air; his hands grabbing at
Jack's hips, holding them together, "Jaaaccckkk."
It was more a growl than a word. His hips bucked franticly against
Jack's. Jack matching his movements lost it as well, grunting his
pleasure deep and long.
"I think I'm gonna like this lookin for a place." Ennis chuckled.
"Ohhh Shit, Ennis." Jack laughed too. "Look at the mess we made."
"Don't matter; got more sheets in the drawer." He reached down and
pulled the top sheet up and wiped them both off with it.
They drug themselves into the bathroom and washed up.
Ennis brought out the clean sheets and they changed the bed.
"So that was the first step; what's the second step?" Ennis asked
fluffing up the pillows and tossing them on the bed.
"Sleep." Jack said, yawning. "I been drivin all day; you been
workin. Let's get a few hours sleep and we can get into the details
tomorrow morning." He stretched out on the bed up next to the wall
and reached out for Ennis to join him. Ennis turned off the lights
and climbed in bed. Jack spooned up behind him, Ennis clung to the
arm wrapped around him, laced fingers together and in minutes they
were asleep.
The End