I know present to you my silliest Dresden Files spoof. Dresden Files Christmas Carols.
Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belong to The Scifi Channel and Jim Butcher.
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(To the Tune of Jingle Bells)
Tracking Spells
Tracking
Spells, Murphy smells,
Mai laid an egg.
Dresden's
jeep lost a wheel,
Being a blue collar wizard doesn't pay!
Dashing through the streets,
In a worn leather coat.
Oh, what Hell it is to run
From a summoned man-goat!
Oh!
Tracking
spells, Murphy smells,
Mai laid an egg.
Dresden's
jeep lost a wheel,
Being a blue collar wizard doesn't pay!
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Wreck
the Halls
(to the tune of deck the halls)
Wreck
the halls with Bob and Harry,
Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la.
If another season, he'd have nailed
Murphy,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Donald Morgan wears gay
apparel.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Trolls will put the
ancient skull in peril.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
See
the blazing building before us.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
'It
was not my fault!' is Harry's chorus.
Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la.
For shackles Murphy takes Harry's measure.
Fa-la-la,
la-la-la, la-la-la.
While Bob yearns for sexual
pleasure.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Fast
away the first and only season passes.
Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la.
Because the Scifi Channel are a pack of arses.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
How we miss Harry's coat of battered leather.
Fa-la-la,
la-la-la, la-la-la.
We even miss the show's Canadian
whether.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...
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Little drumstick man
(To the tune of little drummer boy)
Come,
they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
The high Council wants to see,
pa rum pum pum pum
Your
head to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the scary
Ancient Mai thing, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum
pum pum,
So
to humour her, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.
Scary lady, pa rum pum pum pum
It
was self denfese. What could I do? pa rum pum pum pum
You
can't prove a thing, pa rum pum pum pum
Check out my pentacle
bling, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
Shall I
sovle a case for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
With my
drumstick?
Murphy
nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
I used my drumstick for her, pa
rum pum pum pum
I solved the case for her, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
Then she
smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drumstick.
(Bob takes no accountability for the innuendoh in this one. It was all Harry.)
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(To the tune of I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus and inspired from the H. P. Lovecraft spoof version)
I saw Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge
I saw Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge,
In the ring of binding in Dresden's lab.
Now their children will be beasts
From the Grimoire Nom Deceased.
Bob looks just like his picture
On page four seventy three.
Now we will cast a charm to raise the dead!
Because though Bob's just skull, he knows he's quite the head
With every dark magick spell book he's ever read!
Harry would have surely come unglued
If The High Council had ever viewed
Murphy kissing Hrothbert of Bainbridge, last night!
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(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer)
Justin the stolen-ringed wizard
Justin the stolen-ringed wizard
Had a very stolen bling.
And if you ever saw it
You'd say it was Malcolm's ring.
All of the other wizards
Used to laugh at Justin's plan.
They never let evil Justin
Turn his pet ghost into a man.
Then one dreary autumn night
Dresden came to say
That's my father's ring all right
And proceeded to blow Justin away.
Then how the High Council chased him
As they shouted out he did flee!
'Dresden, the outcast wizard,
You'll go down in wizard history!'
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Bobby the skull-man
Bobby the skull-man
Was a misrable, damned soul.
Bound to an old sigil carved skull.
Just remember he is just a bound soul.
Bobby, the skull-man,
Is a Cautionary tale they say,
But the wizards know
How he came to life for a day.
There must have been some magick
In that ancient arrow Morningway found.
For when he flung it at Bob's chest
Corporealness came around!
Oh, Bobby the skull-man
Was alive as he could be.
And Dresden would say
He had stayed that way
For roughly half a day.
Clunkity, clunk, clunk,
Clunkity, clunk, clunk,
Look at Bob's skull roll,
Clunkity, clunk, clunk,
Clunkity, clunk, clunk,
Chucke down Dresden's hall.
Bobby the skull-man
Knew Murphy was quite hot that day.
Oh, if only he could have had some fun
Before his short mortality went away.
Bob was sent down into Hell,
Dresden had his skull in hand.
Fleeing there to back here
Those angry spirits would catch him if they could.
Bob has a habit of putting Dresden down
Especially about the pretty female cop.
He only stopped his mocking when
He heard Dresden command him to stop.
Bobby the skull-man
Had to hurry to his skull,
But don't you worry
Because without him
Dresden's life would be dull.
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(To the tune of twelve days of Christmas)
Twelve days of Dresden's trail
On the first day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
A snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the second day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the third day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the fourth day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the fifth day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the sixth day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the seventh day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the eighth day of Dresden's trail
Eight hours of Mai preaching.
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the ninth day of Dresden's trail
Nine choices of execution.
Eight hours of Mai preaching.
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the tenth day of Dresden's trail
Ten hours without sleep.
Nine choices of execution.
Eight hours of Mai preaching.
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the eleventh day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Eleven testimonies given.
Ten hours without sleep.
Nine choices of execution.
Eight hours of Mai preaching.
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
On the twelth day of Dresden's trail
The High Council gave to him
Twelve charges files.
Eleven testimonies given.
Ten hours without sleep.
Nine choices of execution.
Eight hours of Mai preaching.
Seven laws of magick.
Six hours of Morgan's ranting.
Five questionings.
Four calls for his death.
Three warnings.
Two condemnations.
And a snarky ghost that lives in a skull!
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(To the tune of Jingle bell Rock)
Botched spell pop
Botched spell, botched spell, botched spell pop!
Cauldron bubble and potion boil,
Glowing and blowing bustles of herbs.
Now the spell has begun.
Botched spell, botched spell, botched spell pop!
Beakers chime and it's conjuring time.
Chanting and waiting by the stair.
Now the power fills the air.
What a bright time.
It's the right time
To banish demons away.
Get up, Murphy.
Kick up your feet.
Conjuring around the clock.
Mix and mingle the potion ingredients.
That's the botched spell.
That's the botched spell
That's the botched spell going pop!
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(To the tune of Christmas is coming)
The High Council is coming
The
High Council is coming.
Mister's getting fat.
Please pay
Dresden before next Sat.
If you haven't got the full thing
Half the fee will do.
If you haven't got half the fee
Well, maybe he'll curse you!
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Joy to the wizard world
(To the tune of Joy to the world or more presicely Joy to the world: Our teacher's dead)
Joy
to the wizard world, Hrothbert is dead.
We skinned
the bastard's head.
What happened to the body?
We
flushed it down the potty.
And round and round it goes.
Until
is overflows.
And rou-ound and rou-ou-ound and round it goes.
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