Hi everyone! Since there's not enough fics with the LuffyxZoro pairing up (yes, in that order; meaning Luffy-seme and Zoro-uke), I've decided to make my own! It's been a long time since I've written anything, but it's better than ever before!

Summary: Roronoa Zoro. Santouryuu user...ex-pirate hunter...first mate of the Strawhat Pirates... a man worth 120 million berri...future greatest swordsman in the world...blushing schoolgirl?! He may be known far and wide as fearless on the battlefield, but can Zoro handle matters of the heart? Can he deal with...*gulp*...feelings? Love is just another battle, Zoro! Join in on what can only be another hilarious adventure in One Piece as Zoro struggles with his newly realized feelings for his captain.

Enjoy!

A Pirate's Guide to Love, for Dummies

Chapter One: Denial is unbecoming for a swordsman

"Oi, shitty swordsman. When are you going to grow some balls and just admit you have a problem?"

With a slight twitch already forming in his left eye, Zoro slowly turned around from the fridge to regard Sanji with a scowl on his face, beer in hand. "What are you on about now, shitty cook? Can't even get a beer without you spouting shit." Exhaling the smoke from his cigarette with a roll of his eyes, Sanji replied, "You know what I'm talking about, you stupid bastard."

The two were standing inside the kitchen of the Thousand Sunny, the gentle rocking of the boat on the calm seas and the sun shining brightly through the windows creating a warm and peaceful atmosphere. Unfortunately, this did not deter from the oncoming storm between these two powerhouses.

"How the hell am I suppose to know what goes on inside that empty head of yours besides skirts and tits, let alone care," Zoro scoffed. Why was he even bothering with talking to the blonde anyway?

"Screw you asshole," Sanji growled back. It was around lunchtime on the Sunny and the cook was finishing preparing a lunch big enough to hopefully feed the crew, which was more difficult than it sounds with such a huge glutton for a captain. He ate more than all of the straw hats combined… and then some. "At least I'm not into spandex and dicks and afraid to admit who I have the hots for."

The cook received a withering glare that would have made a lesser man piss his pants. It went ignored. "First of all jackass, don't confuse me with the cyborg. Secondly, who I have the 'hots' for, not that I do of course, is none of your fucking business!" Sanji gave him a deadpanned stare in return. "It is when you use my kitchen as a hideout from your issues," he replied.

While Sanji had been in the middle of making lunch, the swordsman had suddenly flown into the kitchen in a frenzied panic, slamming the door shut behind him. Zoro had stayed with his back pressed against the door, breathing heavily, for several minutes. After releasing a deep sigh, he had calmly walked towards the refrigerator for a drink, pretending nothing unusual had just transpired. The whole escapade may have been cause for concern if this sort of thing wasn't becoming commonplace with the swordsman as of late. It was actually becoming quite exasperating to the rest of the crew, especially to Sanji right now.

"Who the hell is hiding?" Zoro hissed back, indignant. Who did that perverted cook think he was talking to? Roronoa Zoro, the future greatest swordsman in the world, hides from no one and nothing! "I just came for a beer if that's alright with you, dart brow," he sneered.

Sanji rolled his eyes yet again. Who does this idiot marimo think he's fooling? Denial should be the man's middle name. "Is that why you ran in here with your tail between your legs? So that's how you normally get a drink, huh? While looking like a frightened little girl?" He found himself neck and neck with the sharp end of a blade thanks to that little comment.

"You wanna repeat that, asshole?" Zoro growled threateningly, a feral, pissed off look having formed on his face. No one called him a little girl and lived to tell the tale.

"Oh, did I stutter? Let me say it again slower so that even you can understand. You..are..acting..like..a..little..girl."

At least Sanji knew when to dodge.

The sound of the clashing of metal and leather was what finally alerted the captain of the ship to where his first mate had disappeared to. Mitsuketa(1) Zoro, Luffy thought, the famous face-wide grin quickly spreading across his face, this time in victory. He had been searching for the swordsman ever since he had unexpectedly run off during their earlier encounter. Although, it was really becoming not so unexpected recently for reasons that Luffy wasn't sure of, but could only guess. He quickly ran to the kitchen before Zoro could disappear again.

The cook sidestepped a downward thrust of shuusui and retaliated with a spinning back kick that Zoro evaded with a quick jump backwards, creating some distance between himself and his opponent. Unsheathing sandai kitetsu, Zoro crouched into position, ready for their next face off. The two stared each other down, battle auras spiking, squaring off for the next attack. When their auras reached their peak, colliding in a thunderous motion, the cook and the swordsman lunged at each other. Swords poised, feet in position, and eyes blazing, they flew towards each other in what could have only been an all out battle to the death…

"Zoro!! So this is where you've been!" … if it weren't for Luffy bursting into the kitchen at that moment. The poor, unsuspecting door nearly became a casualty in his wake, apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sanji couldn't help but snort at Zoro, who had completely frozen in place at Luffy's arrival. He watched as the swordsman's eyes slowly widen with horror as the mortifying (to Zoro), hilarious (to Sanji) flush rose unwillingly to the man's cheeks. Here we go again.

Zoro cursed himself vehemently for reacting in this disgraceful manner yet again. Ever since he had come to a realization that he absolutely refused to accept, Zoro had been unable to look at his captain the same way, unable to act as if nothing had changed for him. Because of this, he found himself increasingly in deplorable situations such as this.

*Flashback*

His right eye creaked open, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, before closing again. He had just woken up from his mid-morning nap, which had taken place out on the front deck today. The warmth created by the sun had felt good upon his skin and the gentle rocking of the boat had helped lull him to sleep. Deciding that he had rested long enough, Zoro slowly lifted his arms into the air with a yawn, stretching his body out in a feline-like manner. After removing any kinks, he finally opened both eyes and stood up from where he had been propped up against the mast.

Time to get back to training, he thought. But before he could head up to the crow's nest (a.k.a. Zoro's training room), he heard a voice behind him chirp his name in greeting, knowing it could only come from one person. Lips twitching upwards, he turned around to greet his captain back. "Hey, Lu…" Zoro's eyes widened. He couldn't finish his sentence due to his breath hitching at the sight.

In actuality, Luffy didn't look any different than normal. Same red vest, same cut-off black jeans, same straw hat, and same goofy grin. If Zoro was honest with himself, though, he would admit that he had always found the rubber boy attractive. Most of the time Luffy was too cute than should be allowed for a pirate, especially a male one. His carefree, optimistic personality and innocent and naïve demeanor made people question his ability to be an outlaw, and a captain at that.

At other times, when Luffy proved how good of a pirate captain he was by kicking some bad guy/marine ass or k.o.'ing some wannabe with one punch, Zoro found himself…appreciating his captain in more ways than he felt was appropriate. Somewhere in the back of Zoro's mind… chained and locked up in a steel-enforced cage wrapped in barbed electric wire, in the middle of minefield guarded by badgers and wolverines(2), surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles AND sharks, enclosed within a 15 ft tall brick wall with a sign posted on it stating, 'Zoro's feelings; No trespassing'… Zoro couldn't help but find his captain hot when he was pissed off.

But right now, through Zoro's eyes (which he was going to have to have checked out by Chopper it would seem), Luffy seemed to be glowing. Sunlight was shining down on the boy in a way that made his peach-colored skin glitter enticingly. Wind blew gently threw his jet-black hair invitingly. His unbuttoned vest flowed in the breeze as well, bringing attention to his lean, but well-defined chest. Big, twin pools of liquid milk chocolate were gazing at him, filled with genuine happiness and excitement at seeing his first mate. Even the man's smile seemed surreal, teeth gleaming brightly as if they were in an orbit commercial. The only way he could describe Luffy right now was… breathtaking.

"… ro… oro… Hey Zoro! What's wrong with you?"

Zoro was abruptly thrown out of the daze he had been trapped in, eyes coming out of their Luffy-induced haze and jaw snapping shut from where it had been hanging open. It was as if he had been hypnotized; Zoro had not been able to tear his eyes away from the rubber man. Only when his ears finally picked up Luffy's voice calling him was the spell broken. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, wondering how long he had been out of it. "W-What?"

Luffy stared at the green-haired man in concern, his smile having morphed into a frown in his confusion. "Daijoubu ka?(3) You're acting weird," He stated as he walked towards the swordsman, noticing how the man tensed up in response; "and you're turning red." If possible Zoro seemed to turn redder at this. "I… I'm fine," he stammered, becoming more flustered as Luffy came closer. "D-Don't be stupid."

Apparently unconvinced by this claim, Luffy continued forward until he was directly in front of Zoro, and then placed the palm of his hand on his first mate's forehead. He gasped at the increasing heat he felt. "Zoro! You're sick?!" Luffy exclaimed.

"N-No you idiot. I t-told you I'm f-fine."

"Then why is your face so hot? And why are you so red?" Unable to think of an explanation to that without further embarrassing himself, Zoro did the only think he could do in this situation. "Look!" he shouted, pointing behind Luffy at a random point in the sky, "a bird!"

"NIKU?! Doko da?! (4)" Quickly turning around, Luffy frantically scanned the sky for any sign of his coveted favorite type of food, drool already forming at the corner of his mouth in anticipation. After searching wildly for several seconds, he turned back to address Zoro... "Zoro! Where's"… and blinked in shock to find him m.i.a. "… Zoro?"

*End Flashback*

Zoro had fled to the kitchen in hopes that a drink would help calm his nerves. Unfortunately he did not take into consideration the cook factor. Now, thanks to the swirly-eyed bastard, he was back in the situation that started this whole mess with no time to recuperate. Oh hell, not again Zoro thought, hating the flush he knew was on his face.

"Why'd you disappear like that, Zoro?" Luffy whined, lips sticking out in a pout. Zoro started sweating. Shit, what do I say? What CAN I say? "Yeah shithead, why'd you run off?" Sanji teased, smirking at the Zoro's current state of distress. No way in hell was Sanji going to miss out on a rare opportunity like this to participate in throwing the marimo completely off his guard. Only Luffy could the make the stoic man lose his cool, aloof demeanor like this, for reasons that were obvious to everyone but Zoro.

"L-Luffy, I…" Zoro nearly clenched his eyes shut in mortification. There was that damn stuttering again too. Zoro cursed himself again, including the cook in his vicious mind assault. He was already flustered enough without the peanut gallery throwing in its two cents. Luffy's pouting face was doing the job just fine on its own, thank you very much. Damn it all. The boy really was too cute for Zoro's health.

"And what happened to the bird?" Luffy continued, approaching the swordsman as he had done before. To Zoro's increasing embarrassment, his blush darkened even further with Luffy's growing proximity and questions. His left eye twitched when he heard Sanji snort in the background in response to the captain's latest inquiry. "W-Well…see…ab-about that…"

Once Luffy was directly in front of the blushing man again, he gave him a wide eyed, pitiful look of what seemed to be disbelief and hurt. "Zoro," he asked softly, "did you… lie to me?" The rubber boy resembled a kicked puppy. It was at this moment that Zoro's mind short circuited; his body starting to shake. "N-N-No, o-of course n-not." "Then where did the bird go? And why won't you tell me what's wrong? You're even redder than before." This is even better than watching Ussop freak out, Sanji thought in sadistic glee, biting down on the bud of his cigarette to keep from howling in laughter at the swordsman's current predicament.

"I…I…" At this point it was becoming just too much for Zoro. The questions, the face, the eyes; not to mention the acute awareness of his most hated rival watching the entire thing. Zoro was close to hyperventilating; his mind had all but shut down while his body had gone into overdrive with all of the sweating, shaking, and overheating. If he didn't find a way out of this and fast, there's no telling how far this would go downhill. But his pride would not allow him to run away again, especially in front of Sanji, and he couldn't think of anything else to do. Hope seemed lost…

"OI!" Ussop shouted from somewhere below deck. "CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME…?"

"I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, USSOP!!!" He had never been so grateful for Ussop's needy personality before. "I-I'd better go make sure the idiot's not lying in a pool of blood down there," Zoro quickly threw out in a high pitched voice. "Zoro, wai…!" The captain's plea was never even received, the intended target having left before he could even finish his statement.

Luffy and Sanji could only blankly stare at the cloud of dust leading out of the doorway that had formed in Zoro's haste to escape. The door, bless its' soul (it had obviously not learned its lesson the first time), violently swung back and forth on its hinges due to the speed with which the swordsman had flung it open. It, just like Zoro, had not even gotten a chance to recover from its earlier run in with destruction.

Luffy's pout came back with full force, knowing it would be near impossible to corner his first mate again anytime soon. "Damn it, Ussop…" he cursed. Sanji, for what had to be at least the third time today, rolled his eyes and turned back to the stove. "Well, can't say he doesn't do things half-assed, even if it is denial."

Translations/Author's notes (sorry, forgot to put this up before)

(1) Mitsuketa- Found you

(2) When I researched the most violent animal, the honey badger came up several times (they're supposedly fearless; just like Zoro!), followed by wolverines

(3) Daijoubu ka?- Are you ok?

(4) NIKU?! Doko da?!- MEAT?! Where?!

Well, that about wraps it up for the first chapter. Hope you liked it! Feel free to leave comments. Also, if you like the Zoro and Luffy couple, check out my video, One Piece Dangerously in Summer Love, on youtube. Until next time!