Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters…. etc, etc. If I did, then the Akatsuki would be more of a big player in the story!
Sorry there hasn't been a chapter in a while…
For those of you who have read the chapter in which Azu attempts to wake Hidan up, I saw something VERY interesting lately. I was in a souvenir shop at the city of Sedonna, and I saw… I kid you not…. a bag of coffee beans. And… the label said….
"Wake the fuck up!!! A cup of fuckin' strong black coffee."
And it's not like I saw this before I wrote that chapter. Isn't it weird how life is sometimes?
Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 10: A Few Fond Memories
In the end, I had to make do with "temporarily" borrowing an old cart. My plan was… (deep breath…)
To take the cart, remove the two wheels on the right side, somehow roll the four of them on there, reattach the two wheels on the right side, string together the four steel wheels with metal wire, and by running my chakra through the wheels, somehow manage to drag the four of them back.
Oh, and by three o'clock, too. Yeah, I normally wouldn't worry about that, but we're talking Itachi and Sasori here…
Making a long story short, I did manage with the help of some cinderblocks to get the, er, packages loaded on. By the time I was done, I was no longer feeling very drunk. Either that or this type of an emergency had temporarily called it off in my body.
You know what's really weird? None of them look overweight. But hey, guess what?
I think they all are.
…….
Okay, having dug my way out of the grave the fangirls buried me in, I'll continue the story.
The stars wheeled overhead as I hauled those four heavy-ass manly-men on their way back home. If only Zetsu were here… he'd be nice enough to help me out.
I blushed, remembering the conversation I had had with Itachi. God, that was embarrassing! And now that I actually had some quiet time to myself, I wondered…
What were my feelings for these people anyways?
Certainly I didn't love them. Not in that way, anyways. I mean, I'm sure plenty of girls out there would have thought themselves in Heaven itself if they could see Hidan's whole muscle/six-pack abs thing.
All it made me think of was all the times he'd cussed me out of the bathroom. (What the fuckin' hell? You bitch of a motherfucker, get the fuck out!!! It was almost like being in the army, I swear.) And for God's (he'd get pissed at me if he could hear me say –sorry, think- that) sake, he was in there for three hours!
Damn Hidan and his bloody rituals. There wasn't even any hot water left. And no, he wouldn't use his own shower. His friggin' bathroom was twice the size of my room! No, he didn't use that one, he would just annoy the hell out of the rest of us by using the restroom the rest of us used for showering and stuff. And the water on the floor was red.
It was miracle I hadn't caught whatever sadistic, mental disturbance he obviously had been born with.
Ah, fond memories.
Then what about Kisame? Smart, sarcastic, and dare I say… polite to a degree?
I don't think so. No, he friggin' wouldn't help me wash the dishes. Those stupid sexists… "Oh, you do them because you're a girl."
I had then informed Kisame that I thought his gender was… ahem, questionable, and earned myself another week's worth of dishwashing duties.
What about Deidara?
Hm, Deidara was very kind but he was too, ahem, girly. No, I don't mean he looks effeminate or acts very girly, but you know the first thing he said to me when I joined the Akatsuki?
He blushed and looked at me sheepishly. "Sorry to ask this, but since you're officially in and all and I can't ask anyone else…"
I gave him a suspicious look. "What?"
He turned his head away. "Can you help me do my nails?"
I gawped. "…what?"
"I can't ask any of the guys, and they look horrible anyways. I'm totally left-handed so my left hand's nails look horrible, especially since I'm really bad with my right hand." He gave me a sweet smile. "I'll do yours for you, too."
Sorry to disappoint, but I never did figure out why the Akatsuki have to wear purple nail polish. And Deidara was also the person who told me that you should put egg yolk in your hair to make it shinier, and that you need to air your nails at least once a week or they'll be unhealthy, and that you can get clear skin really easily by….
Anyway, you get the point.
I stopped to yank the metal wires in my hand more firmly. I didn't even want to think about how many more hours I had to go until Sasori looks at his mental watch and growls, "Azumi-san is late. Again."
Kakuzu?
No, he was just freaky. Believe it or not, I actually got my ass saved by Sasori quite a couple of times regarding Kakuzu. He thinks I'm a thief because I accidentally wandered in to his room one day. But Sasori always reminds him that since I'm a member and still a trainee, I'm under Sasori's protection and he shouldn't think about it.
And trust me, thieves are to Kakuzu what hippies or everybody who does not believe in Jashin are to Hidan: Someone who is asking for it, really badly.
Since I was absolutely tired out by now, I stopped to take a break. During this time, I decided that I loved the members of the Akatsuki as siblings.
Oh, God, what a family. Let's see….
We have one shark-human hybrid with a sword that's the ultimate savior for those who have hairy legs.
We have one masked man with way too many heart operations, and an unhealthy obsession with sewing people together.
We have one candy-obsessed freak who… well, when Sasori first learned I was to be his apprentice, he said, "Hm. You don't look too bad. At least you're more of a man than Deidara is, was, or ever will be."
And when I thought he couldn't get more sarcastic, Sasori then said, "Then again, even the girliest woman could claim that."
I think Deidara might have bombed Sasori, but luckily he wasn't present.
Anyways, back to the list. We also have one puppet-master who loves messing with dead people and has an unhealthily sarcastic attitude.
We have one guy who should have died from his permanent case of red-eye, and seems to lack the ability to talk when you want to talk and doesn't shut up when you want him to. He seems very anti-social, having killed his entire clan for what I think was the reason of shutting them up.
We have one cannibal of a venus-flytrap with two distinctly split personalities, who, beyond that, is pretty dang nice.
We have one religious zealot with a severe attraction to the idea of pain and who needs his mouth scrubbed out with acetone. (A strong chemical substance found in nail polish remover and handy for cleaning purposes. It can get rid of anything.) Also, a side note: What would his mother think?
We have one very bossy shadow referred to as Leader-sama.
We have a transvestite who wrecked what little family I had. Hated by all.
We have one unknown member, that Zetsu once told me that she was a "very beautiful lady."
We have one idiot-supreme with an orange swirl of a face and who seems to know subconsciously how to annoy everyone best. Otherwise, he's very sweet.
My chakra was severely getting lower, and my back was aching really badly. So far, none of the drunkards seemed to be getting up.
The comforting thought was after two or three hours of walking, I knew I was really close to the Akatsuki's headquarters. Unfortunately, it was already past three in the morning, and the dang cart's wheels were giving out on me.
And then there was the familiar rippling of the floor, and a familiar black-and-white face appeared.
"Zetsu-san!" I cried. I couldn't stop myself from hugging him.
"You made it all the way back…" commented Zetsu. "You did this by yourself?"
If this had been anyone but Zetsu, I would have said, "No, really, you think???"
However, since this was Zetsu, I said, "Yeah."
"I'll take care of them from here." The black side of his face added, "Sasori-san wants to see you right now. He told me to find you…"
"Oh, great," I moaned. Now I had to deal with Sasori.