Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Series at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.
AN: Hello! Well this is my first fanfiction...well on this site and one I intend to finish up. Might take some time though. So anyways I hope you all enjoy it. This is after Eclispe, a bit later. Oh and this is in Bella's P.O.V.
It's funny on how time passed so quickly, but yet it seemed like forever ago I left the alien green town I called home. I remember that one time I truly felt gone, when he left me—lying there in the forest. Feeling beyond crushed—words held no meaning or status of how I felt for those months he was gone and then learning that he felt the same, guilt playing a bigger part. I look back now and laugh at how weak I was, on how mental I had gone without him there, holding me, talking to me, telling me everything is okay. How sad and pathetic I was. How I should have stopped it all right there, if only I knew...
The air was still—the frigid air now settling in, the winter months are now setting in. I stood out on the red painted wooden porch. It creaked as I walked—being very aged. The red paint was chipping as well along with the cracked wood that bunched up on the slitted boards. Along the edges of the porch, small banisters stood neatly lined up—holding benches that squared around the aged wood.
My now golden eyes watched as few cars passed by, finding now much to do the night before. I usually waited till sunrise to do anything, the night sky was to dark for my taste and felt way to lonely.
It was about seven in the morning now, the sun was already slightly lighting the area with a dark blue hue. It lighted up the area, highlighting looming trees.
It was Sunday, meaning that I was to go to my new school tomorrow and start over again. Another year, another school.
No sooner was I lost in my own thinking, a noise erupted from my left. It did not cause me alarm—seeing as I already knew who it was. Even with knowing, I looked up, pushing my auburn hair from me face. Walking to me was John. John Rankin, the 'father' of this small vampire family that I had joined. It only consisted of John, Sylvia, Alison, and myself. We all use the last name of Rankin, seeing as it was John who helped me out of complete darkness. But most time I used my proper last name. Sylvia was almost as old as John—who was born in 1898 somewhere in England. He never said where, but I feel no need to pry in his own personal reasoning. They are my family now and I love them with all of my heart.
"You look rather tired, Bella," John mused in his thick accent. His voice was a smooth velvet, reminding me of...,"You should rest, my dear. Tomorrow you will have to start another year of school. Being tired will not help you out much. But I guess if you wish to skip tomorrow, that would be okay with me, but Sylvia would kill you. You know how she is...," he kept on talking. That was one habit he had that I hated. He never knows when to just stop talking and listen. His mouth was moving, but my mind was elsewhere.
I was tired. I always was, ever since I left Forks...and the state. Even with this new status of being a 'Cold One', my muscles always ached for no reason, my head always throbbing with a minor headache that never disappeared. Another thing was that I was always hungry, but I can't spend all my life hunting animals to feed on. Another funny and ironic thing was that I had a taste for wolf blood. Oddly enough, right?
"Bella?" John voice broke my train of thought. I picked up my head from my hands, straightening my slouch back. I clasped my hands together and placed them on my lap, my eyes now tracing them, trying not to much to seem as if I drifted off, but he knew. He always did
"I'm sorry...," my voice was nothing but a whisper as it leaked from my parted lips.
"Don't worry 'bout it. I'm use to it now," he laughed in a husky let-out, taking a seat next to me,"You know Bella, I still wonder about you. I mean why go through what you are right now? Depressed, alone, sad, unmotivated. It hurts to see you like this. Please talk," he was concerned. I could tell by the way he was talking, the way his voice wavered.
"I can't...not now. I just need some time t get a bit more use to things. Right now I know if I speak of it, I will go mental or something. I just want to stay in this town a bit longer than we usually do. To rest," my voice was again a whisper, but it still showed my tiredness.
"You don't have time to rest, my dear. Unless you want to move again," his voice lingered—trying to give me a hint that I was obviously not getting.
"Why not?" I snapped in a stern voice. I was tired and he was only making my mind go ways that are not needed.
"They're here," John's voice was monotone, but even with his attempt of shredding emotion from the small statement, my eyes widened. I couldn't believe it. Already? How? Even being a vampire, I was pathetic. I couldn't even sense others from a distance. I suddenly felt rather light-headed, but I kept my focus. If they were here, I must leave. I must run. I must do anything to get away from that family.
"They're here right now. They are in this town. As we speak right now, they are settling in a house not far from here, but a good distance," his voice trailed off, his own golden eyes falling onto me. He was watching the emotion flicker on my face,"You should really speak with Edw-"
"Shut up!" I yelled, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I clenched my hands into fist, tightly closing my eyes, and turning my head back around, lowering it. Once again I was hiding my face. Guilt rose up high in me, anger growing more and more. But the one emotion I felt among them all was the need to see him,"Never. Don't you ever suggest that I speak to him. Just stop please. I can't take this anymore," my voice was chocked up by my sobs. My vision was blurred when I opened my eyes, clouded by familiar tears,"I can't...I just can't. I'm so sorry...," my voice cracked once again. I always found myself apologizing to him for moving so much or for the way I act. We had to move frequently because they always followed me, but I will never allow myself to see them. Never.
"It's alright. I understand," John paused a moment, letting out a long sigh,"So are we going or staying? We've been moving a lot this year already, but no matter where they will follow you. Bella, let's just stay here for some time. Listen, I will not ask of you to face them, but think about it. They just want to talk. And Sylvia and Alison would be devastated to leave again. Talk to him mainly, he misses you beyond comparison. Just think about it, Bella. Well, I'm going to go check on those two girls, they are looking for what to wear tomorrow at school," he then stood, towering over me like always. He looked down with a gentle smile on his face, causing me to smirk. No matter what, when he smiled I found myself doing the same.
"I will John," my smile grew a bit more when he walked away, waving to me. I turned my head forward, the sun was finally over the horizon, peeking over the awakening land. The sky was painted in a light blue, out lined in lavender as a light pink etched around the rising orb. I was still crying, the thought of seeing them again made my heart wretched out in pain and quilt, the more I thought about it, the more I cried.
I know what I have to do. For John, for Sylvia, for Alison, for me, and for them. I have to face my fears, my guilt...my pain. I know if I keep on running, I would eventually have gone made. I would lose all that I care for, all that I have worked for.
I know what I have to do as soon as possible. I have to face the Cullens.
But, I know I won't be able to do so anytime soon. I'm scared to put it into simple terms. I'm scared of what might happen, scared that it might hurt more after speaking to them. Terrified of what they might think of me now—seeing as how I left without a word or even a note, but they knew as well I as did on why I ran. And I'm still trying to piece together why they might be after me...unless they want me dead...No, that can't be. Even after all that has happened, I know with all my heart that they still do care for, I know they do not wish to harm me.
I know they still love me...so why am I so afraid of seeing them again?
I want to see them, I want to talk to them, to laugh, to argue. I want it all, anything would do. I want to be able to call them family again, to hear them call me name. I know I'm still selfish as I have always been. I wouldn't blame the Cullens if they wanted to yell at me or worse...I would want to do the same to myself.
My eyes trailed down to my hands that laid on my lap flatly. I still had that ring he had given me. I wore it all the time, I never took it off. I guess that I am afraid of putting it away. Deep down I knew I was afraid to take it off, maybe one day I will be able to take it from my finger, but until that day come, I will hold this ring with my soul, never to let it go. I figured I would keep my name as well, Bella Cullen. Seeing how I was not a Swan anymore, and that was another fear I had. No longer being able to call myself anything, but if I kept Cullen with me I figured I might as well be worth something. One thing for certain was that Edward would not want me as his wife anymore. I mean, I haven't seen him in years. If it makes him happy I will give the ring back and reclaim myself as a Swan, but until then, this ring is mine.
How I miss him, how I miss his crocked smile, his bronze hair...
More tears ran down my face. I couldn't help it anymore. I want to see him now, I don't want to wait till he finds me. I want to be the one to return, to say that everything is okay and we can live with together. If only things were that simple.
I broke out into a sob, whimpers escaping my mouth. No matter what I thought, I continued to weep. I clasped my hands over my face to stop the noise, but it failed. I hunched over in utter sorrow. Why? Why did I have to force Edward into turning me? It's all my fault this happened the way it did, it always was.
"Edward..."