Chapter 1
The hardest thing in anyone's life is to love with all your heart and have the person you love… not reciprocate. Sometimes it's even harder when they do reciprocate because then you know how much they love you and it makes it harder to make any mistakes.
I walk through the halls of Degrassi on a daily basis and see the person I loved and I honestly thought she loved me too… and I guess to a point she did but maybe my mistakes were just too much for her. I look around and see my best friend Adam interacting with all of these girls that he's constantly crushing on and know that can't be me.
"Hey dude! How are you feeling?" He looks at me like I'm a leper now because of the things I've done… my actions in the past year. Between Fitz, driving my car into a wall, breaking up with Clare and sabotaging the play… maybe I deserve it.
"I'm good. Just getting by day by day as the doc prescribed." I smile as he smiles and high fives me. It will never be as it was but maybe it can be better. We walk into English class and take our seats just as I hear a giggle… and there she is… again. I see her smile with him… her eyes glittering as they used to with me and I cringe hoping nobody sees. She takes her seat behind me and I keep my cool and my eyes forward.
"Class, today we will be working on group assignments. Groups of 2 please. We will be writing journal entries to our partner about our actual feelings and they will be editing them. Now pair up. I will expect at least 5 entries because this project will be for the next week. I also expect them in report form… meaning… neatly done, typed and handed in by next Friday. You have the class time as well as any time needed outside of class to do it."
I turn to Adam… who already has Fiona in his sights… so I guess that's a bust. I know I don't want to turn around because she will be sitting there and staring at me like I'm crazy but of course… I do it anyway. "Hey Clare."
"Hi." She looks down and pulls her hair behind her ear.
"Do you think we could work on this together?" I look at her hopefully… thinking maybe I have a chance to try and at least be her friend again.
"Really, Eli? Do you think we could honestly work on this together? After everything?" She whispers down so nobody can hear her but I feel the eyes staring… "Eli… I just don't think it will work."
"Ok. I won't fight you. It's just that… we work so well together."
"I agree." We both look up as Ms. Dawes steps in. "That is why I think it's a great idea that you two work on this together. It will really pull up your grades and bring out the writing in the two of you I've been waiting for. Good luck on the assignment!"
I smile my crooked grin at Clare as she rolls her eyes and huffs. I know she's upset but what can I do? "We will just work on the assignment. I promise."
"Ok, Eli. It seems like I have no other choice. Let's just get started. The first part doesn't need us working together so you can turn around now."
So I turn… and smile within. I lower my gaze and start my assignment.