Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. If I did, Brackenfur would be leader.
Questions
Does he love me?
I know he doesn't love me.
I see it in the way he stares at her. That vile ThunderClan rat.
And in the way he looks at me. With distaste. As if I am scum sticking to his paws.
The only times he ever shows affection are forced. In front of Onestar, he will lick my ears, or twine his tail with mine. But when Onestar leaves he ignores me, walks off, leaves me to eat by myself.
Does he love Breezepelt?
No.
Our son had wanted to be just like him. When Breezepelt was born, he hadn't even showed up. He wanted nothing to do with our son. Breezepelt looked at him in awe. He looked at Breezepelt with the same distaste as he looked at me with. Breezepelt had given up on him, finally. Now neither tom want anything to do with each other.
Why am I his mate?
I only became his mate because I felt sorry for him. I didn't even know him that well.
I cling to him because I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the way he stares at her. He's the only thing that I have to call mine. Even if he isn't truly mine.
My son- our son, has found a mate. Someone to call his own. I can't help but feel jealous.
Do I love him?
I don't know. All I know is that he doesn't like me. He blames me for everything that happened to him. He doesn't want to blame himself, so he takes it out on me.
I was only needed to prove that he was still loyal. After that, to have a kit. I think he regrets the latter, though. After that, I was discarded. I wasn't needed anymore, except for random acts of fake affection to show he wasn't going to run off with any more ThunderClan she-cats.
Why do I stay with him?
He needs me. Without me, he would be kicked out of WindClan. I am the only thing keeping him here. Onestar would rather have exiled him and been done with it. But then I came into the picture, and helped prove that he could stay loyal.
I could've just left him there, on the day we became mates. Left him standing there, after he had come back, in the clearing surrounded by the clan, and faced with the wrath of Onestar. But he looked so… so… pathetic. Yes that's it. Pathetic.
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut?
Maybe I shouldn't have approached him afterwards. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him what he was going to do next, and maybe he wouldn't have asked to be my mate. Maybe I should have said no. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I never expected him to love me when I said yes. I knew he still loved her. I could see it in his eyes. Another reason I said yes was because, I'll admit it, I wasn't very popular with the toms. I was too arrogant. I was very surprised when he asked me. I didn't much like him then, but I was desperate and young. So I said yes.
But if I hadn't of said yes, I wouldn't have Breezepelt. At least Breezepelt loves me. He may not show it very often, but he does.
Should I leave him?
I thought of leaving him, once. He doesn't need me anymore. But the thought made my heart ache. I couldn't stand it. The thought of leaving him hurt. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand seeing him with another she-cat.
Am I in love with him?
I know I seem over-protective. I'm seen as jealous, self-conceited, arrogant. But it's only because I'm afraid of losing him. He doesn't love me, but I love him. I know that now. And as long as I can have him to myself, I'll be fine. I can deal with the way he looks at me, the forced affection, the glares from that ThunderClan rat. As long as I have him, and as long as I love him, even if he doesn't return it, I will be okay.
Won't I?
This popped into my head the other day. It's just a oneshot about Nightcloud and Crowfeather, if you haven't figured it out yet.
I pity Nightcloud.
I didn't know how they met and whatnot, so I made it up.
Review, please!
-Birchsong