Beyond the surface

People usually hate hospitals but I like them, I find them full of hope.

I pace all day on corridors hoping that someone will require my aid or assistance. After so many years the staff hardly gives me a glance anymore when they pass by me. Even though I am not an official employee everyone considers me a part of this hospital.

I remember the first time I saw her. I was making my usual round, when through a crack of the door I saw her curled up like a ball in bed. She was crying but she had no more tears left. I entered the door without making any sounds and I sat in a chair in front of her. At first she was surprised to see me. She opened her mouth and said a timid 'hi'. I didn't reply anything; I just sat there and watched her. My presence must have soothed her as she soon fell asleep.

It's been a week since that day. I went in her room everyday and we spent several hours in each other's company. After a couple of days of saying 'hi' without any response from my part she realized that words weren't my strong point. Now we just sit in silence and from time to time she awards me with the most beautiful smile I ever seen in my life.

I've eavesdropped at the nurses and found out that her name is Natalia, she is 16 years old and lost both her parents in a car accident 6 months ago. She is currently living with her uncle's but didn't manage to get past the death of her parents so she was now in the hospital because of her second suicide attempt.

Tonight she seems even more depressed than usual. I try to make faces and cheer her up. She is too nice to hurt my feelings so she shows me a forced smile. I stay with her until she falls asleep like I do every night. After I exit her room I hear by chance from the nurses that tomorrow she will leave the hospital. I feel sad and happy at the same time. I'm sad because that means I won't see her ever again but happy because she needs to get back to her normal teenager life.

I sit on a couch and close my eyes for 5 minutes. After 3 hours I wake up with my heart pounding. I have a terrible feeling and fear sends chills down my spine. I rush to her room as fast as I can but she isn't there. I look out the window and I see her in the garden hiding behind a tree. Something is shinning in her hand under the moon light; my hearts stops when I realize that it's a gun.

'Where did she get it from' is the question I have in my head while I am running as fast as I can. I pray that I won't arrive too late. I exit the hospital the moment she is raising the pistol to her head. I knew this is the moment I was born for and I jump her in the same time as the gun goes off.

Blood starts to infiltrate into the ground while I desperately think that I couldn't save her. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that the blood is mine.

'Doggy no, don't die doggy, please don't die' she started to scream. She takes me in her arms and I manage to lick the tears that are falling on her cheeks, for the last time. Everything goes dark around me and I close my eyes while my body is rocking back and forth in her arms.

I open my eyes and I have the strangest floating sensation. I look down and I see her still rocking my now lifeless body. 'Why am I still here I wonder' but the answer comes in my mind immediately: I can't leave her until I know she will be ok.

I stay by her side week after week, month after month. After a year she is smiling and enjoying life again. The day she brought home a puppy was the day I realized that my mission here was over.

Now I can finally close my eyes and rest…. forever.