Order Up

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

AN: So I'm brainstorming how the next chapters of my main stories (Demons of the Leaf, Naruto AS and A Dark Shade of Red) are going to play out when this little idea pops into my head.

I was thinking back to the movie Van Wilder, and a certain scene came to mind, so I figured, why the hell not?

Just so everyone knows, the stand alone stories like The Devil & Choji Akimichi & Kurenai & The Mitarashi Tower of Terrors, as well as this one, will take place between Chapters 1 and 2 of Naruto AD as Chapter 2 will fast forward past Naruto and the girls' time in the Academy and get right into loosely following the main story with my own little twists.

So think of the stand alone stories as filler.

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A disgruntled looking Hyuga Branch member named Toshiro walked out of the Academy Kitchen carrying a tray of fancy looking food. One of the ways that the people in charge of the Leaf Village Ninja Academy loved to suck up to the last Uchiha was to have his lunch delivered to him, like a rich guy getting his meals handed to him by a servant.

Toshiro hated it. He was one of the few Branch family members of the Hyuga clan who was allowed to have a job outside the Hyuga estate. To some, it was great to be away from the massive estate, but to Toshiro, he'd take putting up with the Main family any day. Hell, he would much rather have Hiashi activate the Caged Bird seal on his forehead. It would have been far less painful than to put up with the smug Uchiha brat.

"Hey, Hyuga guy." A rough male voice could be heard. "Over here." The Branch Family member looked over to a tree to see Naruto and Tenten walk out from behind it.

"What do you want?" Toshiro asked, feeling a little nervous.

"Easy there, boss." Naruto said, pulling out something from his pocket. The Hyuga tensed for a moment, but then saw that the boy pulled out a rather thick wad of yen notes. "We just want to talk for a moment."

"Who are you two?" Toshiro asked.

"A couple of dealmakers." Tenten said with a smirk. "You let us make a few…adjustments to the Uchiha's food, and just like that, you are about ten thousand yen richer."

"Um…um." The Hyuga said, giving this matter some serious thought.

"Did we forget to mention you get half up front? You know, as a show of good faith?" Naruto said, taking half of the yen notes and stuffing it into Toshiro's shirt pocket.

Without a second thought, the Hyuga handed Naruto the tray. "Before you do anything, mind if I do something real quick?"

"Why not?" Tenten replied.

Toshiro took the bowl of Miso soup from the tray and hacked a loogie into it. He then put the soup back on the tray. "Knock yourselves out."

After a few minutes, Naruto and Tenten handed the tray back to Toshiro. "Thank you. You'll get the rest when you deliver the goods."

The Hyuga nodded and continued on his way to where Sasuke was waiting. Naruto and Tenten hid themselves in a tree so they could enjoy the show that was about to happen.

"About time." Sasuke said in a bored, superior tone that made Toshiro want to snap his neck. The Branch Family member put the tray of food down in front of Sasuke. It consisted of a bowl of Miso Soup, a couple of spareribs coated with sauce, a bowl of rice and a cup of green tea.

"Enjoy, young master Uchiha." Toshiro said with a small grin on his face. "I know I will." He added mentally as he walked away. He then ducked behind a tree and activated his Byakugan to see what was sure to be an amusing sight.

Sasuke took his spoon and filled it with the Miso soup, much to Toshiro's delight. "Eat up, you little brat." He almost broke out into hysterical laughter when Sasuke actually downed the soup.

"Hmm? The soup tastes different today." Sasuke said to himself. "Actually, it tastes better than it usually is."

Naruto, Tenten and Toshiro watched on with sadistic looks on their faces. "If he thinks the soup's good, he'll love the ribs and tea." Tenten said, holding back laughter.

Sasuke finished the not-known-to-him-altered soup and went for the ribs. Naruto and Tenten had looks of anticipation as the Uchiha raised one of the ribs to his mouth. He took one bite, swallowed…and instantly, Sasuke's face turned rose red and shot out a jet of fire.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH! HOT! HOT!" Sasuke grabbed the cup of tea and downed the whole thing in one gulp.

As Sasuke was recovering from his experience with the "Atomic Spareribs," Toshiro Hyuga looked on, feeling a sense of satisfaction he had not felt in a long time. He noticed something out the corner of his eye and looked to see another wad of yen notes dangling from a thin wire. Toshiro looked up to see a hand stick out of the leaves giving the victory sign.

Toshiro took the cash and walked off, feeling like he truly accomplished something.

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After lunch, a very displeased looking Sasuke stumbled into his afternoon class, clutching a bottle of water. Most of the girls, save for Tenten and Hinata, looked at the Uchiha with looks of concern.

"What's wrong Sasuke?"

"Are you alright?"

Sasuke just sat down at the table he shared with Kiba and another student. At the table beside him sat Naruto, Tenten and Shino. Naruto and Tenten looked at each other with evil smirks.

"Wasn't lunch today simply delicious, Ten?" Naruto said with a grin on his face.

"Oh of course it was babe. Every bite was like heaven." Tenten said, noticing the surly look Sasuke was giving them.

"What's the matter, Sasuke? Eat something that didn't quite agree with you?" Naruto asked with an innocent look on his face.

Sasuke just glared at the two lovers, who just smiled innocently. Before he could say anything, Asuma walked into the room, carrying a stack of papers. "Okay people, settle down." The chain-smoking Jonin said in a tone that indicated that he would much rather be somewhere else. "As you all know, today's your mid-term exam. It has a two hour-long time limit and no one is allowed to leave until you finish your exam."

Asuma passed out the exam papers and the students started. It was about five minutes into the exam when Sasuke heard an angry growl coming from his stomach. This was accompanied by a dull pain that told the Uchiha that a trip to the John was in order. But he couldn't, not unless he wanted to flunk his mid-term and he had a reputation of the top ranked student in the class to uphold.

Naruto and Tenten grinned evilly as they could hear the unnatural and unflattering sounds coming from Sasuke. Kiba, who was unfortunately sitting next to Sasuke, gradually inched away from the flatulent Uchiha, who was having great difficulty keeping certain bodily functions under control. Even some of Sasuke's more devout fan girls were looking at him odd and were wondering why they admired the Uchiha in the first place.

About ten minutes and several instances of breaking wind later, Sasuke couldn't take anymore. "My grades be damned. I gotta take the mother of all dumps!" Sasuke got out of his seat and made a beeline for the door, breaking wind with each step. Before, he left, the Uchiha farted loudly as he made a mad dash for the nearest bathroom.

"Even now, Sasuke is so hot!" Sakura said. Some of the other fan girls just looked at the pink haired girl like she just swore in a funeral home. "Okay, I'm canceling my membership in the Uchiha fan club if it's run by nuts like her." One girl thought. She wasn't alone as some other girls thought the same thing.

After Sasuke's 'graceful' exit, Tenten put her hand into her pocket and started pushing buttons on her cell phone, sending a text message. It pays to memorize the keypads on a cell phone after all. The message she sent was: "KIN, YOU'RE UP."

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Meanwhile, Sasuke could hear the Hallelujah chorus in his head as he approached the boy's restroom. "Yes, thank goodness!" Sasuke said, tears of joy leaving his eyes as he sprinted inside and shut the door behind him.

Seconds later, Kin came out of the janitor's closet beside the bathroom, whistling a random tune. The raven haired girl walked up to the restroom door and took down the boy's sign and replaced it with the girl's restroom sign. Kin then casually leaned against a locker. A moment later, a couple of girls walked up and entered the restroom.

Right after the door shut, Naruto and Tenten walked up, managing to get out of the room after failing their exams on purpose. Before anyone could say anything, the girls who just entered the restroom ran out screaming and ran down the hall. The sounds of Sasuke taking a mammoth dump could be heard before the door shut itself.

"So, let me get this straight." Kin said, talking with her sister and the Ninetails vessel. "You two paid this Hyuga Branch guy some cash you swiped form some of the richer kids in order to mess with the Uchiha's food. Right?"

"You are correct, O wise one." Naruto said with a foxy grin

"So what did you do exactly?" Kin asked.

"Well first, the Hyuga hacked up a hell of a loogie into his soup, which the human shit-fountain in there actually thought the soup tasted better!" Tenten explain, which resulted in a look of disgust from the Dark Musician.

"Then we made our own little changes to the Uchiha's meal, which were adding Ultra Hot Red Rooster sauce to the spareribs and mixing a bottle of Gut Cleansing Laxative to his green tea, hence the reason he currently turning that restroom into a toxic waste dump as we speak." Naruto said.

Just then, Sasuke yelled through the door. "Oh God, I think I'm bleeding!"

"You think that's bad? Wait till he's finished." Kin said with a knowing smile.

"Why? What happened?" Tenten asked.

"OH NO! WHERE'S THE TOLIET PAPER?" Sasuke yelled

"Well, there's that…and this." Kin pulled a paper from her pocket. It said "OUT OF ORDER." "I found this taped to the door before I switched the boys and girls restroom sign. Think the Uchiha will notice?"

"OH NO. OH DEAR GOD NO! DON'T TELL ME THIS THING IS BUSTED!"

"I think so." Naruto said. "Is the video camera still recording?"

"Yep, but I think we'll pick it up later. It's a little…unhealthy to go in now." Kin said