Disclamer: I don't own, I wish I did, blah blah blah...blah blah blah blah! Totally FUCKED!!! Sorry. Hernst, don't like boy love? Don't read. I would appreciate no flames, though I know I might get some because of the way I wrote Hanschen. I think he really is a total softie, and he really does love Ernst. I saw the play with Andy Mientus and Ben Fankhauser. They did a good job, but it was obvious Andy wasn't totally comfortable with this new Ben yet. So I found an audio clip of the Vineyard Scene as done by Andy Mientus and Ben Moss, who I totally adore. New Ben has a slightly strange head, but he's still kind of cute. Enough with my rambling, this is the product of smushing those two performances together, me picking the best parts to show the Hanschen I wanted to show. This is my first Spring Awakening fic, so please review!
Hanschen grinned as he saw Ernst had continued with his Sunday night ritual. Every Sunday night Ernst sat out by the river beside the vineyard behind the town. Hanschen had noticed him walking off after church and then once happened upon him returning home later in the evening. He had been waiting for the perfect night to catch him out there. Hanschen had dreamt about Ernst for the past few weeks. He wasn't sure what had changed, but something had made him notice the quiet, dark haired boy who sat in the back of the classroom. Ernst never stood out. He wasn't super smart like Melchior, or slow like Moritz. He didn't play music like Georg or…well, Hanschen wasn't exactly sure what Otto did that was different from the rest, but he was sure it was something. It was his hair. Hanschen had tried to imitate the sausage curls once, but his golden locks had refused to cooperate.
Hanschen crept down the hill towards Ernst as quietly as he could. The younger boy seemed lost in thought as he stared out at the river. In the background, Hanschen could hear the church bells ringing softly, telling the small German town that it was now eight at night. Hanschen fixed a slightly smug smirk on his face before addressing Ernst. He might have been nervous, but no way was he going to wear his emotions plainly on his face.
"Those bells," he said before Ernst turned around and Hanschen's voice almost cracked. He swallowed. "So peaceful." Ernst smiled slightly, just a twitch at the corners of his pink lips.
"I know." Hanschen had to smile, at least internally, at the childishness of that voice. Sweet, innocent Ernst. Oh what Hanschen wanted to do to him. "Sometimes, when it's quiet in the evenings like this, I imagine myself as a country pastor. With my red cheeked wife, my library, my degrees, the girls and boys who live near by give me their hands as I go walking." Hanschen raised an eyebrow. He had never heard such foolishness in his life. Really, did Ernst think that he could do practically nothing and still make a living to support a wife? Of course, country pastors wanted for little, as the people of their town always provided for them.
"You can't be serious," Hanschen stated flatly. "Really, Ernst, you're such a sentimentalist! The pious, serene faces you see on the clergy? It's all an act. To hide their envy. Trust me. There are only three ways a man can go. He can let the status quo defeat him, like Moritz. He can rock the boat, like Melchior and be expelled. Or, he can bide his time, and let the system work for him. Like me. Think of the future as a pail of whole milk. One man sweats and stirs, turning it into butter. Like Otto, for example. The other man frets and spills his milk and cries all night, like Georg. But me?" Hanschen licked his lips unconsciously, drawing out the moment. This was the big part of his speech. If Ernst looked disgusted with him after this, then he would leave and try to forget the dark haired boy who had so captured his dreams. "Well, I am like a pussycat. I just… skim off the cream." Ernst's eyes widened slightly. Hanschen wasn't sure if that was good or bad but then he heard Ernst stutter.
"Just skim off the cream?" he practically squeaked, and Hanschen smiled, slightly condescendingly.
"Right."
"But what about the-?" Hanschen couldn't help chuckling a bit at how adorable Ernst looked just then. "You're laughing. What? Hanschen-" Ernst sounded so sad and broken right then. Like Hanschen was physically hurting him by laughing. He couldn't help it really. Ernst was so adorable, so beautiful, that Hanschen just wanted to scream to the world that he loved Ernst. But that wouldn't be proper, and worse yet, it would embarrass Ernst. Suddenly a snipped of something Melchior had mentioned once swam across Hanschen's mind.
Come, cream away the bliss
Travel the world within my lips
Fondle the pearl of your distant dreams
Haven't you heard the word of your body?
O, you're gonna be wounded
O, you're gonna be my wound
O, you're gonna bruise too
O, I'm gonna be your bruise
Before Ernst could look any more hurt or angry at Hanschen, he leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together. Ernst sat up quickly.
"Oh God…" Ernst cried. It wasn't exactly a cry, it was a whisper, but a shout at the same time. Hanschen licked his lips, grinning slightly.
"Mmm, I know. When we look back, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful." Ernst looked at him questioningly.
"And in the meantime?" Ernst asked softly. Hanschen smiled. Everything was falling in to place so perfectly that he couldn't have imagined it better.
"Why not?" Hanschen responded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ernst let a huge smile wash over his face and for a brief moment, Hanschen saw the sun shine from Ernst's face before their lips crashed together again, both of them moving to be closer. Hanschen wrapped his hand around the back of Ernst's neck, drawing him in deeper. Ernst slid his hand up to Hanschen's shoulder, simultaneously able to push Hanschen away and pull him closer. Either the Robel boy was much more experienced than he let on, or he was just a natural. Hanschen decided that at that moment, it didn't matter because Ernst's tongue was pressing softly at his lips, and Hanschen gladly deepened the kiss. All too soon though, Ernst pushed Hanschen away, breathing heavier.
"On my way here this afternoon, I thought perhaps we'd only talk," he said, obviously slightly embarrassed at their current position. Ernst was half sitting on top of Hanschen, who's arms were still wrapped around Ernst. Hanschen looked sharply at Ernst. His voice was small and uncertain, and was that regret Hanschen heard?
"So are you sorry we…?" Honestly, Hanschen had never felt more used or betrayed in his life, not even when his sister had told his mother that he had been skipping school, or when Melchior accused him of cheating, which he did not do, by the way.
"Oh no!" Ernst replied, his voice earnest. He seemed really sorry he had mentioned it. "I love you Hanschen, as I have never loved anyone!" Hanschen smiled, his trust in the other boy restored.
"And so you should."
O, I'm gonna be wounded
O, I'm gonna be your wound
O, I'm gonna bruise you
O, you're gonna be my bruise
O, you're gonna be wounded
O, you're gonna be my wound
O, you're gonna bruise too
O, I'm gonna be your bruise.
Ernst laid quietly in the grass beside Hanschen, staring up at the moon through the trees. He had always loved the moon, so much more than the sun. Even if the sun was the one that gave everyone life, Ernst only ever felt at home under the moon. When the other children loved to play in the hot sun for hours on end, Ernst could only watch from a tree, wishing he could join in, but knowing he would have to deal with painful burns on his face and hands. His clothes covered the rest of him, but it hurt to write when his hands were burned, and it hurt to talk when his face was burned. The church bells tolled again, snapping Ernst out of his thoughts of his childhood.
"Hanschen! Hanschen wake up!" Ernst whisper yelled. He wasn't sure why he was whispering now, but Hanschen refused to wake up. The bells were ringing ten. How they had stayed out there for two hours without anyone going out to look for them Ernst wasn't sure. He pushed Hanschen slightly. The golden haired boy merely rolled over on his side and continued sleeping. Ernst sighed and grabbed Hanschen's shoulder, shaking it violently.
"What?" Hanschen snapped, obviously irritated. "I was dreaming!"
"Hanschen, the bells just rang ten! Wake up, you have to get back to your house!" Hanschen shook his head.
"I'll just tell my parents we stayed at your house."
"We can't go back to my house! Well, I can, but I can't take you back there!"
"Why not? Tell your parents we were talking about religion or school or something, and time got away from us, and before we knew it, it was ten."
"Well, we were talking for a bit…" Ernst said slowly. Hanschen grinned.
"Of course, Ernst. That's all we were doing. Talking." Hanschen smiled at the smaller boy and pressed a fleeting kiss to his lips. "Now come on, let's get back to your house." Ernst nodded. They stood and walked hand in hand until they reached the village.
And remember! "A review a day keeps the doctor away! You guys don't want me to get sick(er) do you?? Besides, you could review to tell me how creative I was while asking for reviews!