Selfish Love

Definitely one-sided Puzzleshipping, bordering on... two... sided? Implied, there we go. --; I haven't ficced for a while, so you'll have to forgive me. It's school. And Neko... this is what you get for asking for Puzzle angst. ;; You get puzzle crap.

This is an AU SPOILER... type thing. So, um, beware?

This is for the Yugioh fanfiction contest, blah blah blah... For my fellow contestants, I, um, kinda ignored this... did homework and stuff instead, stupid tests... haven't looked at it much at all. I haven't even had time to proof-read, gr! Aaaanyway, I decided on this idea as the flip side of what would happen if Yugi lost instead of won against Atemu...

Disclaimer: ... I am SO hungry right now... If I owned Yugioh... I would have eaten it by now. (Bwuahaha)

The silence was deafening.

I had never truly understood that statement before today, before the silence in the room fell upon me, threatening to suffocate me. Tears were leaking out of my eyes at an incredibly pace - I could only call it leaking, because I had tried to stop crying long ago, and they hadn't stopped coming. I didn't dare to look up, to see the shock and disappointment that was sure to be on everyone's faces - on his face.

I knew I couldn't stay here, though, here on the ground, hands clenched in ancient dirt and grime that had clung to the stone floor for thousands of years. So finally I looked up. Though his facial features were blurred, the expression was clear. I offered him my best watery smile.

"I-I'm sorry..." my tongue stumbled over the foreign name, "... A-Atemu. I... I lost. You'll have to stay... a little longer."

That was when it finally dawned on the others, I think, when they realized what I had done - or rather, hadn't managed to do. I could hear the voices start, murmuring quietly so as not to disturb me. But no matter how hard they tried, one sentence carried over to me again and again.

"Yugi... lost."

There were footsteps, and a hush fell over the spectators.

"Yugi."

I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. I didn't have the right to respond.

"Yugi, please," he spoke, quieter this time, and I closed my eyes to let the soothing voice wash over me, "look at me."

And so I did. Atemu's eyes were soft, a beautiful, concerned violet gaze he saved only for me. It had always reassured me in the past; today, it made me feel dirty, filthy. I knew he wanted to comfort me, make me feel better. Losing was fine, he would say, even if the sacred ritual that could only, in reality, be completed by the two of us, had failed.

I accepted his outstretched arm reluctantly and let him pull me into a tight hug, as he murmured exactly what I had expected into my ear. Worst even, I accepted his words with a smile. I couldn't help myself. His new, solid form was so warm.

As soon as we stepped off the platform, our friends crowded around us, trying to console me. Don't, I wanted to shout. Don't! I don't deserve it!

Then Atemu leaned over and whispered something that only I could hear, something that made my heart, which I had thought had been wrenched and twisted beyond repair, flutter weakly in my chest. "To be honest, Yugi... I really didn't want to leave. Not yet. And it looks like you aren't ready for me to leave either..." His voice trailed off hopefully.

I smiled back at him, a stronger, truer smile than the meager one I had offered earlier. "Of course not."

It was true, of course. When he appeared in front of us, completely solid and ready to die, something inside me died as well; I realized, almost too late, that I couldn't, wouldn't, live without him. I loved him too much, more than the brotherly love that our friends thought we shared - but I couldn't tell him. Not with this guilt weighing me down.

Not feeling ready to give him up was only an understatement for what I had felt though, and it was unexcusable. Even with a reason as powerful as love on my side, how could he ever possibly forgive me when I told him the truth: I could have won the last turn. I had lost on purpose.

I might go on to make this a full story. --; In fact, I think that would be the only way to redeem this, to make it just the prologue...

I'd say review, but... it makes me think of review homework. For math tests. ... That I should be studying for. -runs away-