A/N: Hello all! Taking a break from my usual Recess fics to write a new One Life to Live fic! This one is a one-shot taking a look inside the world of Shannon McBain, the girl we love to hate. Enjoy!
Song: Help Me---by Nick Carter
Disclaimer---own nothing---although I wish I could own some of Llanview's sexy men :D
I wish I could define
All the thoughts that crossed my mind
They seem too big for me to choose
I don't know which ones to lose
When I'm falling down so far
I think I'll never see your light
Bouncing off of me
Shining down here from your eyes
Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and nightWhere I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here
Shannon McBain sat in the living room of the house she was staying at with the rest of the 'Love Crew ' and flipped through the channels of the TV. Sports, news, some cartoon about a superhero chick who dressed like a cross between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, The Fabulous Life of Brad and Jen. Shannon flipped off the set in frustration and sighed. The rest of her housemates had gone out to the Hookup in order to convince the owner to let the guys strip to earn money for their project. They had invited her to go along, of course, but she declined. The last thing she wanted was to be around guys who thought she was a slut, and wanted nothing more than to get in her pants. She knew she was to blame for her slutty reputation, but nobody understood why she acted the way she did, why she used sex to get what she wanted. If people only knew why
It's like I got the signals crossed
With messages I can't decode
Half asleep, never wide awake
And I'm in complete overload
I got so much information here
And nothing I can really grasp
I should know the truthBut I'm too afraid so I have to ask
People often looked at Shannon and saw her beauty, the long brown hair with the perfect highlights, the nice body, the deep, soulful eyes. Guys all wanted to take her home, but none of them ever wanted to get to know the real her. The girl who wanted to be loved more than anything in the world, the girl who lost her mom to terminal illness when she was little. The girl with the cheating father who taught her women were only good for sex, for he spent most of his time with other women when the late Mrs. McBain lay dying in ICU. But very few people knew that about her. She often kept her hurt feelings and insecurities well hidden under bitchiness and sex. None of her past boyfriends cared enough to ask why she was hurting so bad, none of them even bothered to see it. Not even River, whom she spent most of the semester chasing. They had hooked up of course, but even he had left her again to chase after that annoyingly innocent Adrianna Colson. She had thought he was different from the others, but no, he was just like them, screw and bolt. Shannon leaned back on the pillows and fought back the tears that formed in her eyes. No way she was going to cry. Even though nobody was home, she couldn't risk the tears. That overly perky Jennifer Rappaport was videotaping everything, and Shannon was afraid a tape might be rolling somewhere, catching her every move, and she didn't want anyone to know the tough bitch Shannon McBain had any emotion.
Shannon had been so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't even hear the door open behind her until she heard the voice of Rex Balsom in her ear.
"Rex, you scared me!" she cried, swatting him away with her perfectly manicured hand.
"Sorry, babe, Jen forgot her video camera so I told her I'd come and get it for her," Rex picked up the tiny camcorder and smiled. Shannon rolled her eyes. He was still obsessed with his ex-wife, despite his affair with her mother. And why shouldn't he be? Jen had it all, looks, smarts and goals in life. She was everything Shannon wasn't, and everything Shannon wanted to be.
"Shan, you ok?" Rex asked, putting the camera down and sitting next to her.
"Go away and run to Jen, leave me the hell alone!" Shannon cried, covering her face with her hands.
"Something is wrong, I know it," he whispered, putting his arms around her.
"You wouldn't understand," Shannon mumbled through the tears that finally escaped.
"But I'm here to listen," Rex assured her, letting the girl cry as long as she needed to.
Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here
Wanna know you
More than anything
I need you
In my every dream, you're there for me
Do you love me?
For who I am, no angel
Just an ordinary man
Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
Slowly, Shannon began to tell Rex everything, how she was afraid to truly let herself love because of her father's actions, how scared she was to let the real Shannon come out and how she wasn't sure how to break away from her slutty, bitchy reputation. She had expected Rex to laugh at her, or to make fun of her for whining, but instead he listened attentively, wiping away her tears and hugging her close to him, telling her it was going to be ok. Shannon smiled as she hugged him back, finally realizing that Rex was giving her something she had been searching for all her live---the gift of being loved, and the courage to finally return that love. He saw in her a woman that she had fought off for so long, the person inside she had pushed away because she had been too scared of getting hurt. Not only did Rex accept that person, but he had told her it was a person he wanted to get to know better, and he was willing to show her, as well as the rest of Llanview what a wonderful person Shannon McBain could be and how much he loved her. As he leaned in to kiss her, Shannon smiled inwardly, finally knowing it was ok to be herself and shed the reputation she had built to hide the person she truly wanted to be.
Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here
A/N: My first OLTL fic, not sure how good it is, but I hope you like it. Thanks for reading and send me reviews, aka soul hugs after reading!