A/N: OK, I've got my little quotes inserted here and there, so yeah. But
this story is JAVAJUNKIE!!! Yea!!! It takes place after season 2 and Rory's
still in Washington. So, read and review! (PS~ It's also a flashback fic!)
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, but I LOVE this show!!!!! Yeah, so anywayz.I don't own the song "Things I'll Never Say" either cuz Avril Lavigne wrote it and sings it, but it's not totally "on the radio" well-known, but yeah.
* * * * *
(Lorelai storms into the inn and slams her keys down at the front desk where Michel and Sookie are arguing. They immediately stop when Lorelai bursts in.)
Sookie: Lorelai, is everything okay?
Lorelai: (sighs) You know, I went to bed yesterday with so much confidence and I woke up confused and so far everything's been going downhill.
Michel: Oh, this is girly stuff. Excuse me while I go help people I care even less about. (he leaves)
Sookie: What's wrong? No coffee?
Lorelai: I had this weird dream.
Sookie: Oh, does it have something to do with snails, because I've had that one too.
Lorelai: No. It was so bizarre. I was standing under the chuppah that Luke made me and I was wearing a wedding dress and I had my veil over my face. And there were people sitting down behind me.-
Sookie: Like a wedding?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Sookie: So why was it so weird?
Lorelai: I thought I was marrying Max, but it turned out to be Luke and-
Sookie: You married Luke?
Lorelai: It was only a dream.
Sookie: Then why are you so freaked?
Lorelai: (frustrated) I don't know!
Sookie: So it's just the dream that's getting you all jumpy?
Lorelai: No. I'm walking to Luke's and I'm about to go in and try and make peace between us, but I look through the window and I see Rachel.
Sookie: Luke's Rachel?
Lorelai: What other Rachel could there be?
Sookie: Oh.
Lorelai: And Luke's there and he and Rachel are laughing and talking and.I don't know. I lost it. I don't know why I lost it, but I couldn't go in and I jumped into my car back at home and drove here.
Sookie: Lorelai, I think you know why you lost it this morning when you saw Luke and Rachel. You're jealous.
Lorelai: Sookie! We've been through this before. Remember? At The Bangles concert? I am not jealous of Rachel!
Sookie: What about your dream?
Lorelai: That I married Luke? I don't know. But I know I'm not jealous!
Sookie: Then why are you feeling so angry that Rachel's back?
Lorelai: Because I thought I was going to go into Luke's to apologize and talk to him and do our whole breakfast bit, but then I saw Rachel and I couldn't go in because things wouldn't be the same.
Sookie: In other words, you have feelings for Luke.
Lorelai: Sookie! I do not have feelings for him. We've been through this before, you're being ridiculous!
Sookie: Maybe I am, but it is so obvious that you two are meant for each other. At least it's obvious to the rest of us, now why can't you two see it? Lorelai, admit it. You've always pictured you and Luke together, and when Rachel's back, you don't fit into the picture anymore.
(silence)
Lorelai: I-I'll be right back. I need to get some air.
(Lorelai grabs her keys and runs out the door to her car. She starts driving around aimlessly, not knowing where she's going.
*I'm tugging at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows*
FLASHBACK
Emily: This man was at Rory's birthday party, he came to the hospital with you, he's the male lead in every story you tell, you go to the diner every single day. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not a fool.
Lorelai: Mom, please.
Emily: Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do.
END FLASHBACK
*I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red I'm searching for the words inside my head*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: Don't you understand that Luke is so into you?
END FLASHBACK
*'Cuz I'm feeling nervous*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: He has to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement, and then the engagement was off, and patiently he's waited. And now in walks this kid and he says, 'My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she'll date me?'
END FLASHBACK
*Trying to be so perfect*
(A/N: OK, when anyone in this fic is "thinking to herself" or "thinking to himself", it's means that the people watching can hear her/his thoughts, but she's/he's not actually saying them. OK.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) OhmyGod, what if Sookie's right? Oh no, oh no, oh no.Luke can't be in love with me. No, this is not how it's supposed to happen! And I can't be in love with him because.No, it would just ruin things.
*'Cuz I know you're worth it*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: Hey, maybe it's crazy, maybe it's irrational, but it's there. Just look the guy in the eye, it's right there.
END FLASHBACK
*You're worth it.*
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Oh God, I'm so confused.
*.yeah*
(Lorelai suddenly slams on the breaks and pulls over. She rests her head on the steering wheel and has a worried look on her face. She looks up to see where she is and realizes that she's still in Stars Hollow.and she's in front of Luke's.)
Lorelai: (muttering to no one) I gotta talk to him.
(Lorelai starts to get out of the car, but stops.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) What the hell am I doing? I'm about to talk to the one person I've been avoiding since Rory broke her wrist and now I wanna go talk to him.but I don't know what I'm going to say or even why I'm doing this.What if he doesn't want to talk to me?
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
(Lorelai sits back down in her seat and closes the door. She leans back and closes her eyes. The images of her dream comes back.)
(Lorelai is standing under the chuppah in her wedding dress and everything is set up like a wedding. It is in front of the Gilmore's house in Stars Hollow. We see people smiling, but we don't see Luke. We only see the back of the groom's head.)
Priest:.until death do you part?
Lorelai: I do.
Priest: Then I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
(Lorelai turns to the groom and he lifts the veil and we see it's Max. He and Lorelai kiss, but when they separate, it's Luke.)
Luke: I love you, Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: I love you too.
(The images fade away and Lorelai opens her eyes.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Why does that feel like some sort of premonition?
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say*
(Luke and Jess are pouring coffee for customers and getting meals. Rachel is sitting at the counter and talking to Luke any chance they get. Jess is shooting Rachel dirty looks.)
Luke: (coming up behind Jess while Jess is making coffee) Why are you giving Rachel those looks?
Jess: (sarcastically) What looks, Uncle Luke?
Luke: Jess.
Jess: (turning around) Why are you being so friendly to her? She left you! Twice! And you're just gonna let her come back into your life all to possibly screw it up even more?
Luke: What the hell are you talking about?
Jess: You're not possibly thinking of getting back together with her, are you?
Luke: Well.
Jess: What about Lorelai?
Luke: Since when did you become so fond of her?
Jess: That's not the point. I'm just saying don't screw things up. (he walks away)
Luke: (thinking to himself) Don't screw what up? Lorelai and I don't have anything going on between us. We're not even talking to each other!
Rachel: Luke? Is everything okay? (teasingly) You look so 'deep in thought'.
Luke: (looking up at Rachel) Um, yeah. Everything's fine. (thinking to himself) Rachel's a good person. I mean, she cares about what I'm thinking or whatever. Lorelai doesn't. She waits until the very last moment to tell me things and she doesn't always listen to me. (pauses) Why does it sound like I'm trying so hard to convince myself that Rachel's better than Lorelai?.
FLASHBACK
Luke: You're saying no to coffee. This is big. Can you tell me what it is?
Lorelai: I just really need to tell Rory first.
END FLASHBACK
*It don't do me any good It's just a waste of time What use is it to you what's on my mind*
FLASHBACK
Luke: That's not what I meant. The two of you are just completely different people. Both great, but I'm just a little surprised that, you know, you're different types of greatness are, you know, melding and you're comfortably great together.
Lorelai: Is this bothering you?
Luke: This conversation, yes.
Lorelai: No. Um, the idea of Rachel and I hanging out together. Is there some reason that's weird for you or something?
END FLASHBACK
*If it ain't coming out Then we're not going anywhere*
Luke: Hey Jess?
Jess: What?
Luke: What did you mean earlier? You know, when you told me not to screw things up. Who exactly were you talking about?
Jess: Wouldn't you like to know.
Luke: Why are you suddenly "looking out" for Lorelai?
Jess: It's not important.
Luke: Jess.
Jess: (mockingly) You wanna know the truth? I'm madly in love with Lorelai and I don't wanna see her get hurt.
Luke: I'm serious. Don't give me on advice about relationships. How many people do you talk to in this town?
Jess: How many people do you talk to?
Luke: That's not the point. I'm just saying, you're not the best person when it comes to relationships. Why are you even acting like you care?
Jess: Because ".when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze. And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids".
Luke: What?
Jess: It's from The I Ching or Book of Changes. Rory said it once when we were talking on the phone.
(A/N: Rory didn't actually say it on the TV show, but Jess has gotta have heard it from somewhere, so why not Rory?)
Luke: What does that have to do with me and Lorelai? We're just two friends. Two friends who aren't even talking right now!
Jess: Just don't keep hesitating and distancing yourself from Lorelai. (glances at Rachel annoyed) And don't stay with her.
Luke: Since when did you make my decisions for me?
Jess: Listen, you don't have to listen to me. You don't have to like me. Hell, you don't have to talk to me! But just think about Lorelai. Think about something that should be there.
Luke: And since when did you get so "in touch with your feelings"? What happened?
Jess: Rory happened.
(silence)
Luke: There's nothing going on between me and Lorelai.
Jess: Then why aren't you convincing yourself? (he walks away and continues working)
*So why can't I just tell you That I care*
FLASHBACK
Lorelai : God, this has been one hectic, bizarre-o day for me.
Luke : Yeah?
Lorelai : Yeah. This morning with the being late. And my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father. This father from Chilton. He drove all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
Luke : Really? Are you going?
Lorelai : No. He's got a kid in school with Rory. The whole thing just seemed a little weird.
Luke : Good.
Lorelai : Good?
*Cuz I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect*
Luke : Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
Lorelai : Okay.
Luke : I mean, he's probably old, right?
Lorelai : Old?
Luke : I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
Lorelai : Well, so do I.
Luke : Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are..
Lorelai : Old.
Luke : Yeah.
Lorelai : Like this guy who asked me out.
*Cuz I know you're worth it*
Luke : But you're not going.
*You're worth it.*
Lorelai : No. No, I'm not going.
END FLASHBACK
*.yeah*
FLASHBACK
Luke: So Rachel left.
Lorelai: What!
Luke: Last night. She left. For good.
Lorelai: Oh no, Luke I'm so sorry. What happened?
Luke: Ah, it's hard to explain.
Lorelai: I can't believe it. I thought she was really in it for the long haul this time.
Luke: Yeah well, she had her reasons.
Lorelai: Really? What?
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
FLASHBACK
Luke: I guess if you find that one person who doesn't want to change you or dress you or make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right.
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today*
FLASHBACK
Rachel: I'm sure you tried Luke. But admit it, you're heart wasn't in it.
Luke: My heart was in it. I was here, I didn't leave. . . .I don't get this.
Rachel: Luke.
Luke: And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times.
Rachel: No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then.
Luke: Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. . .
Rachel: I'm gonna go. I'll miss you. Stay in touch.
Luke: Rachel, come on.
Rachel: So don't wait too long okay.
*Guess I'm wishing my life away*
Luke: To what?
Rachel: To tell her.
END FLASHBACK
*With these things I'll never say*
(Lorelai's still in her car. She's looking at Luke's, but then looking away.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) I should just leave. He's probably busy. I'll just pop a CD in the car and I'm gonna feel a lot better. (reaches down under her car seat and pulls out a brown manila envelope) (mutters) What the. "Dear Lorelai, I thought you might want this. Sorry, I shouldn't have broken into your car but I left in a hurry and you weren't around." OK.
(Lorelai pulls out a photo and it's the picture or her and Luke that Rachel took last time she was in Stars Hollow. Lorelai stares at the picture and sighs.)
Lorelai: What am I doing? (she gets out of her car and walks straight into Luke's)
FLASHBACK
Max: So you did date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.
Lorelai: There was no vibe.
END FLASHBACK
(Luke, Jess, and Rachel all look up when Lorelai bursts in.)
Rachel: Hi Lorelai!
Luke: (surprised) Lorelai.
Jess: Hi Ms. Gilmore. Coffee?
Lorelai: Hi, yeah, whatever. (looks at Jess) Coffee would be nice.
Jess: Comin' right up. Don't worry, it won't be too long because I don't procrastinate.
Luke: Jess!
Rachel: Um, Luke? I'm gonna go around town. Take some photos for-
Lorelai: Oh yeah, that would be nice. Take some photos, break into people's car, you know-Whatever you feel like doing.
Luke: What?
Rachel: You're mad.
Lorelai: The hell I am.
Rachel: It's just a picture.
Lorelai: You broke into my car!
Rachel: Why are you overreacting about this?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: It's, uh, not how I pictured it. I mean, not that I've been picturing Luke's apartment. I haven't been picturing it at all.
END FLASHBACK
*What's wrong with my tongue These words keep slipping away*
Luke: What's going on?
Jess: (hands Lorelai her coffee) Lorelai, here's your coffee.
Lorelai: Good, cuz I'm lookin' for something hot to throw.
Jess: (grabs the cup back) You know, I'll just take this.
Lorelai: (turns on Jess) And you! You totally messed with Rory!
Jess: Excuse me?
Lorelai: Things were going fine with Rory and Dean, but then she started lying to him and every time they're fighting or arguing, it's gotta be about you!
Jess: You're blaming me for their problems?
Lorelai: Yes!
Luke: OK, I don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know if I want to, but we need to sort things out because people are starting to stare. Jess, just continue working. Rachel-go.take your photos or something.
Rachel: Fine. (she leaves)
Luke: Lorelai. What was that?!
Lorelai: What?
Luke: You know damn well what I'm talking about. Why the sudden outburst? The overreactions? The accusations? The-
Lorelai: I-I.I don't know.
*I stutter, I stumble Like I've got nothing to say*
Luke: Lorelai, what's going on with you?
Lorelai: What's going on with you?
Luke: Aw geez, why do people keep doing this to me today? They keep turning my question against me.
Lorelai: Hey, welcome to the club.
Luke: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Luke, we're friends. Right?
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Well, then. I.(stops herself) I'm sorry.
Luke: For what?
Lorelai: The, um, whole Rory/Jess thing. You know, I freaked when Rory got hurt, but Jess has changed. You know, he's not acting like the whole "rebellious bad-boy" anymore. But Rory's changing because of him and that's what scares me.
Luke: But what about what just happened with you yelling at Jess?
Lorelai: He took my coffee away. We all know how I am with my coffee.
FLASHBACK
Luke: Junkie.
Lorelai: Angel. You've got wings baby.
END FLASHBACK
Lorelai: It's just. I got freaked out this morning.
Luke: 'Cuz of Rachel?
Lorelai: Partly. But it was other stuff too. That tied back to you. And, I don't know. I was going insane.
Luke: You know, if it makes you feel any better, I was kinda going through that too.
Lorelai: Well, it doesn't.
Luke: Yeah, but, you know.thanks.
Lorelai: And now it's my turn to ask: For what?
Luke: For.well, making me realize that maybe I've been holding myself back from being with other people because, even though I acted like I wasn't ready to settle down with Rachel, and well.maybe I was holding myself back because I always thought Rachel would come back.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: But now she's here and I'm finding myself drifting away and.distancing.myself from her a lot and well, I think it's because I.
*Cuz I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect*
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Is he saying what Sookie's been thinking he's feeling?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: I don't have a lot of people in my life who are.in my life.
END FLASHBACK
Luke: Lorelai.
FLASHBACK
Luke: Yeah, I'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
END FLASHBACK
*Cuz I know you're worth it You're worth it Yeah*
Lorelai: (interrupts) Luke, wait. Whatever you're trying to say seems like it's going to take a long time, so.
Luke: Well, I don't know, this is just hard for me. (thinking to himself) I've gotta say it. I can't hesitate and hold back like Jess said.
*Yes I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say*
Lorelai: Well, just say it then. (thinking to herself) Sookie's right. I need to look him in the eye and see what's really there. But why was I overreacting about Rachel?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: Hey, was Rachel pretty?
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: I'm just curious, was she pretty?
Sookie: She was pretty.
Lorelai: Like, what kind of pretty?
Sookie: What do you mean 'what kind of pretty'?
Lorelai: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer- y pretty or -
Sookie: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Lorelai: Really.
Sookie: Yup.
Lorelai: That's an intense kind of pretty.
Sookie: You're not kidding.
Lorelai: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Sookie: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?
Lorelai: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you're delirious.
Sookie: And you're jealous.
Lorelai: What?
Sookie: You're jealous of Rachel.
Lorelai: You're accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I'm not even interested in five years ago?
Sookie: Yes.
Lorelai: And you don't think that's crazy?
Sookie: Oh I do think that's crazy.
Lorelai: Right, I'm not jealous.
Sookie: Yeah you are.
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away*
Luke: You know.never mind. Let's talk about this some other time. I.I got a diner to run and.
Jess: (voice (from earlier)) Just don't keep hesitating and distancing yourself from Lorelai.
Luke: (thinking to himself) Bull.
*Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
Lorelai: Yeah. (she's about to turn away) Wait, Luke. I.um, had a dream.It was weird and I don't know why but, um, it had to do with.the chuppah.
Luke: The chuppah?
Lorelai: Yes. The chuppah. I, uh, got married and it was to.a really special guy that means a lot to me.
Luke: Max?
Lorelai: No-
Luke: Christopher?
Lorelai: It was-
Luke: Yeah? (thinking to himself) Great, she's gonna tell me about the new love of her life and I'm gonna have to deal with it. Move on.
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Why does he keep interrupting me? Does he not care? God.
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today*
Lorelai: It was you, Luke.
Luke: (looks at her startled) Me?
Lorelai: OK, I know that was stupid for me to just tell you, but yeah. That was what was freaking me out, but not as much as suddenly realizing that the guy I was really in love with was right in front of me all along.
Luke: So you're saying you're in love with me because of this dream?
Lorelai: No! No, it's not just because of the dream. I've been thinking and wondering for a really long time why I cared at all about you and Rachel or you and anyone together. And I finally think I know why. Because I'm in love with you, Luke.
(silence)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) He's not responding. Damn, I just ruined everything.
*Guess I'm wishing my life away*
Luke: (thinking to himself) I gotta say it. Don't get tongue-tied, Luke.
*With these things I'll never say*
Lorelai: Um, I'm gonna.yeah, go or something. (she turns around and walks quickly towards the door embarrassed because everyone in the diner had been listening and had heard her)
Jess: Lorelai!
Lorelai: What?
Jess: (thinking to himself) I gotta make her stay. Luke's just nervous. (to Lorelai) Um, do you want your coffee?
Lorelai: I can get it at the inn. (starts to go)
Jess: I'm sorry about Rory.
Lorelai: (turns to Jess) Jess, I was possessed earlier. I have no idea what I was saying and, well.It's not your fault that, well, that maybe Rory is falling for you. But, I'm sorry about that outburst earlier.
Jess: Thanks. Let me tell you something, I care about Rory. A lot. I've never really cared about someone as much as I do about Rory. She's the only one in this town that doesn't falsely accuse me of things or yell at me all the time or anything like Taylor and the rest of these people.
Lorelai: That's the kind of person Rory is. (lowering her voice) And Jess, don't try stalling. Luke's just.Luke. It's okay. Thank you though.
Luke: (coming up behind Jess) Lorelai.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Jess: (thinking to himself) Now or never.
Luke: Earlier.I froze. I'm sorry. But, what I was trying to tell you before was that.I'm in love with you too. I have been.for a while. And, well, (glances at Jess) I've hesitated before and I'm not gonna miss any opportunities anymore.
(Lorelai smiles and they kiss, even though everyone is looking at them, but they're all glad that Luke and Lorelai are finally together. They pull apart.)
Luke: I love you, Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) It's like my dream. (to Luke) I love you too.
*These things I'll never say.*
* * * * *
A/N: So.what'd ya think? I'm working on writing some more Gilmore fics that are Literati (Rory/Jess). One's kinda tragic, but the other one's happy and stuff. So yeah, review and thx! Much Love~Trac!
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, but I LOVE this show!!!!! Yeah, so anywayz.I don't own the song "Things I'll Never Say" either cuz Avril Lavigne wrote it and sings it, but it's not totally "on the radio" well-known, but yeah.
* * * * *
(Lorelai storms into the inn and slams her keys down at the front desk where Michel and Sookie are arguing. They immediately stop when Lorelai bursts in.)
Sookie: Lorelai, is everything okay?
Lorelai: (sighs) You know, I went to bed yesterday with so much confidence and I woke up confused and so far everything's been going downhill.
Michel: Oh, this is girly stuff. Excuse me while I go help people I care even less about. (he leaves)
Sookie: What's wrong? No coffee?
Lorelai: I had this weird dream.
Sookie: Oh, does it have something to do with snails, because I've had that one too.
Lorelai: No. It was so bizarre. I was standing under the chuppah that Luke made me and I was wearing a wedding dress and I had my veil over my face. And there were people sitting down behind me.-
Sookie: Like a wedding?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Sookie: So why was it so weird?
Lorelai: I thought I was marrying Max, but it turned out to be Luke and-
Sookie: You married Luke?
Lorelai: It was only a dream.
Sookie: Then why are you so freaked?
Lorelai: (frustrated) I don't know!
Sookie: So it's just the dream that's getting you all jumpy?
Lorelai: No. I'm walking to Luke's and I'm about to go in and try and make peace between us, but I look through the window and I see Rachel.
Sookie: Luke's Rachel?
Lorelai: What other Rachel could there be?
Sookie: Oh.
Lorelai: And Luke's there and he and Rachel are laughing and talking and.I don't know. I lost it. I don't know why I lost it, but I couldn't go in and I jumped into my car back at home and drove here.
Sookie: Lorelai, I think you know why you lost it this morning when you saw Luke and Rachel. You're jealous.
Lorelai: Sookie! We've been through this before. Remember? At The Bangles concert? I am not jealous of Rachel!
Sookie: What about your dream?
Lorelai: That I married Luke? I don't know. But I know I'm not jealous!
Sookie: Then why are you feeling so angry that Rachel's back?
Lorelai: Because I thought I was going to go into Luke's to apologize and talk to him and do our whole breakfast bit, but then I saw Rachel and I couldn't go in because things wouldn't be the same.
Sookie: In other words, you have feelings for Luke.
Lorelai: Sookie! I do not have feelings for him. We've been through this before, you're being ridiculous!
Sookie: Maybe I am, but it is so obvious that you two are meant for each other. At least it's obvious to the rest of us, now why can't you two see it? Lorelai, admit it. You've always pictured you and Luke together, and when Rachel's back, you don't fit into the picture anymore.
(silence)
Lorelai: I-I'll be right back. I need to get some air.
(Lorelai grabs her keys and runs out the door to her car. She starts driving around aimlessly, not knowing where she's going.
*I'm tugging at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows*
FLASHBACK
Emily: This man was at Rory's birthday party, he came to the hospital with you, he's the male lead in every story you tell, you go to the diner every single day. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not a fool.
Lorelai: Mom, please.
Emily: Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do.
END FLASHBACK
*I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red I'm searching for the words inside my head*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: Don't you understand that Luke is so into you?
END FLASHBACK
*'Cuz I'm feeling nervous*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: He has to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement, and then the engagement was off, and patiently he's waited. And now in walks this kid and he says, 'My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she'll date me?'
END FLASHBACK
*Trying to be so perfect*
(A/N: OK, when anyone in this fic is "thinking to herself" or "thinking to himself", it's means that the people watching can hear her/his thoughts, but she's/he's not actually saying them. OK.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) OhmyGod, what if Sookie's right? Oh no, oh no, oh no.Luke can't be in love with me. No, this is not how it's supposed to happen! And I can't be in love with him because.No, it would just ruin things.
*'Cuz I know you're worth it*
FLASHBACK
Sookie: Hey, maybe it's crazy, maybe it's irrational, but it's there. Just look the guy in the eye, it's right there.
END FLASHBACK
*You're worth it.*
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Oh God, I'm so confused.
*.yeah*
(Lorelai suddenly slams on the breaks and pulls over. She rests her head on the steering wheel and has a worried look on her face. She looks up to see where she is and realizes that she's still in Stars Hollow.and she's in front of Luke's.)
Lorelai: (muttering to no one) I gotta talk to him.
(Lorelai starts to get out of the car, but stops.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) What the hell am I doing? I'm about to talk to the one person I've been avoiding since Rory broke her wrist and now I wanna go talk to him.but I don't know what I'm going to say or even why I'm doing this.What if he doesn't want to talk to me?
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
(Lorelai sits back down in her seat and closes the door. She leans back and closes her eyes. The images of her dream comes back.)
(Lorelai is standing under the chuppah in her wedding dress and everything is set up like a wedding. It is in front of the Gilmore's house in Stars Hollow. We see people smiling, but we don't see Luke. We only see the back of the groom's head.)
Priest:.until death do you part?
Lorelai: I do.
Priest: Then I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
(Lorelai turns to the groom and he lifts the veil and we see it's Max. He and Lorelai kiss, but when they separate, it's Luke.)
Luke: I love you, Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: I love you too.
(The images fade away and Lorelai opens her eyes.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Why does that feel like some sort of premonition?
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say*
(Luke and Jess are pouring coffee for customers and getting meals. Rachel is sitting at the counter and talking to Luke any chance they get. Jess is shooting Rachel dirty looks.)
Luke: (coming up behind Jess while Jess is making coffee) Why are you giving Rachel those looks?
Jess: (sarcastically) What looks, Uncle Luke?
Luke: Jess.
Jess: (turning around) Why are you being so friendly to her? She left you! Twice! And you're just gonna let her come back into your life all to possibly screw it up even more?
Luke: What the hell are you talking about?
Jess: You're not possibly thinking of getting back together with her, are you?
Luke: Well.
Jess: What about Lorelai?
Luke: Since when did you become so fond of her?
Jess: That's not the point. I'm just saying don't screw things up. (he walks away)
Luke: (thinking to himself) Don't screw what up? Lorelai and I don't have anything going on between us. We're not even talking to each other!
Rachel: Luke? Is everything okay? (teasingly) You look so 'deep in thought'.
Luke: (looking up at Rachel) Um, yeah. Everything's fine. (thinking to himself) Rachel's a good person. I mean, she cares about what I'm thinking or whatever. Lorelai doesn't. She waits until the very last moment to tell me things and she doesn't always listen to me. (pauses) Why does it sound like I'm trying so hard to convince myself that Rachel's better than Lorelai?.
FLASHBACK
Luke: You're saying no to coffee. This is big. Can you tell me what it is?
Lorelai: I just really need to tell Rory first.
END FLASHBACK
*It don't do me any good It's just a waste of time What use is it to you what's on my mind*
FLASHBACK
Luke: That's not what I meant. The two of you are just completely different people. Both great, but I'm just a little surprised that, you know, you're different types of greatness are, you know, melding and you're comfortably great together.
Lorelai: Is this bothering you?
Luke: This conversation, yes.
Lorelai: No. Um, the idea of Rachel and I hanging out together. Is there some reason that's weird for you or something?
END FLASHBACK
*If it ain't coming out Then we're not going anywhere*
Luke: Hey Jess?
Jess: What?
Luke: What did you mean earlier? You know, when you told me not to screw things up. Who exactly were you talking about?
Jess: Wouldn't you like to know.
Luke: Why are you suddenly "looking out" for Lorelai?
Jess: It's not important.
Luke: Jess.
Jess: (mockingly) You wanna know the truth? I'm madly in love with Lorelai and I don't wanna see her get hurt.
Luke: I'm serious. Don't give me on advice about relationships. How many people do you talk to in this town?
Jess: How many people do you talk to?
Luke: That's not the point. I'm just saying, you're not the best person when it comes to relationships. Why are you even acting like you care?
Jess: Because ".when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze. And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids".
Luke: What?
Jess: It's from The I Ching or Book of Changes. Rory said it once when we were talking on the phone.
(A/N: Rory didn't actually say it on the TV show, but Jess has gotta have heard it from somewhere, so why not Rory?)
Luke: What does that have to do with me and Lorelai? We're just two friends. Two friends who aren't even talking right now!
Jess: Just don't keep hesitating and distancing yourself from Lorelai. (glances at Rachel annoyed) And don't stay with her.
Luke: Since when did you make my decisions for me?
Jess: Listen, you don't have to listen to me. You don't have to like me. Hell, you don't have to talk to me! But just think about Lorelai. Think about something that should be there.
Luke: And since when did you get so "in touch with your feelings"? What happened?
Jess: Rory happened.
(silence)
Luke: There's nothing going on between me and Lorelai.
Jess: Then why aren't you convincing yourself? (he walks away and continues working)
*So why can't I just tell you That I care*
FLASHBACK
Lorelai : God, this has been one hectic, bizarre-o day for me.
Luke : Yeah?
Lorelai : Yeah. This morning with the being late. And my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father. This father from Chilton. He drove all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
Luke : Really? Are you going?
Lorelai : No. He's got a kid in school with Rory. The whole thing just seemed a little weird.
Luke : Good.
Lorelai : Good?
*Cuz I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect*
Luke : Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
Lorelai : Okay.
Luke : I mean, he's probably old, right?
Lorelai : Old?
Luke : I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
Lorelai : Well, so do I.
Luke : Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are..
Lorelai : Old.
Luke : Yeah.
Lorelai : Like this guy who asked me out.
*Cuz I know you're worth it*
Luke : But you're not going.
*You're worth it.*
Lorelai : No. No, I'm not going.
END FLASHBACK
*.yeah*
FLASHBACK
Luke: So Rachel left.
Lorelai: What!
Luke: Last night. She left. For good.
Lorelai: Oh no, Luke I'm so sorry. What happened?
Luke: Ah, it's hard to explain.
Lorelai: I can't believe it. I thought she was really in it for the long haul this time.
Luke: Yeah well, she had her reasons.
Lorelai: Really? What?
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
FLASHBACK
Luke: I guess if you find that one person who doesn't want to change you or dress you or make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right.
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today*
FLASHBACK
Rachel: I'm sure you tried Luke. But admit it, you're heart wasn't in it.
Luke: My heart was in it. I was here, I didn't leave. . . .I don't get this.
Rachel: Luke.
Luke: And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times.
Rachel: No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then.
Luke: Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. . .
Rachel: I'm gonna go. I'll miss you. Stay in touch.
Luke: Rachel, come on.
Rachel: So don't wait too long okay.
*Guess I'm wishing my life away*
Luke: To what?
Rachel: To tell her.
END FLASHBACK
*With these things I'll never say*
(Lorelai's still in her car. She's looking at Luke's, but then looking away.)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) I should just leave. He's probably busy. I'll just pop a CD in the car and I'm gonna feel a lot better. (reaches down under her car seat and pulls out a brown manila envelope) (mutters) What the. "Dear Lorelai, I thought you might want this. Sorry, I shouldn't have broken into your car but I left in a hurry and you weren't around." OK.
(Lorelai pulls out a photo and it's the picture or her and Luke that Rachel took last time she was in Stars Hollow. Lorelai stares at the picture and sighs.)
Lorelai: What am I doing? (she gets out of her car and walks straight into Luke's)
FLASHBACK
Max: So you did date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.
Lorelai: There was no vibe.
END FLASHBACK
(Luke, Jess, and Rachel all look up when Lorelai bursts in.)
Rachel: Hi Lorelai!
Luke: (surprised) Lorelai.
Jess: Hi Ms. Gilmore. Coffee?
Lorelai: Hi, yeah, whatever. (looks at Jess) Coffee would be nice.
Jess: Comin' right up. Don't worry, it won't be too long because I don't procrastinate.
Luke: Jess!
Rachel: Um, Luke? I'm gonna go around town. Take some photos for-
Lorelai: Oh yeah, that would be nice. Take some photos, break into people's car, you know-Whatever you feel like doing.
Luke: What?
Rachel: You're mad.
Lorelai: The hell I am.
Rachel: It's just a picture.
Lorelai: You broke into my car!
Rachel: Why are you overreacting about this?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: It's, uh, not how I pictured it. I mean, not that I've been picturing Luke's apartment. I haven't been picturing it at all.
END FLASHBACK
*What's wrong with my tongue These words keep slipping away*
Luke: What's going on?
Jess: (hands Lorelai her coffee) Lorelai, here's your coffee.
Lorelai: Good, cuz I'm lookin' for something hot to throw.
Jess: (grabs the cup back) You know, I'll just take this.
Lorelai: (turns on Jess) And you! You totally messed with Rory!
Jess: Excuse me?
Lorelai: Things were going fine with Rory and Dean, but then she started lying to him and every time they're fighting or arguing, it's gotta be about you!
Jess: You're blaming me for their problems?
Lorelai: Yes!
Luke: OK, I don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know if I want to, but we need to sort things out because people are starting to stare. Jess, just continue working. Rachel-go.take your photos or something.
Rachel: Fine. (she leaves)
Luke: Lorelai. What was that?!
Lorelai: What?
Luke: You know damn well what I'm talking about. Why the sudden outburst? The overreactions? The accusations? The-
Lorelai: I-I.I don't know.
*I stutter, I stumble Like I've got nothing to say*
Luke: Lorelai, what's going on with you?
Lorelai: What's going on with you?
Luke: Aw geez, why do people keep doing this to me today? They keep turning my question against me.
Lorelai: Hey, welcome to the club.
Luke: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Luke, we're friends. Right?
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Well, then. I.(stops herself) I'm sorry.
Luke: For what?
Lorelai: The, um, whole Rory/Jess thing. You know, I freaked when Rory got hurt, but Jess has changed. You know, he's not acting like the whole "rebellious bad-boy" anymore. But Rory's changing because of him and that's what scares me.
Luke: But what about what just happened with you yelling at Jess?
Lorelai: He took my coffee away. We all know how I am with my coffee.
FLASHBACK
Luke: Junkie.
Lorelai: Angel. You've got wings baby.
END FLASHBACK
Lorelai: It's just. I got freaked out this morning.
Luke: 'Cuz of Rachel?
Lorelai: Partly. But it was other stuff too. That tied back to you. And, I don't know. I was going insane.
Luke: You know, if it makes you feel any better, I was kinda going through that too.
Lorelai: Well, it doesn't.
Luke: Yeah, but, you know.thanks.
Lorelai: And now it's my turn to ask: For what?
Luke: For.well, making me realize that maybe I've been holding myself back from being with other people because, even though I acted like I wasn't ready to settle down with Rachel, and well.maybe I was holding myself back because I always thought Rachel would come back.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: But now she's here and I'm finding myself drifting away and.distancing.myself from her a lot and well, I think it's because I.
*Cuz I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect*
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Is he saying what Sookie's been thinking he's feeling?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: I don't have a lot of people in my life who are.in my life.
END FLASHBACK
Luke: Lorelai.
FLASHBACK
Luke: Yeah, I'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
END FLASHBACK
*Cuz I know you're worth it You're worth it Yeah*
Lorelai: (interrupts) Luke, wait. Whatever you're trying to say seems like it's going to take a long time, so.
Luke: Well, I don't know, this is just hard for me. (thinking to himself) I've gotta say it. I can't hesitate and hold back like Jess said.
*Yes I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say*
Lorelai: Well, just say it then. (thinking to herself) Sookie's right. I need to look him in the eye and see what's really there. But why was I overreacting about Rachel?
FLASHBACK
Lorelai: Hey, was Rachel pretty?
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: I'm just curious, was she pretty?
Sookie: She was pretty.
Lorelai: Like, what kind of pretty?
Sookie: What do you mean 'what kind of pretty'?
Lorelai: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer- y pretty or -
Sookie: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Lorelai: Really.
Sookie: Yup.
Lorelai: That's an intense kind of pretty.
Sookie: You're not kidding.
Lorelai: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Sookie: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?
Lorelai: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you're delirious.
Sookie: And you're jealous.
Lorelai: What?
Sookie: You're jealous of Rachel.
Lorelai: You're accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I'm not even interested in five years ago?
Sookie: Yes.
Lorelai: And you don't think that's crazy?
Sookie: Oh I do think that's crazy.
Lorelai: Right, I'm not jealous.
Sookie: Yeah you are.
END FLASHBACK
*If I could say what I wanna say I say I wanna blow you away*
Luke: You know.never mind. Let's talk about this some other time. I.I got a diner to run and.
Jess: (voice (from earlier)) Just don't keep hesitating and distancing yourself from Lorelai.
Luke: (thinking to himself) Bull.
*Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight*
Lorelai: Yeah. (she's about to turn away) Wait, Luke. I.um, had a dream.It was weird and I don't know why but, um, it had to do with.the chuppah.
Luke: The chuppah?
Lorelai: Yes. The chuppah. I, uh, got married and it was to.a really special guy that means a lot to me.
Luke: Max?
Lorelai: No-
Luke: Christopher?
Lorelai: It was-
Luke: Yeah? (thinking to himself) Great, she's gonna tell me about the new love of her life and I'm gonna have to deal with it. Move on.
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) Why does he keep interrupting me? Does he not care? God.
*If I could say what I wanna see I wanna see you go down on one knee Marry me today*
Lorelai: It was you, Luke.
Luke: (looks at her startled) Me?
Lorelai: OK, I know that was stupid for me to just tell you, but yeah. That was what was freaking me out, but not as much as suddenly realizing that the guy I was really in love with was right in front of me all along.
Luke: So you're saying you're in love with me because of this dream?
Lorelai: No! No, it's not just because of the dream. I've been thinking and wondering for a really long time why I cared at all about you and Rachel or you and anyone together. And I finally think I know why. Because I'm in love with you, Luke.
(silence)
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) He's not responding. Damn, I just ruined everything.
*Guess I'm wishing my life away*
Luke: (thinking to himself) I gotta say it. Don't get tongue-tied, Luke.
*With these things I'll never say*
Lorelai: Um, I'm gonna.yeah, go or something. (she turns around and walks quickly towards the door embarrassed because everyone in the diner had been listening and had heard her)
Jess: Lorelai!
Lorelai: What?
Jess: (thinking to himself) I gotta make her stay. Luke's just nervous. (to Lorelai) Um, do you want your coffee?
Lorelai: I can get it at the inn. (starts to go)
Jess: I'm sorry about Rory.
Lorelai: (turns to Jess) Jess, I was possessed earlier. I have no idea what I was saying and, well.It's not your fault that, well, that maybe Rory is falling for you. But, I'm sorry about that outburst earlier.
Jess: Thanks. Let me tell you something, I care about Rory. A lot. I've never really cared about someone as much as I do about Rory. She's the only one in this town that doesn't falsely accuse me of things or yell at me all the time or anything like Taylor and the rest of these people.
Lorelai: That's the kind of person Rory is. (lowering her voice) And Jess, don't try stalling. Luke's just.Luke. It's okay. Thank you though.
Luke: (coming up behind Jess) Lorelai.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Jess: (thinking to himself) Now or never.
Luke: Earlier.I froze. I'm sorry. But, what I was trying to tell you before was that.I'm in love with you too. I have been.for a while. And, well, (glances at Jess) I've hesitated before and I'm not gonna miss any opportunities anymore.
(Lorelai smiles and they kiss, even though everyone is looking at them, but they're all glad that Luke and Lorelai are finally together. They pull apart.)
Luke: I love you, Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: (thinking to herself) It's like my dream. (to Luke) I love you too.
*These things I'll never say.*
* * * * *
A/N: So.what'd ya think? I'm working on writing some more Gilmore fics that are Literati (Rory/Jess). One's kinda tragic, but the other one's happy and stuff. So yeah, review and thx! Much Love~Trac!