Down They Forgot as Up They Grew, G. Thea. She could say a million things but she is always silent.
Women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain
children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more
- e.e. cummings, "anyone lived in a pretty-how town"
--
"You have to be a good girl, Thea, darling," her father says, over supper. "Anja Bessell was telling me about how her Martha and Catharina Schäfer's Anna brought bread to those unfortunate laborers and their children last Saturday. How lovely of them, don't you think? It is very good to know that the children in this town are not all..." He falls quiet, lost for words.
"...like those godless heathens, Wendla Bergman and Melchior Gabor," Thea's mother supplies, nodding.
Thea could say many things.
She could say, "Mama, you always liked Melchior", or, "Mama, Wendla was always so nice", or, "Mama, we always planted flowers outside the church together when we were children", or "Mama, they were my friends."
Thea could say many things, but she doesn't. She doesn't a lot of things, now. She doesn't smile so much, and when she does, it feels tight and she doesn't know why. She doesn't know why Moritz died, why Wendla died, why Melchior ran away, other than the whispers that they were sinners. She doesn't know what sin is, really. She doesn't think that they were sinners, but they must be, because her mama and papa said so, because she heard Frau Bessell saying it to Frau Rilow as they walked home from church.
She doesn't understand. She doesn't ask questions. She doesn't dare offer her voice when it is not asked for.
Thea listens. To her mother, to her father, to her priest, to her elders. She listens like a good little girl so that she can be like them, like she's supposed to be. She will kiss her children before they drift off to sleep and tell them fairy stories about how they should act. Slowly, she will forget how sunshine felt on her bare legs. She will forget about planting flowers outside the church with Melchior and Wendla and they will become lessons instead of friends.
She eats her supper, silent.