Hello all! I know I shouldn't be doing this, but here's another one shot for you to enjoy! And with our favorite musical genius and our lovable tough guy... who may actually kill me if he EVER heard me say that. o.o
Warning: depression and implications of self-harm. And the use of the f-word. (I don't curse in person so you all know.)
Enjoy! I own nothing; Nintendo does!
Baka
Mario and Luigi had once again succeeded in fending off the Koopalings and their father from taking over Mushroom Kingdom. They stomped, burned, and all but completely annihilated all of the troops the young Ludwig von Koopa, his younger siblings and Bowser sent after them, and eventually, defeated the Royal Family themselves.
It sucked.
The defeat had hurt them, of course. Everyone was battered and bruised, some worse than others, but they counted their lucky stars they were alive.
Except for Ludwig.
He hadn't said much the entire trip back to the castle. While Iggy was rambling on about how there should have been no chance that they lost with his invention, Wendy sobbing and yelling at her father for letting the princess get away with 'her' new jewels, and even Larry, the quietest of the bunch complaining, the eldest had not uttered a peep.
Only one brother noted that. He eyed him from where he sat being bandaged up on a small makeshift cot, blue eyes hidden behind dark shades. He watched his brother's empty gaze into space as Kammy and a few medical Boos on board Bowser's ship wrapped his arm and legs in bandages and added a gauze to his forehead.
That gaze... it seemed empty, lost. Something Roy was certain shouldn't be his brother at all. While he normally didn't care much for his only older brother, something about him right now was beginning to grate his nerves... but he just didn't know what it was.
Roy knew Ludwig usually became silent when their father roared on and on about the same things, but Ludwig's eyes never looked so... dead. He also noticed the peculiar motions Ludwig made whenever someone made an attempt to touch his right arm.
'Somethin' ain't right. What's with him? Damn, I know he went down first but come on! We lose to these guys all the time! And... why's his arm twitchin' like that?'
Roy Koopa and his elder brother may of been born with completely opposite personalities, but Roy knew his oldest brother better than the musical genius thought he did.
So it caught him off guard when, after almost seven long hours of flying, whining and complaining, the royal family had finally touched down home, and Roy made it a thing to get his younger siblings to bed. He then headed straight to a familiar area- Ludwig's music room. He wasted no time in banging down the door.
" 'Ey. Open up." Roy said. He didn't get a response but he could hear slow shuffling behind the tightly locked door.
"Ya heard me, ya smartass. I said open this got-damn door!"
A brief moment of silence, then more shuffling, although it sounded like it picked up in speed.
"Ludwig, open this door or I swear I'll break it down!"
Still nothing. Roy sighed, pinching his snout. 'So damn stubborn! He's GONNA open this fuckin' door or I'm barrelin' it down!'
Roy stood back a few feet and opened his mouth, feeling heat rising up his throat. It was at that particular moment Ludwig finally decided to let his brother in before he singed the door off.
Pleased, the burly Koopaling stepped in and closed the door. "Ludwig, what the hell's crawled up ya butt and died? Ya haven't said a thing since we left." Roy was blunt with it, something Ludwig really hated sometimes.
"N-Nothing is the matter... what do you want with me, Roy?" Ludwig responded softly. Roy caught the slight hitch in his voice and as he stepped closer, he noticed something he hadn't seen before.
Ludwig's face was flushed red and he looked dizzy. He was also clutching at the freshly bandaged arm and swaying a little.
Roy squinted before he realized what had happened, and if his older brother didn't look like he would faint, he would have punched him square in the face.
"Ludwig, you son of a- you're fuckin' SICK and ya said NOTHING?!" he suddenly yelled.
The sudden noise caused Ludwig to grab at his head. "Too loud..." he moaned.
Roy stomped over and grabbed Ludwig's hurt arm, harshly pulling it away from the side of his head. "How long ya had this- oh shit! Ludwig!"
Too exhausted to stand up, Ludwig had said nothing; his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed on the carpeted ground with a soft thud, his arm slipping out of Roy's grasp. The pink headed koopa hissed a slew of curse words under his breath as he hovered near the now unconscious Ludwig.
"Lud! Hey, come on man! Wake up! Ludwig!" he called, near panicking. He placed the back of his hand on Ludwig's forehead and was about to get something for his fever when he pulled his right hand away from Ludwig's side and noticed something on his arm.
They looked like... cuts. Lots of little cuts criss crossing over one another, all healed save for a nasty one he had apparently been pressing down on. It was then the truth of what Ludwig had been up to hit Roy and made him sick.
"Ludwig... dammit, you bastard... you didn't..."
Without saying a word, he cradled Ludwig to him and stood up. After placing him in a wide couch Ludwig had in the room, he headed for the bathroom and grabbed some washcloths. He wet them and returned to his eldest brother, pressing one against his arm and placing the other across his forehead. He had to resist the urge to destroy his brother's bedroom for what had been doing for some time, and he cursed himself when he felt tears pricking at his eyes and his hand began to shake.
Looking at the desk as he worked, Roy noticed some of Ludwig's music sheets were carefully positioned over something that stained the lower ones red in the corner. Out of curiosity, he got up to investigate.
The item he had been looking at was a glistening small razor. It looked like it hadn't been used today, but had some blood on it, meaning it had been used not that long ago.
"Ludwig..."
Roy sat down and waited for his brother to wake up, holding the cursed item between his claws. He had a lot of explaining to do and he was going to get answers, one way or another.
"Uggnh... huh..."
Ludwig's eyes fluttered open. Confused and highly disoriented, he struggled to remember how he had gotten in his couch and when it got so dark. Turning his head, he saw Roy sitting next to him, his shades sliding a bit off his face. His expression was the grimmest the musical koopaling had ever seen his brother.
'Roy...? How had he gotten in here? Why is he here? What happened to me?'
Coughing to let his visitor know he was awake and to clear his throat, Ludwig asked in a raspy voice, "Roy... what is going on... what happened... and where am I?"
Struggling to keep himself from punching Ludwig in the face, Roy answered, "In ya music room. Ya fainted a while ago."
Ludwig still didn't get what was going on, and picked up the two washcloths that were now laying in his lap. "What is this for?"
"For ya face and ya... ya damn arm..." The way Roy answered that question made Ludwig finally take a look at his brother, who had sat more upright and taken a deep breath to calm himself down.
Until he saw what his brother had clasped in his hand, Ludwig's next question was to ask what was making him so miserable and pissed off. Once he saw it, however, his eyes grew wide.
"W-Where... did you find that...?"
"Over there." Roy jerked his head in the direction of the desk.
Ludwig bit his lip and looked away. Sooner or later they were going to find out. But of all people... Roy? This was asking for trouble.
"Ludwig. Those cuts on ya arms... how long they been there?"
Ludwig bit his lip. Roy, close to losing his temper, asked in a much louder, angrier tone, "Dammit! How long... were they there?!"
"... a day or so..." he answered quietly, ashamed at himself and scared for once in his life. Roy was the LAST person he ever wanted to find out about his... secret.
"And how long ya been doing this?"
"I..." Ludwig couldn't answer him. He made a small noise and looked away, absently grabbing at his arm tight.
Roy looked at him. Ludwig could feel it but had no way to explain why he did what he did. He simply sat there and he would have continued to- if his brother hadn't punched him clean out of the bed.
Standing over him, Roy was shaking with far too many emotions he could not keep in any longer. "You fucking bastard. Who the hell gave you the right to do this to yaself?! Hmm!?"
Ludwig 's hand went to his swollen cheek... which hurt more because it was already injured to begin with. He looked down in shame of what he had done. "I..."
"You WHAT?! You can't deal with life so you try and off yaself, that it?! Ludwig, do you NOT use that over-sized brain in ya head or what!?"
"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, ROY!"
All that could be heard was heavy breathing from both parties, Ludwig finally caving in to his own emotions.
"Do you want to know why I decided to cut myself?! It is because I am sick of that man expecting me to become a father to seven children who never listen to a word I say! I am sick of always being the responsible one! I do not want to have everything falling on me just because I am the oldest and get in trouble because one of YOU messes things up! I am SICK OF IT!"
Roy inhaled deeply. He felt an urge to punch Ludwig again but his coughing pulled that thought away. Ludwig's head spun as he tried to get a grip on his bed to stand upright. He ignored the blood running down his mouth and felt nauseous when he finally stood up.
"So that's it... you idiot. you freakin' idiot." Roy said, his voice suddenly softer than the koopaling could imagine... or was that his imagination?
Ludwig wanted to yell at him for calling him stupid, to yell at him he had no idea what it was like to be in his shell, but stopped when he felt two burly arms wrap around him, practically holding him up.
"Is that what ya think, Lud? Ya think we don't appreciate you?" Roy asked quietly. "Or is there something else?"
Ludwig rested his forehead on his brother's shoulder, coughing.
"What is it?" Ludwig didn't respond. Roy sighed. "Ludwig, I don't get it. Why go to that kind of measure just to make life better? Look, ya went and got yaself sick."
Ludwig still didn't answer for a while, but Roy knew he was still awake; he could feel hot, choppy breaths caressing his neck. He led Ludwig to his bed and helped him in, adjusting the pillows so he could lean more upright.
Finally, Ludwig answered, drifting in and out of consciousness. "I... I want to know what it is like to be carefree like the rest of you. I do not want to be like this... to keep being blamed for everything I do... I do not want this, I am tired, Roy. But... if I do not look out for all of you, then I get in trouble for not being the elder brother. I... I do not know HOW to handle all this. Then there is my mistake..."
"You mean with Junior. But he said he forgave you months ago, Lud."
"I know, but I cannot forgive myself, Roy." Ludwig whispered. "I harmed one of my own without a single thought... how can you all still trust me?"
Roy ran his fingers through the massive mess that was Ludwig's unkempt hair, thinking for a moment. "Look. I will admit, it was kinda scary seeing that side of you. Ya damn well had to be sedated just for you to calm down. But running away solves nothing. You could've came to me or to Dad, to someone, man."
"No... no I could not. He would have called me weak... you would have called me weak..." Ludwig breathed, his eyes closing.
Roy felt a bit hurt by that comment. "Ya think we see ya like that? Weak, useless? Is that what ya think, genius?"
Ludwig coughed, but soon, his coughs mixed with uncontrollable sobs. "I do not know! I do not know anymore... I..."
Just like that, Roy saw what Ludwig wanted to say. He sighed heavily. 'Man, what a crybaby. But... it's for the right reason. I've never seen him open up to anyone, not even Dad. And he really thinks we see him as weak... but seeing as how we never thank him for takin' care of us, makin' sure we're alright... no wonder he did that... dammit, Lud...'
As for Ludwig, he didn't care. He felt he needed to cry, and if Roy made fun of him for it, it didn't matter. He still had his coping mechanism... he would be fine, like he has always painfully been...
"Ludwig... ya damn fool..." Roy whispered to him, reaching out and pulling the semi- sobbing Ludwig to his chest.
"We don't see ya as weak. After losing Mom, and practically having Dad abandon us for that broad Peach, you.. you were really all we had left. You became out mom and our dad, and I know you didn't want to. I know you had things you liked to do, like ya terrible music making..." he said with a smile.
"I wish you told us sooner, bro. We wouldn't have left ya like this, makin' ya turn to... that... just to get by every day..."
Ludwig rested his head on Roy's shoulder again. "I... I am so sorry... I did not want this to happen, Roy... " he choked. Roy shook his head.
"Ya didn't do this. Okay?"
As Ludwig began drifting off, Roy tapped his cheek and shook his head. "Not yet, maestro. You need something for your fever. Maybe Dad has medicine in the cabinet or somethin'..." he muttered the last part to himself.
The eldest looked at Roy, clearly feverish and slightly delirious as to what was going on around him. "Why do you care... why does anyone care..." he mumbled softly. His eyes began to close again and he was secretly thankful when Roy didn't budge him this time.
"Let me... go to sleep..."
The burly koopaling said nothing as he listened to Ludwig's breathing even out, but still winced as he could hear the mucus still lodged in his chest. "Jeez, idiot! How long ya manage to keep this hidden?" Roy laughed quietly to himself before his expression turned serious. In the illumination of the moonlight filtering from his brother's window, Roy stared at Ludwig's peaceful expression before brushing a loose strand of his hair from his sweat-covered forehead.
"Lud... you are so stupid. Maybe you think we don't need you, but everyone else here does. We always have... and we always will. So don't go dyin' on us until ya have to. Shit, man... I need ya, too." he muttered quietly... or so he thought.
"... can take... care of yourselves..." Roy stopped, shocked.
'He heard that?! Or has he seriously lost what marbles he got left?'
Ludwig's head tilted to the side as he drifted off, but Roy eventually figured out he was only half asleep. "Do not... need me..."
"Maybe so, but you... dammit, Ludwig, you're our PILLAR!" The last part startled Ludwig out of a twilight slumber and he stared at Roy, panting heavily. His hand over his chest trying to control his pounding heart, it soon moved to his head when he felt a migraine coming on.
"What was-"
"Shut the hell up and listen to me, you fuckin' nutcase!" Roy continued, ignoring how loud he was getting as well as the shocked expression from Ludwig. He still didn't budge an inch when two meaty hands grabbed his shoulders as if to keep him anchored where he was.
Roy's shades completely fell of his face, landing on Ludwig's bed. Ludwig was amazed by his brother's cyan blue eyes, how the moonlight reflected something he now knew he NEVER wanted to see in him ever again.
Fear... and sadness... and anger, to name a few. Roy was genuinely upset.
'Over my selfish actions... he is upset because of me and the mistake I almost made... Roy...'
"YOU are the ONLY reason why I haven't killed that crazy brat Lemmy or harmed Iggy or even punched Junior! You keep us together especially when Dad doesn't remember he has kids and forgets about us... you make sure we're alright, even if you're not. You take care of us! You've ALWAYS been there for us, even when we don't think you are or when we just get plain tired of ya! You kept this hidden so we wouldn't worry but that's NOT how it works anymore!"
Shaking Ludwig just a little, Roy finally admitted what he knew in his heart was true... although he'd pummel Ludwig to a pulp if he told the others. "We still need you, and we always will so stop fuckin' sayin' ya gonna die because I'm not allowing it!"
Ludwig's wide sapphire eyes stared into his brother's own as he finally released his shoulders, leaving him speechless. Looking at him, the blue haired prince never once thought he would be the one receiving comfort from him, and in a manner that shows Roy's... caring side.
He didn't know what to make of it. But he wasn't ungrateful for it, either.
In fact... he was thankful he received it.
"We all make mistakes, Lud. And we all learn from them. Dad needs to know he shouldn't expect you to be perfect. You are you. You're our brother and we don't give a damn how many mistakes you make. Ya keep us together, believe it or not..."
Roy chuckled lightly as he tended to his brother's arm. "Ya keep us together somehow, and make things good when it's shitty as hell. So quit actin' like ya don't matter... cause ya do."
A half awake Ludwig nodded as he felt tears slipping down his fevered cheeks. "I... I'm sorry..."
"Fer what? Bein' a big brother? Ya got nothin' to be sorry for so save it, sick boy. Now, will you kindly behave yourself so I can get ya some medicine?" Roy said in a mockingly stern-like manner, knowing Ludwig used to act just like a mother to him and his younger siblings when they were ill.
Ludwig understood and weakly smiled, feeling relieved for the first time since he barged in his room. "S-Shut up, Roy."
Fixing the sheets around him, Roy wiped his brother's cheeks, gave him a tissue and said, "I think not, bro. I'll be back in a minute."
Ludwig hummed quietly as he felt a comfortable feeling settling over him. He looked at the nighttime sky outside, barely hearing the next few words his brother spoke as he was exiting the room:
"You are so stupid sometimes, Ludwig."
Once he left, Ludwig closed his eyes in thought, ignoring the wetness that he knew were on his cheeks. His brother had a point. He had made many mistakes in the seventeen years he had been alive, some worse than others. But beating himself up for it would never have solved the problem.
If he had done what he wanted... if he had ended his life with that razor... that would be one mistake that could never be fixed. And he would not be the only one paying the price.
'I understand now, Roy. You are right... I am an idiot. And I am not perfect. But I want to be a better pillar for this family...for myself. I have to be...'
By the time Roy came back with the medicine, he found Ludwig laying with his head turned slightly to the left, a strange mixture of sickness and peace spread across his face. He stared at the moon, which still shone on his brother's flushed flushed face, before shaking his head and walking towards him.
Without saying a word, he shook Ludwig awake just enough to give him some of the potent mixture and to make sure he hid no other wounds from his battle with his emotions. After making sure he would be alright for the night, Roy got in next to him, one leg quickly becoming Ludwig's new pillow. He forced himself to stifle a laugh as Ludwig began mumbling incoherent things in his sleep.
Running his fingers through his brother's unkempt blue mop, Roy allowed the night to fill him with his own sense of peace. He didn't care to wonder what could have happened if he hadn't gotten to Ludwig when he did.
'I know he'll get it. Slowly, he'll find his way, and ya not gonna go fallin' alone. But knowing this genius...'
Glancing down to make sure he was fully asleep, Roy muttered with a exasperated smile, "... ya not gonna make it easy, will ya."
And story complete! Wow... just wow... random one shot of cuteness! Yay!
I dunno, it seemed like something Roy would do for his older brother given his personality. Isn't a caring Roy simply adorable? (Again, please don't tell him or he may kill me... then there my other story... yeah, I'm running now.) o.o
Anyways, please let me know what you think, what to improve on, the works.
Until next time! Thank you for reading!