Crack fic, not intended to offend anyone, but if your deeply religious this fic may, Im sorry, in advance my sense of humours is really warped,

Innacuries a lot, because I know the bare minimum of the bible,

leave me a review to tell me what you thought, I live to read your reviews, Can I really write crack!fic? or should I go back to my day job of angst.

"swiggity Swag. Swoom, swoom j-z jesus looked down at the poopy people below. His gaze drawn to the poopest people of all deanzee and samzee weenchester, weenchester jesus chuckled, that's going in the diary, as soon as I locate it.

"Jesus."

"…"

"Jesus"

"…."

"Jesus Christ"

"who are you talking to because that is not my name."

"*sigh* J-Zee, father requesss your presence."

"what now jesus whined "its just getting good on rube tv."

"Jesus!"

"sigh, coming father" he said uncrossing his legs and following his angel brethren."

"Father, no." Jesus whined.

"yes, son." His father commanded with gravitude (Jehovah Mahdi)

"but fathhherrr" he said stretching out the vowels, "remember what happened last time you sent me down there, im still recovering from the horrendous ways the humans treated me."

"no jesus H Christ you have guilted me with this enough, our divine presence has been removed from earth enough these thousands of years, it is time."

"but father-"

"my word is final. But I am not unreasonable, I have chosen a guide to protect you my son. The angel Castiel shall help show you modern society and keep you on the path of righteousness."

"thankyou father.' Jesus said walking towards the door hiding his face

"My son, wait, come here." he said with his arms open wide hugging Jesus. "it will be okay son, I will keep a close eye on you, and Castiel has shown himself to be a capable solder."

"You want me to what?" said Castiel with sudden mind blanking shock.

"Supervise my son whilst he visits earth, protect him with your life castiel, but most importantly keep him out of trouble. He means well, but he has a history of making less than wise decisions."

Castiel choose his next words with care, "Are you sure that is a wise decision father?"

"Do not question me Castiel, you are a soldier and this is an order. Now go, and remember If any harm shall come to my son, it will be your head."

Castile gulped. "Yes sir"

"So you're Castiel, my holy protector" said J-zee Jesus h Christ

'That is what they call me yes."

"Hope aboard the part-ay bus Castiel on to planet earth" said Jesus the sides of his mouth quirking up with mirth "This will be hella fun Castiel, you're in the ride of your life.'

"Please no." mumbled Castiel with dread.

"You take him." panted Castiel shoving Jesus Christ at Sam and Dean and flying off.

"Cas!" yelled Dean "What the hell!"

"Dean." Said Jesus pointing with a pop of his lips and a smug smirk "and Sam, I presume."

"and who the hell are you!?"

"All in time my unfeathered friends, firstly I must command you to direct me to the liquor cabinet if we truly are to have a good time surrounded by this tackiness."

Dean manhandled Jesus pushing him up against the wall "Start talking now"

"Dean," suggested Sam "Ease up a bit hey, Cas wouldn't have left him with us if he wasn't trusted."

"Well where the hell is Cas then that dick."

"I believe he's hiding in a challenging game of go-hide-seek. Oh no there my main bro is, yo castiel my homie."

Cas looked ready to kill Jesus if Dean wasn't in the way pining Jesus against the wall.

"Cas, you okay?" asked Sam

"I'm fine" replied Cas with irritation pocketing his angel blade that seemed to be covered in some type of mysterious goo "Dean, please unhand the Holy Messiah"

Dean loosened his hold slightly giving Jesus the opportune moment to slip away and hide behind Castiel, hiding the tremors that raked his body, and sweat drying on his forehead, he decided he didn't like this place as much as initially decided.

Then Deans brain caught on to what Cas said "Are you telling me that he, that that is Jesus fucking Christ."

"Dean!" said Sam and Cas outraged at the same time.

"sorry" Dean muttered looking abashed.

"Wow" said Sam with awe pretending he didn't know Dean. "It's an honour uh sir" said Sam extending his hand, "I'm sorry for the way my loudmouth brother treated you."

"Its is forgiven" said Jesus straightening his tunic and smoothing his beard ignoring Sams hand "Jesus is so old, and outdated, please call me j-zee."

"What?'

Cas sighed, "Clive Campell has recently introduced him to the genre of music referred to as hip hop."

"DJ Kool Herc is my main man." Said Jesus with pride.

Dean doubled over with laughter, "This is too much, Jesus, or excuse me J-zee, you're alright dawg." said Dean doubling over with laughter again.

Cas frowned disapprovingly.

Dean wiped his eyes, "Sitting in Sunday school and hearing pastor Jim describe the holy Jesus, never in a million years could I ever pictured Jesus as a rizzle hizzle gangsta.'

Jesus chuckled as Cas's face grew even more stormier and Sam shot Dean the bitchiest of faces. Dean smiled back at jesus, and Cas looked fit for murder.

Jesus came out from behind Cas, and walked over to Dean, pulling up to chairs and instantly launching into a story.

"I remember back in the day, the stories the pilgrims would make up without the barest prompt were extraordinary, you know at one point I had them all convinced I could turn water into wine, so I had this tavern, the whole village shows up, and there all exclaiming how great this wine tastes, and its plain water I got from the horses troughs." Jesus says chuckling, "I guess you had to be there," he told Cas who was not looking amused.

"So Cas why do you -uhm- why is Jesus here?" said Sam as Jesus nattered on to Dean.

"Father has tasked me with keeping him out of trouble, which has incidentally proven to be harder than anticipated.' Said Cas sitting heavily on the edge of the bed.

"Why though?" asked Sam "After all this time, why is Jesus, son of god, absolver of mankind's sins back now?"

"Why does my father ever do anything? To teach us all a deep and meaningful lesson, that's why."

"So once again were being screwed over by a dick with a power complex."

"Dean, you can't say stuff like that in front of the holy one about his father, you just can't, it's like breaking ten different commandments or something."

"It's fine." Said Jesus, "It's the truth after all."

There was an awkward pause in the room before Jesus changed the topic. "So does this motel have pay per view."