Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, am simply borrowing them for the purpose of this story.
AN: A post episode story for the season finale. Obviously others have done this beautifully already, but I felt the need to have them say words I wanted them too. And kiss, obviously.
Close My Eyes With You.
Jane sits beside Lisbon on the plane to Austin and wishes he could have precious time alone with her now. It's been an overwhelming twenty four hours, or few weeks if he is being unstintingly honest, and he is trying to come to terms with just how significantly his life may have changed.
No his life has changed, Lisbon's fingers entwined with his as they rest against his leg is proof enough of that. He tightens his own fingers against her thinner ones and smiles unashamedly again as he realises he can now hope to say that this is their life.
It's the reason he can't stop smiling even though he is running on no sleep, yesterday's clothes, and a twisted ankle.
He can't stop smiling.
He wants the other passengers to disappear so that he might have a moment alone with Lisbon again. He wants to call her Teresa and be witness to her happiness at hearing her given name fall from his lips. He wants to kiss her again and feel her warm breath against his lips. He wants the brush of her tongue against his, to repeat that thrilling moment earlier when he got to kiss her with a little of all that supressed desire and love he has been harbouring.
He wants to kiss her face and tangle his fingers in her long hair and forget about everyone else, forget about everything but how warm and alive she feels against him. And of how he feels such incredible renewed warmth and the tugging of a life awaiting him when she looks at him with her eyes filled with love.
He wants to tell her every truth he has ever kept hidden from her.
He wants so much all at once he can barely control the impulse to shout aloud his love for her again in the aisle of this plane. Maybe air travel will always bring out that side of him.
But instead Jane turns slightly to his right to appreciate the sight of Teresa Lisbon curled against his shoulder as she sleeps. She fell into sleep almost as soon as she sat in her seat, ruining his plans to apologise to her over and over for his stupidity and for being the cause of more tears. And he wanted to spend the flight professing over and over and over his utter and complete devotion to her.
Words of love and faith and happiness are insisting they find their way from his thoughts to actions.
Jane lifts their entwined fingers and kisses her just because he can; silently swearing to himself that he will kiss her every day for the rest of their lives.
He smiles again; these smiles he can't seem to stop are starting to make his muscles ache. The feeling of lightness in his chest, the elation despite his weariness, makes him feel younger and more alive than he has since before he became lost to life.
"Hey, I fell asleep. I'm sorry."
He is in danger of embarrassing himself with another loud declaration of adoration when she speaks to him in that particular tone of voice. Sleepy Lisbon may just be about the sexiest he has ever heard her allow herself to appear.
"It's okay; you don't need to be sorry. We're landing soon and you'll be able to sleep in an actual bed."
Lisbon nods her agreement and promptly falls back asleep in what looks to Jane to be a desperately uncomfortable position. He wants to move her, to make her more comfortable but he can't trust his motive isn't simply to touch her again. He is finding that the need to touch is overwhelming and all consuming.
Jane lets her sleep. They will land soon enough and he wants to help her get every little bit of rest that he can. He knows that his incarceration at the airport, while tedious, meant that he was free from part of the clear up of his antics and the case. Lisbon suddenly changed his life with her appearance in that detention room, shared those brief kisses that are now stored in entire rooms of space in his memory palace, and was just as suddenly removed from him when Abbott arrived to deal with him.
They haven't talked about what Lisbon had to accomplish in the several hours she was gone from the airport. Certainly she packed his things which he had abandoned at the Blue Bird Inn, but it is the more significant conversation she had to have with Marcus Pike that he wants to know about.
Or maybe he doesn't. He thinks maybe he would be happy if he never had to discuss Pike again for either of their lives. Which doesn't seem likely, but today he is choosing to believe in the impossible all of a sudden.
Jane escaped relatively unscathed from his detention at the airport and he knows that Abbott, while ostensibly livid, is beyond happy that he will have Jane and Lisbon working for him still. Lisbon's transfer has been cancelled and Jane will get to go to work with her every day.
He is almost as happy as Abbott is about this fact.
He lets Lisbon sleep till it's almost time to disembark the plane, understanding her exhaustion only too well as he feels the same way. He wants a shower, some sort of hot food, and to lie down somewhere – anywhere – with Teresa next to him. He knows that Lisbon doesn't have her house to go back to anymore, that her belongings are in storage and her life in turmoil. He has no home to offer her, but he will spring for the fanciest hotel and bed she will allow him to if that's what she wants.
He reaches down with infinite gentleness and cradles Lisbon's face in his large hands, eventually moving his hands to repeat the gesture from earlier when he held her face to kiss her. He is besotted with the sight of her long eyelashes as they rest against her face, and he stifles the urge to kiss her awake. He loves her, but is not altogether convinced Lisbon's first instinct wouldn't be to punch in that instance.
Instead Jane brushes his lips lightly against hers, and softly whispers waken up sleepy head.
A grumbled response is her only reaction.
"Hey Teresa, we have to go. It's time to get off this plane."
She comes awake in waves, first leaning her face closer into his touch, then rubbing her nose against the palm of his hand, before finally seeming to snap awake and remember where she is.
"Sorry. Sorry, I'm up. We should move."
He holds her still, not quite ready to let her go – never ready to let her go – as he traces her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. He knows his heart is in eyes, and that makes him nothing but joyous. She looks back with her own happiness reflected in her eyes but then, ever practical, breaks the shared moment and moves to stand to leave the plane.
They negotiate the arrivals area with the practised air of those used to travel, and are soon in line to catch a cab. Jane hesitates for only a fraction of a moment before telling the driver to take them to where he has been living in his Airstream. He needs to have her close, and the thought of her lying beside him in his small bed makes him shiver with want.
They spend the first part of the cab journey in silence, Lisbon intent on staring out of the window at the now familiar Austin skyline. Jane makes small talk with the driver, who seems to turn the conversation to whatever topic enters his head; finally settling on wanting Jane's opinion on hot tubs. Jane attempts conversation but is only half involved, the other half trying to intuit why Lisbon is keeping her distance from him. He only truly engages with the driver when he feels Lisbon's hand come to rest on his knee, and her stifled laugher at the conversation he has somehow become embroiled in.
The journey to his Airstream is relatively quick, and without real thoughts for what to do now Jane finds himself inside his small, makeshift home with Lisbon. He is exhausted in every way and all he can think of is what he really wants is for Lisbon to sit with him and rest her hand on his knee again.
"You want me to make you some tea, Jane?"
More beautiful words he couldn't have wished for, and to tell her this Jane dumps their bags and takes Lisbon in arms in an awkward embrace.
"I want you to stay."
Jane tightens his hold, his arms easily encircling her slender frame.
"I know, I'm here Jane."
"But you're supposed to be somewhere else right now, with someone else. Does he know where you are?"
He regrets the bluntness of his words, but needs to know the answer. He releases her from his arms but instead takes her hand to lead her to sit with him. Jane sits as close beside her as he can, wrapping his arm round Lisbon's shoulder and pulling her close.
"Jane I smell bad, I haven't showered in so long you might want to keep your distance."
He leans down and takes an exaggerated breath, smelling her hair and enjoying her amused laughter as he does.
"I haven't cleaned up in just as long, and you smell as wonderful as you always do. Does he know where you are Teresa?"
"If you mean does Marcus know I'm with you, then yes he does."
Something in him gives, and he has to stifle a sob. It might be exhaustion or simply need but he is overcome with the impulse to lay his head down in Lisbon's lap and give thanks for her. Instead he moves away from her slightly, turning round to face her when he asks her difficult questions.
"You told him you were staying here?"
Despite her dozing on the flight Lisbon is every bit as bone weary as Jane is, and doesn't feel like having this conversation on little sleep and no coffee. But she knows she owes Jane this much, and they have to start being honest with each other all the time not just when desperation forces their hand.
"I told him I was staying here because I couldn't leave you. And he was very hurt and incredibly angry and both of those things are my fault."
She starts to cry almost as soon as those words have left her lips, and Jane has to restrain himself from pulling Lisbon into his arms. But he wants to finish this conversation, to deal with her guilt so it doesn't become a poison between them.
"He must have suspected, Teresa. He must have known he was rushing you into something you were unsure of."
"No, none of that matters. I lied to him; telling him what he wanted to hear and all those lies of what I wanted to feel is all on me. He is entitled to his anger, and I'm so ashamed of myself for hurting him like this."
"Teresa…"
"Don't. Don't try and make it better, I did a horrible thing. I know he'll get over it, but I am ashamed of myself and what I allowed to happen between us. I should have been better, you know… because I wasn't very kind to him in the end."
She is quietly sobbing now, her face buried in her hands to stifle her tears. Jane knows he has reached his limits of endurance for witnessing her tears, so he does what he been resisting since that first time they kissed and he pulls her into his lap. She is sitting now with her face buried in his neck as she cries. Jane wraps his arms round her small frame and tries to find pity in his heart for Pike, but he can't muster the emotion for him.
"Teresa, please don't leave me. I know you feel guilty, but please don't leave."
He hugs her tighter still, kissing her shoulder through the silky material of her blouse. He feels her breath against his neck and wants to tell her never to move from this place his arms.
Or to simply never move from her place in his arms.
Lisbon wipes her faces on his shirt, managing to straddle the gap between adorable and plain gross. She leans away from his touch and instead rests her hands on his forearms, her eyes avoiding his. He wants to push her, wants to demand her words but his experience tells him he should let her come to those words of realisation in her own time.
She sighs softly then moves so that they are looking at each other, her love – as always – written clearly across her beautiful face. Jane starts to breathe easily again when she looks at him like this, and he can't resist reaching forward and tenderly kissing her cheek before Lisbon pulls back to take his own face between her hands.
"You don't have to worry about me leaving; you know I can't do that. I'm here with you because it's what I want. It's what I've wanted for so long; this is what I gave up waiting for Jane. But we're in this same pickle now. And I'm not going anywhere."
She caresses his cheek with the palm of her hand, loving how his eyes are shining with happiness and open affection.
"What pickle is it that we're in Agent Lisbon?"
She wants to kiss that grin from his lips, but recognises the vulnerability behind his bravado. So she smiles, she's sure she's smiled more in the last twenty four hours than she has in the last year, and gives him what he wants.
"I love you, you idiot. I love you and I'm staying."
He anchors her against him by resting a large hand against her right hip, leaving him free to press her hand against his cheek so that he can relish not only her words, but also how she fits so well against his body.
"I know sometimes I'll make you mad, Teresa. But I'll never do it on purpose or to hurt you, and clearly I can't face a future without you in it. And I know that's a terrible burden to wish on you, I know my past is always going to haunt me and maybe even us sometimes. But I love you, and I need you to know that I'm yours. For what's left of my life, I'm yours."
And he's kissing her again, but this time Lisbon is pressed against him and it's all heat and passion and promises. How her bottom lip feels between his is the most fascination discovery in his life right now, and Jane explores her with his signature enthusiasm.
"Jane, we have to stop this. I'm too heavy."
He kisses her neck, runs his tongue against her soft skin and openly moans at the sensation.
"You weigh nearly nothing Teresa, now stop talking woman."
"But you're ankle must be hurting, I don't want to hurt you. Come on Jane, I'm too heavy for you."
He sighs exaggeratedly and leans back to watch her try and escape from his embrace. She is flushed a gorgeous shade of pink and finds himself wondering, not for the first time, if she blushes the same delightful shade everywhere. His mask is gone as he watches Teresa, and he doesn't care. He wants her to see how utterly owned he is.
He wants her to see the truth.
"You're my better half Teresa, and I'll do my best to earn that place in your life."
"You don't need to earn anything, you know I'm yours. Well, maybe you can buy me beautiful dresses every now and again like the ones you bought for me and had left for me in my room."
"You did look gorgeous in that dress, right up till you assaulted me with a glass of water."
She kisses him again, because she can and because she doesn't want to think of how very close she came to losing him. How their combined stubbornness almost ruined their lives. She rubs her nose against his neck, and finds that she could get used to be in his arms like this.
"I'm glad you liked the dresses Jane, because I packed them with my things when I went back to the Inn."
"Really?"
Her amused laughter at his inherent maleness is her only reply.
"Will you do something for me?"
"I'm not trying on one of the dresses now, I need to shower."
"Oh I want you to try on the dresses but I'll need to take you somewhere to show off how you beautiful you are in them, and I won't manage that right now. What I want you to do is to try and call me Patrick now."
He kisses her cheek because she is so temptingly close and he will never be able to suppress his affection when they are close like this. She whispers Patrick to him as he slides his lips down her cheekbone, and he wants to shout out for the sheer rightness of the moment.
He loves the way Lisbon closes her eyes when he kisses her, he loves that she wants to savour these moments they have found.
He loves the way her breath feels when she whispers Patrick against his skin.
He loves her.
So he tells her. And then tells her again in the tangle of his lips against hers.
His ever sensible Lisbon puts an end to their kisses when she hears him stifle a groan of pain. His ankle only hurts a little, but in his effort to press up against her he managed to exert too much force on it. He could curse his aging body sometimes.
Lisbon is looking at him and he can't interpret what she is thinking, but maybe the radiance of her beaming smile is all she really has to say.
"You look so tired Patrick, you've not been sleeping. Can I help you get into the shower, or help with your ankle? Or do you just want to sleep sweetheart?"
Jane has tears in his eyes again at the unprompted endearment from Lisbon, and he is reminded of what it is to be cared for. He wants to convince her of his own reciprocal care.
"You're too good to me, and you're too good for me. But you know I'm a selfish man and I want you despite that."
He runs his hand through her hair, needing to stay connected her now that he has been granted the privilege of her open affection.
"As usual, you're right my dear, I haven't been sleeping. I've been lying on my couch at work and imagining what you smell like, and wondering what it would feel like to have you lying against me there. So I would really like to take you to bed to sleep. I would, of course, love to take you to bed and dazzle you with my athleticism and my complete and utter worship of you. But I would be nothing but a disappointment in that respect just now."
They kiss again, not because Jane is finished what he wanted to say to her but because Lisbon decided that touching him was the only way to show him how happy he is making her. Lisbon takes charge this time, her hands in his hair and her tongue stroking his in a seductive dance she only ever wants to share with this man.
They separate when it becomes apparent if they don't stop then they won't. Jane slides his fingertips along her collarbone because he wants to, and because she's beautiful and because this is real.
"I want to give you so many things Teresa, but I know I don't need to do everything today because I know you have almost infinite patience with me. I'll need your patience I think. I know I need to take my ring off but I'm not there yet, but I will be soon if you help me. And I want to be able to offer you more than this, you shouldn't be sleeping somewhere like this. You need a home, and I want to give you one. It feels so good to know that I'll be lucky enough to come home to you, and we'll find somewhere to live soon. I promise we will. I promise I'll take care of you as much as you will allow me to. But, my beautiful Teresa, today sleeping beside you sounds about as close to perfect as I can manage; what do you say?"
"I love you."
"You're just saying that so I let you use the bathroom first, right?"
Lisbon busies herself with trying to tame a curl because the urge to do so has been supressed for years.
"I'm saying it because it's true, and maybe a little because of the bathroom thing. But you're right; we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. And if that means we sleep on the couch tonight instead of a bed then I'm fine with that. If you feel more comfortable with that then we can do that until you're ready to sleep in a bed all the time."
Jane has to suppress the urge to hobble over to the door of his Airstream, throw it open and yell to the world "I love Teresa Lisbon." He smiles when he realises he will shout about his love for her when he has the chance, and he will do it often; not only for the truth of it but also to watch Teresa try not to kill him for embarrassing her. She'll look magnificent angry, of that he's certain.
"I want to go to bed with you Teresa, there's no way I'm making you sleep on a couch. And more than that my dear, I know I'm safe with you. I know that I can close my eyes with you and not be afraid of what I'll dream of when you're beside me. I'll only be dreaming of you."
And later, after they negotiated who got to use the bathroom first, they curled up together in his small bed and he dreamt of green eyes, pink dresses, and love.
When he closes his eyes he can dream of love.