"It's so fucking hot!"
Kakuzu sighed. That was the third complaint in the last five minutes. He stared at the shirtless man fanning himself with some sort of a make-do fan on the bunk across the room. The falls nin's eye twitched as said man motioned to remove his pants, leaving him in boxers. If Hidan had not been an immortal, Kakuzu would've surely mutilated his whiny partner just to liberate him of the zealot's mindless protests.
"Hidan, why not remove your underwear while you're at it?" said Kakuzu, voice dripping with sarcasm.
The jashinist, who unquestionably missed the mockery, sat up abruptly, wild-eyed as he slowly backed off on the far side of his bed. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at the gesture. He would have been amused but then the religious bastard had already significantly tested his patience since early in the morning.
He just watched as Hidan continued to gape at him like he had sprouted a second head or something. If the bastard hadn't been shuddering visibly, he would think that Hidan landed in a coma. But when he thought about it, they really had not considered the possibility before. Just when Kakuzu had been contemplating on his potential newfound know-how on ridding of his partner soon, said partner screamed bloody murder.
"What the hell! Kakuzu, you disgusting freak!" Hidan yelled when he regained his voice from shock.
The falls nin winced from the sudden outburst. He scornfully regarded the man who was still huddled at the corner, arms held up protectively on his chest. Kakuzu sighed again. What did I do to deserve having this moron as a partner?
"What's your problem now?"
"You're asking me, you asshole. Doesn't just fucking blurt out weird shit like that!" Even though Hidan knew Kakuzu didn't mean it that way, he couldn't help but shiver.
"Oh? You had it coming. You shouldn't have started undressing in the first place."
"I'm always shirtless, you dumb fuck. This is entirely your fault anyway, penny-pinching bastard."
"Really now? I'm not the one with a peculiar stripping fetish."
"I wasn't referring to that shithead! I was talking about the broken air-conditioner that you're too cheap to get fixed."
"It's a Sunday so the repair shop's out of mechanics. We would have to wait 'til tomorrow to expect some action. Well, not unless you miraculously know how to fix it yourself." Really, with the number of times had he explained it to the idiot, he hoped that the loudmouth would shut up for good. But noo, Hidan let on with the endless protests about all things pointless such as the heat toasting his delicate hair or the sweat making his smooth skin horribly sticky.
Hidan rambled on about stuffs Kakuzu didn't even care to discern. Kakuzu lost count of how many times the bastard had showered to relieve the heat. It wouldn't be so bad if the bathroom trips had been brief, but yet again, that was Hidan and Kakuzu was starting to believe that his partner had been created for the sole purpose of annoying him to hell. Not only did Hidan indulge himself on extended baths, but he just had to exclaim the occasional "Ahh that hits the spot". Needless to say, it drove Kakuzu nuts. Even more nuts than what one would be when living with homicidal, eccentric men. He didn't even want to imagine the cost of that month's water bill. That added to the would-be cost of ventilation repairs would surely ruin the budget he's carefully maintaining.
"Oh Jashin-sama, make it stop!"
A tic formed on falls nin's forehead. He spared a glance on the direction of the noise and sure enough, Hidan was standing by the open window with his arms spread wide in a welcoming gesture. Kakuzu didn't know how he managed to live with the insane guy and he was sure he'll snap sooner rather than later.
"Fucking fu-"Hidan wasn't able to finish his sentiment when a pillow was deliberately chucked at his direction.
Red-faced, he faced the perpetrator as he readied a pillow of his own. He was so going to retaliate ten folds. Just as he was about to let go of his ammo, the door unexpectedly creaked and out popped a head. Not just any head, Tobi's head. The surprised jashinist lost his balance from the momentum of the halted attacked which caused him to fell on his butt.
"Tobi is so sorry, Hidan-san." The newcomer dumbly bowed in apology as Hidan groaned from his spot on the floor.
"Serves you right, bastard" Kakuzu snickered.
"Shut up Kakuzu! And you-" He pointed at Tobi. "-just what the fuck do you think you're doing breaking in people's room like that? Do you want me to freaking whack your stupid head just like in that game where one bashes that stupid animal-"
"You mean a mole." Kakuzu interrupted.
"I was getting to that, smartass." Hidan exhaled trying to calm himself, ignoring the comeback comment of 'No, you were not' from his partner.
Still not moving from his position, he addressed Tobi again. "Point is, do that again and I'll fucking have your head, got it? Geez, haven't anyone taught you to knock?"
Tobi muttered another apology. He looked rather disturbed. He would chance a peek at Hidan before hastily staring at another thing in the room.
The religious akatsuki eyed the masked man by the door. Does he usually fidget like that? It was then that he realized the state of undress he was in. And damn it, he even had his legs slightly apart. He looked at Tobi, and then looked between his legs, then back at Tobi again. Understanding graced his features which were quickly replaced by repulsion. Oh hell no!
Kakuzu was silently enjoying his partner's predicament. He couldn't believe Hidan's so thick that he did not notice that he was as good as flashing Tobi. Wait for it…
"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Hidan bellowed after standing up to get his hold on Tobi who was starting to back off.
Kakuzu decided it was time to step in just as Hidan, still red from anger or embarrassment or both, was looking for anything which could effectively maim Tobi. Kakuzu just settled with sending off another pillow to the enraged idiot, who's too preoccupied that he didn't spot the object thrown his way. It landed with a satisfying "oof!" from the target.
"What'd you do that for, dickhead?" Anger redirected, Hidan huffed as he rounded on the suspect who finally stood up from his bed.
"I don't want you ruining the carpet again when you injure Tobi," As if all those blood from your ridiculous rituals aren't enough. "And I was serious when I said I'll have you clean up your mess next time."
"But he was checking me out! That seriously counts as a fucking harassment."
"Then you'd definitely be charged of Indecent Exposure. And looking at you, I'd say you actually want to be molested, seriously." Kakuzu retorted.
"What did you say you fuckwit!"
Just as Hidan was attempting to spring on Kakuzu, Tobi finally managed to speak after making sure that he wasn't in danger of decapitation any time soon.
"Kakuzu-san! Hidan-san! Please stop fighting because of Tobi."
The two stopped to look at their forgotten visitor. Before things got out of hand again with Hidan remembering his intent to wring Tobi's neck, Kakuzu finally addressed what should've been said at the very beginning. "Tobi, what did you come here for anyway?"
"Oh! I just wanted to invite you downstairs because I would be making some refreshments for everyone." Tobi happily announced.
"Fuck!" Another pillow tossed by Kakuzu. He wouldn't want to risk another interruption as he ushered Tobi to the exit, guaranteeing that they would be right downstairs. Kakuzu haven't made it across the room when the sound of knocking was heard. He inwardly groaned. He had a really good guess on who was it.
"It's open."
He was anything but surprised when he saw Tobi's head peeking from the entrance.
"What is it now, Tobi?"
"Uhm, sorry Kakuzu-san. I just feel like I should say something to Hidan-san." Tobi timidly murmured.
Hidan looked up from rubbing the spots where Kakuzu's pillow hit him when he heard his name. He was really willing himself to ignore Tobi's presence to avoid further casualties but the masked idiot just had to open his big mouth and what came out of it rid him of his resolve.
"Hidan-san, you don't have to be so embarrassed. It looks fine. Beautiful even, if you ask me." And with that, Tobi hurriedly closed the door and proceeded to skip to the kitchen.
The two nins could only stare at the door in shock.
Note: I have too much in mind to put in this story but I don't know If I should continue with this :( This was originally intended to be a one-shot but I decided to test it out a bit. Good enough? Hate it? I need your feedback, seriously. I'll edit this or add a new chapter(more akatsuki on the next one!) after you tell me guys what you think :)
My first try on Humor which isn't exactly my thing but I just love Hidan so much I feel like I need to try at least. So please review :)