WARNING: THIS IS A SOMEWHAT SAD STORY!
Hey guys. I'm working on the next chapter of "Kenny McCormick's Diary" so hang in there. Meanwhile, enjoy this. :D
His name is Kenny McCormick. He's a perverted kid who steals things, tags walls, and hangs with the wrong crowd.
So what has Mr. McCormick done this time?
He has stolen my heart.
It all started in 4th Grade when he died from a terminal illness. A muscular-deficient disease. He had died and only I remembered. A couple months later he came back and it was like nothing happened. So I played along. I didn't wanna seem weird.
But I saw it. When everyone said they didn't remember or acted like he hadn't died. I saw the sorrow in his eyes. His beautiful, blue eyes. I wanted to hug him then and there, pet him, and just tell him that everything was alright.
A couple months after that, still in 4th grade, we started Coon and Friends. And he told us he died all the time. I believed him and I tried to comfort him. But he wouldn't listen. I remember what he said so clearly. Even to this day.
"I can't die. I've experienced death countless times, but the same thing always happens. Sometimes I see a light, or darkness. Sometimes I goto Heaven... sometimes Hell. But no matter what, I always wake up wearing the same clothes I died in. And the worst part? None of you remember. None of you fucking remember! You don't know what it's like to be shot at, or stabbed, or decapitated everyday! You just don't!" He pulled out a gun and aimed it at his head. "Fuckin remember this time!" He pulled the trigger.
I wanted to shout "I remember!" right then and there, but my mouth was like it was glued shut. I couldn't open it. And when I finally did, no sound came out... He was back the next day. But when a 4th grader does that, and one that I like... It's hard to forget. He says it's a curse.
A couple more months later... He died again. Once more, no one remembered... 'cept me.
Why me? Why do I always remember? I hate it. Everytime he dies, I cry. No one knows, not even him, but I remember. And it tears me up inside. I know he'll be back... but I never know when. And anytime he's gone for months on end, I keep thinking... What if? What if he doesn't come back this time? What if?
I don't wanna see him die anymore.
No... no more... I won't allow it! Even if I have to enter the depths of Hell myself, I won't allow Kenny to die!
Septemeber. Yay. A month after school started. Where did the summer go?
I know. Stan, Kenny, Cartman and I spent most of the summer at the pool. It gets so damn hot in the Summer here in South Park. And so damn cold in the winter.
Stan had slipped into one of his depressions and went Raven on us halfway through it because Wendy dumped him for good. We were able to pull him out. He still wears black, but he's not mopey or depressed. He even still wears his cross earring. It looks cute on him. Sorry, but he looks better Goth than anything.
But...
Kenny blows any other guy away.
His lightly tossed, blonde hair. His blue eyes that hold deep secrets and a sorrow so sad you just wanna cry by looking in his eyes. His perfect body, now with more meat because of a better family income. His tattered orange parka backpack (he had made his childhood parka into a backpack) slightly hanging off of on shoulder. His white "Black Veil Brides" t-shirt. His white skinny jeans and black and white stud belt. His black and white converse. Everything about him was beautiful. He was God-like.
I find myself staring at Kenny when he looks back at me with a questioning look.
I blush and look ahead. My friend have known of my homosexuality since 6th grade. We're in 11th now. Pretty soon we'd be out on our own. Kenny wouldd make fun of the classes I was in, even though he was in the same classes. No one ever knew how smart he was. I wouldn't let them, because he didn't want me to. Not even his ex-boyfriends, Craig or Stan. Or ex-girlfriends, Stacy, Tracy, or Wendy. Yeah, he dated Wendy.
Stan came out bisexual in 8th grade after Wendy started dating him again. Stan has dated Craig, Tweek, Kenny... and myself. Our relationship lasted longer than the others... then my feelings for Kenny came back. And I couldn't be with Stan. I told him why.
He's kept it a secret, thankfully.
Kenny has dated Cartman, Butters, Craig, Tweek, Stan, and myself. We broke up due to... something. I can't say, because it hurts to much.
But I want him back.
So much. He thinks I don't like him anymore, because that's how I displayed myself about our relationship. Nonchalant. Noncaring.
Not there.
But I take it back.
I want the feelings I had when ever I was with him back. He made me feel like I was walking on air.
Stan is the only one who knows how I still feel, because I dated him after Kenny.
"Dude?"
I blink, coming back to reality and find myself crying, and clutching my chest.
I look up at Stan, we're the only ones there.
"Oh. The bus, yeah." I climb on the bus, Stan followed. I sat in the way back, Stan sitting next to me. I inhaled deeply. Kenny was at the front of the bus, Cartman was in the middle and Stan and I were at the back. If Stan weren't dating Craig again, people would've thought we were together again. Craig doesn't take the bus, though.
"What's wrong, buttercup?" I smiled. Stan doesn't call me that unless I'm seriously upset. It was the nickname he gave me.
"Nothing." I lie, naturally.
"I know you better than that," he pauses and thinks, then frowns. "Is it Kenny?"
Just his name can send me over the edge, but I suck it up and nod.
"I know I've told you this a million times over, but just tell him how you feel. I'm pretty certain Kenny wants you back, too," Stan softly smiles and hugs me. I hug back and look over at Kenny. He's looking at us with a hurt expression and turns around.
I gasp and throw Stan from me. He looks bewildered. "What the fuck?"
"Sorry... Kenny... he looked hurt when he saw us hug... I just..."
Stan understood immediately. "Dude, it's okay. See? What did I tell you?"
I walk into AP Calculus and take my seat next to Kenny's. He scoots away from me just slightly. I frown and look down. I take out my iPod, put my earphones in(concealing the cord of course), and started playing Linkin Park. I may be a goody two-shoes and a Straight A kid, but I still liked hardcore music. And yes, I was listening to old Linkin Park, not the newer soft shit they had, like their album "Minutes to Midnight". Talk about gross.
I was listening to "Numb".
Don't get me wrong, I still love Classical music, like Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" or "Moonlight Sonata". And I love his single opera "Fidelio". Good stuff, good stuff.
By the end of class, I was now playing one of Hollywood Undead's newer song "Can You Hear Me?". I think that's what it was called. I'm not bothering to check.
I had Game Progamming next. Kenny called it "nerd's heaven", but he was in it, so what did that make him? A cool nerd? Nah. Kenny could never be a nerd. He was too cool... and perverted. He was probably making a sex game currently. That would be so like him.
I always walked next to him and chat about miscellaneous stuff on the way to our elective.
Today though... he was avoiding me.
He walk 20 paces ahead of me and I had to run to catch up to him.
"Kenny! Wait up!"
He stopped and turned, looking at me with contempt.
"Look Kyle! We're broken up! So leave me alone. I was being nice until you could get on your feet again. Stan's helping you with that, so just leave me be!"
He turned and walked off toward room 410. The Game Progamming room with Mr. Burton as our teacher.
I stood frozen in the hallway, brain malfunctioning.
Did... did I hear that right?
"Kenny?"
My voice was hoarse, my throat and lips were dry, and my eyes were watery. I took a sharp turn right, instead of left and fled to the bathroom.
I spent most of 2nd period in that bathroom.
By the time 6th period had rolled around I was tired, sad, and pissy all in one. Not a good combination on a Jewish person.
I was in Forensics, my second elective.
My schedule(and whom I share it with):
1st - AP Calculus (Kenny)
2nd - Game Programming (Kenny)
3rd - AP US History (Stan & Cartman)
~Lunch~
4th - AP English Literature and Composition (Kenny & Stan)
5th - Physics Honors (Kenny)
6th - Forensics (Cartman)
7th - Homeroom (Cartman, Kenny, & Stan)
So I have at least ONE of my friends in every class... If I count Cartman as a friend.
Anyways, I was blaring "How to Save a Life" by the Fray in my ears as we worked on a paper chromatography lab. Good news, next year I won't have a science class I need to take.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked and Ms. Bloore. She had a note that sentenced me to the counselor's office. The whole class "oohed". I couldn't have cared less.
I stalked out of Forensics and to the counselor's office.
The counselor had called me up to check how I was feeling. A few months ago, I had done something dramatic and now I was sentenced to Counseling 101 once a week.
I'm actually surprised I wasn't expelled for it. Maybe they saw me as a "troubled teen" or whatever.
I was now in homeroom, sitting by myself. Stan sat next to Craig as they whispered sweet nothings to each other, Cartman was talking to Wendy, his girlfriend (gross right?) and Kenny was talking to Tweek and Butters in the corner. The union of the Blondes.
I had my head down as one of Kenny's favorite songs came blaring into my earphones. It was the song "Drown the City" by A Skylit Drive. I had Kenny's top five favorite bands and all their songs on my iPod, just for him. Cuz he used to use it a lot.
His top 5:
A Skylit Drive
Black Veil Brides
Suicide Silence
Cannibal Corpse
and Capture the Clouds.
His next 5 favorites:
Anchorage
Rise Against
Attack Attack
D.R.U.G.S(Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows)
and I See Stars
His next 5 favorites:
Evergreen Terrace
Paramore
Nirvana
Megadeth
and Metallica.
His next 5:
Lorietta
Slayer
Marry Me Sue
Three Days Grace
and Morbid Angel
Those are his top 20 favorite bands.
And I had his top 5 in my iPod.
I was in the process of adding the next 5... but maybe I don't need to anymore. As A Skylit Drive died down Black Veil Brides began... and I cried.
Why was Kenny being so mean?
Our group of friends was disappearing. We've been friends for so long, to suddenly disperse and fade would be a shame.
I remember it was just us. Me, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman. Now everyone had a girlfriend or boyfriend or new friends. Except me.
My plan to stop Kenny from dying was on hold... because Kenny wasn't even talking to me.
It was near the end of class and we were having a drawing to see who won the teacher's old Kurt Cobain poster and Nirvana poster. Kenny was crossing his fingers tightly and I was half-asleep.
"And the winner of both posters is," Mr. Torielli smiled and dipped his hand into the hat, picking the lucky winner. I could've cared less who won. I really wanted Kenny to win though.
"Kyle Broflovski!"
I blink, now fully awake. I had won the posters? The only reason I had even entered at the beginning of the week was for Kenny... what do I do?
Everyone turned to me as I slowly stood and walked over to the teacher. He handed me both posters and I went back to my seat, stunned.
The class went from silent to noisy again after I took my seat. Cartman poked me and snickered.
"Hey Jew boy. Didn't know you liked Nirvana. You tradin' religions?"
He was referring to the Nirvana you want to achieve in the Hindu religion.
"Shut up, fatass!"
"Hey don't call me fat, you-"
I stop him mid-sentence by glaring at him and saying, "I'm NOT in the fucking mood, Cartman."
He shuts up. Bout time, too. He turns his attention back to Wendy.
I look over at Kenny, he's giving me another glare of contempt. I sigh. I only entered for him.
~BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING~
I blink my eyes open. School's over?
I hadn't noticed. I yawned and stretched, wiping drool from my chin and the corner of my mouth. I stand up and gather my items and find Kenny standing near me. I jump and scream a little. He flinches at my scream.
"Dude! Don't do that!"
He glares at me, with the same damn contempt. "Congrats on the Nirvana and Kurt Cobain posters. You don't even like them. But I guess it's to spite me right? Whatever."
I give him an incredulous look and drop the posters, grabbing his wrist before he can walk off. He tried to pull from my grip, but my hand is clasped too tight.
"We need to talk, Kenny! We need to talk now!"
He mutters, "We'll miss the bus!"
"I'll stay in this damn school all night if I have to!" I growl and he sighs, turning to me.
"What is wrong with you? You were never this mean to me!"
He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. I'm over the edge now, and when I'm over the edge, you can't stop my ranting.
"Don't answer that, cuz it's obviously a lie. I don't buy that it's because we've broken up. I hardly believe that. You started acting this way after you saw me and Stan hug this morning!"
"So, you guys are back together, big whoop." He rolls his eyes.
"Wrong! He's with Craig again! All this time, I've been going to him talking about it, but I just can't get my emotions out. I've always been shy. But when we broke up, I couldn't get you out of my head. Even when I dated Stan. That's why we broke up in the first place! And all my acting like I never wanted to get back with you, was so I wouldn't hurt myself again. I can't stand seeing you die dude! I can't! It hurts... it hurts so much..." By this time I was in tears, but I was still angry and depressed and hurt. So I wasn't going to let up. "And when you started treating me that way. It hurt worse! It did dude. Stan kept telling me that you still had feelings for me, but I didn't believe it. Why would someone as perfect as you want me? A simple Jew boy who's far from perfect? WHY?" I hit him in the chest with my fists but he doesn't flinch, he's in shock at my confession. I take the posters, my hand letting go of his wrist, and throw them at him. "Here! Take them! I only entered because of you! If you hadn't won, but I did, which I DID, I was gonna give them to you. Cuz I know you wanted them. So just take them and I'll leave you alone like you wanted!"
He opens his mouth to say something but I haul ass out of there and to the buses. Kenny wasn't on the buses before they left.
After a night of crying into my pillow and falling asleep that way, I woke up groggy. It was Saturday. I woke up with my hair a mess. I shrugged and went downstairs. Wearing nothing but my Batman boxers, and my Spongebob Squarepants pajama pants. I never wore a shirt to bed. My red hair, normally curly, was all over everywhere as I took a seat at the table. Ike looked at me with concern for my puffy, red eyes. He was in 7th grade now. He cared for me instead of trying to mess with me like most younger brothers did.
"Kyle? You okay, bro?" He tilted his head as mom set a stack of pancakes in front of him and cereal in front of me.
"M fine," I mumbled and take a bite out of my cereal. I finish it and go upstairs to brush my teeth and get dressed. I come back downstairs in black slacks, green church shoes, a green polo shirt, and a black suit jacket. I left the jacket opened and had the top two buttons of my shirt unbottoned. I put my green, Russian hat on over my combed, still slightly curly hair and grab my Jewish cap and my Star of David necklace.
As I grab the keys to get the car started, the door knocks. I open it and blink.
There before me, was a handsome blonde man with an orange polo shirt with the top four buttons undone, black pleated pants and a black pleated suit jacket, unopened. He wore orange church shoes and held a boquet of green carnations. My favorite flowers and my favorite color.
I looked up in the man's deep, blue eyes and saw his apologetic smile. He wore a Jewish cap and had the Star of David necklace on.
"Kenny?" My brain was in shock.
"I asked your mom if I could come with you guys to the Synagogue today. She said, of course," his apologetic smile was still on his face as he hand the boquet to me. I took them and kept staring at him as he entered.
"Kyle. I thought it would be nice if Kenny came with us, you know? I know you two had some setbacks, but I think this would be good for both of you," my mom said from the kitchen.
My brain was now locked and in shock(still).
I blinked. My parents and Ike have known that I was gay for a while now.
I nod as I set the flowers on the table and walk out the door to start the car. We really needed to be going now.
After Synagogue, my parents and Ike left me and Kenny to talk.
"I never knew the Jewish religion was so interesting."
I look at him with contempt. It was my turn now. "Why are you really here, Kenny?"
"I'm sorry Kyle. That doesn't even begin to describe it. But... I also wanna ask you something."
My face was made of stone, but my stomach was doing backflips.
"You said you didn't want me to die again. Are you saying you remember my deaths?"
I look down, sad faced. "I've remembered for a while now. Since fourth grade, but I... I didn't know what to do. When we were playing Coon and Friends and you shot yourself. I wanted to shout 'I remember!' right then and there. But it was too late. I remembered, even when you came back the next day... But I... I didn't know what to do..."
Kenny nodded, understanding it. "Okay. I have another question, irrelevant to what was just said."
I look back up, eyes watery, but no tears falling.
"Can you forgive me?"
"Yeh..."
I hug him, crying. Crying so hard, his orange shirt was starting to get soaked. He held me that way for what seemed like forever.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
I looked up and he kissed my lips. His eyes looked glazed, almost dead.
"Kenny?"
He smiled and began to disappear.
After a couple minutes I was standing there by myself, looking around. Looking for Kenny.
He was gone.
Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed. Years passed... and Kenny didn't return to Earth.
Dedicated to Gabriella Ortiz.
January 14, 1994 - May 3, 2011
You will be missed.
Thanks for reading you guys. I made this for my friend, Gabi. I miss her so much.
Rest in Peace.
The story behind Gabi is that she was shot to death. I saw it happen, I ran like Hell, and I called 911. I was sad for 2 weeks, crying almost everyday. She was a dear friend to both me and my other friend Rita. We went to her funeral last Saturday and went to her cremation ceremony the following Sunday. I miss her, and if there is a God, I hope he's taking care of her.
Your sad author,
Whatever-you-wanna-call-me